SouthOfTheBorder

one of the reasons I started this thread is that I always feel like the odd man out - when I’m requesting a top use a condom or I choose to use one as top. as @Jamie21 says - the discontinuation of condoms in porn in seems to carry over into real life. That combined with new morning after pills (DoxyPep) appears to have been a game-changer. Among younger people and providers - the default now is no condoms. Truth to be told - I don’t want to use condoms either. I much prefer the intimacy & no-fuss of condomless sex. The thing is I’m outside of the US (my home country) about 75% of the time and I can’t imagine dealing with STI testing & treatment in foreign places. It’s definitely doable - but at what cost in finding healthcare, language barriers & general frustration ? And as @soloyo215 rightly points out, condoms are not 100% effective either, although they do significantly mitigate the probability of STI transmission. I love sex. I’d have a lot more of it if not for my anxiety around STIs. I have a partner & we have a fulfilling & robust sex life still going after 16 years. And I still like some variety now & again by way of providers. For me, it’s about making better choices to reduce the chances of STI transmission for me & my partners. Condom use is my default, but I’m not 100% perfect on that. There are times when I’ve made a different decision for one reason or another. It’s also about context - I’d never go bareback in a sauna or in a public setting. I might choose to do it with a provider who I’ve known over time. I just feel like this whole topic is something very confusing. The messaging we receive is condomless sex is now the standard & everybody is doing it that way. Yet, when I visit my doc in NYC w a primary gay practice, he tells me that some STIs are showing signs of abating & others are skyrocketing (gonorrhea). I also understand that I am responsible for my choices & my sexual health - nobody else. My worst STI experience over the years has been parasites from rimming. I had it 2x. Incredibly painful & not easy to diagnose or know what’s happening unless you’ve had it before. To diagnose properly it requires a stool sample. It’s easily curable once you get the diagnosis and right meds (Flagyl). But in general - a horrible experience. Needless to say, rimming is off the table for me now based on those 2 experiences. im really interested in “tricks of the trade” to reduce STI transmission. One very well known provider I hired arrived with a gym bag full of his personal cleansing routine for after session. I noticed antibacterial soaps, mouthwash, etc - he spent about 30 minutes in a hot shower in a complete scrubdown. I’ve also been told it’s very important to pee right after sex to help in clearing any bacteria. I’m wondering if after rinse in the butt would help too ? I’ve seen blogs by female providers saying they do “dick checks” on clients as one way to mitigate - not foolproof of course, but maybe a way to see something obvious. As mentioned - these are the things nobody talks about.

for providers - serious question, how do you take care of your sexual health with the current standard of unprotected sex ? I’m not talking about hiv because that’s almost irrelevant w Prep and most positive gay men on meds. But that leaves a lot of STIs that can still cause major problems/discomfort. for me, condoms aren’t a moral question or decision but rather a practical one. I just don’t want to spend unnecessary time going to the doctor, testing & then meds if I should be exposed to an sti. i can remember a phone call from a provider years ago saying he had an sti and I should go get tested. I appreciated the call & sure enough - I had it too. Ever since then it’s been condoms for me - it just seems that mixing with so many people it would be statistically difficult to manage sexual health. Im wondering how working providers who routinely engage in unprotected sex w multiple partners can stay healthy ? Most guys say they are tested every 2-3 months, but is that even enough ? My understanding of DoxyPep is that it’s useful after occasional unprotected sex, but not meant as a routine - maybe I’m misinformed on that - and that really only treats Chlamydia & Syphilis, not gonorrhea and all the others. if the providers have any tricks of the trade used to mitigate, I’d like to know that. And is there any sort of discreet visual inspection that can be done of potential partners ? do providers ever decline clients if something doesn’t look right ? I don’t think anyone actually likes condoms - some people are just more risk averse than others. And almost nobody discusses or acknowledges contracting an STI. Honestly, this is my biggest hangup about sex. My sense is established professional providers are more on top of their sexual health than the average person - just another reason why I avoid the apps and prefer paid encounters. I’ve found almost nobody wants to discuss this subject in personal terms - it’s always in the abstract and seemingly unrealistic w very little acknowledgement of the real world. It could be my fears are unfounded - and if that’s the case, I’d like to get perspective on that too Ive seen references in other threads about having conversations w providers about sexual health & practices - I’d like to know how that ideally goes from a providers perspective And yes - I know all things carry some risk - it’s about making better choices, maybe not perfect ones.

the OP description of escort is actually a very small subset of professional providers. The vast majority are far more average types no matter the place. the subsequent preferred description of a “bit more real, masculine……” is more like the typical providers in Brazil & Thailand, where they have a fairly well developed market for this exact thing. There are hundreds of guys that fit that description. idk - maybe the attraction for Africa is going somewhere where it’s more difficult/risky/dangerous ? If the purpose is to meet men, that just doesn’t seem worthwhile to travel all that way & then perhaps a letdown when it doesn’t work out for whatever reason.

event tho it’s totally fine to cancel with 24 hours notice - this is why many providers want same day only. just my opinion, but appointments for a sex service, there are just too many variables to schedule in advance. making & cancelling appointments for whatever reason is a huge waste of everyone’s time. it’s also about context - if only one person had a bad experience & the provider otherwise well vetted by client, then could all be for nothing

he’s not a regular in BCN. beware of moving around & no reviews

wrong approach bc it’s way too vague. 2-3 texts max to schedule, including your preferred time & place. some flexibility, but not for the flakes. a key decision point is how provider responds to inquires & ease of scheduling. If it’s cumbersome & problematic- then you can expect that to carry through if there is ever an actual appointment.

I disagree - I’ve found the opposite to be true in personal experience. It’s all about the selection process & treating people well, meaning providers are treated exactly like any other guest or person providing a personal service. I also pay attention to what my instincts say - sometimes it’s just a look in the eyes that tells me no. there are some guys that go into this work thinking it’s easy money, with bad intentions or w overwhelming personal problems - they generally don’t last, are not well-reviewed and can be avoided. I’ve never been asked for a loan by a provider. If it happened, I wouldn’t hire that person again because it’s just unprofessional. get used to saying no to people for any unreasonable request or something that just makes you uncomfortable- makes life much easier.

there are other threads about tipping for various service types: wait staff, barbers, massage therapists, providers, etc the American concept behind tipping was always to supplement someone who may not receive full benefit of payment - like a barber who does not own the shop, or a massage therapist who works in a spa owned by someone else. If someone receives full benefit of payment, then no tip required for services provided. no rules against whatever anyone wants to tip - but in provider context it seems to set up a vague expectation ripe for disappointment or misinterpretation. I’d much rather have a provider quote a rate that they are happy to receive without an expectation of additional tips. At $300-$400 an hour these days - that is a far cry from restaurant wait staff working at below minimum wage, dependent on tips to survive. i see frequent tipping requests in pharmacies, convenience stores & fast food restaurants these days in US….its completely & totally out of control. re; shorting on time or inability to perform - depends on context. If the provider is stable & reasonable then negotiate. if any signs of aggression or instability - pay in full & leave asap.

FYI - the OnlyFans creator being discussed is SantanaXXL. He is a very successful OF creator in terms of likes, subscribers & income generated. OF “likes” can only be made by subscribers which is an indicator of subscribers/income. He’s so successful that he maintains a separate site that sells various merchandise - very few OF creators generate enough interest for merchandise sales. While his audience may not be the people here - he has a huge audience that supports him. He routinely films with very popular creators that do fit with more traditional ideas of male beauty & sexy - he doesn’t seem to have any problem getting willing collaborators. Obviously they know the upside of appearing with him and/or there is an attraction. btw - he has 788,000 followers on Twitter I tend to have far more respect for anyone that manages to succeed while overcoming societal expectations, discrimination, judgment through their own drive, ambition & despite all the odds. I can only imagine how many times this guy was told he couldn’t do exactly what he did.

true the abused/marginalized frequently recreate the abusive dynamic as the aggressor when they feel someone is below them, or less than, for whatever reason. and many are too damaged and lacking any self-awareness to know

many gay men share a history of being bullied & mocked as children/teens when they didn’t fit-in, looking & acting different. funny how some haven’t learned as adults how to extend grace when someone looks/acts different i guarantee there are people in all of our lives that don’t understand our choices - and they don’t need to. same thing

the quickest way to ruin a relationship is to loan money to family or friends. when it doesn’t get repaid, resentment ensues. not worth it. let someone else be the bank

100% not true as it relates to Thermas, in my experience the good guys will take almost 95% of clients, but there are always a few clients that stand out as potential problems & the best guys don’t lack for options - they just don’t want to deal with bad people at any price. The working guys are generally open to all ages, ethnicities, body types & specific requests - it’s a bad attitude that is the deal killer. Because they know a potential client w a bad attitude will never get better, only worse. There are different types of guys working in the sauna & you will be sorted accordingly. You won’t be aware of it, but that’s what’s happening behind the scenes. Frequently, the clients w bad attitudes get bad experiences….because the guys think that person deserves it and their performance really doesn’t matter. go with an open mind, reasonable expectations, a good attitude & money - you will find what you want at Thermas.

let’s just say - “ugly Americans” don’t like to be called Ugly Americans this thread is about Thermas BCN - seems the people who want to hijack have nothing to say about the topic ? strange indeed

this is exactly where the “ugly American” stereotype comes from. The assumption is that for money, the locals will tolerate your behavior and/or cultural insensitivity. as for providers - I’ve seen plenty of guys in Thermas decline clients who wanted to pay, for whatever reason. A bad vibe is a bad vibe - money becomes irrelevant. they know how to spot the problematic clients. language skills not required - a good attitude is

Hotel expenses in NYC are hit & miss. It’s better to plan a trip around dates where hotels are less for whatever reason. High prices are largely driven by specific events or conventions/groups on certain dates. There are various odd times throughout the year where hotel prices are reasonable. The AirBNB restrictions have had some effect on hotel pricing - although that was at the bottom part of the market and likely little effect on the better hotels. Nobody was making a choice between AirBNB or a Ritz Carlton or Mandarin. If you are stuck with exact dates & no flexibility- then yes, it will probably be expensive. Everything in NYC is very expensive these days - the hotels are just the beginning.

I’m now planning for a week in August - thank you for the information

stereotypes usually have some basis in truth. in general settings - the hostility towards tourists is dependent on many factors - when typical tourists don’t even try to speak a few words in the native language then that can cause issues. it’s likely more due to entitled/obnoxious behavior though than not speaking the language. and of course, in certain over-touristed cities where tourists have displaced residents and disrupted neighborhoods, then there can be outward direct hostility which may be mistaken by the tourist as caused by not speaking the language. There are many articles written about over-tourism in European - it’s definitely a problem for the people who live in those cities. and, for American tourists specifically - it’s always a good idea to understand we are perceived as wealthy and many tend to flaunt their relative wealth in a number of ways that will not be welcomed by the locals. back to topic - In Thermas & with local providers in BCN - there is absolutely no issue with whatever language you speak. But, if you can speak Spanish that is a complete game-changer. If contacting guys from the apps, I’d recommend doing that from a non-US number if possible and translating your request into Spanish….the rates will be lower.

this is accurate - I haven’t seen any Eastern Europeans in Thermas last few visits. It’s now almost exclusively Latinos. As mentioned in previous posts - many of the long-term regulars have moved on and very few guys there now were there pre-Covid. The current ratio is much more Brazilian overall w some Colombians, Venezuelans, Dominicans & Cubans. When the Egyptian is no longer there, you know times have changed.

I think the peak hours 3p ish to 8p at Thermas are comparable to before, Thursday thru Saturday…maybe even better depending on your taste in men because the mix is different . However, the parties have affected the overall attraction of Thermas because it’s not 24/7 like it was. I used to really like the off-peak and morning hours. always had good luck & that is just not an option anymore because of the parties. and it’s true - I know several former Thermas guys that have moved on & doing euro circuit - seems like London, Vienna, Hamburg & BCN are the stops.

when is the best time to go ? Is it flooded w tourists like BCN ?

I always tell providers that my experience is not dependent on whether I cum or not. I let them know what I enjoy and to focus on that. I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older, I can reach a point of overstimulation where cumming isn’t likely to happen - although I’m very much enjoying the sex. It seems to take the pressure off both parties & I have better overall outcomes. I don’t expect a provider to cum ever. If they want to, then fine. As for the time - I’m the clock watcher & will remind him I’m aware of the time at the 50 minute mark. about 50% of the time, I’ll ask to extend & pay. For the rest, an hour is sufficient. If we’re both having fun & he just wants to stay, that’s ok too. I can only remember one guy shorting me on time, although a few times where I left early. I think it’s reasonable to confirm you will get a full hour before you schedule. I keep my expectations low & reasonable, while treating the provider as I would any other guest. Drinks are always offered before & after if in my home/hotel. Shower offered after, of course.

in other words, you want to control & censor others to suit you because you won’t use ignore for people you don’t like. Then you twist those posts into an issue about word choice, personal attacks or something else that you report to the mods, which suits your end goal to control & censor the people you don’t like…a passive/aggressive move behind the scenes. And you have company as there are others operating the exact same way. That is what’s childish - your inability to allow different thoughts, different standards, different word choices, different opinions, different experiences & your perceived ownership of the site. you evidently feel threatened for some reason when opinions or thoughts are different from yours. and this will certainly trigger another complaint - even though this is the exact subject of the thread & is not a personal attack.

if you don’t like those words (or the person who posts it) - then don’t read it. and you know how you can do that ? - place the person on ignore, which is the subject of this thread. But, instead of limiting what YOU see, you’d rather censor everyone else for your own delicate sensibilities- except when talking explicitly about hiring providers. make it make sense

thank you for this - one of the most thoughtful & wise comments I’ve ever seen here. this is a site where the core subject of interest is sex in context of providers, reviews & all things related - there is no confusion about that. It’s a place for free expression about topics that are typically off-limits elsewhere. Yet, there are members using this site who attempt to control the narrative, censor and limit those expressions. It’s not because they’re offended - they just don’t like the person posting or they just might disagree. Typically, these are the people keeping the mods busy with their constant reporting & complaints. The “Karens” of the forum I’ve noticed a pattern among a few here whose sole presence is to find fault with the people who post about their real experiences, travel, etc. instead of contributing something worthwhile, they zero in on grammar, spelling, politically correct terminology, etc simply to undermine the real experience conveyed. Seems like a waste of time, but they need something to fill their days. It’s all about their own jealousy & boredom in the end, not making a real contribution. And yes - the best way to deal with them is to place them on ignore. I’ve often thought it would be fun to share our “ignored lists” - likely a definite no-no & that would make them crazy for sure.