Simon Suraci

I thought my job was safe from AI…

Let’s say the OP was, in fact, ignoring or avoiding the provider due to shame, embarrassment, privacy, discretion, awkwardness, or any other understandable reason. Any provider with such a thin skin reacting this way really shouldn’t be doing this work. An experienced good provider can handle these situations with a healthy amount of tact and diplomacy. There are way worse scenarios in the course of regular business in the normal context that would throw him into an emotional tailspin. If you can’t handle yourself with some level of maturity and grace, you won’t last long. I agree with the other comments.

It did, actually. I surprise myself. Alliteration is fun.

I’ve done this many times before sending a screenshot and circle or arrow to “prove” the information is correct and clear on whatever ad they viewed. The problem is clients claim to see it differently on their end, or say that the app lists me currently available in their city (when I am clearly not) or that the information is not visible to them, or some other excuse attempting to minimize the fact that they plainly didn’t bother to read the whole ad or check my dates. A lot of times a client sees my ad photo listed on a grid ahead of the dates and doesn’t bother to check the dates. They just click, like what they see in a photo stop there before reading anything and start blasting out messages. I could post a screenshot but it makes no difference to the client. Never has someone said, “oh, my bad, I see it now”. I only hear excuses and justifications and whining. At best, they are a little miffed. At worst, they think I’m a dick and won’t hire me because I have an “attitude”. I want the business so I try to keep it as neutral as possible. Me having to further explain and contradict the client takes more time and makes me come across as off putting or bitchy. It’s really not like that but some take it that way. So instead of going the self righteous screen capture route, I now try my best to look past the client’s lack of interest in reading the ad and take the extra two seconds to copy and paste the correct info and send it to them. My patience has limits, but I’ve grown far more patient over time with clients asking questions that my ad already answers. In the long run I do more business this way than if I didn’t. It pays to handhold your clients, as annoying as it may be. Plus you’re engaging directly with them instead of them scrolling mindlessly through the ad and then clicking on another ad. It’s harder for the client to disengage or discount you when they are actively having an exchange with you. Even if it’s dumb questions, the engagement makes them naturally more inclined to book with me. The extra effort pays dividends.

Ignore, don’t engage. Stay on topic as much as possible. I try to ignore those members and scroll on. I lost count of the number of threads the mods had to close because of a few choice members continuously picking fights with others arguing over absolutely nothing. They like provoking and getting a rise. The pattern is: take offense to something in the discussion, veer way off topic and take offense to something else down that whole other rabbit hole topic, defend one’s self to the point of total communication breakdown until only personal attacks ensue. You can see the pattern consistently play out. It sucks we miss out on some productive discussions because they hijack the thread. Note those members in the moderator locked closed threads, and then don’t engage their crazy anymore. Don’t poke the bears and don’t feed them either. And no, I’m not naming names. The various threads speak loudly and clearly for themselves.

I disagree. Some fin subs, “pay pigs” among other terms do not have the kind of money to support their habit and it can get really out of hand. I listened to a podcast about this a while ago on This is Uncomfortable. Sure, some have lots of money and send it freely to providers BUT remember that act gives them a huge rush and that action provides value to the client. I fail to see how it’s that different than paying a significant amount of money for skydiving, or for more mainstream vanilla erotic services. Findom is not for everyone. Certainly not for me. Heck, it’s not even for most people, but for the few with this kink, findom play is a cathartic, thrilling, and fulfilling experience. You don’t have to understand or identify with those who enjoy findom play to respect that it’s a thing. When a provider lists findom, that means it is an OPTION, not an exclusive demand for clients seeking that service. It’s the same trouble as marketing yourself as only a top or only a bottom. You lose a big chunk of your audience if you’re perfectly comfortable providing either or both. Same goes for niche interests. I don’t expect every client to express interest in bdsm play, for example, but some hire me for that and they love it. How would I reach those clients if I don’t list it? When you see a hashtag or mention of a kink you don’t like, I would advise not immediately eliminating that provider. He is trying to appeal to a wide audience, including a portion with some niche interests. If he has experience or interest in niche kinks, more power to him. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is ONLY seeking to provide that one particular service. It just means he’s willing to provide that service for those who want it. Regarding the lazy sentiment... It is work to do this. Different than a traditional provider service, yes, and highly specific, but work all the same. There’s an art to doing findom well and not everyone can. Also, not everyone will. That’s part of the appeal for the client. I don’t claim to understand it all perfectly, but I’ve done enough to know it’s not always as simple or easy as you might expect. Then sometimes it is. Just depends. You try doing it as part of your living for a while and then report back on how easy it is and how lazy someone must be to consider offering it as a service to willing, interested clients who will hire someone else if not you. Also…please do report back on all the scammers and game players and fakers and flakes and time wasters and weirdos and creeps who aren’t paying you willy nilly in minutes like you thought they would but rather are consuming lots of your time anyway…and still not paying. This niche service presents some of the same problems of providing a traditional vanilla provider service. It eliminates many problems but some are exactly the same. It’s not always as simple or easy as it might seem. Until you walk a mile in a findom’s shoes, I don’t think you have the right to judge either party. When a provider lists findom, there’s really no reason to run and hide, unless that’s the only thing they offer.

I don’t lie about my age. That way clients know exactly what to expect both in terms of maturity, life experience, mindset, and looks. A gen Z mind is pretty different from an older millennial one. I think I look my age, and have no fear or delusions about looking older or clinging to youth as I get older. Aging gracefully is hot. I want to fit the fantasy that a client hires me to fulfill, at whatever age I am when they hire me. When I state everything accurately and my pics are recent, there’s no problem. The people who want me find me and love my service. I can’t be all things to all people so I’m unapologetically myself. The clients who like me for me hire me and really enjoy the experience. No surprises, no problems. When clients comment on my age, they say I look at least a few years younger than my chronological age. Better a pleasant surprise than a sore disappointment. Invariably clients say I look better in person than my photos. They also consistently say I have good energy. That’s hard to glean from a photo, especially from profiles with only frowns and grimaces (or face cut off). You can have great energy at any age, and that’s arguably as important if not more so than looking young.

Like @Jamie21 I’m one of the few more organized and detail oriented of the bunch. Data is my friend. Doesn’t sound at all like an architect, does it? My appointment system is also a CRM tool and it keeps track of what a client booked, when, how much they paid including tip, and how it changes over time. I can track trends in time of day, week, month, and year. I also keep a spreadsheet of client and appointment data to check against my system and visa-versa. That tracks which payment method they used and what the transaction fees were, if any. That’s particularly helpful for taxes and reconciling my books. I keep detailed records of client interactions, preferences, conversation topics, and the like to remember things that will help me serve them better and continue conversations even after months have passed. You name it, I collect and maintain data to support my decisions and improve my business. February and August are my slowest months. February it’s definitely weather plus holiday season credit card bills coming due. Also it’s a slightly shorter month to begin with. August it’s mainly people traveling, but also weather (hot). Some of those travelers are coming to me from elsewhere but the volume is less than the dip in clients who would normally see me that month and are elsewhere. Friday nights tend to be slower, on average, while Friday afternoons tend to stay booked, especially with same day requests. Weekdays during the day are popular. Sundays and especially Sunday nights are quite popular. Saturday mornings are popular too. Saturday nights are variable, it tends to be more of a certain type of client - typically older single men, often for longer appointments. It’s all variable and there’s no hard rule, just some trends that have emerged over time.

This problem is quite common, especially when you travel frequently and/or have multiple cities listed on your ad. Some providers list “nearby travel” cities too, which can muddy the waters depending on how far flung the “nearby” travel cities are relative to their home base. There is no stopping the myriad client messages inquiring about a city or date that do not align with your clearly posted travel plans and home base. It doesn’t matter how well you post the info or how frequently you update it (although you absolutely should take care to do these well). Instead of getting frustrated or annoyed, I simply respond with a brief note including a copy paste of my travel dates and corresponding cities. Simple as that. When the client sees an incongruity with their location or schedule, that ends the conversation pretty quickly and neatly. I don’t see what the big deal is. Why is that so hard, or time consuming? It’s not any worse or different than responding with rates information. That’s routine, even if your rates are clearly posted people still ask all the time. Same with location and schedule. Copy, paste. Done. No reason to get bothered or upset about it. People are people. We’re dealing with the lowest common denominators here on comprehension, conscientiousness, consideration, care, and capability. Some clients are inevitably low on one or more of those. That’s the biz. Handholding is an unfortunate necessity in this line of work. Don’t get mad. Accept, adapt, take a breath and move on.

@socurious welcome to the provider world! We deal with so much bullshit and flaky people on a daily basis. It takes a while to adjust to it and sift through the endless inquiries. That’s part of the job and something clients don’t often appreciate about what we do and how much time we spend (and waste) NOT working on clients but dealing with nonsense. We spend triple the time or more dealing with people who don’t book or follow through. Rude, disrespectful, time wasters, etc. It’s all par for the course. It’s normal. Frustrating, yes. But normal. And unavoidable, to some extent. I agree with many of the previous comments. Prospective clients demanding lots of unpaid time on the phone or text are a big red flag. Never give a client an hour of your time for free. Repeated previously answered questions are also a red flag, as are requests for more photos when you have a good variety of them already posted, including nudes. Read the signs and be skeptical. If a client seems high maintenance, unreasonable, stupid, a liar, lazy, delusional, overly paranoid, or entitled, don’t see them. Don’t see clients who behave suspiciously. Better to lose one legit client exhibiting suspect behavior than waste your time on twenty more unserious clients exhibiting the same types of behaviors. Filter, filter, filter. Take heart. You will get better in time. When in doubt, listen to your gut. Deposits are one tool to help cut down on the nonsense. It won’t eliminate all of it, but reduce it. There’s a trade off though: you lose a significant amount of business from legit clients who would rather die a slow, agonizing death then send a deposit. You will read their comments aplenty on these forums. There are plenty of clients who have no problems sending a deposit, but they are far fewer. You also will hear providers here pontificate about the necessity for deposits for any client, for any situation, no matter what. That’s just not true, but it works well for some providers. It’s a personal choice. Do whatever works for your business model. There is no right answer regarding deposits. Personally, I choose not to require deposits. I vet my clients through various means and maintain a very wide potential client base that way. I continue to develop a thicker skin with each passing year. I no longer get so bothered by the odd flaky client, no-show, or other problem client. I accept that no matter how much I do to prevent this stuff it still will happen. Even when you require deposits, it still happens at times. All I can do is reduce the amount of bad clients with my vetting procedures. Over time you learn and get better at keeping out the riff raff. Experience teaches you how to maximize your time and how to let things go. Having boundaries and sticking to them also helps. People are people. They do all kinds of stupid stuff. There’s no changing that part of the business or human nature. It is what it is. The best you can do is make the most of what you CAN control, which is how you choose to respond, how much you let it get to you, and what business decisions you make to improve your outcomes. Focus on what you CAN control, act on those, accept and let go of the things you can’t control.

I’ve developed friendships with a few clients. I’m always careful to maintain emotional boundaries. That’s not to say I can’t have genuine caring feelings, but never romantic feelings or trying to fulfill the role of a shrink or a family member. If the boundaries are clear, it works! Depending on chemistry and mutual interests, etc. Happens from time to time.

Update on Dann: he’s now filming adult content. It’s pretty hot! Too racy to post the photos and vids directly here but check him out. His twitter (now ‘X’ 🙄) is: @ReeceScottx I’m not ready to dive into online content but I’ve considered it for quite a while. Maybe someday I will do adult content and collab with him. I’m sure we would make a great combo. Stay tuned.

Seems a little fishy to me. Proceed with caution. If they ask you to provide payment information, personal information, or something else unusual, cut your losses. It also depends on the platform. If it’s RentMasseur it’s highly unlikely a woman will contact you, although it is possible. Women, in general, are a red flag for me because the vast majority have been scams. I do see women and have had successful meets, so it’s not a problem but something to approach with a great deal of caution.

The US government knows me as a “model”. I pay taxes through my LLC as a “model”. I don’t hate the term “sex worker” because that describes exactly what the job is without the unnecessary negativity surrounding the term. Keep in mind especially for masseurs, sex work may not be any part of what they do, or maybe only a small part. Most of my work is massage. It seems unfair to me that terms like “sex worker” and all the other less savory ones define their jobs —unless— they are simply advertising as a “masseur” without actually offering legitimate massage services and it’s then simply sex acts for money but calling it something else. I suppose you could call me any of the aforementioned names and I can handle the derogatory terms, although internally I wouldn’t be thrilled with being called “whore”, “hooker”, and related names because: 1) baggage around those terms 2) it reflects poorly on the client making him seem more like a close-minded jerk in my eyes 3) more often than not these terms are used as a put-down, and that weighs on us, even subconsciously 4) professionalism is what you want from your provider/sex worker. If you use terms that minimize them or put them down, you’re basically encouraging them to exhibit less professional behavior. 5) we want and expect to be taken seriously. Using the right terms shows us that you are treating us with respect 6) these old crass terms are tired and less creative 7) the terms are too gendered. Men do this work too. Historically the general terms refer almost exclusively to women, although that has changed a lot over the past century or so, and continues to evolve. See my other rants on “masseuse” vs “masseur”. Oy vey One big exception of course is when a client wants some kind of dirty talk experience either giving and/or receiving. This is best discussed before starting a session, and it’s best to use neutral, non-derogatory terms when referring to a provider outside the context of a session.

There’s a market for just about anything, be it large or small. Niche offerings have a certain appeal. For example, the lunchtime quickie special appeals to clients who otherwise wouldn’t hire at all because they have a difficult time getting away from work, family, or other responsibilities. If that provider is the only one offering his niche service delivery model, he may get a good amount of extra work that way. Maybe he tends to be busy evenings and this is a way to make some extra during times he’s less likely to be booked. Sure, it’s not for everyone, but I see how someone could easily find this approach worthwhile. Depends on what each party is going for and what makes sense for the provider to offer. Personally, I don’t see the benefit of a revolving door business model, but maybe this works well for someone else, especially if he is sticking with appointments that require less time to prepare, and not shooting a load every time. Clients vary too. Some want multi-day blowout experiences, some want a half hour or less quickie, and then there’s everything in between, which is the bulk of the market demand. If the market supports you and you can make a good business from _____ business model, why the hell not?

Lol! Maybe this is a joke, but seriously BDSM play can actually be quite therapeutic for some people. Most often it’s the type A personalities, people who are always in control and just need a release. Psychologically it can be therapeutic to let go (with consent). Others like it and benefit. No, it doesn’t have to involve penetrative sex. No, it doesn’t always require either party to be naked, although frequently one or both are partially or fully nude. Yes, it can be somewhat distinct from traditional sex work, just depends on the dynamic and what the client wants. Keep an open mind. I know it sounds crazy but you can offer a specific service and not necessarily offer all the adjacent or similar services that others do by default. He could also be limiting his risk by not offering explicit services in writing. Then of course there’s the ever present concept that YMMV. Who knows. If others have experience with him, please share.

I concur. I respond to questions, but I politely cut them off when it’s become very clear to me that they only want to sext for free or consume my time without any clear benefit to them deciding whether to hire me or not. If their comments and questions are not relevant to a hiring decision, scheduling, addressing legit concerns, etc, I know it’s time to exit asap. Some clients don’t know when to stop, like asking me every day for weeks after a one hour appointment how my day was and initiating meaningless chit chat. I do a little bit of engagement here and there, but not daily, or multiple times a day, especially for a client I am very unlikely to see anywhere in the foreseeable future.

I tried setting an auto reply on RentMen Messenger a while back. I didn’t like it. It’s impersonal and off putting. RentMen Messenger is very buggy and I can’t get push notifications to work no matter how many times I turn the appropriate settings to “on”. Sometimes it shows the red dot indicating a new message if I happened to be online within a few minutes before the new message came through. Most of the time no alert at all. Then sometimes I get random email alerts about a message from weeks or months ago (that I already saw and responded to). It’s strange. I prefer texting 1000% because the chances I will see and respond in a timely manner are much, much higher. I understand many clients prefer to start communicating on RentMen Messenger, and they have their good reasons for doing so. It’s just annoying for me. But I do check it a few times a day, and more frequently if I have an active conversation going.

I’ve had clients like this before. One was just seeing me for massage. He was trembling and stiff when I first met him in my building lobby. He could barely speak. After a few minutes I put him at ease, he opened up, and we had a great session. He had only had one m4m encounter in his life (decades before) and was very nervous. My clients tell me I have an uncanny ability of putting them at ease. It’s one of the many things a good provider must do well to be successful.

Only if you do it all or most of the time. Using a condom for a minority of clients only slightly reduces your overall risk.

This varies widely. If a client wants prostate stimulation and ass play, I always recommend some cleaning beforehand; at least a shower, and if possible, a light douche. Agree, I don’t shame anyone for whatever is going on with their butt. If the client wants to bottom, I insist they prepare beforehand. I have all the equipment clean, sanitized, and available for anyone that wants to use it in studio. It’s no big deal to take breaks for this as needed. I understand some clients won’t have access to equipment at home, or may be coming from work or what have you. It’s handy to have everything ready in studio.

@NyGold yes, it’s for my health, to reduce (even slightly) the amount of exposure. Most of the time for me it’s bb. I test for STIs monthly, and for HIV quarterly. True, the culture outside of hiring has been going toward bb for a very long time. Basically more and more since 2012 and the widespread availability of PrEP.

I wear condoms upon request. It seems clients generally fall into two camps: no penetrative anal sex (and no condoms) during their session…or anything goes. Sometimes a client wants penetration with a condom and that’s fine with me. It’s more difficult as I’ve shared elsewhere, but I make it work. Speaking from a mostly top provider perspective, I provide my own condoms so I can wear what I know is comfortable for me: Magnums. They taper down toward the base to keep the latex more securely in place, but the whole thing is larger overall so as to not constrict me. The shape and size better accommodates my large head than a standard condom. Nothing kills the mood more than a limp noodle. It’s a piece of latex literally crushing my erection, forcing the blood out of it, all while reducing the sensation, reducing physical contact, and providing a distraction and more reasons for performance anxiety. As if trying to get and maintain a boner for a client wasn’t already difficult enough. That’s why I insist on using my preferred condoms. BUT I put one on when asked and make it seem effortless. That’s what a good pro does. If you can’t or are not willing to work that way, best to make that clear up front on your ads or in communication ahead of time. For versatile and top clients, I actually prefer condoms and like it when they use them, but I offer bare too. Most like and request bareback play, regardless of position preferences. It seems that’s the direction the industry is going.

I don’t. A client can hire anyway. More power to him if he does. For many clients, the experience would deter them from hiring that particular provider. It’s a gut punch to the client ego even if it’s not intended that way. Being turned down on the “for free” market might make hiring a less pleasurable experience. Maybe it has no impact on certain people. I bet for most it would at least discourage them from hiring that particular provider. Would anyone here hire the provider anyway after being rejected on a dating/hookup app? Honestly, would you?