Hospice

[Brian Kevin]

I'm in Cleveland, by losing my suitcase and everything that has ended up happening... I now see why.

 

My only living grandmother, is in hospice. We were told she has a couple days left. I go and see her every day. We're not close at all, she can't accept I'm gay. I can put aside that to be there, because no one deserves to die alone. No matter how cruel, mean and evil an individual is.

 

Here's what I need from you guys. Just prayers. Sunday I sat in church on my knees begging, crying, praying and singing.

 

I just ask for a couple words every night. She's had a long happy life and hurt a lot of our family along the way, were all uniteing for her*. I just pray she finds peace and the light. Her lung cancer has manifested. In situations like these it's a waiting game.

 

I said earlier when I lost my suitcase, medications, and my travel plans I was close to rock bottom. But now, with this death rapidly approaching rock bottom is here. My smile is still bright, my heart is full and my karma is good. However my faith and energy is being tested. I have my friends, family and I've completely given up McDonald's and fast food all this running everyday doesn't mean shit if I end there every other day.

 

I would like you all to hug, embrace someone and tell them you love them.

[+ FreshFluff]

God bless you, Brian. I will pray for your grandmother to find peace, and I'll pray for you.

[Brian Kevin]

And I have all of you guys

 

thanks @FreshFluff :*

[BabyBoomer]

Kudos to you for being there. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

 

~ Boomer ~

[bostonman]

Brian - sounds like you've had a hell of a time lately. Hoping things will be on an upswing. In the meantime, hang in there and I'm sending all my thoughts and prayers your way, and to your grandmother.

[Will Do]

Will be thinking about you.

[+ Keith30309]

Wow Brian - I had no idea.

Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes for the strength to get thru this.

[+ not2rowdy]

Seeing a family member in their last stages of life is always a difficult time.

 

You say you are not close to grandmother. You say she has hurt a lot of your family along the way.

You say she can not accept that you are gay.

 

I am sorry for that.

 

In spite of that, you are there with her now. Good karma will come from this act of unselfishness.

 

It is fine to grieve. It is wise to pray.

 

But never forget that this is part of the cycle of life. You will not stop this process. We will all face death. All of us.

 

Try to remember a good experience you had with your grandmother. Tell her of that positive memory during her final hours.

 

Forgive. Grieve. Hold your head high. Then move forward. And give your other family members a hug.

[oceansunshine]

heart goes out for you.....

[+ WilliamM]

God bless you, Brian. I will pray for your grandmother to find peace, and I'll pray for you.

 

FreshFluff is always so kind. Like FF, I will pray for your grandmother and you. My last grandparent died when I was 5 years old, so I can only imagine what you are going through.

 

But, I can do much more than imagine, by sending good thoughts and prayers to your grandmother and you.

[+ deej]

Prayers and virtual hugs on the way!

 

And when it's over and you don't know where to turn, we're here. Bitchy as ever but still welcoming.

 

Come back to us, bucko.

[OneFinger]

Having close family on hospice is never good. Been there and done that and it is an emotional roller caster.

 

Sending you my most positive thoughts.

[rvwnsd]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, Brian, but I am glad your grandmother has you there with her. She has seen the light. It is shining right there next to her bed.

 

Peace to both of you.

[klifhangar]

Sorry @Brian Kevin . I just wrote your name in the notebook I use to remind myself of who I've promised to pray for.

 

You are doing the right thing. My dad was one of the most evil men I've ever known of and I still sat next to him during his last few days. Losing her will be painful but not as painful as if your own conscience wasn't clear.

[+ honcho]

I will also keep you and your grandmother in my thoughts.

[american executive]

Hey Brian:

 

We haven't met but I can easily tell, you are a good and sincere guy. I am thinking that while your grandmother didn't totally accept that you are gay, deep down and even perhaps unknowingly, she is proud of you. Look at what you are doing for her. In spite of her feelings you are visiting her daily, praying for her and asking for prayers. Your a good guy Brian, and more so a really great grandson. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

[mike carey]

Hey Brian, sorry to hear about your recent difficulties, but I'm glad that they have put you at your grandmother's bedside at this important time for you. My thoughts are with both of you. Hugs!

[Reluctant Daddy]

Prayers for comfort and strength for you Brian.

[wisconsinguy]

Brain, it's been a roller coaster of personal challenges for you! Because of my career, on a professional level, I have been involved with countless patients and their families in the near death/death experience. I also helped care for close personal families in hospice and their death experience. This is what I have come away with: When you are with your grandmother, be her advocate in comfort. Ask hos she is doing with pain relief. When you are with her, if you witness discomfort, let someone know. The evolution of hospice care has been great. The timing of pain administration in particular. It is given to control the pain as needed, not a rigid schedule. As far as your interaction...being there, holding a hand, a smile is really all that is needed. There is little to say in many of these situations. There are a ton of things not to say, but you get the drift. Sooo, I wish you and your grandmother some comfort, and your grandmother any kind of pain relief she needs.

Warm thoughts to you through the airwaves! WG2

[+ quoththeraven]

I am sorry you are going through this, as it must be doubly painful because of past bad blood with your grandmother. But when you look back, you will be at peace with yourself because you were there for her at this critical time rather than staying aloof.

 

Hang in there, and we'll be thinking of you.

[+ Keith30309]

Brain, it's been a roller coaster of personal challenges for you! Because of my career, on a professional level, I have been involved with countless patients and their families in the near death/death experience. I also helped care for close personal families in hospice and their death experience. This is what I have come away with: When you are with your grandmother, be her advocate in comfort. Ask hos she is doing with pain relief. When you are with her, if you witness discomfort, let someone know. The evolution of hospice care has been great. The timing of pain administration in particular. It is given to control the pain as needed, not a rigid schedule. As far as your interaction...being there, holding a hand, a smile is really all that is needed. There is little to say in many of these situations. There are a ton of things not to say, but you get the drift. Sooo, I wish you and your grandmother some comfort, and your grandmother any kind of pain relief she needs.

Warm thoughts to you through the airwaves! WG2

 

Excellent points @wisconsinguy

My experience is that hospice specifically and end-of-life care have progressed a lot since my grandparents passed away. This year I've helped two friends with the care of elderly relatives and the hospice people were awesome in both instances, focusing not only on the patient but also the family. I recall in the past very tight control on things like pain medicine. With these two instances the family was given control of liquid morphine, Ativan, etc, and encouraged to give it to their loved one in a liberal but responsible way. This is a long way from the times of a dying cancer patient having to wait for a doctor's order.

 

Brian - we're all thinking about you buddy and sending you a steady stream of hugs.

[wisconsinguy]

I so agree with you Keith. I have been through the evolution of pain control with patients. After 43 years, I still practice fulltime. There was a nursing instructor of mine that I still idolize in her fight for patient comfort on a pain control level. I started out in which 85% of patients, no matter what it was for, where in acute care. Pain control was completely standard. So much narcotic, and a rigid time schedule. No difference if it were a minor procedure or so called "pain control" for cancer patients. That really did not exist. Keith, as you stated, hospice has made a significant difference. Hospice will stay involved even the the patient is in need of acute care for some reason. The control of pain, and the use of ad lib narcotics/sedatives is no longer considered euthanasia. I like to look at as helping the "physiological and psychology self let go." I hope Brian's grandmother finds this.

[Moondance]

But when you look back, you will be at peace with yourself because you were there for her at this critical time rather than staying aloof.

 

There are relationships in life that are hard to escape and impossible to make right. I was there at the end of a couple of relationships like this, in one case as the principal caregiver. The old issues were not resolved, or even discussed, but they were let go. There was no point to them anymore. So we ended in a better place than we'd been, and I am grateful for that. I hope this happens for you too, Brian.

[+ quoththeraven]

I'd also like to put in a plug for hospice. They did great things for my dad in the months between a diagnosis of advanced congestive heart failure and his death. He'd already survived a massive stomach bleed, during which he coded, that left him without most of his memories because of brain atrophy and subsequent hydrocephalus, hip replacement and chronically painful arthritis that could no longer be treated with NSAIDs, as they'd caused the bleed, and neurosurgery to fuse his cervical spine, so he'd had many interactions with the medical system already. I am happy to say pain relief was not an issue.

 

The same was also true of a family friend and former pastor who was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer but oulived his prognosis by years. At one point, he had a morphine drip he could control implanted. He lived close to a year after entering hospice treatment in relative comfort, given his situation.

 

What I have seen is people not contacting hospice until their prognosis is counted in days or weeks. Hospice can do so much more good if contacted sooner. People may think it amounts to giving up, but if in the long run the patient is more comfortable, what's the downside? I have seen patients (cancer patients especially) undergo what amounts to torture because their loved ones didn't want to give up on their survival. I think hospice is a better alternative to that.

 

Sorry for the preachy semi-hijack of your thread, Brian.

[UnstableAtom]

Always treasure the time you have left with grandparents, I only have both grandmothers left and met neither of my grandfathers, but they are getting slower and slower every year. I love and care for both even though I can't communicate in Italian for one of them. She survived a stroke at 86 which was astounding and she made a quick recovery too in the hospital. I still enjoy their company and I hope it continues until the time comes. I'm sorry I have no personal experience with Hospice, so I'm giving out my experience with my grahndparents in general.

 

Best Wishes and many hugs Brian!