Hospice

[Brian Kevin]

Update just left grandma. The family argued over price of home hospice needing a nurse there 24/7 if she makes it to friday she comes home and I will be the CNA provider with her 24. I'm doing this for free.because everyone else in the family is seeking money. People are already claiming her person items and I'm ignoring it all focusing on her. Everyone but me is in the will. By my choice years ago. Rekindling this relationship on her death bed is more then enough payment for me.

 

I'm NOT retiring so no one worry. Still up and running for now. Once she's home for Hospice care I'll be available during select hours until her day comes. Trying my best to stay strong and positive while greed and gluttony are bouncing around everyone else in the family

[Brian Kevin]

She has phenomena and since the cancer is in front, the antibiotics aren't working. Odds are the phenomena will take her before the cancer does. None the mess not giving up that easy. Come on prayer warrior's I need you.

[+ Gar1eth]

My thoughts are with you, Brian, and your grandmother. I think you are a better person than I probably am. I'm not sure whether I could get past the fact that someone rejected me.

 

You've also made me think. My grandparents were all long gone before I was anywhere close to coming out. They loved me. But I wonder whether I would have had the strength and bravery to come out to them as you did and run the risk of rejection.

 

As it is, when I came out to my closest relatives, we didn't tell my Dad. He has Alzheimer's. While he wasn't totally out of it at the time (since then he's become much worse), he had no memory to speak of-couldn't remember what he had for lunch 30 minutes later. We weren't sure whether he would understand or even if he did whether it might anger him-and there was a good chance he wouldn't have remembered two days later. So on discussion with my mother and siblings, we decided not to tell him.

 

Your love and care for your grandmother is an incredible mitzvah (Hebrew-literally a commandment but in the sense of a moral deed). It's the kind of thing a mensch does (Yiddish-literally a man/human but more often used in the sense of an upright 'stand-up guy' a moral person, someone you can depend on).

 

Gman

[JayCeeKy]

Prayers for you and grandma, Brian. I have always believed that praying was never meant to change God's will, but to change our own. I am glad that you have chosen to forgive grandma. The primary beneficiary of forgiveness is the one who forgives.

[klifhangar]

She has phenomena and since the cancer is in front, the antibiotics aren't working. Odds are the phenomena will take her before the cancer does. None the mess not giving up that easy. Come on prayer warrior's I need you.

Brian, what specifically are you praying for? Peaceful passing? healing? comfort for her and you during this time? healing of relationships among the family members?

 

It's just good to know specifically what your hopes are.

[Mo Mason]

YOU.. are a really good guy, Brian Kevin.

 

I'm not a praying man, but I have done it for you and yours.

[Brian Kevin]

I'm praying my path is bright, my family is okay and that I get back on the horse to start seeing you guys!!!

[Brian Kevin]

I really appreciate all of you. Without you there would be no me.!

[Guest]

... I will be the CNA provider with her 24. I'm doing this for free... Everyone but me is in the will. By my choice years ago.

 

Wow. This should almost qualify you for sainthood. I can't even imagine. But usually Medicare pays for hospice....

[Brian Kevin]

Hospice is covered, yes but a CNA with her.24/7 is not. She gets 1 visit from a RN home side once a day for 1-3hours. To ensure the oxygen tank is working, blood test and to check her bed sores. The rest is up to me. She is in fact coming home tomorrow afternoon.

[+ quoththeraven]

Hospice is covered, yes but a CNA with her.24/7 is not. She gets 1 visit from a RN home side once a day for 1-3hours. To ensure the oxygen tank is working, blood test and to check her bed sores. The rest is up to me. She is in fact coming home tomorrow afternoon.

 

Which suggests that the amount of care Medicaid will pay for is not the optimal amount of care, not that that's a surprise.

[+ Gar1eth]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I have possibly discovered some information that people on here with elderly relatives might need. Hospice apparently can provide services for people that extend to long before the final month or weeks of life. It may depend on where you live. But my mother was made aware of an acquaintance with severe Alzheimer's disease. While Alzheimer's is ultimately terminal, this friend is basically healthy other than the Alzheimer's. She could very well survive for several more years. Hospice is still providing the woman with some services. I don't know what all it includes-they may help with coordination of all the woman's medical care, provide some health aide coverage, or help with supplies.

 

But in case Hospice is able to provide help, people ought to think about contacting them before patients are in the very last stages of their illnesses.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

Which suggests that the amount of care Medicaid will pay for is not the optimal amount of care, not that that's a surprise.

 

Most likely a combination of Medicare and Medicaid.

 

Gman

[bostonman]

However, I would certainly think that most people would much rather spend their last days in a familiar place (i.e. home) than in a random unfamiliar one. Often home care is simply not an option, of course. But in this case, whether due to financial constraints or not, I admire that Brian is willing to make it possible for his grandmother to be home at this point.

 

Brian - even if you and your grandmother are unable to forge a new connection at this point (though I'm also hoping that can happen), I hope she will feel so much more comfortable in her own surroundings at this point. Speaking for myself, I know it's what I would want too when the time comes.

[+ Funguy]

I'm thinking of you, Big Guy, and you get kudos and stars for your good will. Being nice or good to someone who does not accept who you are is difficult but you seem to being doing a great job.

As you said, your smile is bright, your heart is full, and your karma is good. Besides, you have given up the McDonalds.

[+ Travis69]

Brian - Is anyone going to help you? I have done this before and know it takes 2 people. I would insist that each family member donate 1 day out of their lives to help you or each donate money for you to hire someone. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your grandmother.

[Brian Kevin]

No it's just me. I will pay my close friend who is also a CNA to tend to her so I can make out calls. After buying cloths I'm on E. Then this happens I had no time to plan or prepare business is slow right now, but it will surely pick back up!! I don't need money for anything right now her hospice covers supplies and necessities she will need. My family is very selfish. They take take take. No one gives. Only my father has thanked me for doing what I'm doing for her. He knows how important my career and traveling is to me. This is just a way to give back and "pay it forward" all of you that helped me with my burns, made me feel like I have to be here for my grandma. We've hugged, spoke and made up. I let it all go. We held hands all day, she even asked me to lay in bed with her, so I did. Now it's just a waiting game. It hurts to put your life on hold. But it hurts more to know I'm losing a life, without her I'd never of been in this world.

[Despardo]

I am glad that you are there for your grandmother. Family is important, and forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts one can give. Take care of yourself.

[gallahadesquire]

You are indeed a generous and caring fellow, Brian. We shall meet one of these days.

[+ stevenkesslar]

You have my prayers and you are being a generous and loving grandson.

 

When you hit rock bottom, the good thing is it turns you into a rock, and then you are more able to support those you love. Think of it that way.

 

I'm with my brother who has terminal cancer right now and I've been in Vegas three times this month, once with my Dad, to be with him. He is not near death like your grandmother but what I'm learning is that as much as there is pain and sadness this is also a huge opportunity to be close to those you love or get closer to those you didn't have the opportunity to be close to before. It cuts through all the bullshit of our less than perfect lives. My brother just told me, in tears, about a moment he shared with my Dad last week when my Dad told him about a gift (some books) he wanted to give him that had meant a lot to my Dad. It was a small thing and the books aren't exactly worth a lot but they were a very moving symbol and my brother was in tears when he told me this. It's what gives both life and death meaning,

 

You will find strength and meaning in this and that will make you an even better person than the good person you already are.

[caliguy]

It's weird knowing the last of my grandparents died in 2006. 10 years ago. Wow. I didn't pray for anyone though. I'm an athiest.

 

Never got along with my Dad but will still be a jolt then that time comes. My Mother I don't even want to think of. Her health is declining rapidly though. I know I'll come out on the other side of that changed.

[Brian Kevin]

I was Catholic, Christian than an atheist. Now I only believe in a higher power, which I call God. Furthermore than that, my believes lie in Energy. It's something I can feel, touch and sense. It gives me strength to think anything is possible. Plus, I don't wanna die alone. So at least if I have "God" I'll never be alone. Someone keeps me save from the serial killers, rapist and genuinely bad people out there. I like to think that's my higher power. I go to church almost every Sunday. I don't fallow one "type of faith" church I experiment with any one in walking distance of me on Sundays while I travel. In Cleveland, my church is by my grandma's house(the one whom died when I was young and raised me) I always think of her being associated with God. It makes it easier to live to think she can still be somewhere than just dead. If that makes me weak. So be it I can accept that. She is, was and always will be my best friend.

 

@caliguy sounds like it was rough losing them both, I hope you have friends, family or someone you can lean on. I don't so that is why my faith is so important to me.

 

to have the availability I have to freely travel the world is great, but to be alone, is painful, and yet empowering.

 

LONGEVITY to you and everyone else. Sorry I'm not responding to everyone right away. I have a lot on my plate, an empty bank account and 6 places to be at once. I'm slowly getting some funds with sessions but it's hard to pay my cna friend cause were practically splitting any more I make right now. I hope this is quick, easy and takes me to a whole new level maturity wise.

[Brian Kevin]

You see @caliguy we can all have different opinions but as long as we love, respect and treat each other well-- then we're able to love happily ever after.

[wearytraveller]

I've come late to this thread but please add my thoughts and prayers to the others. Family is important but don't forget to take care yourself; you can't help others if you're not able to help yourself.

[Mocha]

I'm in Cleveland, by losing my suitcase and everything that has ended up happening... I now see why.

 

My only living grandmother, is in hospice. We were told she has a couple days left. I go and see her every day. We're not close at all, she can't accept I'm gay. I can put aside that to be there, because no one deserves to die alone. No matter how cruel, mean and evil an individual is.

 

Here's what I need from you guys. Just prayers. Sunday I sat in church on my knees begging, crying, praying and singing.

 

My condolences to what you and yours are going through. I witnessed a similar situation 2 years ago when my only grandmother that I ever knew (my dads parents both passed before I was born) went thru the hospice care. She didn't know I was gay, and although I came close to revealing it before she passed, I felt she either already knew (instinct and all) or it just wasn't a critical factor in our relationship. We were close, but fuck...it's like over the many years I didn't get to be with her as much as I could have. Started off seeing her once a year or twice a year for Christmas, to then as I got older it was more often...but I was the only grandson out of town who drove 1,800 miles to Miami to stay for several weeks to say my farewells...while she was still alive.

 

So at this point, what I can advise is appreciate being there while she is living. Hospice is very fluctuating. I seen my grandmother get shingles in hospice and almost pass on, even the nurse saying she was likely going to pass that day. But then she had a will to live for another 2 months. So you just have to be there and continue having faith.

 

You do massages right? If it does not interfere with her medical condition, give her one. Shoulder area. You can Transfer your energy and aura of life to her through massage, I have seen it do miracles.