How to talk to a medical resident at a hospital?

[jbruinho7]

I recently got a new job at the hospital. I started back in December and was on orientation for about one week, rotating in the different sections of the ER to get a feel for each pod. When I was orienting with the supervising doctor, there was a resident that was super attractive, and well, smart. I was sitting on the chair, waiting for my supervising doctor to finish with a patient, when the resident introduced himself to me. "Btw, my name is Alex." Likewise, I introduced myself to him. But we didn't say much afterwards.

 

Fast forward to this week - that resident was with the supervising doctor and came to my section of the ER to retrieve some supplies. While I was stuffing my face with food, he made a general comment to my advising doctor that "something smelled good" -- which was clearly my food. I wanted to respond back to him but at the time, was too busy catching up with my charts and trying to eat as I don't get a lunch break. We didn't really speak to each other at this time.

 

I was randomly on OKCUPID when I saw a picture of a guy that looked very familiar. I clicked on the picture and it was the RESIDENT! I was a bit shocked because I never thought he would have been gay. I would have messaged him on okcupid....except he hasn't logged in since November.

 

Now that it is established that he's gay - and after reading his profile - I really would like to get to know him more, even if it's just being friends. The problem is that...it's the hospital. It's the ER. And it's very busy. While I'd LOVE to go up to him and make small talk with him, "Hey, how's this section of the ER going? Seen any cool cases" it's difficult to strike that conversation up especially when he's busy with patients.

 

Any suggestions on how I could chat it up with him WITHOUT being awkward (or have other people around?)

 

I thought about 2/3 ideas:

 

1. I drop a note in his mailbox. I could say something like, "Hey man. I think you're a pretty cool guy. We should hang out sometime." And leave my number (instead of my name) on the note.

 

2. I could e-mail him and say: "Hey, I saw you last week in my part of the ER. I wanted to ask you something but didn't get a chance to since I was catching up on charting. I'm interested in working on the MAIN side of the ER, and was wondering since you were the only resident I worked with during my orientation shift, if I could work with you on a part of few shifts so that I could get a hang of mainside ER before I start working there in a few months. Blah blah blah."

 

3. The residents have lectures every Tuesday at 7am which I am allowed to attend to as well.

 

While 3 is probably more ideal and personable, 2 definitely falls into my comfort zone. If he says No to me following him, then that's that. But if he says yes, then it would allow me to get to know him during work. But then at that point, is it just a work-established relationship at that point?

 

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!

[bomerrang]

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!

 

1. Don't fish in the company pond.

 

2. M.D. stands for Me Doctor

[rvwnsd]

If you run into him again, I would suggest chatting him up. I agree with rapscallion, do not use his "inbox" or the hospital email system as a way to communicate with him. Just another point...if he has not logged into okCupid since November he could be seeing someone.

[+ purplekow]

There is always time for a smile and a polite nod and a few kind words. Residents are usually working hard and many are new to the area. When you have a second to chat him up, start with if he is new to the area. Seek out that common interest. If there is interest the opportunity to catch his eye will come up. I would avoid medical chit chat which might get you right to the friend/colleague zone. Keep your ears open about his interests and then create a chance to drop in your interest. Gay doctors need love too as Unicorn can attest, so do not let that be a hindrance.

[tyro]

I just want to say good luck! You never know where or when you may find someone awesome.

T

[jbruinho7]

There is always time for a smile and a polite nod and a few kind words. Residents are usually working hard and many are new to the area. When you have a second to chat him up, start with if he is new to the area. Seek out that common interest. If there is interest the opportunity to catch his eye will come up. I would avoid medical chit chat which might get you right to the friend/colleague zone. Keep your ears open about his interests and then create a chance to drop in your interest. Gay doctors need love too as Unicorn can attest, so do not let that be a hindrance.

 

It's probably going to be nearly impossible to go up and chit chat with him given that we're in the hospital/ER and it's too hectic. Even if he has a bf, I don't mind being his friend as he seems like a pretty cool guy. Do you guys really think it's weird if I leave a note in his mail box saying I had some questions about the residency, could we grab coffee if he has time (obviously phrase it in a nicer way).

[gallahadesquire]

Where are you in the hierarchy? Besides not shitting where you eat, thee are various levels of supremacy. I get the impression you're an RN or some such.

 

I wouldn't go any farther than chatting him up. Let him make the. Moves … unless you WANT to lose you're job. My 2¢.

[Guest]

The simplest thing would be to ask him if he would like to have lunch together, or perhaps a cup of coffee some time. There shouldn't be a problem dating, because you two are not in the same "chain of command." That is, you aren't evaluating him, nor he you, nor does either have any power over the other. I dated a respiratory therapist while I was a resident.

[nate_sf]

3. The residents have lectures every Tuesday at 7am which I am allowed to attend to as well.

 

This is the only approach I'd suggest out of the three. Whether it's a friendship or romance, you'll have to let it develop gradually and organically and be careful not to cross the line into stalking or harassment. I would not suggest either the note or the email - either of those coming out of the blue could be disconcerting. And most definitely do not acknowledge you saw his OK Cupid profile.

 

Maybe go to one of the Tuesday lectures, and afterwards just casually ask him how the residency is going. Don't push it past that. Then next time you see him at another lecture or while he's doing his rounds you've at least met each other and can build on that. Eventually ask him to join you for lunch or coffee as Unicorn suggests. If nothing else, you might learn something new and useful at one of those lectures!

[+ nycman]

As I tell everyone who works for me.....

 

Don't behave like a rat in a cage.

 

There are over 7 billion people in the world.

 

Pick one that doesn't work in this building to fuck.

[instudiocity]

As I tell everyone who works for me.....

 

Don't behave like a rat in a cage.

 

There are over 7 billion people in the world.

 

Pick one that doesn't work in this building to fuck.

Wouldn't if be funny if you were the Resident for whom jbruinho7 pines ...

But still it's great advice - never do the hokey-pokey with someone you may have to see when the music ends...

[Phil_musc]

I'm pleased to note that I agree totally with ISC here. Good advice.

[actor61]

I recently got a new job at the hospital. I started back in December and was on orientation for about one week, rotating in the different sections of the ER to get a feel for each pod. When I was orienting with the supervising doctor, there was a resident that was super attractive, and well, smart. I was sitting on the chair, waiting for my supervising doctor to finish with a patient, when the resident introduced himself to me. "Btw, my name is Alex." Likewise, I introduced myself to him. But we didn't say much afterwards.

 

Fast forward to this week - that resident was with the supervising doctor and came to my section of the ER to retrieve some supplies. While I was stuffing my face with food, he made a general comment to my advising doctor that "something smelled good" -- which was clearly my food. I wanted to respond back to him but at the time, was too busy catching up with my charts and trying to eat as I don't get a lunch break. We didn't really speak to each other at this time.

 

I was randomly on OKCUPID when I saw a picture of a guy that looked very familiar. I clicked on the picture and it was the RESIDENT! I was a bit shocked because I never thought he would have been gay. I would have messaged him on okcupid....except he hasn't logged in since November.

 

Now that it is established that he's gay - and after reading his profile - I really would like to get to know him more, even if it's just being friends. The problem is that...it's the hospital. It's the ER. And it's very busy. While I'd LOVE to go up to him and make small talk with him, "Hey, how's this section of the ER going? Seen any cool cases" it's difficult to strike that conversation up especially when he's busy with patients.

 

Any suggestions on how I could chat it up with him WITHOUT being awkward (or have other people around?)

 

I thought about 2/3 ideas:

 

1. I drop a note in his mailbox. I could say something like, "Hey man. I think you're a pretty cool guy. We should hang out sometime." And leave my number (instead of my name) on the note.

 

2. I could e-mail him and say: "Hey, I saw you last week in my part of the ER. I wanted to ask you something but didn't get a chance to since I was catching up on charting. I'm interested in working on the MAIN side of the ER, and was wondering since you were the only resident I worked with during my orientation shift, if I could work with you on a part of few shifts so that I could get a hang of mainside ER before I start working there in a few months. Blah blah blah."

 

3. The residents have lectures every Tuesday at 7am which I am allowed to attend to as well.

 

While 3 is probably more ideal and personable, 2 definitely falls into my comfort zone. If he says No to me following him, then that's that. But if he says yes, then it would allow me to get to know him during work. But then at that point, is it just a work-established relationship at that point?

 

Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!

 

I used to work in a medical center and was in almost exactly the same situation. There was a resident I knew was gay because he had dated a friend of mine, although he and I had never met before working together. When things were less hectic than usual, I took a chart over to him and said, "I really have an awful time with this guy's handwriting. Can you make out that word?" I knew what the word was, of course, but it seemed like a logical question and I figured I could continue or not continue my "pursuit" based on his response. The response was, "I know. It's the pits. I can never make out anything he writes. He should be fined for bad penmanship." To which I replied, "Let's suggest it." And that led to a funny, fun conversation and 2 years of dating. Hope that helps.

[bigvalboy]

1. Don't fish in the company pond.

2. M.D. stands for Me Doctor

 

+1.....Simple, to the point. The alternative is what Gallahad warns...you risk losing your job. That's damn good advice for 2 cents.

[Guest]

+1.....Simple, to the point. The alternative is what Gallahad warns...you risk losing your job. That's damn good advice for 2 cents.

 

Well, I suppose you could check your employee handbook, but I very much doubt that's the case. It would be one thing if you were the resident's supervising attending, or if he were your supervisor, but I'm pretty sure neither of you even has the opportunity to write evaluations on the other, let alone be in a position of power. Even if you ended up going together, then having a nasty breakup, you're not in a position to make his life miserable nor he yours. It's simply not a boss/worker or teacher/student type of situation. What's the worst thing that could happen if you ask if you might have a cup of coffee together? He's obviously not a psycho. He's not going to break down bawling or stab you in the back with a scalpel. The worst thing that could happen is that he'll say "No, thanks." If you really like this guy, and you never even ask, do you really want to go through your life asking yourself "What if?"?

[jbruinho7]

I don't think people here understand the difference between a resident and an attending. I would never try to hit on an attending (the supervising doctor), but the residents are of equal or same "level" as me as we both or all have to report to the attending. Thanks for the input everyone. While I do want to be able to strike up a conversation with him, it's just too difficult with the schedule and everything. I'm going to drop a note tomorrow in his box.

 

This is what I'm going to say:

 

"Hey Jason, It's Daniel, one of the NPs in yellow pod. i think i met you earlier this year when i was orienting in red pod. i saw you with dr scott last week in my pod, and i wanted to ask some general stuff about er but didn't get the chance to. let me know if you are ever free (to grab coffee?). have a great weekend ( can't believe this is my first weekend off!). --Daniel. (insert email and phone #)

[Steven_Draker]

If I were to receive such a note, I'd be skeptical to respond and follow up on the offer for coffee, not knowing from whom is coming.

 

I still think that the best approach would be in person, face to face. Introduce yourself, engage in conversation and observe if there's any interest in return.

[Guest]

I agree to a good extent with Steven Draker. First of all, at a very minimum you must provide you whole name, not just your first name. Secondly, the big advantage of doing something face-to-face is that it lets him decide if there's any chemistry. Of course, if you provide your whole name, and your name is unique enough (not Daniel Smith), and it pops up on google images, he might look you up. What you might do, instead, is to introduce yourself fully at one of those morning meetings. Then, if you feel that asking him in a public setting would put him on the spot, it might work better to put in the note saying "Hi, this is Daniel Caregiver, NP. We just met at ---. Would you be interested in having a cup of coffee...".

[+ nycman]

Sounds like a creepy stalker note to me.

 

But I've already made my position clear.

 

Superior, inferior, equals, or sideways....don't fuck your co-workers.

 

Sorry to hear you're listening to your dick instead of good advice.

[+ Funguy]

As a doctor who was once a resident…listen to nycman! Hospital gossip will kill you! There was no way I would ever respond in a favorable manner (even if I wanted to). Find a different pond to fish in, there are thousands out there! If you ran into him at a gay bar or other GAY venue, go for it with the understanding, up front, that there must be discretion!

[Guest]

As a doctor who was once a resident…listen to nycman! Hospital gossip will kill you! There was no way I would ever respond in a favorable manner (even if I wanted to). Find a different pond to fish in, there are thousands out there! If you ran into him at a gay bar or other GAY venue, go for it with the understanding, up front, that there must be discretion!

 

Don't listen to the Negative Nellies. Unless you're working at the Oral Roberts University Medical Center, what kind of gossip are you worried about? If he's not interested, do you think he's going to go around the hospital saying "That NP Daniel is so pathetic! He asked me out for a cup of coffee! What a queer!". Even if he did, he would only come out looking like a jerk himself, and I, for one, wouldn't give a rat's ass. And what if you did go out for a while and then broke up. Do you think he's going to go around saying "I went out with that NP Daniel, and I had to break up with him, because he gives the worst blow jobs!". Get real. Unless you're working for a right-wing religious institution, I don't see what the fear is. But I do agree, as I stated before, don't leave even semi-anonymous notes such as a note with your first name but not your last name. It's unlikely he'll react positively to that.

[gallahadesquire]

When i was a resident (in anesthesia), i brought a patient to the recovery room and got my ass pinched by a more-than-just-a-little-attractive orderly.

 

It's a pity one can't hit on the attendings. Sad, really, as some of them are hot!

[+ Funguy]

Unicorn

 

I was thinking back to the 70's - I guess things are different now as far as the gossip mill goes. However, I still stand by my feeling that you shouldn't fish in your workplace pond! You are bound to get fucked!

 

Yeah, Gallahadesquire - some of those attendings ARE hot! OOPS - I'm one of them now!

 

Funguy

[+ FreshFluff]

Yeah, Gallahadesquire - some of those attendings ARE hot! OOPS - I'm one of them now!

 

http://data3.whicdn.com/images/68773572/large.gif

[+ FreshFluff]

Don't listen to the Negative Nellies. Unless you're working at the Oral Roberts University Medical Center, what kind of gossip are you worried about? If he's not interested, do you think he's going to go around the hospital saying "That NP Daniel is so pathetic! He asked me out for a cup of coffee! What a queer!". Even if he did, he would only come out looking like a jerk himself, and I, for one, wouldn't give a rat's ass. And what if you did go out for a while and then broke up. Do you think he's going to go around saying "I went out with that NP Daniel, and I had to break up with him, because he gives the worst blow jobs!". Get real. Unless you're working for a right-wing religious institution, I don't see what the fear is. But I do agree, as I stated before, don't leave even semi-anonymous notes such as a note with your first name but not your last name. It's unlikely he'll react positively to that.

 

Another reason to talk to him in person: A note can be scanned, emailed, shown to people, etc. That might not cause any professional damage, but it could be embarrassing. Of course, if he's professional rather than a third grader, he wouldn't do that, but you don't know him yet. If you talk to him in person, you've got plausible deniability.