Fear of being alone?

[+ Charlie]

Twins are in an unusual situation, because they have never been alone, even in the womb, and they sometimes have an almost pathological attachment to one another. For the rest of us, there is a difference between fear of losing loved ones (we all have that) and fear of being on our own. I think the fact that I grew up as an only child, in a safe home with loving but unobtrusive parents, led me to be comfortable being alone and doing things on my own. I enjoy being in the company of other people, and have an easy time making friends, but I would find it difficult to live in a group setting without the privacy I am used to. I have always depended on myself and made my own decisions, and I have no trouble travelling alone--have often preferred it, in fact, although as I grow old I find it is often easier when I have travelling companions. I have lived with a partner for most of my adult life, but we had different work schedules, and I was often alone at home; we even frequently took separate vacations. Now that we are both retired, I often find the constant togetherness irritating, and look forward to the intervals, however brief, when I am alone and can listen to what music I want, eat what and when I want, do what I want, and not have to consult with or inform him about it.

 

Nevertheless, I do have concerns about being old, bereft of family and old friends, and dependent on virtual strangers. Like jj, I have no close family members left, and am in danger of outliving most of my closest friends. I can hire an escort for sex or even companionship, but I worry about finding someone dependable to take care of me and my financial affairs if I can no longer do so myself. Where do I find someone to carry out my final wishes if all my friends are gone, and I am truly alone?

[bigvalboy]

I have lived alone my whole life, and that is by choice. I am like Epigonos, I don't hire because I am lonely, I never thought of the hiring process in those terms. The percentage of time devoted to hiring in compared to the balance of the hours in your life is minuscule by comparison.

 

Has I aged, and family and friends began dying off as is the natural order of things, I very consciously and purposefully, began to restructure my daily life to include activities and hobbies that put me in touch with people. While I am very content to just sit by myself at home alone and let the evening quietly go by sometimes, I do know that being interactive with people makes life more interesting and vibrant.

 

I am moving to an area in a month or so that is 3,000 miles from family and friends. I have many people here that just can't understand how I could move there not knowing anyone. They see this as lonely, I see it as keeping life fresh and interesting.

 

I have a dear friend who lost his partner, five years ago, and he completely shut down. He sits alone in his house most every night and though I have tried, he won't go anywhere. He just lost that excitement that keeps life fun.

 

I think losing family and friends to death is certainly not a choice, but how you choose to continue your life without them is a choice.

[wayout]

He sits alone in his house most every night and though I have tried, he won't go anywhere. He just lost that excitement that keeps life fun.

 

This struck a resounding chord with me as i have lost that something to keep life fun and feel so very alone.

[Guest Connoisseur]

Some ideas for everyone's feedback:

 

1) For your pet. I have set aside money in my will for my dogs care and listed three people who have agreed to take him in. My lawyer will do periodic checkups and has authority to take him away to the next person and withhold money. I'll add that anyone who has agreed to take care of him who doesn't will get haunted by my ghost every night These people don't know about the lawyer's role. I have also seen in some areas that there are organizations who will agree before your death to take your pet in and I'm guessing you pay a fee for that. No putting the animal to sleep and just keeping the money. I haven't read about them in over a year (haven't looked), but there are guidelines and legal documents as part of the deal. Imagine it's really obvious how much I value my dog

 

2) For humans now. If there is no family, friend, neighbor, priest or lawyer then maybe this. There are some members of this site that seem quite fond of each other and maybe they live in the same city or close? Reveal yourself, if you want, to each other and agree to check in periodically. Naturally, share what someone should do if the other passes away to help settle up affairs and probably best to have a lawyer handle details for estates, assets, etc.

 

3) For assisted living. Maybe find a place that is part of an assisted living facility that you like and can include in your written plans in the event you need to go there. I believe some now have apartments/condos for those that want more than a single room and at least for a while are somewhat self sufficient. Nice part is that someone checks on your well being periodically. If your health deteriorates you move down the hall to an area where you're given more attention. Probably a good time to suggest long term care insurance or a written financial plan that directs someone to sell assets if you are unable to handle for yourself and the money is administered by a lawyer or trusted person so it goes towards your care.

 

With more and more people thinking about health care costs without reigns, job malaise (yet I recently heard there is a short of long haul truck drivers as those that retire can't be replaced), etc. I imagine these are more the reasons people are increasingly focused on saving more, spending less and worried about the future.

 

Could be way off base here but trying to be helpful and I'm sure I'll learn some from any response that may follow.

 

Have a good day/night.

[unsub2O17]

I just remembered reading about an all gay retirement community opening in Santa Fe, NM. This couldn't have been more than 2 years ago. Whatever happened with that??

[orbital sander]

I just remembered reading about an all gay retirement community opening in Santa Fe, NM. This couldn't have been more than 2 years ago. Whatever happened with that??

Maybe the economy...or they ended up bickering so much that everyone got put on permanent "time-out"

[Decatur Guy]

I fear being alone only from the practical standpoint that I might be elderly one day, have a stroke, become incapacitated and have no ability to control my money, how I'm treated, what I'll do, etc. ... Besides that, not too concerned about "being alone."

[bcohen7719]

Joseph, I think you've hit on the biggest reason that many of us fear being alone. Health issues.. There have been times when I was down with the flu, or my back went out, and I couldnt even get off the bed to go to the bathroom and get food. Its times like these that it is wonderful having "someone" around to help you. Also critical docotrs appts when you need some "hand-holding" because you are anticipating Bad news.... So many things you DONT consider when you are younger that become unwelcome realities when you age.

 

JJ:

 

I agree with you about health issues, and then eventually, how it would be to die alone. There was a line from "Six Feet Under" about this: "Eventually we all end up alone screaming for more morphine."

 

BC

[maxwellissmart]

JJ:

 

I agree with you about health issues, and then eventually, how it would be to die alone. There was a line from "Six Feet Under" about this: "Eventually we all end up alone screaming for more morphine."

 

BC

 

Thankfully, heart attacks run in my family.

[+ purplekow]

JJ:

 

There was a line from "Six Feet Under" about this: "Eventually we all end up alone screaming for more morphine."

 

BC

Yes I call that a slow Wednesday

[josephga]

Thankfully, heart attacks run in my family.

 

I heard that if given a choice on how to die that most dr's said they would choose a heart attack

[jjkrkwood]

I heard that if given a choice on how to die that most dr's said they would choose a heart attack

 

I would agree ONLY if I knew without any doubt that I would DIE. Dont want to have one and then live having to lead a Restricted Life, and worrying about having the next one.

[+ Lucky]

Edward Albee's play, The Lady from Dubuque, which I saw this spring made the point very powerfully that we are all alone, even now, even surrounded by friends and family. The scene at the end, where the main character Sam has learned that his wife chose to die from her cancer rather than be dependent on him, and the people he thought were his friends have all left him, is very powerful is demonstrating the stark loneliness of the man.

And when you do get cancer, or whatever finally takes you, does it matter how many friends you have at your bedside? You are the one dying, all by yourself- no one is going with you to ease the ride.

 

Cheery, huh?

[josephga]

I would agree ONLY if I knew without any doubt that I would DIE. Dont want to have one and then live having to lead a Restricted Life, and worrying about having the next one.

 

my mothers uncle and her father had a few b4 they had the massive one. my mothers sister was lucky she only had one

[jjkrkwood]

my mothers uncle and her father had a few b4 they had the massive one. my mothers sister was lucky she only had one

 

My parents each had several bef the massive one. Heart condition runs in our family, although I have never been a smoker or heart problem to date, I have had cancer.... so for me, its a crapshoot....

[josephga]

for a long time I worried about cancer coming back. thinking it was hiding in my body someplace just waiting for me too be happy then show up again.

[+ Charlie]

Although heart disease runs in my family, I can't think of any relation who died of a heart attack. Most die of cancers instead. If I do die of the latter, I hope it's one of the fast-acting ones, like the acute leukemia that killed my father in only four months. I don't want to die suddenly in my sleep, because I would like to say good-byes on my way out.

[jjkrkwood]

for a long time I worried about cancer coming back. thinking it was hiding in my body someplace just waiting for me too be happy then show up again.

 

Jos, just make sure you keep getting your screenings. As a cancer survivor, doctors and tests become a part of your life.

[jjkrkwood]

Although heart disease runs in my family, I can't think of any relation who died of a heart attack. Most die of cancers instead. If I do die of the latter, I hope it's one of the fast-acting ones, like the acute leukemia that killed my father in only four months. I don't want to die suddenly in my sleep, because I would like to say good-byes on my way out.

 

to your ESCORTS ??????

[+ deej]

Although heart disease runs in my family, I can't think of any relation who died of a heart attack. Most die of cancers instead. If I do die of the latter, I hope it's one of the fast-acting ones, like the acute leukemia that killed my father in only four months. I don't want to die suddenly in my sleep, because I would like to say good-byes on my way out.

 

The problem with any form of cancer is the pain and suffering that ensues. Both of my parents died within six months of diagnosis, in pain. Mom (28 years after dad) at least had benefit of heavy drugs near the end although it meant she was only vaguely aware of her surroundings.

 

I want to go the way my grandmother did. She got up one morning, started the coffee pot and some sausage in a skillet. Then she laid down on the sofa, closed her eyes, and expired. No pain. No suffering. Just there one minute and not there the next. (The smoke alarm from the burning sausage summoned assistance, which is how we know the timeline.)

 

Having time to say goodbye is actually kind of brutal to the people you're bidding farewell. They'll feel guilty about leaving you instead of spending every possible minute with you.

[jjkrkwood]

I want to go the way my grandmother did. She got up one morning, started the coffee pot and some sausage in a skillet. Then she laid down on the sofa, closed her eyes, and expired. No pain. No suffering. Just there one minute and not there the next.

 

I AGREE !. Unfortunately, we Cant pic our method of death, otherwsie I would be IN with instant death. Easy, Breezy, No Fuss, no muss. Yes a shock to the living, but in retrospect a blessing as well...

[unsub2O17]

I just hope you all realize how totally and completely depressing this thread is!!! I mean we're supposed to be discussing having FUN with escorts--life affirming, not thinking about the way out!

[jjkrkwood]

I just hope you all realize how totally and completely depressing this thread is!!! I mean we're supposed to be discussing having FUN with escorts--life affirming, not thinking about the way out!

 

This is The Lounge. You can talk about death here. Then you can go over to the Deli and talk about getting fucked and cocksucking. Afterall, isnt Death a part of Life ????

[Lookin]

Afterall, isnt Death a part of Life ????

 

In some circles, yes. http://www.maleescortreview.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h0IKN7MryTE/TsLQzYzK5DI/AAAAAAAABZc/vd9iMXlIfDE/s1600/ZombieWalk-process-sc600x-t1284425635.jpg

[jjkrkwood]

In some circles, yes. http://www.maleescortreview.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h0IKN7MryTE/TsLQzYzK5DI/AAAAAAAABZc/vd9iMXlIfDE/s1600/ZombieWalk-process-sc600x-t1284425635.jpg

 

Great public service pic for the use of Bath Salts. :o