Fear of being alone?

[Samai139]

This morning (Wednesday) on NBC's Today Show there was a segment promoting a special on twins which is airing sometime on TLC. A psychologist who appeared with a pair of identical twins made this statement which caught my attention:

"The biggest fear of most people is being alone......"

My thought: I don't believe I have this fear and haven't had it since my early twenties. Aside from college roommates and living with my parents as an adult for a couple of years, I have never lived for more than a couple of weeks with anyone; never been in a committed relationship; never felt a compulsion to share my daily existence with anyone. Since many people, including married couples, gay and straight partners, etc. eventually end their lives alone because their partner has died and they cannot or will not find another, is the psyhologist's statement applicable to many of you? Or on second thought did she (the psychologist) mean not having friends, relatives, other support groups, when she said "being alone"?

I'd be interested in reading your thoughts~~

[jjkrkwood]

YES, most definitely for me... I think about it daily, and more so as I am getting older. I have lost ALL my family, have a few friends still alive, but they are seniors and dealing with their own health issues and families. but I would never depend on them anyway, as I have always been an independent person . I was in a relationship for 22 years and thought my life was set.

I knew there was a person there for me, who would most likely find me dead some day and make all the arrangement. Now that i AM alone, I dont have that and wonder who will bury me, who will discard my home and belongings, etc... And just the day to day solitude is sad. YES, I work and interact with co-works and other people, but when you go home and close your door, you are alone... I always enjoyed being around people and interactting, but as you age, people fall OUT of your life, get tired and lazy and arent as social due to a myriad of physical and financial limitations. Its just something you need to deal with, but I can see how it can cause other physical and psychological issues.

[tyro]

Once the divorce is finalized and one of my favorite people on the planet moves out, I'll have to deal with this too. I'm pretty much estranged from my family and I don't have many friends. I've always lived most of my life in my own head, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Do I fear being alone? No. I used to, but not anymore.

[jawjateck]

I'm a life long and happy single guy. I discovered at an early age that relationships (women or men) were not for me. I love having my freedom, flexibility to do what I want, interact with others socially or just enjoy solitude. I do not fear being alone. Of course, I don't presume to speak for how I will feel 25 years from now.

[Atlantagaguy]

Yes, I do worry; I have push myself to go out more and trying to do more social things. I am finding that is very hard also. Not that I am not a social guy. I just find myself excluded in most venues that I go to. I try to carry on a conversation but it usually ends up the click over rules. I came out fairly late in life; I hear some of the stories about many of you of your past. I just envy so many of you, I just have not had the experiences you guys had have and sometimes I just can’t relate.

[unsub2O17]

Another great question. Unfortunately, I can't answer it. I am in JJ's old position. I am not alone, and, many many times, I maneuver for periods of time when I am alone because I crave the independence of action that it gives me. I don't have to consider the needs or wants of others. I think I once mentioned what a joy it was to stand in front of a cabinet of Civil War uniform buttons for 4 hours without worrying about boring or offending someone else. That said, I think I fear boredom more than being alone. And if I wind up being alone, I "think" that I will hate the need to be dependent and/or looking at days of having nothing to do rather than not having someone to do them with. As long as I am healthy enough and financially able, I can always attend learning or sightseeing hostels, but I just haven't been presented with the situation yet, so I can only surmise how I'd feel.

[josephga]

It doesn't bother me. It bothered me more when I was younger. I thought I had too find someone be in a relationship. But other than a 1 year relationship and one that lasted close too 4 years I've spent most of my life alone. I don't even have any friends. I pretty much do everything alone. Been that way a few years now and as time goes by it bothers me less. I'm sure at some point I'll get another dog to have something around too keep me company. Only thing that bothers me about being alone is having MS there's no one to call if I get sick or times of not felling well

[best hotel]

The psychologist was talking about freudian death issues...."at the end of the day, we end up alone" ....like we are all fundamentally and inevitably alone in death...and possibly, abandonment fears....and the unique attachment of twins... i believe..

[Epigonos]

Great question!!!!! I have lived happily alone for well over forty years. My family has always been close. I have only one sister who is considerably older than I am. The family was ALWAYS together during the holidays but that began to change after the death of my parents. My sister and my brother-in-law live very near and we have dinner at each other’s home at least once a week. As my sister’s family began to grow, with her two sons married and with children, we began to break up during the holidays and I found myself missing the old togetherness. To combat that feeling I began giving a number of holiday parties. That practice has now grown into my hosting five or six holiday party gatherings in my condo. Several of these dinner parties include twenty to thirty people. During the rest of the year I generally invite guests over for dinner at least once a week. Obviously I love to cook. All the above has led me to believe that if I am lonely I only have myself to blame.

An interesting aside is that I really don’t fear my own death. I am, however, terrified about the thought of the deaths of my sister and my brother-in-law both of whom are now in their early 80’s

[jjkrkwood]

It doesn't bother me. It bothered me more when I was younger. I thought I had too find someone be in a relationship. But other than a 1 year relationship and one that lasted close too 4 years I've spent most of my life alone. I don't even have any friends. I pretty much do everything alone. Been that way a few years now and as time goes by it bothers me less. I'm sure at some point I'll get another dog to have something around too keep me company. Only thing that bothers me about being alone is having MS there's no one to call if I get sick or times of not felling well

 

Joseph, I think you've hit on the biggest reason that many of us fear being alone. Health issues.. There have been times when I was down with the flu, or my back went out, and I couldnt even get off the bed to go to the bathroom and get food. Its times like these that it is wonderful having "someone" around to help you. Also critical docotrs appts when you need some "hand-holding" because you are anticipating Bad news.... So many things you DONT consider when you are younger that become unwelcome realities when you age.

[tyro]

That is a very practical and real concern.

T

[jjkrkwood]

Great question!!!!! I have lived happily alone for well over forty years. My family has always been close. I have only one sister who is considerably older than I am. The family was ALWAYS together during the holidays but that began to change after the death of my parents. My sister and my brother-in-law live very near and we have dinner at each other’s home at least once a week. As my sister’s family began to grow, with her two sons married and with children, we began to break up during the holidays and I found myself missing the old togetherness. To combat that feeling I began giving a number of holiday parties. That practice has now grown into my hosting five or six holiday party gatherings in my condo. Several of these dinner parties include twenty to thirty people. During the rest of the year I generally invite guests over for dinner at least once a week. Obviously I love to cook. All the above has led me to believe that if I am lonely I only have myself to blame.

An interesting aside is that I really don’t fear my own death. I am, however, terrified about the thought of the deaths of my sister and my brother-in-law both of whom are now in their early 80’s

 

Epig, I empathize with your fears, as I have already been there, many times. I am now the last surviving member in my family, BOTH sides, except for a few cousins around the country

whom there is no contact with. I have died myself many times, having had to say goodbye to my loved ones, and lastly my partner of 22 yrs. I too dont fear my own death, but I do fear being old, sickly and alone... And it seems the only thing that concerns people about my situation is WHO i will be leaving my money to.. Interesting huh ?

[josephga]

Epig, I empathize with your fears, as I have already been there, many times. I am now the last surviving member in my family, BOTH sides, except for a few cousins around the country

whom there is no contact with. I have died myself many times, having had to say goodbye to my loved ones, and lastly my partner of 22 yrs. I too dont fear my own death, but I do fear being old, sickly and alone... And it seems the only thing that concerns people about my situation is WHO i will be leaving my money to.. Interesting huh ?

 

 

we can make it easy for you just leave all your money too me ha ha

[JT Brooklyn]

The psychologist was talking about freudian death issues...."at the end of the day, we end up alone" ....like we are all fundamentally and inevitably alone in death...and possibly, abandonment fears....and the unique attachment of twins... i believe..

 

best..Totally Agree....

[jjkrkwood]

If you ARE a spiritual person, you dont believe that you are alone in death.... I am NOT a spiritual person....

[josephga]

If you ARE a spiritual person, you dont believe that you are alone in death.... I am NOT a spiritual person....

 

me either

[gp0560]

"Alone" does not equal "lonely." Now revisit the question.

[maxwellissmart]

...is the psyhologist's statement applicable to many of you?

 

Is this a psychologist for hos?

 

I enjoy being alone the older I've gotten, and I no longer feel (as so many gay men do) that I have some special person out there to "complete me." I don't need to be completed by someone else, I need to be completed by me—and I'm working on that more than ever. However, I envy people like JJ who find someone for the long haul, which I've never been able to do. I would enjoy having one long-term and semi-healthy relationship before I pass into the Great Beyond.

[gp0560]

I pass into the Great Beyond.

 

Is there a there there?

[LurkerSpeaks]

this thread reminds me of a great song by Gladys Knight...Alone does not necessarily mean being lonely..

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIPwh5u7Nm0

[jjkrkwood]

I would think that the very nature of THIS site would suggest that noone wants to be alone ?.... Hence the reason alot of guys are Hiring.

 

I reread the OP, and nowhere was it ever suggested than being alone DID equate to loneliness. Although I AM alone, I rarely feel lonely as I am either working or around people in some way. When at home, TV and computer keep me company. But TV and computer have practicle limitations, and when I close the door behind me, its just me, myself and I ALONE. And when I am on my deathbed, noone will be sitting beside me holding my hand and telling me to "Let go"........

[Samai139]

After reading everyone's replies to my original post, I have a few comments:

I have to admit that when the psychologist said "People's biggest fear is of being alone......" I mentally turned off and began thinking--"Is the fear of being alone my biggest fear?" I realise that she was on air to comment about identical twins and their close (perhaps unique) bond and specifically about the female twins who appeared with her. So whatever followed I do not know. Never having taken a course in psychology I am unaware of Freudian death issues, but now I shall investigate. Thanks to "best hotel" for bringing that to my attention. Maybe I'll begin another thread when I know something about that.

I appreciate those who have given replies and illustrated their answer with personal anecdotes. It is interesting for me to note that I am not the only one who does not fear being alone. Death is another matter. I am prepared or as prepared as I can be and hope it is not soon. I'll defer any comment about whether I hope that death comes while I am alone or in the company of one or others---hadn't considered that eventuality yet.

Totally agree that being alone and being lonely are two very distinct states. There have been times when I have craved company only to find that company tiresome and long for "aloneness" if there is such a word. There have also been times when I have been in the company of others and felt very alone.

[Epigonos]

To be honest I have NEVER hired an escort out of loneliness. I hire young, good looking, well built studs in order to play around with a young, good looking, well built stud - period!!!!! Yes I like to share a meal with the guy before we play around but that is only to break the ice. For me at least I have found that this greatly improves the play time.

[jgoo]

To be honest I have NEVER hired an escort out of loneliness. I hire young, good looking, well built studs in order to play around with a young, good looking, well built stud - period!!!!! Yes I like to share a meal with the guy before we play around but that is only to break the ice. For me at least I have found that this greatly improves the play time.

 

I distinctly remember one time when I did hire an escort out of loneliness and being alone. It satisfied me for that time we were together for a few hours but feeling alone and being lonely returned soon after, perhaps even more intensely than before. Since that time I have never hired for that purpose again. Perhaps for some it works, but it did not work for me.

[robberbaron4u]

For myself, I find that solitude is sometimes the very best gift one can give oneself. . .