Family will sticker shock - in a bad way.

[viewing ownly]

One of my estranged parents did very well financially. I did after a near 2 decade absence say my final goodbye the same week this parent of mine passed away. Relatively comatose, I know this parent was able to be heard just fine when I was reminiscing. 

After many months of this parent's widow (not my relative) working with an attorney to allocate funds, I falsely expected to be able to retire very soon, and live a comfortable life. It looks instead like a really nice steak dinner instead of relaxing in a hammock reading books until I croak. 

Over the years, I received countless threats that I'd be taken out of the will, so with that in mind, I should simply be grateful I received anything at all, and be content I said my goodbyes before it was too late to do so. This widow hasn't spoken to me since I received my portion. 

[+ sync]

It's a bitter pill, but one should never count on other people's money.

[+ Charlie]

I let people know if they are mentioned in my will. It makes them much friendlier when I am alive.

[moreofthat]

A close family member of mine has made it very clear that my sister and I will inherit his assets upon his death (except for his current home, which will go to his live-in partner, who he's committed to but not legally married to). We've seen the will, it's all there in black and white. Given his health conditions, it's unlikely that he'll live past the next ten years. It's enough money to make a material difference to when, and/or how comfortably, my partner and I could retire. My sister is counting on that money for her kids' eventual secondary education, and I've told her multiple I think she needs a backup plan. A lot of my financial anxiety would be relieved if I could 100% know that money would be in my bank account one day. And yet...

• He could live until he's 100, upending my sister's plans
• He could change his mind about asset allocation for whatever reason, and either inform us or not
• The remainder of his life could whittle down his assets significantly
• He's invested in pretty stable stuff, but in this economy, who the hell knows. If I were heavily invested in the stock market and was close to retirement age, I'd be freaking out. 

Totally agree with sync. When it comes to other people's money, expect the worst (inheritance can cost people more time and money than it's worth, even if you do have generational resources), and be pleasantly surprised if your life improves. 

[mtaabq]

I am sorry that things did not work out the way you hoped, financially speaking. I’m grateful that you got to say goodbye and I hope that provides you with peace and solace. I have to agree with @sync that one should not count on other people’s money; I see the disappointment experienced by my customers on an almost daily basis when they do not wind up with what they expected or anticipated. 
 

{My parents (still married, 61+ years) told me a long time ago not to expect anything from their estate. They told my sisters the same thing. The reason? “We’re spending it all while we’re here.” And I say good for them.}

[+ sniper]

A lot can happen that is out of your control. Particularly healthcare etc. I could probably retire now at 55 and be fine if everything goes more or less right. But I'm probably going to 67 or 70 to be safe(and also with the intention to shore up some lagging family members).

[cany10011]

11 hours ago, sync said:

It's a bitter pill, but one should never count on other people's money.

Especially being absent for 20 years. 

[MscleLovr]

On 9/1/2026 at 6:30 PM, moreofthat said:

my financial anxiety would be relieved if I could 100% know that money would be in my bank account one day. And yet...

• He could live until he's 100, upending my sister's plans

Not to upset you but I’d add to your list of things that may impact your inheritance:

he might decide to legally marry his live-in partner

On 9/1/2026 at 6:30 PM, moreofthat said:

his current home, which will go to his live-in partner, who he's committed to but not legally married to

And his live-in partner may persuade your relative to make a new will. Or he may challenge the will you know about 

 

I mentioned in an earlier thread that I was embroiled in a bitter dispute over the will of a close friend of 48 years. 
Everything was left to me.
Yet cousins who had NO contact with my old friend for 35 years emerged and made a series of claims against the estate assets.

It took 2 years but I eventually won…but only after considerable stress and my legal bills ran into seven figures.

Now I urge every longterm gay or lesbian couple to get married legally.

Edited Thursday at 06:02 PM by MscleLovr

[moreofthat]

28 minutes ago, MscleLovr said:

Not to upset you but I’d add to your list of things that may impact your inheritance:

 

No upset here man - yeah, those are all options. Anything can change at any time. I'm pretty anti-marriage for myself, philosophically, but my partner and I tied the knot earlier this year because you can't manufacture all the legal and financial protections in any other way. But a good lawyer and financial planner will get you 75% of the way there.