How do you approach for extras?

[Toweldown80]

Hi fellas, this topic has probably been discussed many times. Is there a right way to do this? I tried to be upfront but that seems to turn providers off, almost distancing themselves from the extras. Or maybe they just do not provide any extras 🤔.

[savantsav]

Depends on what are you talking about "extras":

If it's side play during a massage (e.g oral and/or jo) it should be part of the 'Erotic' massage rate. You should've asked if they provide an erotic massage.

If you're wanting full on escort/sex, you ask them if they provide "full service". Nobody should be getting offended by being asked this, especially if it's someone you met on say rentmasseur.

I can share that I had an awful interaction with a massage guy who had a great massage technique and we would have some side play to finish. He was charging escort rates but I didn't mind much because it was a good massage/side play and I'd see him every weekend for about 2 months UNTIL one day he didn't engage on the erotic side nor he say anything about why was it missing so I paid and left. A week later he asked me if I wanted to book and I said that I would, but for his rate I would always expect erotic play. He then went off on me saying that if he wasn't feeling it he wasn't feeling it and that I shouldn't be coercing him to do any thing, because it's his body and what not. I said it wasn't gonna work for me because at that rate I'm not going to be for 40 minutes on that table wondering if it's gonna happen or not that time, the whole point is for me to relax. I thanked him and he blocked me 🤷‍♂️

If you're a provider and you're not feeling it I totally get it, you should set your ad to 'not available' until you're feeling it, otherwise is just scamming people.

Edited Thursday at 11:45 PM by savantsav

[Nightowl]

With a masseur I ask for sensual when I schedule, then, when I’m on his table, I ask if he does erotic.  I figure that signals to him what I want.  What happens next is what he’s comfortable with.   If I hire an escort, the expectation of sex is pretty clear so being direct is easier.

[56harrisond]

 

[+ Jamie21]

Most clients ask me straight up. My advertising is also pretty clear about what’s included. Usually they say things like ‘how far do you go?’ or ‘is sex included?’ but of course this is possible in the UK because it’s not illegal to do sex work here. I guess those in the US might be more reticent to ask so directly. 

Sometimes those who haven’t seen my advertising will ask about ‘extras’ in a very awkward way…such as ‘tell me about the massage’ or ‘how does it work?’. This is more difficult to answer briefly, so I usually just say ‘most things are included except full sex which only happens if it feels right for both of us’. 

If you’re hiring a licensed massage therapist who only does therapeutic massage then don’t ask about extras. That would be disrespectful. But if he offers sensual or erotic then you should ask as clearly as you are comfortable with given the legal position and your own preference. 
 

Edited Friday at 01:33 AM by Jamie21

[DunwoodyGuy]

Communicate.

[marylander1940]

17 hours ago, Toweldown80 said:

Hi fellas, this topic has probably been discussed many times. Is there a right way to do this? I tried to be upfront but that seems to turn providers off, almost distancing themselves from the extras. Or maybe they just do not provide any extras 🤔.

With a masseur I guess your milage may vary. If you want sex, hire an escort. 

 

34 minutes ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

Communicate.

yes, but without being sexually explicit or that might be incriminating. 

 

[theplayerking]

When I txt a provider they usually provide a “menu” with services and up charges for various scenarios. 

Edited Friday at 02:11 PM by theplayerking

[BeHappy]

2 hours ago, DunwoodyGuy said:

Communicate.

Yep!  

[+ KensingtonHomo]

It's funny I've been noticing a lot of guys on Rent.men who open their ads by saying they give great massages. Feels like mission drift. 🤭

In general, I'm as direct as I can be without offending. I say I want an "erotic" massage - even though that's not an option on Rentmasseur anymore. Then I try to assess what is being offered. If I suspect they're offering less than I want, I move on. 

20 hours ago, savantsav said:

A week later he asked me if I wanted to book and I said that I would, but for his rate I would always expect erotic play. He then went off on me saying that if he wasn't feeling it he wasn't feeling it and that I shouldn't be coercing him to do any thing, because it's his body and what not. I said it wasn't gonna work for me because at that rate I'm not going to be for 40 minutes on that table wondering if it's gonna happen or not that time, the whole point is for me to relax. I thanked him and he blocked me 🤷‍♂️

 

THIS annoys me. Because we either believe sex work is work and we've given up our puritanical ideas that the body is some Godly vessel, or we haven't. 

I have to do a lot of public speaking and take meetings where my goal is to persuade people and institutions. There are plenty of times when I'm not "feeling it." But it's my job so I have to "get it up", and sometimes fake my enthusiasm and passion. Other times, it comes very easily because I believe in what I do. 

 

[savantsav]

I remember telling him that I understood and if he wasn’t feeling it it wasn’t a problem I can pay for a therapeutic rate and he doubled down “I am also bringing my ENERGY to this and my ENERGY is what you’re paying. You are being reductionist by making it about sex and money”

I had never met a worker in this business that wasn’t comfortable talking about business like him.  

[whatsinaname]

I don't. If they happen that's great, but if not that's fine too. I always prioritize getting a good massage

[+ KensingtonHomo]

4 hours ago, savantsav said:

I remember telling him that I understood and if he wasn’t feeling it it wasn’t a problem I can pay for a therapeutic rate and he doubled down “I am also bringing my ENERGY to this and my ENERGY is what you’re paying. You are being reductionist by making it about sex and money”

I had never met a worker in this business that wasn’t comfortable talking about business like him.  

Is he in NYC because I'd want to avoid him? 

[LuckyLechon]

4 hours ago, savantsav said:

I remember telling him that I understood and if he wasn’t feeling it it wasn’t a problem I can pay for a therapeutic rate and he doubled down “I am also bringing my ENERGY to this and my ENERGY is what you’re paying. You are being reductionist by making it about sex and money”

I had never met a worker in this business that wasn’t comfortable talking about business like him.  

I’d rather have a red bull instead 😂

[savantsav]

55 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Is he in NYC because I'd want to avoid him? 

Nope. In LA.