Providers asking for a client's professional services

[Ali Gator]

I don't think this has ever come up before, and this happened to me again this morning, so I'm going to share this here as I'm sure others have had experiences similar to this. I'm curious how it was handled (to give me better insight going forward.)

In the past, when I have had repeated appointments with masseurs, we get to know each other better through conversation. Many times the question of my profession comes up, and I share what I do (but not where I work / the company I work for). Just usually a generalization of what my job entails (when asked). Because of my job skills, I have had a side business on weekends since the pandemic,  which includes 'resume writing' for people who need help writing their resumes or 'updating', etc. I've mentioned this to providers from time to time, so that if they ever need this - they can consider hiring me. I don't go into detail on pricing, because we're never that far into the conversation. They just answer "ok - good to know". 

Early this morning, one of these masseurs (whom I do like, and we get along fine) who I haven't seen in months (he's been mostly traveling since the new year), called me and asked if I was free this afternoon. He's in his mid-30s, and now  interested in applying for an entry-level job at the company where his brother-in-law works (a very good company) .  He needs help writing a resume, as he never wrote one before. He has a Zoom interview tomorrow afternoon, and he needs to have the resume sent in by noon tomorrow. 

I gave him a time I'd be available for him to stop by my house today, so I can write a resume for him. I then told him it would take an hour at least, gave him my rate for the service (which is the going rate in my area these days), and if we need more than an hour to finish, what the rate would be (for 90 minutes and two hours; all in line with my competitors). It just so happens the rates equal what he charges for massage, so I told him he could either pay up front, or we can work it out in 'trade' - he can give me a massage of equal value when we're done with the resume. 

His response was: "Can't you do it for free for me ? We're friends."  That really threw me. I ignored his request. 

I told him my rate again, so how does he want to proceed if he's serious about this - with payment or trade of services tonight? He then said he'd do the massage at $25 off - so he'd charge me $175. He thought that was fair. I asked, "So you think my service to help you is worth only $25 ?" He apparently thought so.  I suggested he find someone else today who will make time to write a resume for him at $25 for the hour. (That would be no one, as we all know our worth in this industry). That was the end of our phone conversation.

A few hours later he calls back and I let it go to VM. He raises his offer to $150  for the massage  if I will write the resume for him. He tells me it's a real good deal. I don't bother answering him. Since then, he's texted / left VM every half hour or so, wanting me to take the deal. Even if he agrees to a 'trade' at the $200 (my original offer), at this point I'm just no longer interested in doing any business with him. Keep in mind, in all the years I've hired him I have never asked him for any type of discount (and he has raised his price over the past five years).

Has this ever happened to anyone else where a provider wants to hire the client for their professional services ?  How did you handle it ? How did it turn out ? 

[+ ApexNomad]

5 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

I don't think this has ever come up before, and this happened to me again this morning, so I'm going to share this here as I'm sure others have had experiences similar to this. I'm curious how it was handled (to give me better insight going forward.)

In the past, when I have had repeated appointments with masseurs, we get to know each other better through conversation. Many times the question of my profession comes up, and I share what I do (but not where I work / the company I work for). Just usually a generalization of what my job entails (when asked). Because of my job skills, I have had a side business on weekends since the pandemic,  which includes 'resume writing' for people who need help writing their resumes or 'updating', etc. I've mentioned this to providers from time to time, so that if they ever need this - they can consider hiring me. I don't go into detail on pricing, because we're never that far into the conversation. They just answer "ok - good to know". 

Early this morning, one of these masseurs (whom I do like, and we get along fine) who I haven't seen in months (he's been mostly traveling since the new year), called me and asked if I was free this afternoon. He's in his mid-30s, and now  interested in applying for an entry-level job at the company where his brother-in-law works (a very good company) .  He needs help writing a resume, as he never wrote one before. He has a Zoom interview tomorrow afternoon, and he needs to have the resume sent in by noon tomorrow. 

I gave him a time I'd be available for him to stop by my house today, so I can write a resume for him. I then told him it would take an hour at least, gave him my rate for the service (which is the going rate in my area these days), and if we need more than an hour to finish, what the rate would be (for 90 minutes and two hours; all in line with my competitors). It just so happens the rates equal what he charges for massage, so I told him he could either pay up front, or we can work it out in 'trade' - he can give me a massage of equal value when we're done with the resume. 

His response was: "Can't you do it for free for me ? We're friends."  That really threw me. I ignored his request. 

I told him my rate again, so how does he want to proceed if he's serious about this - with payment or trade of services tonight? He then said he'd do the massage at $25 off - so he'd charge me $175. He thought that was fair. I asked, "So you think my service to help you is worth only $25 ?" He apparently thought so.  I suggested he find someone else today who will make time to write a resume for him at $25 for the hour. (That would be no one, as we all know our worth in this industry). That was the end of our phone conversation.

A few hours later he calls back and I let it go to VM. He raises his offer to $150  for the massage  if I will write the resume for him. He tells me it's a real good deal. I don't bother answering him. Since then, he's texted / left VM every half hour or so, wanting me to take the deal. Even if he agrees to a 'trade' at the $200 (my original offer), at this point I'm just no longer interested in doing any business with him. Keep in mind, in all the years I've hired him I have never asked him for any type of discount (and he has raised his price over the past five years).

Has this ever happened to anyone else where a provider wants to hire the client for their professional services ?  How did you handle it ? How did it turn out ? 

For me personally, when this happens the whole dynamic shifts. You have to be clear about how you came into that relationship and where it’s now headed. Once you start negotiating rates, especially if the other person counters, which he did, you’ve changed the nature and future dynamic of the relationship. The same way I wouldn’t counter their price, I wouldn’t expect them to counter mine.

It’s happened to me a few times where a provider learns what I do and asks for help. I have helped a few, but once that happens, our provider/client relationship is over. We’re now friends, real friends, but not people I hire for services anymore. For me, it’s just too personal once we get into quid-pro-quo territory, comparing whose work is “worth more” or whose time is “more valuable.” That’s a layer I don’t want in the mix, so once that line is crossed, that professional relationship ends and it becomes something else entirely.

Edited yesterday at 12:35 AM by ApexNomad

[Whippoorwill]

I have helped two of my regular boys with resumes...they never asked but rather I volunteered. They are regulars. I like them. I want them to meet their potential, and be successful. I am happy to give away an hour of my time, and feel I have gotten it back in spades with service and/or friendship. This is of course very different from Ali's situation where he was not only asked but then haggled with over price. I would be finished with him also. 

In one of my instances, I rewrote the provider's advert for him. In that case I continued as a client. In the other instance, I helped the boy expand into a different profession. Like ApexNomad, I no longer felt I could have the same professional relationship with him. 

[corndog]

6 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

His response was: "Can't you do it for free for me ? We're friends." 

This is everything. The appropriate response is "Can't you give me a free massage? We're friends."

[viewing ownly]

IMO this guy truly fucked up. Both with an opportunity to get in to what would be a great job with your expertise, and insulting the value of your service, having no interest in seeing him again as a masseur because of his behavior. 

You didn't do anything wrong at all, and his pathetic groveling to somehow feel you should cave because he offered you slightly more than next to nothing instead of his initial offer of almost nothing - good riddance to him. 

In my 20s I was rather jealous of a friend who got a job that I wanted instead of me. He told me that he simply lied on his resume to look impressive, and it worked. He was fired and jailed for stealing revenue from the company for many years before getting caught. I had no interest in applying to replace him!

[Ali Gator]

I'm not sure why some are saying if I did his resume for him (and was compensated) it would change my relationship going forward with him.  Why should it ?

By me keeping it professional from the beginning (when I tell them what I do on the side professionally, should they need my service), should be enough to keep our relationship the same.  It would be no different if I told anyone else I employed  (dog walker, house cleaner, handyman) or was friends with. His employing me to write his resume (and being compensated by money or 'in trade' massage) should have no change on our relationship as masseur / client going forward. It's business for both of us. 

If I offered my service as a 'favor' to these guys, and then turned around and asked for some compensation - that would be entirely different. 

[Tom C. Sinclair]

I had a client once who bugged the hell out of me because he wanted my professional insights. When he found out I hired guys beyond him, he blew up. That was the end of our relationship. I heard he died during COVID in lockdown due to OD. 

[Tom C. Sinclair]

Not client. Escort. 

[+ WstVlgChris]

I had a similar experience, which ended badly. So @Ali Gator I totally support your handling it the way you did. 

In my case, it started with the provider/escort (whom I'd seen once) asking me to do a short consultation about my field. I was helpful, so he said he wanted to hire me--at my normal rates--to do a much longer, much bigger job.  I quoted him a price and we agreed to the terms, but at that point I made a tactical error.  I treated him as "friends and family" in not asking for partial payment up front, as I would ordinarily do with new clients. 

When I finished with the project and invoiced him, he praised my work and said things were tight financially and could we work out a deal. I said installments were fine and also offered to barter (to reduce the fee commensurately if he offered his services for 1, 2, or more hours; he never responded to that thread).
While the first installment came quickly, I had to wait a couple of months for the second (and when I reminded him via email, I got "I'm in a tight bind moneywise this month"). After that, despite occasional apologetic emails from him, I never got another dime. 

My own fault that I didn't ask for a partial payment upon the handshake deal, but I would never let myself get into such a position again. 

[Tom C. Sinclair]

@WstVlgChris, business is business. In this case, you didn’t owe the escort any special treatment—especially if he didn’t give you the same consideration for his business. Business is business.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 8/10/2025 at 12:07 PM, Ali Gator said:

Has this ever happened to anyone else where a provider wants to hire the client for their professional services ?  How did you handle it ? How did it turn out ? 

My regular guy knows my profession (civil engineering).  He inherited some land in the city and asked me to take a look at it to see if the local zoning laws would accommodate what he wanted to build.  On my own time, I looked into it and pointed out that the biggest obstacle to that land was it had no access to sewer or water, and recent legislation now prohibits septic tanks or wells in our area.  So, I gave him a back of the envelope calculation to bring in sewer and water (nearly $100K) and told him that he would need to hire an engineer (which is what I am) to proceed further.  He also wanted to know where is property line exactly was so he could build a fence (the neighbor had started to encroach on his property).  I met him at his property and gave him some guidance, but told him he really needed to hire a surveyor (estimate >$1K) before proceeding, as his land was not mapped and therefore there were no survey monuments at his property lines.

I never charged him, but I also don't typically do these types of work myself.  I did spend a few hours of my time researching on his behalf, and he appreciated it.  BUT, it made me appreciate HIM even more, because there have been times where he accommodates me socially off the clock, so I now appreciate better the sacrifice made to help "a friend" without getting paid.  He gives a little, I give a little.  It's a balanced provider/client relationship.

9 hours ago, Tom C. Sinclair said:

When he found out I hired guys beyond him, he blew up.

My same regular used to give me a stellar deal to add a massage to the end of a waxing/barber service.  Once he find out I see other paid providers in between visits, he increased is rate for the massage for me (still charges the original amount for haircut and waxing).  When I asked about the change for the massage rate, he flat out told me it made him feel cheap  when he knows I pay to see other men. 

Edited 6 hours ago by Vegas_Millennial

[CuriousByNature]

9 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

I'm not sure why some are saying if I did his resume for him (and was compensated) it would change my relationship going forward with him.  Why should it ?

By me keeping it professional from the beginning (when I tell them what I do on the side professionally, should they need my service), should be enough to keep our relationship the same.  It would be no different if I told anyone else I employed  (dog walker, house cleaner, handyman) or was friends with. His employing me to write his resume (and being compensated by money or 'in trade' massage) should have no change on our relationship as masseur / client going forward. It's business for both of us. 

If I offered my service as a 'favor' to these guys, and then turned around and asked for some compensation - that would be entirely different. 

This must have been very disappointing for you.  I'm sorry to hear this happened.  My question to him would be whether he thought of you as a friend before he knew there was a service you could potentially provide him for free?  Maybe he's young and ignorant, but it sounds like he's lost a good client because he wasn't able to value your time as much as you have repeatedly and consistently valued his.  That is not a friendship.

He's the one who lost out - especially since very few people can say that Barbra Streisand helped them with their resume.   

Edited 6 hours ago by CuriousByNature

[+ purplekow]

As a physician, being asked to do work without compensation comes from all quarters: friends, escorts, family members, patients I run into out in the public, strangers on a plane, acquaintances at a party etc.  I usually try to answer to the best of my ability and then advise them to seek out paid professional help, telling them that without a full exam and history, any information I give them should be considered incomplete.   No one has ever offered to compensate me in any manner for this.  I had a regular escort who I calculate used hundreds of hours of my time with his medical questions. 

I was a pushover, I agree with you that you should not be.  The person with whom you were dealing was insulting and greedy and you were right to end you utilization of his services.  

[+ ApexNomad]

10 hours ago, Ali Gator said:

I'm not sure why some are saying if I did his resume for him (and was compensated) it would change my relationship going forward with him.  Why should it ?

By me keeping it professional from the beginning (when I tell them what I do on the side professionally, should they need my service), should be enough to keep our relationship the same.  It would be no different if I told anyone else I employed  (dog walker, house cleaner, handyman) or was friends with. His employing me to write his resume (and being compensated by money or 'in trade' massage) should have no change on our relationship as masseur / client going forward. It's business for both of us. 

If I offered my service as a 'favor' to these guys, and then turned around and asked for some compensation - that would be entirely different. 

You’re asking why it should change. The reality is, it always does. Your relationship was built on a clear foundation: client → provider. The moment you open that up to the provider paying the client for whatever service, the dynamic shifts. And in your case, it already has. You feel slighted (rightfully so) because he’s negotiating the rate you quoted for your services. He’s put his own value judgment on what your time is worth. Now you’re not being respected for your work, and you no longer wish to do business. That’s exactly why it changes. You’ve lost a regular provider you’ve seen for years.

You’re right, it would be no different with a dog walker, house cleaner, or anyone else you hire. And if they responded the way he did, by asking why not do it for free or negotiating your price down, you’d probably think twice about hiring them again. Another key difference here is that a provider offers a very different kind of service than a dog walker, and part of that is a certain fantasy. Once that’s tainted for whatever reason, it’s hard for some to go back, and it looks like you won’t. 

[Tom C. Sinclair]

@purplekow, people always want to get free services from service providers, even if they don’t realize it. The very nature of the job is intangible and conversation-based, often, so they don’t even realize that engaging you in something related to your field is effectively uncompensated work for you. The question is where the boundaries lie.