Who makes the first move

[Nightowl]

There have been a lot of discussions on CoM about massage extras and how to know if a masseur offers them, but I’m curious about who makes the first move.  Do providers prefer that the client lay there like a bump on a log until they make an overt offer/suggest that an “extra” is available?  Do clients wait patiently until they receive the all-clear signal?  It’s always difficult for me with a new masseur, especially when I’m attracted to him.  I want to pull him onto the table with me and get things started but never know when it would be welcomed.  Who should initiate?

[+ azdr0710]

The masseur determines how far it will go.  The best a client can do (if he is hoping for more than 'therapeutic') is obvious body language, which might include sexy murmurs, spread legs beyond normal, or an erection. Outright requests for more or expectations of same by the client is not polite. The masseur may initiate obvious signs that more can occur...or may not. Private meetings at the 'massage' level of service are often a subtle back-and-forth dance. 

Edited June 18 by azdr0710

[Lotus-eater]

That's somewhat surprising since I've found upselling extras to be all too common among masseurs.

What does Simon (@Simon Suraci) say? 

Edited June 18 by Lotus-eater

[big-n-tall]

So far, in my experiences, the masseur makes the first move. During a massage laying on my stomach, with arms at the side, is not the most convenient position to touch someone. The masseur will usually touch me in a certain area, put their private area directly in my hand, brush their privates near my face, kiss or whisper in ear, rub their erection between my cheeks, or a combo of all the preceding.

Of the masseurs I've met, only 2 were waiting or willing for me to make the first move. BlissBodyWork told me after our session, he couldn't get a read on me. He didn't know what I was up for until he turned me over and saw that I was aroused. Where by I really played with his body before he started playing with mine sensually/erotically. He was maybe the 2nd masseur I saw. I was a bit green about what to do in a sensual/erotic massage. I've been trying to see him again but our schedules never work out.

The other guy, IntimateTouch, has sadly retired. I don't know why but we seemed to have a very good connection. He was very affectionate. I think he hugged (and growled) with everyone, even with first-timers, when they met. However, after the first time, I would kiss him and we would make out fully... which sometimes led directly to sex before the massage. I think we had more sex than massage time. God... that man was so fun and so sexy. I miss him.

Edited June 19 by big-n-tall

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

I was always told the White Queen makes the first move.  Or was that chess?  Either way, it could apply in this situation also 😊 

[jmichaeliii]

Mine have almost always occurred when I am face down and he is in front of me.  You can tell..I have never been left wondering.  A slight brush up or accidental touch generally sets the wheels in motion at that time.

I will always look at a masseurs pics on his profile which is also a strong hint of what could be!

Just don't be an asshole, because you can be wrong.  Be subtle and respectful and see where it goes.

[Simon Suraci]

I agree with @azdr0710’s comment above. @DunwoodyGuy explained a lot of what I might say here about mutual touch, link to thread below for reference. Really, everything varies from masseur to masseur, so I can’t speak to everyone’s experience.

Above all, be respectful. Let him do his thing. Let the masseur initiate sensual and erotic interactions. A lot of us, like me, do. Others may be harder to discern. It’s ok to ask when you’re unsure if it’s ok to touch him. He could say no and you need to respect that, but most of the time he will say yes. When he does, be gentle and go slow. When he pulls away or moves your hand away, respect that. He doesn’t want to interrupt the massage to verbally communicate physical boundaries, so respond to his physical cues.

Respond to his massage physically and verbally. Give feedback. This sets the mood and encourages your masseur to touch you in the ways you like, to go further, deeper, maybe more sensual, or more erotic as you give feedback. Here is another thread below where I elaborate on this point.

@tantric leopard  makes a similar point in his thread below, although his private gallery photos make it very clear what types of things are happening in his massages.

You don’t always know which masseurs will do what. I met an attractive masseur the other night who charges $300/hr for his sessions but he only allows a bit of mutual touch, nothing that erotic or interactive beyond it. Many of you here will note this falls closer to the escort rate range. Unsurprisingly, he is only doing three massages a week. Others like myself will regularly go much further in his level of interaction with a wide range of clients for something closer to $150/hr and have many more clients a week. Point being: Price isn’t the determining factor. It all varies.

Then again, still others fall along the YMMV spectrum, choosing who, when, and how far they go depending on the client, the connection, chemistry, looks, body type, equipment, hygiene, etc.

Sometimes things happen, and sometimes they don’t. The best advice I can give is 1) do your research, 2) ask the right questions, 3) be open to whatever will happen, and 4) respond to your masseur’s touch in a way that encourages him to go as far as you want him to go. He may not always go as far as you want, but your feedback encourages him to go as far as he is willing to go. Laying there lifeless, unflinching, and silent isn’t likely to inspire him to go there with you. 

Re: advice point 2 above.

Try not to be creepy or craft a script for him to follow. Keep your questions general. If it’s not already clear in his ads that sensual or erotic work is on the table, ask for it. It may be a matter of pricing or confirming something general like yes he offers sensual massage.

Sometimes the less you know, the better. Asking very specific questions like, “Will you rim my ass?” will scare many of them away, creep them out, or make them uncomfortable seeing you…even when the unspoken answer is otherwise “yes”. Your masseur may or may not feel comfortable doing this or whatever (fill in the blank) activity for you, and he may or may not feel comfortable saying so, especially in writing. 

Have good hygiene. Shower beforehand, use soap, and scrub all parts of your body. If you’re hopeful about ass play or getting fucked, make sure to properly douche beforehand. Same goes for oral sex. Wash your dick. Maintain good oral hygiene. Hygiene matters a lot. It sometimes makes the difference in whether your masseur will incorporate more erotic elements for you.

 

[soloyo215]

On 6/18/2025 at 5:47 PM, Nightowl said:

There have been a lot of discussions on CoM about massage extras and how to know if a masseur offers them, but I’m curious about who makes the first move.  Do providers prefer that the client lay there like a bump on a log until they make an overt offer/suggest that an “extra” is available?  Do clients wait patiently until they receive the all-clear signal?  It’s always difficult for me with a new masseur, especially when I’m attracted to him.  I want to pull him onto the table with me and get things started but never know when it would be welcomed.  Who should initiate?

The masseur is in control of how far things go, which is why it costs us, clients, less. However, in my experience, there's no specific rule or "protocol" that I know of. How things go can vary by country. In USA, RentMasseur had the option for providers to offer erotic massages, which can clear the path to further communication. Back then I asked for that option, and depending on something (my mood, I guess), I'd ask for certain things right away (such as if he could massage me undressed - never got a no). In other instances, I felt his body close to me during the massage, and I'd give hints of interest in more. His reaction will determine if I'd go further. I am respectful of boundaries if it doesn't. In that situation, several things have happened: (1) things evolve silently and as it becomes less massage and more extra, (2) a change in direction and back to massage [annoying and makes me feel rejected, but oh well]. (3) the masseur inquires if I'm interested in more since he's also interested in more [that is, $] too.

I initiate when I know that it has been talked about before the appointment in the first communication, and also when I feel his body close and touching me (I take that as an invitation). I do it physically, rarely I say anything. I also initiate when I know that he also has a RM profile, which to me implies that he's open to more (of course, for more). He initiates when we both start naked, or when I don't have a full idea of what to expect, when the initial communication is not fully clear.

What others have said cannot be emphasized more. Let him do his job. Things will evolve.

Not sure if this helps. This is just my experience.

Edited June 20 by soloyo215

[+ Jamie21]

I ask clients beforehand what they’re comfortable with in terms of touch in intimate areas…such as is he on with internal prostate massage? Then I say they’re welcome to interact with me. I find that’s sufficient to set the scene because if everything is defined beforehand the essential element of a sensual massage is lost: there’s no adventure. What might happen is the excitement. You can’t define that at the start. Once we get going it’s up to each to explore, respectfully, slowly and within the boundaries set at the start. 

[+ poolboy48220]

As a client, I'll start with innocuous touches in non-intimate places.  I'll let my arms hang off the table and rub their calves, for example. If they don't move away I'll get bolder. 

[Nightowl]

10 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I ask clients beforehand what they’re comfortable with in terms of touch in intimate areas…such as is he on with internal prostate massage? Then I say they’re welcome to interact with me. I find that’s sufficient to set the scene because if everything is defined beforehand the essential element of a sensual massage is lost: there’s no adventure. What might happen is the excitement. You can’t define that at the start. Once we get going it’s up to each to explore, respectfully, slowly and within the boundaries set at the start. 

You’re a rarity in my experience.  Only once has a new masseur asked my comfort level with intimate touch or done anything to set the scene.  Every other experience was clouded in mystery.  Will he touch me?  Should I touch him?  If I touch him, will he recoil?  Am I committing assault if my hand wanders?  I enjoy the anticipation of the possibilities but the clarity you subtly—or directly—provide would be very welcome.  

[Nightowl]

9 hours ago, poolboy48220 said:

As a client, I'll start with innocuous touches in non-intimate places.  I'll let my arms hang off the table and rub their calves, for example. If they don't move away I'll get bolder. 

I do that too.  

[+ Jamie21]

4 hours ago, Nightowl said:

You’re a rarity in my experience.  Only once has a new masseur asked my comfort level with intimate touch or done anything to set the scene.  Every other experience was clouded in mystery.  Will he touch me?  Should I touch him?  If I touch him, will he recoil?  Am I committing assault if my hand wanders?  I enjoy the anticipation of the possibilities but the clarity you subtly—or directly—provide would be very welcome.  

I see a lot of straight guys, or guys who are exploring their way into male intimate relationships. Many of my clients are married. They are shy to ask so I prompt them. The nature of my massage is very clear from my advertising so they know it will end happily of course but how it gets there is the question that needs some degree of clarity. If you see a masseur who advertises therapeutic massage, where his advertising doesn’t imply any kind of intimacy or erotic element then you’re definitely relying on him making any first move and of course it could all end in a very awkward situation! 

If you want a great massage that includes some elements of intimacy and a climax you’re best hiring someone who advertises as such.