Top to Top Relationship. . . Will it work?

[JohnJackNYC]

Kind of in a situation where we both are into each other, but we are both top, and none of us wants to bottom. We can’t find a way to move forward. Right, now we’re okay, but I don’t know how this “okay” will last in the long run.

 

any ideas?

[+ nycman]

4 hours ago, JohnJackNYC said:

any ideas?

Keep looking.

I’m a top. All of my long term relationships have been with men who are tops or have a strong preference for topping. I’ve put a lot of time and energy over the years into trying to "make it work", but as with all relationship issues, if you have to "make it work", it rarely does. Now as to why I always end up in long term relationships with other tops….ask my therapist. 

 

[mike carey]

7 minutes ago, nycman said:

Keep looking.

I’m a top. All of my long term relationships have been with men who are tops or have a strong preference for topping. I’ve put a lot of time and energy over the years into trying to "make it work", but as with all relationship issues, if you have to "make it work", it rarely does. Now as to why I always end up in long term relationships with other tops….ask my therapist. 

 

Opposites attract is true except when it's not. (Not to be trite.) Maybe it's coincidence, maybe shared sexual preference reflects other shared interests. Since this isn't a public advice column (well, Dan Savage may agree), perhaps meeting the urge to top could be fulfilled by a third participant. Or by agreeing that play outside the relationship, hookup or hire, is a possible solution. Hoping, or worse, expecting your top partner to flip sounds like a recipe for disappointment. 

But I'm not a top so what would I know?

[JohnJackNYC]

Thank you guys. Both valid points, I guess communicating with each other is the key. And I have been pondering about all night, and I feel that he just wants to enjoy the moment together, because we have not had any crazy sex talk. Just the basic cuddling and make out.

[MaybeMaybeNot]

It might need to be an open relationship or becoming sides. 

[soloyo215]

7 hours ago, JohnJackNYC said:

Kind of in a situation where we both are into each other, but we are both top, and none of us wants to bottom. We can’t find a way to move forward. Right, now we’re okay, but I don’t know how this “okay” will last in the long run.

 

any ideas?

You can get to love each other, form a family, get together, be there for each other, but the issue is going to surface, always. Even if one of you "sacrifices" for the other, there will always be your true preferences. It can change in time, but in my experience, (a) relationships always involve compromises, it's a matter of what you're willing to compromise on, and (b) overlooking things like that can create resentments and more conflicts.

I couldn't tell go ahead or move on, as it is a personal decision what they want to do in conflicting things in a relationship. You like what you like and he likes what he likes.

Best.

[JohnJackNYC]

11 minutes ago, soloyo215 said:

You can get to love each other, form a family, get together, be there for each other, but the issue is going to surface, always. Even if one of you "sacrifices" for the other, there will always be your true preferences. It can change in time, but in my experience, (a) relationships always involve compromises, it's a matter of what you're willing to compromise on, and (b) overlooking things like that can create resentments and more conflicts.

I couldn't tell go ahead or move on, as it is a personal decision what they want to do in conflicting things in a relationship. You like what you like and he likes what he likes.

Best.

Thank you for this. Glad I decided to post this online and seek public opinion. I know at the end of the day, it will still be our decision, our path that we build to make things work out in the long run.

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

I've known couples who are both "Tops".  They make it work through mutual oral, and invite a shared Bottom over for mutual fun.  (I am often the shared Bottom)

Edited May 25, 2024 by Vegas_Millennial