Celiac and other GF issues

[Archangel]

At the outset, let me say I want to be empathetic and supportive of people with whatever issues they have. I don’t think Celiac disease or gluten intolerance is fake. So let’s get that out of the way.

I had a friend visit for four days. We hadn’t seen each other since before the pandemic. She comes and before she comes she sends me an email with various dietary concerns that I need to be aware of as far as her Celiac disease and milk sensitivity (not lactose). Okay. Noted. She also has a dog dandruff allergy. Noted. I had my house cleaners over to do a deep clean, especially of her room, since I have a dog and three cats. I told them about her Celiac disease and the dog issue and that they needed to be extra attentive to the kitchen and the room she would be using.

She arrives. Proceeds to hang over my shoulder the whole I’m making duck, brussel sprouts, and oven roasted potatoes – intentionally GF. As I’m cooking, she gets in the cabinet under my sink and starts spraying down the counter and wiping it down. Lunch the next day she eats the soup and CUCUMBER she brought along and not the squash soup I made special without gluten or milk product…When it’s time to buy things for breakfast, “Make sure the bacon is gluten free.” How could I possibly forget?! I got one that was GF but – aha! – color added! I could eat but she wouldn’t. We could have leftovers Saturday night, she says. Now – I don’t do leftovers except for lunch or when I’m in a hurry in the evening. If I can cook, I cook. I tell her she can have leftovers; I’m having grilled salmon, macaroni and cheese (without a roux because I’m aware that opening a flour bag could make flour particles with gluten airborne) and spinach. She about shit because I was going to use gluten pasta. I told her the gluten wouldn’t jump up and attack her.

I work with a woman who has Celiac disease but you‘d never know it because she doesn’t broadcast it. But my friend makes her whole life about it, or at least our visit revolved around it. There must be two types of people with gluten issues. Those who deal with it themselves and try to go on with their lives and those who expect the rest us who don’t have gluten issues to live just like them if we’re going to be in any kind of relationship with them.

The past four days made me seriously consider if I’m really that difficult a person to live with, set in my ways, if I should give up ever thinking about a partnership relationship. I felt a bit gaslit to be honest. But upon reflection, while I have strong preferences and routines and habits, I don’t think this was all me.

What did people do before Celiac disease became so widely known about? It’s been known for a long time, but it seems only recently has it risen to a forefront concern like providing non-alcoholic options for folks who can’t have alcohol. If you ate gluten before everyone and their brother knew about Celiac disease or gluten issues, what happened? No snark intended (well, maybe a little).

Any thoughts? Am I being crotchety? 

[dbar123]

I’ve noticed that in general, people who live alone have a whole lot more ajita about everything and bring that bandwidth with them when visiting others. Partnered people are more used to toning their excesses. The Celiac thing is her way of expressing her specialness. It’s not you…in the future keep the visits short. 

[+ Pensant]

I don’t tolerate that nonsense.

[BSR]

It sounds like her medical issues are sublimated narcissism, like she expects the whole world to kneel like vassals at her feet.

Even though you made one heck of an effort to accommodate her, instead of so much as a speck of gratitude for all you did, she hammers away at all the ways you fell short and failed.  Charming.

I'm guessing she wasn't like this before, otherwise you wouldn't have become such close friends.  But she's a different person now, one who storms through life brandishing a shield of MY NEEDS.

Treasure the memories of the friendship you used to have, but cut the person she has become out of your life.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I have one client who has very serious IBS with a liberal chaser of Crohn's.  I've seen it in action and it ain't pretty.

So much so, that when we travel, he schedules private tour busses with restrooms on-board so there are no nail-biter moments.

We've done this in Egypt, Brazil and France.  Thankfully, it's worked very well.

All that said, there are also a TON of people who self-diagnose and then use that diagnosis as a crutch for attention.  These people are assholes.

15 years ago it was 'But, I'm a vegetarian or vegan.'  10 years ago it was 'Hey, I do CrossFit.'  Now, it's all about sympathy attention.

 

 

 

[Archangel]

I do feel like it’s a matter of attention for some…that “specialness.” Everyone needs to be “special” somehow.

It seems that way (if I might venture into dangerous waters) with sexuality too. It used to be, to me anyway, that gay used to be something that was “special.” There was a time even when it was a problem! Then it became in vogue but that’s pedestrian now. Then it was bi. Then trans. Then nonbinary. Then this. That. Never ending. I sound crotchety but come on…

I know guys who have gone through it all…of the sexuality stuff AND the dietary stuff. Nearly insufferable…

[+ nycman]

Anytime someone tells me they’ve got celiac disease…I ask to see their serology and small bowel biopsy results. 

In reality, it’s a pretty rare disease. So far every request has been met with, "I never had the tests done but I have all the symptoms". 

Or better yet, "all my tests were negative but I know I have it". Yeah no, not good enough. Eat your pasta and stop whining.

Mind you, I’m not saying celiac disease and gluten intolerance aren’t real, but there is a strong psychological component. Which came first the crazy brain or the crazy gut is had to tell. Personally I much prefer people to tell me "I don’t like gluten" or "gluten doesn’t agree with me". I’m cool with that. Don’t eat the pasta. But when people start making up diagnosis and/or diseases that they don’t have, I don’t have a lot tolerance. Not to mention, they’re muddying with the waters around the people who do have real biological problems

[+ Pensant]

The only reason I avoid wheat products, only in the US where I don’t trust the quality, is because people with O+ blood like me experience slight bloating from its consumption. I can eat bread in Europe with no problem. 

[SouthOfTheBorder]

lots of people have dietary restrictions for one reason or another.  it’s how you handle it and communicate the restrictions only when necessary.  
it does seem like some people use it as an attention-seeking ploy & it gets blown wildly out of proportion.  

If someone really has a bunch of rigid requirements then they should  1)pick the restaurant  2)stay in a hotel  3)do their own grocery shopping 4)decline most dinner invitations at someones home

having a guest for dinner or a brief stay is supposed to be enjoyable & not a ton of work for the host. when it turns into something else - that’s a no 

learning how to just say no - without any further explanation is a true life-hack.  You don’t need a reason 

Edited May 23 by SouthOfTheBorder

[ShortCutie7]

Sounds like you worked your ass off to be accommodating to your friend and it still wasn’t enough for her- you did nothing wrong in this situation.  The pandemic has altered peoples’ brain chemistry in many ways (especially when it comes to things related to their health… myself included) and she’s not the same person you became friends with.

[+ nycman]

Back to the topic at hand….ditch your "friend".

She’s not a friend and I’d bet $1,000 that she doesn’t have Celiac disease.

And I’m sorry, if you’re allergic to dogs….you don’t plan a trip where you’re staying in a house with a dog for 4 days. 

Insane. 

[Archangel]

2 hours ago, nycman said:

Back to the topic at hand….ditch your "friend".

She’s not a friend and I’d bet $1,000 that she doesn’t have Celiac disease.

And I’m sorry, if you’re allergic to dogs….you don’t plan a trip where you’re staying in a house with a dog for 4 days. 

Insane. 

Interestingly enough the dog didn’t bother her as much as the cats. It was so stressful to deal with her “issues.”

I totally agree there is a huge psychological component. It is real. But as has been said, I highly doubt it’s as prevalent as it seems to have become.

[Archangel]

I forgot about the meds travail part of the visit til I followed up today. She tried to get meds filled that she needed while on the road but because they are a “controlled substance” they wouldn’t fill ahead of her trip. There was a (genuine) mixup at the pharmacy near me but she had a meltdown over that before leaving. She had reported Tuesday she had issues with the meds, but I didn’t think about it til, as you see, 4:29 p.m. today.

I take generic everything. The only name-brand drug I’ve recently taken is Truvada, and when that came out under the generic, I’ve been taking that.

Is her statement “they don’t always” work the same accurate? I honestly don’t know…It would seem to me they must for FDA approval. Or work adequately the same to classify the same.

[+ nycman]

5 hours ago, Archangel said:

Is her statement “they don’t always” work the same accurate?

No.

[Archangel]

Apparently the generic meds last night were a “nightmare.” Ugh. 😩 Some people are just difficult.

I try to be a good guest, even when I’m encouraged to make myself “at home.” I don’t see that as an invitation to be a picker.

[+ APPLE1]

There MAY have been room to cut her some slack BEFORE the pharmacy issue. But alas, she is just an absolute attention whore.

Amazing thing about pharmacies is 2024 is that they have phones and computers, and last week was not the first time patients traveled or used controlled substances. If meds, and the specific brands, are actually important to someone, pharmacies can transfer the Rx ahead of time, or a provider can send it in ahead of time to have a it filled on X day.