I Hired Him Once. It Was Good But Not Great. [Etiquette question]

[+ WstVlgChris]

Hi, guys,

I've had this situation come up twice in the past few months.  I see a provider (in one case, massage; in the other, escort), and the session is pleasant enough.  The guy was nice, I left happy, but it wasn't great and I'm not inclined to repeat. A few weeks later, the guy texts me (we had done the final setting up time and place via text, rather than through the RentMen or RentMasseur website) to say he's back in town and is available and do I want to schedule something. 

My natural inclination is to be polite and respond, rather than ignoring the text. But on the other hand I don't want to encourage him, or have him think that it's likely I'll be hiring him soon.  So I'm torn what to do in these situations.  (In the case of the masseur, I texted back noncommittally after a day, saying I was quite busy; he responded with "Well, if you change your mind, I'm here until April 5.") Do I ignore the text, in which case he may think I'm rude or an asshole? Or do I respond in a neutral way, in which case he might think it's worth his time to keep chatting me up.  

(I should say that I'm the type to avoid conflict.  I don't want to say "I'm not going to hire you again because....")

I'm curious to know what other guys do in this kind of situation.  

[topunderachiever]

Why would you respond if you haven't changed your mind?  You haven't ignored the text at all.  

btw, being adverse to conflict is not an excuse for being noncommittal.  Thank you and no thank you have worked splendidly for centuries.  

Edited March 23 by topunderachiever

[Johnrom]

I usually just respond that I am out of town. If he continues to reach out on future visits, just say thanks for reaching out but you are really busy.  Most will get the hint you are not interested.  Note:  A lot of masseurs do reach out as a courtesy in case you aren’t regularly checking the sites and they are visiting town for a day or two. It’s a nice gesture. But you have no obligation nor should feel pressure just because they do that. 

[ShortCutie7]

While I agree with the consensus to not respond, there are ways to respond with white lies that wouldn’t his feelings…

”I don’t usually hire guys more than once; I like to enjoy as many hot guys as possible.”

”I can’t afford to hire more than once in a blue moon.” (In my case, this would not be a white lie lol)

”I had an amazing time with you, but lately I’ve been really into guys who are [insert something he is definitively not].”

[56harrisond]

A simple reply to his initial communication of "Thank you for letting me know. However, I'm not hiring at the moment." would be sufficient and doesn't invite a response.

 

1 hour ago, WstVlgChris said:

(In the case of the masseur, I texted back noncommittally after a day, saying I was quite busy; he responded with "Well, if you change your mind, I'm here until April 5.") Do I ignore the text, in which case he may think I'm rude or an asshole? Or do I respond in a neutral way, in which case he might think it's worth his time to keep chatting me up.

A response like you noted needs no reply. He offered his availability, and you won't be changing your mind, so no reply is needed or expected I think.

[JamesB]

I usually get those kinds of texts from traveling providers. I appreciate the gesture of them informing me about their upcoming presence in my area. I adhere to the belief that it's wise not to sever ties unnecessarily, especially without valid cause.  My typical response is: "Thank you for the update regarding your visit to my area. However, I am not currently interested in hiring."

[Whippoorwill]

The provider is essentially asking a question, to which your answer could be "yes" or "no". There does not need to be anything rude or insulting about clarity. 56 Harrisond has provided the answer that is correct, polite, and clear.  

[spidir]

I appreciate their offer but on balance want to keep my options open without wasting their time. I simply explain that "I'm not making any plans now. I'll let you know if that changes."

[+ purplekow]

"Thanks for thinking about me.  I do not think I will be in need of your services anytime soon, but if that changes I will contact you.  I had a nice time with and wish you the best."  If he contacts you again, "I want to be clear that I had a good time with you but I am pursuing other alternatives and I am not expecting to be using your services in the future."

A brief, polite and honest answer is the best etiquette.  

On the other hand, when I contact a provider after an encounter in order to arrange another, I will make two attempts.  The first to express interest.  The second to insure that he received the first contact.  After that, I assume he is not interested but mention in the second contact that if he wishes to contact me he may.  Square peg round hole is not the peg's nor the hole's fault.

Edited March 24 by purplekow

[maninsoma]

I don't think a reply is necessary.  Don't forget that he's a businessman and is sending out texts to attract customers.  It isn't personal. 

I would give different advice if you had some particularly intimate exchange, but after one appointment that was just "okay" I don't think the relationship has risen to the level that you have any sort of obligation to respond.  Can you imagine replying to every other business that sends you a notification or email to try to get your money?

If you do want to reply, I think a polite "no, thanks" is the way to go.  There's no reason to string the guy along into thinking that you are a good prospect for the future if you really have no interest in hiring them again. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

You're overthinking this.

'No, thank you, I'm not looking for company' will suffice.

All very simple.

[+ Pensant]

Even those with whom I’ve met several times will occasionally text me about a meet-up, even though I’ve moved on. A simple “I’m taking a break from this hobby” seems to be a pleasant way to demur.

[TT3690]

I think your noncommittal text without any follow up works

[The Dude]

Just say you're on a break.

[+ bashful]

I now wondering if I was too blunt when I told him we weren't a good match.

[viewing ownly]

It'll be no hard feelings on the guy reaching out to you if you don't respond. You're likely not the only person he's re-connecting with, and isn't going to notice who isn't getting back with him - just those who are. 

The great ones don't need to reach out for repeats. Their texts blow up wherever they go, and are able to pick and choose who to get back to. 

Keep exploring to find one who IS great. For the majority of us, the search is continuous, and that's not a bad thing!

[soloyo215]

On 3/23/2024 at 3:32 PM, WstVlgChris said:

Hi, guys,

I've had this situation come up twice in the past few months.  I see a provider (in one case, massage; in the other, escort), and the session is pleasant enough.  The guy was nice, I left happy, but it wasn't great and I'm not inclined to repeat. A few weeks later, the guy texts me (we had done the final setting up time and place via text, rather than through the RentMen or RentMasseur website) to say he's back in town and is available and do I want to schedule something. 

My natural inclination is to be polite and respond, rather than ignoring the text. But on the other hand I don't want to encourage him, or have him think that it's likely I'll be hiring him soon.  So I'm torn what to do in these situations.  (In the case of the masseur, I texted back noncommittally after a day, saying I was quite busy; he responded with "Well, if you change your mind, I'm here until April 5.") Do I ignore the text, in which case he may think I'm rude or an asshole? Or do I respond in a neutral way, in which case he might think it's worth his time to keep chatting me up.  

(I should say that I'm the type to avoid conflict.  I don't want to say "I'm not going to hire you again because....")

I'm curious to know what other guys do in this kind of situation.  

I have been to similar situations. I reply, politely stating that at this time I am not interested in scheduling something. However, it doesn't bother me to receive another text from him. I'm ok with that. Also, I might change my mind, I in fact have changed my mind and seen providers that I deemed "good but not great", and it's been good.

I don't need to go to any of the extremes. I don't have to say why I'm not scheduling him. It's business, and they might even feel the same about me; I might not have been the best client. It's just bsuiness, reaching out to customers.

Again, it doesn't bother me that they reach out, but if you feel differently, you might want to find a way of stating that you are not interested in receiving furhter communication. There are nice ways of doing that, but it's up to you.

Edited March 26 by soloyo215

[dbar123]

You must be a nice person. I think a simple “no, but thanks for thinking of me” is sufficient.

[marylander1940]

On 3/23/2024 at 3:32 PM, WstVlgChris said:

Hi, guys,

I've had this situation come up twice in the past few months.  I see a provider (in one case, massage; in the other, escort), and the session is pleasant enough.  The guy was nice, I left happy, but it wasn't great and I'm not inclined to repeat. A few weeks later, the guy texts me (we had done the final setting up time and place via text, rather than through the RentMen or RentMasseur website) to say he's back in town and is available and do I want to schedule something. 

My natural inclination is to be polite and respond, rather than ignoring the text. But on the other hand I don't want to encourage him, or have him think that it's likely I'll be hiring him soon.  So I'm torn what to do in these situations.  (In the case of the masseur, I texted back noncommittally after a day, saying I was quite busy; he responded with "Well, if you change your mind, I'm here until April 5.") Do I ignore the text, in which case he may think I'm rude or an asshole? Or do I respond in a neutral way, in which case he might think it's worth his time to keep chatting me up.  

(I should say that I'm the type to avoid conflict.  I don't want to say "I'm not going to hire you again because....")

I'm curious to know what other guys do in this kind of situation.  

ignore and move on, happens all the time, no big deal for any of the parts involved. 

[marylander1940]

14 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

It'll be no hard feelings on the guy reaching out to you if you don't respond. You're likely not the only person he's re-connecting with, and isn't going to notice who isn't getting back with him - just those who are. 

The great ones don't need to reach out for repeats. Their texts blow up wherever they go, and are able to pick and choose who to get back to. 

Keep exploring to find one who IS great. For the majority of us, the search is continuous, and that's not a bad thing!

 

Exactly, it's a business, he's back in town because he has a regular there of he had a great trip last time and decided on his own to come back hoping the trip will also be profitable.