Thoughts on how I (could have) handled this?

[Wolfer]

A provider gave me a free overnight. 

Let me give the context. I was on vacation for the weekend and hired him on Friday. The session was so incredible I hired him again for 1 hour sessions on both Saturday and Sunday. He's not a clock watcher and stayed well past the hour (I tipped him 50% of his hour rate, even though where I hire, tipping is not customary). 

After he'd left my hotel on Sunday, we both realized he'd left something in my room. So he comes back and I invite him to dinner. Throughout the dinner sparks are flying and as the dinner ends he has this hopeful, expectant look in his eye. But at that point my hiring budget for my vacation had been spent. I do invite him back to my hotel, but neither of us broach the subject of payment. And it was never talked about. He left in the morning (I had to catch my flight) without mentioning it. There seemed to be no indication from him that he was expecting payment or was disappointed I didn't offer when he left. 

We've texted since and he appears eager to see me again (so I assume there's no bad blood from his side?). 

My head was reeling the whole weekend because we connected deeply (not just sexually, we also talked for hours) and I've never been in this situation before where a provider was SO generous with his time, so I was unsure and insecure on how to handle it. And now, a day later, I feel bad. I feel like I took advantage of him (even though it wasn't intentionally). 

Should I still mention it? I'm afraid that ultimately there might be resentment built up from his side. 

[+ poolboy48220]

I dunno. I had a slightly similar situation with a traveller in town, I had a great time hiring him but could not afford another one while he was in town, but I did take him to dinner the next night. If you're feeling bad about it, maybe contact him saying "I had a great time with you all weekend, but I feel bad for not paying you for that last night. Are we okay?"  And let him take it from there. 

[acks0104]

It sounds like you both got what you wanted from the situation and that if he was expecting payment, he would have brought it up at some point? I wouldn't worry about it. 

[Guest]

I agree with both responses. If you still feel like you took advantage, send him something for the holidays.

[+ The Big Guy]

3 hours ago, poolboy48220 said:

I dunno. I had a slightly similar situation with a traveller in town, I had a great time hiring him but could not afford another one while he was in town, but I did take him to dinner the next night. If you're feeling bad about it, maybe contact him saying "I had a great time with you all weekend, but I feel bad for not paying you for that last night. Are we okay?"  And let him take it from there. 

I like this.  Open the dialogue and see where it goes.  Sounds like both of you enjoyed the experience and you won’t know unless you ask. 

[soloyo215]

5 hours ago, Wolfer said:

Should I still mention it? I'm afraid that ultimately there might be resentment built up from his side. 

I don't see why you should mention it. Enjoy it for what it was, and in the future don't have expectations for the same thing to happen. He is in the business of providing what you got, so payment is expected. I'd continue seeing him but with the understanding that at the end, he is a provider and that is his business. Any indication of any more personal should be discussed sensitively.

[maninsoma]

What to do about it now is a very different question than how you could have handled the situation.  I will focus on the latter, which is what you asked:

What either/both of you should have done is talk about it in the moment so there wouldn't be any weird after-the-fact wondering about the other one's expectations.  As the provider, one could argue that it was his responsibility to broach the subject by saying something like, "Would you like me to spend the night at X rate?" or "If you want, I can stay the night, gratis."   Given he didn't do this, I think that you should have simply said something like, "I'm sorry that my budget is spent for this trip.  You're welcome to stay if you want because I'm really enjoying being with you, but I cannot afford to pay you anything additional this trip."

[blck37]

Unless he is a newbie, any seasoned (or rather experienced) provider is savvy in approaching $$$ topic. If he didnt mention it, then highly likely all good. In this context, he is the businessman whilst you are the customer. He knows better IMO.

[DunwoodyGuy]

I think you're overthinking it.

[LookingAround]

14 hours ago, acks0104 said:

It sounds like you both got what you wanted from the situation and that if he was expecting payment, he would have brought it up at some point? I wouldn't worry about it. 

This. I’d leave well enough alone. 

[BuffaloKyle]

You are indeed way overthinking this! You hired him for 3 separate sessions and tipped big as well. So financially he had a great weekend and I'm sure you bought his dinner Sunday as well. If he had another session lined up with someone else he would've told you and just got his things he left behind. He probably would have just been sitting home alone that Sunday night doing nothing sounds like. And now he's texting you how he can't wait to see you again he enjoyed his time immensely it sounds like.

[+ poolboy48220]

19 hours ago, maninsoma said:

What to do about it now is a very different question than how you could have handled the situation.  I will focus on the latter, which is what you asked:

What either/both of you should have done is talk about it in the moment so there wouldn't be any weird after-the-fact wondering about the other one's expectations.  As the provider, one could argue that it was his responsibility to broach the subject by saying something like, "Would you like me to spend the night at X rate?" or "If you want, I can stay the night, gratis."   Given he didn't do this, I think that you should have simply said something like, "I'm sorry that my budget is spent for this trip.  You're welcome to stay if you want because I'm really enjoying being with you, but I cannot afford to pay you anything additional this trip."

This is very similar to what happened to me years ago. An escort I'd met asked me, the next day, if we could meet again & "Do what you'd done last night".  I told him I was tapped out financially, I couldn't afford to hire again so soon. He said "Whatever you can manage", and I think I gave him $20 for our repeat session.