Potential clients asking for nudes and then vanishing

[socurious]

This week I had about 3-4 people texting me to set appointments asking for pictures and everything. At the end they all flaked. One even spoke to me by the phone for nearly a hour. I sent nudes showing my body and everything after his request since he supposedly was going to hire me for an overnight. At the end the person never called or texted  back. His phone number is not even working right now. NOT FAIR. He really sounded very interested and convincing. I am surprised he vanished that way. 

Another individual spent 2 days sexting me. He told me he was going to hire me. The dude lives in city I was visiting this week. When I texted him telling him that I was there he ghosted me. It was so annoying.

Now I understand why things like deposits exist. I see many clients complaining about money in advance. But man, most clients flaked if anything.

Edited September 10, 2023 by socurious

[AngusStevensxxx]

I have had an instance where 7 bookings in a row were canceled last minute - from plain ghosting to medical emergencies, my girlfriend stole my bank card- someone even said their dog ran away at the dog park that morning.  A big red flag would be the amount of time this 'client' has spent talking to you adn sexting you -  Serious clients do not do that. 

Because of this:

•  if i have not met you before and you want to book in advance, I need a deposit. I have both Venmo and cashapp set up in private and anonymous settings -  nickname rather than real name, so very secure. They can send a deposit as little as $20, just *something* to show me they are serious. 
• I have almost 50 5-star reviews, and have given them photos of my face, my very butthole, my dick, my address - if they can't send me even $10 to lock an appointment down they are not serious. 

I can understand some guys are on the DL or just nervous about deposits (which is why I set up non-traceable and private methods to do so) and if they are still nervous that is totally OK - if clients do not want to send small deposits, they can contact me on the day -  and if I am still available we can make it work!

I know it can be disheartening when you put so much of yourself out there and are a genuine guy and you get treated like this.  It's not fair, but don't be discouraged. 

I encourage you to download the app "mr.number' and search for every number that contacts you - as well as leave reviews on that app for clients who do this to you also.  I wish sites like COM would allow us to have a feature like this for usernames on RM but they don't.

The sheer volume of guys who contact providers to string them along and waste their time is staggering - I almost left the business as a result when I had 7 in a row - had book hotels and extended my stay and everything- luckily I got an overnight and they covered my costs - but i left even.  

Since my 'deposit for future bookings policy' that issue has dropped for me significantly and it hasn't hindered my bookings. ( I had a recent trip to Austin where I let the policy slide and what do you know? every day I had no show/cancelations!) 

You will learn to pick the scammers too - which is a DAILY occurrence - We unfortunately MUST engage with these people as when they first reach out we can;t distinguish whether they are real or not - but just have some vetting set up.  it ruins it for everyone as it can come across rude or unwelcomeing, finding the right balance can be tricky! 

For the pople who are antideposit : Clients on these boards complain about scammers setting up ads- they are able to quickly remove them and I always say -

• use common sense
• never send a deposit to a new profile with no or few reviews!
• never send a large amount.

I hope my advice helps!

[MadHatter]

If a client you’ve already had asked for nudes, would you send them?

[ICTJOCK]

Well I can see why the OP has an issue with the process,  but here's the reality.   In this business,  you have to expect some "ghosts" occasionally.

People who book and back out last minute.    I don't usually have a problem with a regular client doing that.    Some new clientele will naturally pull

it.

If you have an RM account, you likely have nudes.   I always have had.   I have no problem with a prospective client seeing me nude via photo before we meet.   I suppose I'd rather he pay for it via "Only fans",  but I don't have an OF  account at this point.    Limit the nude photos to one or two if needed,   always make sure the photos are recent, clear and honest  and move along.    

[maninsoma]

Do you have any friends who are escorts, or can you maybe ask someone experienced and successful if he will share his screening process with you?  It sounds like you could learn how to set better limits to minimize time wasters while not creating a situation where you turn away actual prospective clients.

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, ICTJOCK said:

Well I can see why the OP has an issue with the process,  but here's the reality.   In this business,  you have to expect some "ghosts" occasionally.

People who book and back out last minute.    I don't usually have a problem with a regular client doing that.    Some new clientele will naturally pull

it.

If you have an RM account, you likely have nudes.   I always have had.   I have no problem with a prospective client seeing me nude via photo before we meet.   I suppose I'd rather he pay for it via "Only fans",  but I don't have an OF  account at this point.    Limit the nude photos to one or two if needed,   always make sure the photos are recent, clear and honest  and move along.    

Agreed!

In all businesses and in personal life ghosting just happens!

8 hours ago, socurious said:

This week I had about 3-4 people texting me to set appointments asking for pictures and everything. At the end they all flaked. One even spoke to me by the phone for nearly a hour. I sent nudes showing my body and everything after his request since he supposedly was going to hire me for an overnight. At the end the person never called or texted  back. His phone number is not even working right now. NOT FAIR. He really sounded very interested and convincing. I am surprised he vanished that way. 

Another individual spent 2 days sexting me. He told me he was going to hire me. The dude lives in city I was visiting this week. When I texted him telling him that I was there he ghosted me. It was so annoying.

Now I understand why things like deposits exist. I see many clients complaining about money in advance. But man, most clients flaked if anything.

I wouldn't hire without seeing the "goods" A.K.A. nude pictures!

"nearly an hour on the phone".... I'm sure he was jerking off, you should have excuse yourself instead of wasting your time. 

Nowadays ghosting happens everywhere! Is part of the business! 

[AngusStevensxxx]

7 hours ago, ICTJOCK said:

Well I can see why the OP has an issue with the process,  but here's the reality.   In this business,  you have to expect some "ghosts" occasionally.

People who book and back out last minute.    I don't usually have a problem with a regular client doing that.    Some new clientele will naturally pull

it.

 

I don't think the OP was referring to real cancelations - life does happen - but people who are contacting with zero intention of making it to a booking - essentially leading him on with sex talk with the promise of a booking that is never going to eventuate.   

[ICTJOCK]

2 minutes ago, AngusStevensxxx said:

I don't think the OP was referring to real cancelations - life does happen - but people who are contacting with zero intention of making it to a booking - essentially leading him on with sex talk with the promise of a booking that is never going to eventuate.   

I took it as real cancellations  or just vanishing without booking.    The second part of your comment is a problem.   I guess the provider has to be discerning enough to know if the prospect is a real candidate or a flake.   I realize that can be problematic.

[socurious]

6 hours ago, maninsoma said:

Do you have any friends who are escorts, or can you maybe ask someone experienced and successful if he will share his screening process with you?  It sounds like you could learn how to set better limits to minimize time wasters while not creating a situation where you turn away actual prospective clients.

I do have one. But he is a jerk and last time got upset because I was asking too many questions (supposedly). He is the only person that knows I'm escorting. 

[nate_sf]

14 hours ago, AngusStevensxxx said:

A big red flag would be the amount of time this 'client' has spent talking to you adn sexting you -  Serious clients do not do that.

This is the most obvious red flag. Serious clients tend to get down to business without too much back-and-forth. Exception would be a client making arrangements for a more extended appointment or travel, that could justify more coordination. But eventually you'll develop an intuition for who's bullshitting and who's for real.

As for sharing nudes, there are photo collectors out there, or at least guys who are just curious and want to see your stuff even if they have no intention of booking. You'll have to decide if you're OK with that. Personally I don't care too much, I unlock my private pics for pretty much anyone who asks. There does not seem to be any correlation between who I unlock for vs. who books, at least in my experience. I always follow up by saying "I hope you like the pics" and some just reply yes and that's it, while others go ahead and book.

[+ DynamicUno]

Generally, I don't ask guys for more photos than they have in their profile.  I'll ask to see private photos if I'm seriously considering hiring, but I don't request they send anything that's not already posted.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

As a client, when a provider's profile is up to date and has photos, I don't need more. When I reach out, I want to confirm price, compatibility, and logistics. I try to be mindful of a provider's time and not waste it if we're not going to meet up. 

[Guest]

My suggestion is to have any photo you're willing to share with a prospective client on the website (you can keep the racy ones in the password-only section). If your profile shows everything you're willing to show, anyone who asks for more is probably a photo collector. Thus, for further photo requests, charge per photo (a way around having an OnlyFans account). I don't recommend deposits, because you'll lose lots of customers, but it does seem reasonable to say "$20 per additional photo, which you can apply towards our meeting, should we get together." In other words, kind of like those bars which charge a cover, but this includes the first drink. This way you avoid freeloading photo collectors. 

Edited September 11, 2023 by Unicorn

[Jamie21]

Certainly don’t spend an hour talking with a client about the session. That’s 100% sign of a time waster. If they ask for pics that’s also a big red flag, especially if you have pics on your advert. If you don’t have a professional set up, by which I mean a website with decent pics, maybe a video, lots of information, a good advert on the relevant sites (Rentmen, RentMasseur) then you’re more likely to attract clients who see you as someone who can be messed around. 

Have some rules: never discount, no last minute bookings, no extended chat, no sexting, no session less than an hour (it sends the wrong signal to do < 1hour), and remember that even with that approach at least 25% of contacts about sessions never actually result in a booking. People get anxious, change their mind, need ages to decide to go ahead, have other priorities, get busy etc. Some have no intention of ever booking but most I think are just mulling things over. That’s ok with me as long as they do the mulling without taking up too much of my time. 

[Simon Suraci]

@socurious welcome to the provider world! We deal with so much bullshit and flaky people on a daily basis. It takes a while to adjust to it and sift through the endless inquiries. That’s part of the job and something clients don’t often appreciate about what we do and how much time we spend (and waste) NOT working on clients but dealing with nonsense. We spend triple the time or more dealing with people who don’t book or follow through. Rude, disrespectful, time wasters, etc. It’s all par for the course. It’s normal. Frustrating, yes. But normal. And unavoidable, to some extent.

I agree with many of the previous comments. Prospective clients demanding lots of unpaid time on the phone or text are a big red flag. Never give a client an hour of your time for free. Repeated previously answered questions are also a red flag, as are requests for more photos when you have a good variety of them already posted, including nudes.

Read the signs and be skeptical. If a client seems high maintenance, unreasonable, stupid, a liar, lazy, delusional, overly paranoid, or entitled, don’t see them. Don’t see clients who behave suspiciously. Better to lose one legit client exhibiting suspect behavior than waste your time on twenty more unserious clients exhibiting the same types of behaviors. Filter, filter, filter.

Take heart. You will get better in time. When in doubt, listen to your gut.

Deposits are one tool to help cut down on the nonsense. It won’t eliminate all of it, but reduce it. There’s a trade off though: you lose a significant amount of business from legit clients who would rather die a slow, agonizing death then send a deposit. You will read their comments aplenty on these forums. There are plenty of clients who have no problems sending a deposit, but they are far fewer. You also will hear providers here pontificate about the necessity for deposits for any client, for any situation, no matter what. That’s just not true, but it works well for some providers. It’s a personal choice. Do whatever works for your business model.

There is no right answer regarding deposits. Personally, I choose not to require deposits. I vet my clients through various means and maintain a very wide potential client base that way. I continue to develop a thicker skin with each passing year. I no longer get so bothered by the odd flaky client, no-show, or other problem client. I accept that no matter how much I do to prevent this stuff it still will happen. Even when you require deposits, it still happens at times. All I can do is reduce the amount of bad clients with my vetting procedures.

Over time you learn and get better at keeping out the riff raff. Experience teaches you how to maximize your time and how to let things go. Having boundaries and sticking to them also helps. People are people. They do all kinds of stupid stuff. There’s no changing that part of the business or human nature. It is what it is. The best you can do is make the most of what you CAN control, which is how you choose to respond, how much you let it get to you, and what business decisions you make to improve your outcomes. Focus on what you CAN control, act on those, accept and let go of the things you can’t control.

[socurious]

12 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

@socurious welcome to the provider world! We deal with so much bullshit and flaky people on a daily basis. It takes a while to adjust to it and sift through the endless inquiries. That’s part of the job and something clients don’t often appreciate about what we do and how much time we spend (and waste) NOT working on clients but dealing with nonsense. We spend triple the time or more dealing with people who don’t book or follow through. Rude, disrespectful, time wasters, etc. It’s all par for the course. It’s normal. Frustrating, yes. But normal. And unavoidable, to some extent.

I agree with many of the previous comments. Prospective clients demanding lots of unpaid time on the phone or text are a big red flag. Never give a client an hour of your time for free. Repeated previously answered questions are also a red flag, as are requests for more photos when you have a good variety of them already posted, including nudes.

Read the signs and be skeptical. If a client seems high maintenance, unreasonable, stupid, a liar, lazy, delusional, overly paranoid, or entitled, don’t see them. Don’t see clients who behave suspiciously. Better to lose one legit client exhibiting suspect behavior than waste your time on twenty more unserious clients exhibiting the same types of behaviors. Filter, filter, filter.

Take heart. You will get better in time. When in doubt, listen to your gut.

Deposits are one tool to help cut down on the nonsense. It won’t eliminate all of it, but reduce it. There’s a trade off though: you lose a significant amount of business from legit clients who would rather die a slow, agonizing death then send a deposit. You will read their comments aplenty on these forums. There are plenty of clients who have no problems sending a deposit, but they are far fewer. You also will hear providers here pontificate about the necessity for deposits for any client, for any situation, no matter what. That’s just not true, but it works well for some providers. It’s a personal choice. Do whatever works for your business model.

There is no right answer regarding deposits. Personally, I choose not to require deposits. I vet my clients through various means and maintain a very wide potential client base that way. I continue to develop a thicker skin with each passing year. I no longer get so bothered by the odd flaky client, no-show, or other problem client. I accept that no matter how much I do to prevent this stuff it still will happen. Even when you require deposits, it still happens at times. All I can do is reduce the amount of bad clients with my vetting procedures.

Over time you learn and get better at keeping out the riff raff. Experience teaches you how to maximize your time and how to let things go. Having boundaries and sticking to them also helps. People are people. They do all kinds of stupid stuff. There’s no changing that part of the business or human nature. It is what it is. The best you can do is make the most of what you CAN control, which is how you choose to respond, how much you let it get to you, and what business decisions you make to improve your outcomes. Focus on what you CAN control, act on those, accept and let go of the things you can’t control.

Thanks man.