Tipping?

[AtticusBK]

lol - again, relating this profession to that of doctors, lawyers, plumbers and others with a reliable income, health insurance, paid vacations, etc. it’s just beyond ridiculous. Yes, it’s (most likely) their choice to do this, but try putting yourself in their shoes anyway. 

your dentist diagnoses a health issue and treats it bc that’s their job, and bc your condition will worsen if they don’t.

your massage therapist decides to go above and beyond (not necessarily at your request; mine was a pleasant surprise) for whatever reason — that’s NOT their job. Will it kill you to reward them, as they have rewarded you?

Edited February 19 by AtticusBK

[Typical]

This has become a boring, rabbit hole of a topic. If I go to a “masseur” and he provides a massage, as advertised - no more and no less, I pay him the fee he requested for that service. These days, that tends to be about $180- $200. If I have any desire to upgrade to an essentially escort service and the “masseur” wants to provide that additional service outside the scope of a massage, then I would expect to pay (ahem “tip”) him more. We are essentially saying the same thing but you want to label your escort fee as a “tip” for some reason. 
 

[AtticusBK]

Agreed but talk about belaboring the issue. Pot kettle.

and talk to my masseur who, though he may provide (unrequested) services that would make YOU consider him an escort, absolutely does not consider himself one. 

[river]

I always tip. They’re not making a lot of money and since they are sometimes the highlight of my week, I’m returning the happiness. Btw, I always tip at spas when traveling. 
I usually tip 20% to 30%. Occasionally more if unexpected mind-blowing aspect occurs. 
The only time I don’t tip is because of dissatisfaction such as texting during the massage, sloppy/dirty apartment, short session, etc. Rare occasions though. 

[Jackylas]

I think the question be more is it necessary to tip an independent masseur who is getting the whole amount of fee vs a masseur who is working at a spa where majority of the money is going to the house. 
 

if a independent masseur is giving extras without charging extra since it’s erotic massage then I would consider it all inclusive unless they explicitly say certain extra services is extra fee

[AtticusBK]

If I’m that masseur, I would then NOT consider you a preferred client, and would stick to the absolute basics if you ever came to see me again. But clearly I’m in the minority here. 

[Typical]

5 hours ago, Jackylas said:

I think the question be more is it necessary to tip an independent masseur who is getting the whole amount of fee vs a masseur who is working at a spa where majority of the money is going to the house. 
 

if a independent masseur is giving extras without charging extra since it’s erotic massage then I would consider it all inclusive unless they explicitly say certain extra services is extra fee

If you are explicitly paying for an “erotic” massage, then the normal “extras” are part of the fee. 

[ketut]

I always tip if I have received exceptional service, regardless of whether is a provider associated with a spa or self employed.  For massage I never expect more than a massage and tip according to how I feel the massage was.  If the massage veers into escort territory I tip accordingly.  And if a provider provides exceptional service, again I tip accordingly.  I assume independent providers don't see clients for 8 hours a day. I have a friend who works in a spa as a masseur and none of the therapists massage for 8 hours a day.  Physically its hard on them. I also assume that providers keep notes on clients, like I do on providers, and I personally don't mind being classified as "good tipper". I've tipped 100% to one of my regulars who hasn't gotten back to folks on this forum, but I've never had that problem with him. 

 

as @AtticusBK said I don't understand relating masseurs/escorts to lawyers/doctors. It's not the same. In my field I pay partner attorneys over $1600 / hr who give exceptional advice, but at that hourly rate it should be. And I don't tip them.  I don't know of any providers who charge that hourly rate.  

[river]

16 hours ago, Jackylas said:

I think the question be more is it necessary to tip an independent masseur who is getting the whole amount of fee vs a masseur who is working at a spa where majority of the money is going to the house. 
 

if a independent masseur is giving extras without charging extra since it’s erotic massage then I would consider it all inclusive unless they explicitly say certain extra services is extra fee

Although the independent masseur does not have to share his fee with the house, he does have overhead. One of my regulars spent a lot of money on a heated table. On top of that they have to pay for the towels, the laundry, the lotion, the sheets for the table, the soap for the shower.

Also, as someone who was a tipped employee when I had a part-time job during college, there’s nothing better than getting tipped. It makes you feel so good and I enjoy making them feel good by giving them tips.

[DunwoodyGuy]

On 2/19/2025 at 1:50 PM, Typical said:

If I have any desire to upgrade to an essentially escort service and the “masseur” wants to provide that additional service outside the scope of a massage, then I would expect to pay (ahem “tip”) him more. We are essentially saying the same thing but you want to label your escort fee as a “tip” for some reason. 

As Miss Mazeppa says in Gypsy, "Something WRONG with STRIPPIN'?"

[Manhattan]

In the old days, private business owners were never tipped because they set their own rate. In 2025, most people under 35 aren't aware of that convention and probably wouldn't care. 
 

Your tip is an investment in future service. A nice person who is a good tipper gets all kinds of perks for their repeated business. 
 

If you enjoyed the experience and plan to return, you should tip generously in hopes of building a great client/provider relationship. If you don't plan to repeat, tip a respectful amount and move on.  

[+ Jamie21]

This topic is a never ending debate! It seems to bring out really strong opinions in some, and plenty of prejudice and misunderstanding about the position of providers too. I don’t understand why it’s so emotive. Tip if you want to, or don’t tip if you don’t want to. What others do is up to them, you do you.

 I’m grateful if a client tips, but I don’t expect it. If a regular client is generous with tips then I will go out of my way to accommodate him if he asks about my availability whereas I’m not as flexible for a non tipper, obviously. 

[Capitano]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

This topic is a never ending debate! It seems to bring out really strong opinions in some, and plenty of prejudice and misunderstanding about the position of providers too. I don’t understand why it’s so emotive. Tip if you want to, or don’t tip if you don’t want to. What others do is up to them, you do you.

 I’m grateful if a client tips, but I don’t expect it. If a regular client is generous with tips then I will go out of my way to accommodate him if he asks about my availability whereas I’m not as flexible for a non tipper, obviously. 

Central question: would you prefer a client that sees you twice a month and tips you 20% every time or a client that doesn't tip but sees you every 10 days?

Demand for some items is elastic (econ term), that is, sensitive to the price, and I suspect that this is the case for massage services and most clients. Yeah, there are some who get all the massages they want and tip generously anyway because their budgets allow them to, but they are most likely a small minority.

[+ Jamie21]

32 minutes ago, Capitano said:

Central question: would you prefer a client that sees you twice a month and tips you 20% every time or a client that doesn't tip but sees you every 10 days?

Demand for some items is elastic (econ term), that is, sensitive to the price, and I suspect that this is the case for massage services and most clients. Yeah, there are some who get all the massages they want and tip generously anyway because their budgets allow them to, but they are most likely a small minority.

The answer to that question isn’t solely related to my trying to maximise revenue. If I wanted to maximise revenue in that way I’d say I prefer the every 10 days client but in reality I don’t want a client to visit every 10 days (because things would become too ‘routine’) so my answer is I’d prefer the less regular client who tips. 

I think the price elasticity of demand for sensual / erotic massage services is greater than 1: people can choose alternatives to having a massage. 

 

 

 

[Simon Suraci]

20 hours ago, Capitano said:

Central question: would you prefer a client that sees you twice a month and tips you 20% every time or a client that doesn't tip but sees you every 10 days?

Here’s how I look at it, I keep metrics on all my clients. Periodically I update and sort everyone to see who is paying me the highest dollar amount over a given year with tips included and put them into a few color coded tiers. I qualify escort vs massage services to quickly give me some context while I review. I also make a note on how much I enjoy seeing each one of them and likewise how much of a pain in the ass they are, if applicable. These are less tangible factors, but it helps to keep in mind as I review.

The less enjoyable but loyal/generous ones are just as valuable to me if not more than those I enjoy seeing more but visit me less often and/or don’t tip. I use the hard numbers to help me look past my biases and objectively steer my attention to the best clients for my business. ALL my clients are important, mind you. So it doesn’t matter if you see me once a year or bi-weekly, if you’re tipping, or hiring more/less valuable services. I see it all clearly shake out in the numbers on a spreadsheet. The lower figures matter too, because all of those people collectively add up to a significant chunk of the pie.

I track how many appointments each client makes, what they are paying, and figure out pretty quickly where my bread is buttered. At the end of the day (end of the year?) it’s all business. Who is paying my bills over the long haul, and who is demonstrating the most loyalty over time gets my highest level of attention and effort. I go above and beyond for these people.

[Capitano]

A smart, holistic way to manage a business! So, how much they bring in total and how easy or difficult they are. Nobody shortchanged, but VIPs get priority and extra intangibles. 👍💪👏🙌🙏

Edited February 22 by Capitano

[dbar123]

I see the same massage guy every month. I tip him 100%. He constantly makes the sessions ever more interesting each time so I enjoy going back. It’s a positive feedback loop. You get what you pay for.

[Typical]

3 hours ago, dbar123 said:

I see the same massage guy every month. I tip him 100%. He constantly makes the sessions ever more interesting each time so I enjoy going back. It’s a positive feedback loop. You get what you pay for.

This isn’t a massage appointment: This is perhaps a romance or an infatuation. That’s okay, but be realistic about it. Is it a paid limited affair? Is it a tiny little bit of a “sugar daddy” scenario?

What you describe is not a massage appointment. This is a different thing. That’s not what we are talking about here. 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

On 2/18/2025 at 8:16 PM, Capitano said:

Doesn't a plumber, landscaper, lawyer, or dentist do these same things and have these same issues?

I have not yet had sex with my dentist.  But all of the others, yes.  I like to consider sex part of the usual gratuity exchanged at Christmas 🎄 between labor and management

Edited February 23 by Vegas_Millennial

[Hyattsville]

I asked my favorite masseur (who charges less than the average around DC) how he decides when to raise his rates. He replied "When I am working on my least favorite client and think 'this is not worth it,' I raise my rates." He clarified that his least favorite clients are the ones who don't take no for an answer or consistently show up late or cancel and reschedule often or are unwashed. I assume that they don't tip as well either. I honestly do think that anytime you have to reschedule, run late and still get the full time or are otherwise a bother - you should definitely tip extra. 

[BeefyDude]

On 2/21/2025 at 7:30 AM, river said:

Although the independent masseur does not have to share his fee with the house, he does have overhead. One of my regulars spent a lot of money on a heated table. On top of that they have to pay for the towels, the laundry, the lotion, the sheets for the table, the soap for the shower.

Also, as someone who was a tipped employee when I had a part-time job during college, there’s nothing better than getting tipped. It makes you feel so good and I enjoy making them feel good by giving them tips.

 The only point I will make about this is that the masseur is making 100% profile from whatever they charge.  Let's put this into perspective assuming $200 price (which seems to be the norm), 3 massages  day (on the low side) and 6 days a week (assuming one day off) and 50 weeks a year (assuming vacation).     These are how the numbers land.  So with all due respect masseurs are getting A LOT of money for this again 100% of the profit.   You mention the heated table which is NICE.  However, when they are on the road nice amenities are vernally not included yet the price stays the same.

Please don't bash me. Ive been getting massages for a while now.  This is just my opinion which I'm entitled to.  The numbers below speak volumes for what they are making.

Daily: $600

Weekly: $3,600

Monthly: $14,400

Yearly: $172,800

I'm an IT professional and don't; make near this

[+ Jamie21]

30 minutes ago, BeefyDude said:

 The only point I will make about this is that the masseur is making 100% profile from whatever they charge.  Let's put this into perspective assuming $200 price (which seems to be the norm), 3 massages  day (on the low side) and 6 days a week (assuming one day off) and 50 weeks a year (assuming vacation).     These are how the numbers land.  So with all due respect masseurs are getting A LOT of money for this again 100% of the profit.   You mention the heated table which is NICE.  However, when they are on the road nice amenities are vernally not included yet the price stays the same.

Please don't bash me. Ive been getting massages for a while now.  This is just my opinion which I'm entitled to.  The numbers below speak volumes for what they are making.

Daily: $600

Weekly: $3,600

Monthly: $14,400

Yearly: $172,800

I'm an IT professional and don't; make near this

Lots of common misunderstandings here. 3 clients a day 6 days a week is quite some going…. not really sustainable. 

Also, for each client actually booked there’s around 4 who take up time with enquiries that don’t go anywhere. That needs to be factored in.

Then there’s the cost of facilities (whether you rent space or use your home which still has a cost), advertising, regular training, travel costs etc. It’s definitely not zero overhead. Plus taxes of course plus cost of benefits that one has to buy which you’d often get via an employer. 

There’s no way I get 100% profit off what I charge. And I’d invite anyone who thinks they can get rich quick to try the job for a few months and see how they get on. I assume they’ll be happy to make themselves available at all sorts of times, often at short notice, be ok with possibly not earning anything next week, dealing with time wasters and clients who treat them like dirt, sort out their own insurance, pension etc. 😉
 

 

 

 

[Typical]

Service providers need to tell customers how much they want to provide x service in y location on z date. I have no ability to or interest in figuring out input values anymore than I can or wish to determine Whole Foods’ ultimate cost to procure, ship and provide a can of chickpeas. Just say it. Don’t be coy. If the price seems a reasonable value proposition to me, I will hire. If not, we both move on. Now, if said contracted service is enhanced and the value is increased, I will likely pay more (ahem, “tip”); otherwise, I pay the requested amount. This paradigm has worked very well for me over the years. That said, people can do whatever they wish with their money! They can set it on fire or transfer it to a Nigerian prince. If they feel tipping provides them more future value, then they should tip away!  It’s not my business or anyone else’s.  

[Simon Suraci]

Thank you @Jamie21 for making these important points. We have lots of overhead indeed. Tens of thousands per year, and if you travel any significant amount, additional tens of thousands per year on top of our fixed overhead costs at home. We work many more hours a week than the time when clients are actually on the table. Often well over a traditional 40 hr week. Yes, it’s flexible and on our own terms, but still we work just as long and hard as many other professions.

We have no workplace protections, few rights, all the responsibilities and costs of being our own employer with none of the benefits. No 401(k) match, no life insurance, disability insurance, nada. We pay additional taxes to be our own employer by the way. I argue some of our biggest benefits are total flexibility over our schedule, how much we work, control over who we see and how much we charge.

We can’t do physically intensive work as late into our career as someone working an office job. Our bodies wear down. We age. And if you’re an escort, there’s a prime window in your 20s and 30s to capitalize on and lots of men drop off in their 40s and 50s, either voluntarily or because they lack the volume of business they had in their younger years. Most don’t keep doing this work into their 60s or 70s like people in many other professions do. We have to capitalize on a higher income over a shorter career cycle and invest, and for many of us, keep working in other fields as we get older to supplement.

Consider it front loading earlier in your career vs making a bit lower income over a longer but more sustainable time period and pace. Oh and costs rise over time, so whatever we make today buys less in the future. This is where a good investment strategy pays off, or at least preserves the buying power of that money over time.

Health insurance in the US is big cost. I have a plan with my partner through our farm business. It’s not at all cheap, but the upside is we get to choose plans through a broker that fit our specific needs. Not just a single or few plan choices through an employer that doesn’t really cover what we need. Consider that as a significant part of your compensation through a traditional employer.

Don’t forget taxes. We pay them. Digital payment processors like Venmo, Stripe, Square, and others send us 1099s. We have to pay taxes on those at a minimum, and a lot of us report all of our cash as well. If nothing else to prove income so we can qualify for loans and rent apartments.

On the surface, it may seem to some of you like a path to easy street, but it’s not. We have many costs and fewer material benefits, almost no protections or safety net, and many demands on us to perform exceptionally well, look young and fit, provide a high quality environment and deliver “extras” for clients expecting them.

@BeefyDude the numbers you quote most of us are only making a fraction of those, especially if you count all the expenses. We take high levels of risk, and we should be at least modestly rewarded, if not well rewarded for taking those risks that most other people are unable or unwilling to take.

Some of us are charging at or below market rates to stay competitive, yet are providing a higher level of service in terms of massage quality, going over time, taking care with our facilities, equipment, and supplies, and indulging clients with extras. Tipping is one way to display your appreciation, to say “I value you, and I value your service”, to acknowledge that what your provider is offering is at least as valuable to you as what he is charging. If you don’t feel that the value of his service to you exceeds what he is charging for it, than by all means pay his rate, don’t tip, and move on. You’re not obligated. We want our clients to be satisfied and keep coming back.

Some of you really appreciate the work but can’t afford to tip. That’s ok. Pay his rate. That’s all you are responsible for paying. Show your appreciation with loyalty, verbal affirmation, and respect. Also, non monetary forms of appreciation go as far, if not further than tipping: write a review, refer a friend, spread the word online, talk him up in your circles. Arguably these are all more valuable than anything you could tip. Your masseur will appreciate you, and you will feel good about coming back to see him. Not everything is as plain as “How much did this client tip?”

So when your man is on point, providing a high level of service, professionalism, and value, you tip. Because that’s what you do, at least in American culture. You want to reward him for treating you well by treating him well. And when you can’t tip, support his business in other ways.

You don’t tip in the context of independently practicing masseurs to make up the difference between an underpaid person and a living wage. For example, spa employee making only 30-40% of the fee, or a restaurant server making minimum wage and relying on tips to make (close to) a living wage. These are not at all the same situation. You tip because you want to show your appreciation, and to motivate your masseur to continue to provide you a high level of attention and service.

All you are responsible for is his rate. So what if you don’t tip? I doubt your masseur will deliver crappy service the next time. If he’s professional, he will deliver good service. If you tip, he will be motivated to go above and beyond. If you’re happy with the status quo and meeting expectations, don’t tip. If you want above and beyond, pay above and beyond in the form of a tip.

[BeefyDude]

Thanks for sharing your side.  That helps A LOT

Sorry if I put everyone in the same bucket.  But we as clients have increased expenses as well - so every dime counts

What about those who offer specific amenities and charge but yet on the road do not.  I have had some masseurs advertise a rate on their site but when booking state its higher "travel cost".

We are all faced with cost increases across the board.  I do apologize if I made any assumptions that were in correct.  Unlike you both here, there are many masseurs who are not respectful and try to get as much out of you as they can

I get a massage frequently. I am always very respectful.  I had one recently who said under NO circumstances touching ANY part of his (MUSCLED) body.  I respected that and we got along fine - in fact I would see him again in a heartbeat.   So again sorry about my post I should have thought it out better or not posted at all.

I LOVE this site as it has saved me from some bad experiences and wasted costs.