Anyone feel like a lot of providers are rude via text?

[Jeffster]

I only had one provider be outright rude to my initial inquiry in a text. Like, really rude. I had only texted asking him when he would be available and what I was into. That’s it. 
 

A few weeks later, he was trying to hook up with me (recreationally, not as a provider) on Scruff (of course not knowing I had texted him a few weeks prior for professional services). I gave him a big fat NO.

[+ ThroatCummer]

Just read through this entire thread, and there's a lot to unpack here. My $0.02 as a client: 

Removing the hiring aspect from this, we all have to recognize there are people in the world who just are shitty in their approach to almost everything -- and that is the norm. If I had a nickel for every time someone said "Hi!" on one of the apps and nothing more I could buy a few new Macbooks. If you're going to approach anyone in life outside of real person-to-person interactions, come at it with substance. Actually, that can be said for face-to-face too. 

That said, the provider took the initial step and posted an advertisement, so it's on the client to fully engage from there.  I have never sent less than three sentences that include my name, what I am looking for, and a genuine introduction. I find this is always well received and my no-response rate is only about 1%. 

For me, I have all the time in the world and can make almost anything happen. I also don't really care about rates or prices as nothing is really off the table unless you're coming at me with $1,000/hour or something stupid like that. However, I am not one of those who is only looking for a one-hour sexual encounter and only into the mechanical aspect. I want to get a feel for a provider and our chemistry over text before committing to meeting up, however short or brief that might be. The 'back and forth' for me is part of the thrill, but I also try to disclose that in the beginning.  When I approach a provider, I let it be known that I am looking for a more meaningful longer-term arrangement, so their interactions with me are more of an investment on their part. I also fully understand they can't know I am serious about that until after our initial meeting. 

I'm a pretty successful business owner and have invested eight figures in customer support. I know how fucking horrible "customers" (or clients in this case) can be overall, so all my interactions are from that lens. 

This thread has been truly helpful.  

[Jamie21]

1 hour ago, ThroatCummer said:

Just read through this entire thread, and there's a lot to unpack here. My $0.02 as a client: 

Removing the hiring aspect from this, we all have to recognize there are people in the world who just are shitty in their approach to almost everything -- and that is the norm. If I had a nickel for every time someone said "Hi!" on one of the apps and nothing more I could buy a few new Macbooks. If you're going to approach anyone in life outside of real person-to-person interactions, come at it with substance. Actually, that can be said for face-to-face too. 

That said, the provider took the initial step and posted an advertisement, so it's on the client to fully engage from there.  I have never sent less than three sentences that include my name, what I am looking for, and a genuine introduction. I find this is always well received and my no-response rate is only about 1%. 

For me, I have all the time in the world and can make almost anything happen. I also don't really care about rates or prices as nothing is really off the table unless you're coming at me with $1,000/hour or something stupid like that. However, I am not one of those who is only looking for a one-hour sexual encounter and only into the mechanical aspect. I want to get a feel for a provider and our chemistry over text before committing to meeting up, however short or brief that might be. The 'back and forth' for me is part of the thrill, but I also try to disclose that in the beginning.  When I approach a provider, I let it be known that I am looking for a more meaningful longer-term arrangement, so their interactions with me are more of an investment on their part. I also fully understand they can't know I am serious about that until after our initial meeting. 

I'm a pretty successful business owner and have invested eight figures in customer support. I know how fucking horrible "customers" (or clients in this case) can be overall, so all my interactions are from that lens. 

This thread has been truly helpful.  

You sound like an exception. Unfortunately there’s too many who take an extreme transactional view or who just can’t plan or commit. 

Example yesterday I had a message at 4:51 pm “Hey, are you available for massages?”. At 5:19 pm I replied “Hi, yes I am”….. at 5:41 pm he replied “booked elsewhere, thanks”. I guess I replied too late! 

Then I had an exchange of text messages around 9pm with a guy who liked my website and pics etc. That exchange stopped abruptly without a request to book or a ‘no thanks’. Just …nothing….it’s like he lost his phone! 

Also yesterday a guy asked at 6:30 pm if I was available that evening. I was busy so said “no, but I can do tomorrow evening”. There was no reply to that. Then, this morning at around 9am he asked if I was free at 2pm today. I said ‘no’ because I was busy and offered this evening or other times later in the week. He asked for 8pm this evening and I said yes to that and asked how long he wanted. This was all by 9:30am. I got no reply back….so I chased him at 4:30pm because someone else was asking about this evening. He replied to say he was still working out his schedule…and that was the last I heard. 

So it seems to me that all these potential clients either get off on the thrill of discussing the booking, are window shopping or are simply so self absorbed that they don’t consider that I might have other bookings (from people who are able to organise themselves) or that I have to do things like eat, sleep and do life admin. 

This is all actually nothing compared to the work it takes to arrange filming sessions or collaborations with other guys for my Justforfans. That is a whole different level of aggravation and frustration with guys who flake, prevaricate and dissemble. 

 

 

 

[Whippoorwill]

First it was emails. Now it is texting. These are mediums made to be succinct and fast. And very often they end up rude. A successful customer-facing business understands this and tries to train its employees accordingly. Masseurs and escorts tend to be young, tend not to have been trained in business etiquette, tend not to have an adult in the room supervising their customer communications. Like much in the modern world, courtesy is a casualty of rapid change and the pace of work. Providers take note. Your long term business prospects will be affected by how you treat your clients...and vice-versa. We are after all, human beings, not machines. 

[Todd Jenkins]

15 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

So it seems to me that all these potential clients either get off on the thrill of discussing the booking, are window shopping or are simply so self absorbed that they don’t consider that I might have other bookings (from people who are able to organise themselves) or that I have to do things like eat, sleep and do life admin. 

 

May I offer a different possibility?

When I am visiting a city for work, I am with clients who most often dictate my time - morning, noon and night. If their plans change on a dime, I have to be available. This happens 99% of the time. 

When I inquire about hiring, it ALL depends on my client timeline and what happens with them. I can think I've got 3 hours free and then BAM, things change.

 

[Jamie21]

21 minutes ago, Todd Jenkins said:

May I offer a different possibility?

When I am visiting a city for work, I am with clients who most often dictate my time - morning, noon and night. If their plans change on a dime, I have to be available. This happens 99% of the time. 

When I inquire about hiring, it ALL depends on my client timeline and what happens with them. I can think I've got 3 hours free and then BAM, things change.

 

You may! I don’t mind that. But it’s the lack of communication that is the problem. What stops someone from communicating that their plans changed? They changed their mind? Who asks for a time and then simply ignores you? I bet your clients don’t say ‘meet us for dinner at 7’ and then not turn up or not tell you where they are eating. 

[MscleLovr]

13 hours ago, Whippoorwill said:

Masseurs and escorts tend to be young.…tend not to have an adult in the room supervising their customer communications.

I can’t comment on masseurs and escorts as I haven’t hired in years. But I use text a lot in setting up and confirming other arrangements, so I don’t think it’s a failing or a lack of courtesy confined to young men. I visited good friends, both mid-70s, in another country last month; we had a pleasant dinner together, yet I had a similar experience.

• Two days before I was leaving, my hotel out-of-the-blue gave me a voucher for dinner. (The hotel voucher was enough to cover dinner for 4).
• I texted my friends at 5pm  to ask if they were free and able to join me for a free dinner. I saw my message was read shortly afterwards but they didn’t reply that night. 
• I enquired again the next day at 10.30; again my message was read but no response.
• After 24 hours of silence, on my last night I invited another friend who accepted with alacrity. As he and I were eating dinner, I had a text from my older friends saying ‘Yes, we can come. What time?’

[BtmBearDad]

Reading through this entire thread, I find one thing stands out - texting is such a flat medium, so what may be thought of by a provider as a succinct reply, is perceived by the potential client as rude. 

I think that’s key - distinguishing between blatant rudeness vs perceived rudeness. 

There’s been some comments made about how this is just like any other sales business, that may be true to an extent, but big picture, it’s really not. Other sales transactions are offering the inanimate for X price. In this hobby, it’s the animate that’s being offered. Personally, I think comparing the two can come off as a bit degrading to the provider. 

Also, time wasters are not an urban legend. They exist, and I suspect some are members here either as lurkers or contributors. 

My practice is when I come across a provider I’m intrigued by, I read the profile fully, and I’ll use my VPN to read the reviews. I’ll come on here to look for info and/or post a 411 inquiry. I’ll also on occasion read out to RM clients who posted reviews to inquire. Only then do I initiate contact. Just a few short lines expressing an interest, inviting them to view my RM client profile, and asking them to reply whether they think we’d be a match. Since I’m normally travelling on business, I let them know that with the caveat that I’m free these times, but there may need to be some flexibility if something work related comes up.  Depending on how the provider replies determines whether I continue or reply with a polite decline. 

I know how many texts, and emails I get daily both work, and personal, so I appreciate providers don’t have the time or inclination to engage in lengthy electronic conversations. In addition to this business, many have other demanding careers, as well as their personal lives they need to attend to. It’s unrealistic to expect near instant replies and/or friendly text chats right off the bat. That may in fact develop should you, and the provider click, but it’s not something I would expect. 

Anyway, just my tuppence. Don’t overreact, don’t read into what’s not there, not intended. Do your homework, and be concise in your initial inquiry. This hobby is supposed to fun! 
 

Cheers, 
BBD 

[Thelatin]

Are you folks spending the last dollars you’ll ever earn?   I spend less time buying a car. 

[Todd Jenkins]

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

You may! I don’t mind that. But it’s the lack of communication that is the problem. What stops someone from communicating that their plans changed? They changed their mind? Who asks for a time and then simply ignores you? I bet your clients don’t say ‘meet us for dinner at 7’ and then not turn up or not tell you where they are eating. 

Oh, TOTALLY agree! Communication is KEY!

[+ ThroatCummer]

Alright, so how do you handle something like this exchange I had yesterday?  Note the provider had three pictures, all are headless and from the shoulders down. 

ME/Client: "Hey man. Love your profile. Are you always in [MY CITY] or just visiting? I'm away this week but get home on Thursday and would be interested in spending some time together on Friday evening or Saturday evening if you're local. I'm [NAME]. More information about me and pictures are in my client profile on here if you want to take a look. "

HIM/Provider:  "Hi [NAME]. I’m local to [MY CITY], yes.  I’m [HIS NAME]. Anytime you want to book let me know and be well. Safe travels"

Me/Client: "Thanks for the quick reply, way cool. Any chance you have a few more pics you can share before I can commit to some time? That would be helpful for me and I am trying not to come off as a pic collector because I know most guys are just looking for pics and don't follow through. 🙂"

HIM/Provider:  "No problem. Here you go..."  [SENDS FIVE PICS]

 

Now here is the dilemma. I'm really not attracted to his face or his look now that I have seen more. The faceless pics were kind of hot, but I need the whole package, and it's just not there now.

So, what is the appropriate response here as a client who doesn't intend to book?  Just a "Thank you" seems too short so I didn't reply at all and that was last night.  What should I say, if anything? 

I also don't think I can be 100% authentic here and say the true reason: "Thanks for the pictures. After looking at them, I have decided we aren't a match. Be safe and have a good weekend."  That's just -- mean? 

I'm genuinely curious from the view of providers on here, because otherwise without a response, I am just a pic collector to this provider -- which was certainly not the case. 

The reason for this post is so that we can all learn, not just myself. 

Edited February 21, 2023 by ThroatCummer

[+ José Soplanucas]

26 minutes ago, ThroatCummer said:

"Thanks for the pictures. After looking at them, I have decided we aren't a match. Be safe and have a good weekend."

I think it is perfect. Kind, honest, and straight to the point.

[jtwalker]

I can't imagine how incredibly dull it would be to field text messages from so many fake interested parties all day long.  Then, everyone is impatient, while nobody wants you to text while you are with them.  I'm sure this is the crappiest part of the job.

I try to cut the guys a little slack, be succinct and to the point, and hope for the best.  If someone is just flat our rude, I'll move on, but that is seldom the case.  It's usually just a lot of one-word answers.

[Becket]

IMHO a lot of people are "rude" via text. But it has to be the format more than the people.  It just happens too often.

[bigdipper]

And does anyone think it’s rude if a provider doesn’t reply to an introductory text with all the info about you up front? Or is it just me? Been getting a lot of no responses period from providers. 

[kyleham]

I find if they're rude in communication it's not a good sign. I don't care how hot they are I PASS

[Boink]

On 2/21/2023 at 3:51 PM, bigdipper said:

And does anyone think it’s rude if a provider doesn’t reply to an introductory text with all the info about you up front? Or is it just me? Been getting a lot of no responses period from providers. 

It's not just you. And I agree - no response at all is a form of rudeness.

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, Boink said:

It's not just you. And I agree - no response at all is a form of rudeness.

 No response….is a response. 

I just put them down on my "don’t contact again" list. 

It takes 2 seconds to reply "Sorry, I’m not available".

[+ DrownedBoy]

I just have one question for clients who travel internationally:

 

In countries where escorting is legal, how do providers treat potential clients?

[+ nycman]

1 hour ago, DrownedBoy said:

I just have one question for clients who travel internationally:

 

In countries where escorting is legal, how do providers treat potential clients?

I’ve never noticed much difference. 

Although, I prefer to hire in London, so maybe there is?

[BtmBearDad]

I’ve never noticed a difference in countries where services legal or decriminalised 🤷🏼‍♂️

[coriolis888]

2 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

I just have one question for clients who travel internationally:

 

In countries where escorting is legal, how do providers treat potential clients?

It depends where and how you meet the person. 

If you meet the person in a sauna or similar type meeting place in their country, generally the provider is nice because they want your business. 

On the other hand, if you respond to an ad listing the person local but foreign, often the person has an attitude and will reject a normal fee even though the fee is generous.

Some providers have the nerve to ask for a deposit then do not show up or call. 

Some ask outrageous prices after they learn you are American or not from their area.  

Rudeness seems to work for providers regardless of where you or they are located.  

[buckguy]

Five pages and yet rather few examples. Texting has been around for something like 15 years and this seems like the kind of thread we saw 15 years ago. Texts are terse. I don't mind that. I don't like embroidery. If a provider doesn't respond? I assume their not available--I'm not offended. This sort of thing has been common for quite awhile.

[coriolis888]

On 2/25/2023 at 1:01 PM, DrownedBoy said:

I just have one question for clients who travel internationally:

 

In countries where escorting is legal, how do providers treat potential clients?

You have a question that can have any answer. 

In some foreign countries where prostitution is legal, you can get treated very well.  Brazil for example is generally an excellent place for meeting and being treated well. 

On the other hand, some other countries where prostitution supposed to be legal, the hustlers are quite difficult. 

Sorry not to give you a more definitive answer.   

Edited February 28, 2023 by coriolis888

[IamAdamRose]

First of all, this is why i have a personal & a work phone but clients, please don’t send explicit pictures to a providee before even discussing anything…. Its pretty irritating & inconsiderate & i’m pretty sure i just dont speak for myself as a provider… its common courtesy