Are “being in love” and hiring compatible?

[+ 7829V]

I’m seeing this guy. And I thing I’m falling for him. And have no desire of being with anyone else… I know that usually the “in love” phase does not last forever… just wondering if anyone can comment on this. Can you be in love and hire at the same time. I think I can’t. For better of for worse.

Also I don’t think I can cheat. The lies, the drama, the hiding is not for me. Too much stress…

[MscleLovr]

Is the guy you’re “falling for” a working guy that you’ve hired @7829V ?

If so, I bet it’s happened to many of us. If you hire a guy who’s very much your ideal physical type and you have great sex together, it’s easy to develop feelings. Our hormonal response is excited by good sex, and the endorphins released don’t distinguish between a guy you meet ordinarily and a guy you’ve hired to fulfil your desires. 

[rawandorderguy]

no doubt they're compatible! 

Many gay men are in open relationships, they share a life, home, pets, etc. with the man they love and want to have sex on the side. 

[+ nycman]

I’m confused……

Are you a John who is falling in love with a rentboy?

Or….

Are you a John who is falling in love with a regular guy? And thus stressing bout falling in love with a “normal guy", and the impact that will have on your firing, and vice versa.

Two very different questions….just looking for clarification.

[+ The Big Guy]

3 hours ago, 7829V said:

I’m seeing this guy. And I thing I’m falling for him. And have no desire of being with anyone else… I know that usually the “in love” phase does not last forever… just wondering if anyone can comment on this. Can you be in love and hire at the same time. I think I can’t. For better of for worse.

Also I don’t think I can cheat. The lies, the drama, the hiding is not for me. Too much stress…

Sounds like a great problem to have.  Glad you are falling in love - it’s only happened to me once.  Also the fact that you have no desire to be with anyone else tells me that this may me love.  Yes, you can be in love and hire but you both need to communicate about the situation and only do it if you both agree. One way I went about this was to have a conversation about what me and my partners sexual fantasies include.   This raised the idea of having a threesome and we were both intrigued but have never acted on it.  Best wishes to you. 

[+ 7829V]

3 hours ago, MscleLovr said:

Is the guy you’re “falling for” a working guy that you’ve hired @7829V ?

If so, I bet it’s happened to many of us. If you hire a guy who’s very much your ideal physical type and you have great sex together, it’s easy to develop feelings. Our hormonal response is excited by good sex, and the endorphins released don’t distinguish between a guy you meet ordinarily and a guy you’ve hired to fulfil your desires. 

No, this is just a regular guy. We met online. And we’ve been “dating”(ish) for a couple of months. But I think I’m falling for him really bad. He’s not at that point yet. But I used to hire masseurs weekly. And now that interest is gone. 

[+ 7829V]

2 hours ago, rawandorderguy said:

no doubt they're compatible! 

Many gay men are in open relationships, they share a life, home, pets, etc. with the man they love and want to have sex on the side. 

Thanks for the feedback.  And an open relationship  wouldn’t work with this guy. And I don’t really want an open relationship. I wouldn’t feel right for me at this point. 

[+ 7829V]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

I’m confused……

Are you a John who is falling in love with a rentboy?

Or….

Are you a John who is falling in love with a regular guy? And thus stressing bout falling in love with a “normal guy", and the impact that will have on your firing, and vice versa.

Two very different questions….just looking for clarification.

Sorry I was not clear enough. I’m just a regular guy who used to hire masseurs very often. And now that interest has gone down to zero… because I’m falling for this guy I met. And was just wondering if hiring and being in love are really compatible. Just wanted to hear experiences others might’ve had. 

[+ 7829V]

1 hour ago, The Big Guy said:

Sounds like a great problem to have.  Glad you are falling in love - it’s only happened to me once.  Also the fact that you have no desire to be with anyone else tells me that this may me love.  Yes, you can be in love and hire but you both need to communicate about the situation and only do it if you both agree. One way I went about this was to have a conversation about what me and my partners sexual fantasies include.   This raised the idea of having a threesome and we were both intrigued but have never acted on it.  Best wishes to you. 

Thanks for your feedback and for sharing your experience. Yeah. I agree. Having these feelings is great. I already won whatever happens. Because he is making me feel things I thought I would never feel again. 😌🥰

[pubic_assistance]

Cathexis: def. The investment of energy in an object, idea, or person is known as cathexis. Since the id does not distinguish between a mental image and reality, it may not lead to direct action to satisfy a need. Instead, the id may simply form an image of the desired object that is satisfying in the short term but does not fulfill the need in the long term. For example, a person who is hungry may create a mental image of a desired food rather than actually eating.

[+ Charlie]

My spouse and I fell in love the day we met, and by the time we were ready to go to sleep, we decided that we would live together. However, after a couple of weeks, we both confessed that we didn't want a monogamous relationship, because we were both still attracted sexually to other men, and we wanted to be honest about that. Each of us also had some sexual interests that the other didn't share. Therefore, although our love for one another has lasted for 54 years, we worked out a relationship that included the possibility of sex with other men, as long as each of us knew what the other was doing. We also recognized the danger that one of us could "fall in love" with another sexual partner, but we were prepared to accept the fact if it happened. In fact, it did happen a couple of times, but it always turned into a passing infatuation rather than a permanent relationship, and we were able to ride out the episode in the long run, even though it necessitated a couple of trial separations. Where love is concerned, what will happen, will happen.

[+ keroscenefire]

8 hours ago, 7829V said:

Thanks for the feedback.  And an open relationship  wouldn’t work with this guy. And I don’t really want an open relationship. I wouldn’t feel right for me at this point. 

I think if you have zero interest in other guys then that's a good thing and you really probably don't need to hire or open anything up at this point. Relationships change though and maybe at some point you (or your partner or both of you) will want to open it up in some way. That could be months or years or might never happen.

In some ways I feel like masseurs would a better way of opening it up. I guess there is the stigma of hiring a sex worker, but I also feel like such relationships are more temporary and transactional and not likely to result in developing feelings (though that can sometimes happen too). 

Anyway good luck with your new relationship. I'm kinda in one too and we'll see where it goes and what this means with hiring. I'm not sure yet either.

[liubit]

5 hours ago, Charlie said:

My spouse and I fell in love the day we met, and by the time we were ready to go to sleep, we decided that we would live together. However, after a couple of weeks, we both confessed that we didn't want a monogamous relationship, because we were both still attracted sexually to other men, and we wanted to be honest about that. Each of us also had some sexual interests that the other didn't share. Therefore, although our love for one another has lasted for 54 years, we worked out a relationship that included the possibility of sex with other men, as long as each of us knew what the other was doing.

This is my situation too, except that it has been going on for “only” 20+ years, not 54 like in your case, @Charlie. It has worked great for my spouse and I, but of course YMMV. 

[jeezifonly]

Give your new interest a chance. It’s only been a couple of “ish” months. Losing interest in intimacy with others during a new fling is normal. Try to reserve the L word for later. 2-ish months is too-ish soon.

If massage is therapeutic in nature, don’t worry. You can always ask a good bodyworker to not take it to conclusion. 

[+ cougar]

17 hours ago, Charlie said:

 Therefore, although our love for one another has lasted for 54 years, we worked out a relationship that included the possibility of sex with other men, as long as each of us knew what the other was doing. 

My goodness Charlie! Fifty-four years, that is monumental! I do not even know if I can comprehend that, but I do know I must give you my best and wish the best for you two forever! Congratulations.

[+ Charlie]

I'd like to pretend I was a child bride, like Jerry Lee Lewis's second wife, but I had actually been around the block for eight years before we met, so I was no starry-eyed innocent.🤩

[pubic_assistance]

My wife and I married as best friends after many years of dating around. We are both bisexual and have always enjoyed active sex lives. So when neither of us found that perfect person in others we decided to do our (previously a joke) "Plan B". We love each other dearly but live on another celestial plane from some other couples . We are happy for each other even if our "fun" is found with someone else for an hour or two . Sex is merely one expression of love. And sex doesn't always equate with love. When I am with my wife it's different than a hook up with a male partner. Compartmentalizing is the way you feel you are not "cheating".  You need to drop a lot of preconditioning that you may have about what makes a successful relationship.

 

[+ Lucky]

In gay relationships, I find monogamy and fidelity to be two different things. One involves the dick and the other involves the heart.

[pubic_assistance]

On 11/3/2022 at 8:28 AM, Lucky said:

In gay relationships, I find monogamy and fidelity to be two different things. One involves the dick and the other involves the heart.

I think gay men definitely have a handle on this far more frequently than heterosexual couples do.

But in my opinion bisexual couples are the masters of emotional monogamy in an open sexual relationship.