Weirdest session with a client

[Daniel84]

I had a client yesterday that I have seen once before. He was a very nice guy but very shy. Last night he books me after flaking on my this past Saturday. I arrive to his apartment and he was very upset. He lost a friend a couple of months ago. He booked me for 4 hours of a BF experience. 

Things were good untill he started telling he wanted to kill himself , how he was going to die and even he thought of paying someone to kill him. I lost a my cousin to suicide and I don't take it lightly when anyone says they want to die. After two hours of trying to help him and feel better I was mental exhausted and couldn't handle the constant barrage and details how he would die. 

I told him I'm sorry but I have to go early and charged for 2 hours instead of the 4 hours. I told h to contact the suicide help line or call 911. I get home from his apt at 2:30am and I left with a barrage of texts how I'm horrible and I am pos. I ignored it hoping I can reach out to him this morning to see if he's ok. 

I wake up this morning with two 1 star reviews from him, I am really upset with this as my rm profile has 51 5 star reviews, and rent masseur has 30+ reviews. 

I honestly feel like I did everything I was capable of, I'm not a phycologist nor am I trained mental health therapist. I contacted RM and rentmasseur and they won't remove the reviews. 

I don't know what to do; would one outliner of a review Crater my businesses? 

Thanks for reading and letting me vent my disappointments. 

 

 

 

 

[John]

No it won't, and it is a lesson for us about what might be behind those odd negative reviews.

[CuriousByNature]

Are you able to post a reply to the review and indicate that the individual was out of sorts and grief-stricken, and that you tried to advise him to contact the appropriate people since you are not trained to provide psychological therapy?  It very much sounds like that is what he needs, unfortunately.

[BananaBagel]

Since he won’t say thank you I will - thanks for trying to help this guy. 

[former lurker]

The only other thing you could have done would have been to try and get him to agree to go to the emergency room for a psych hold.  If he refused, that would be the extent of what you could do.  My brother committed suicide.  We knew he was distraught, but not that he'd be suicidal.  His lack of a prior diagnosis made a court-mandated hospitalization unavailable and he refused any professional treatment.  Attempts to reason with him fell short.  It will be ten years soon, and I still miss him every day. 

[maninsoma]

1. You should request that his reviews be removed.

2. He really put you in a horrible position.  Many years ago a new boss did the same to me and I'll admit that I was less patient with him than you were with this client.  I basically told him that I wasn't equipped to help him with his wanting to kill himself and said that if he was serious then I would have to call 911 right then so a crisis team could come assess him and take him to the hospital if need be.  He didn't want me to do that and told me that he was just upset.  I was sympathetic but told him he needed to seek out professional counseling.  In the end, he was just an emotionally manipulative SOB for whom I had the misfortune of working for a year or so.

[RadioRob]

At the end of the day, you did nothing wrong.  You have to take care of yourself first and foremost above anything else.  

You tried to help as much as you could, including giving him resources for additional assistance, etc.  As much as we would like, you can only lead a horse to water.  You can't make them drink it.

In terms of the bad review, as soon as you get to any sort of real quantity... it's bound to happen.  Just remember at the end of the day, no matter what you do, you will not be able to please 100% of everyone you ever meet.  Keep doing what you're doing and keep doing the right thing.  In the end, it will work itself out.  The good reviews will hopefully outnumber the bad reviews.  

When I personally look at reviews, I'm looking for trends and commonalities in what someone says.  If someone has absolutely NO bad reviews, in some cases I almost wonder if they're either fake or that the reviews there might be faked.  

[Golem]

Sounds like the OP did what he could.  Clearly the client ended up needing something different from what he booked.

For the rest of us... I would urge some kindness towards people expressing suicidal ideation.  Dude was clearly in pain and struggling to deal with it.  He did what many people do when they are feeling that low -- which is to reach out in a flailing, poorly targeted way.  He had a positive interaction with someone who he (rightly!) assessed as being a caring individual... and then asked for help in a way that wasn't a good fit for what that person could offer.

This doesn't mean that he was being manipulative, and it definitely doesn't mean that he needs to be involuntarily hospitalized or assessed by a crisis team.  Hospitalization has its place, but it is a BIG leap to go there -- temporarily giving up your autonomy can be helpful in some cases, but it can do real damage in others.

However rough a position he put the OP in... let's take a step back and recognize that the client is in a dramatically worse position.  The world is a hard place, and he deserves our sympathy.  We can appreciate the OP as a good guy, while still having sympathy for the struggling client.

[Luv2play]

I consult RM regularly and am a premium client. I sometimes read negative reviews which are followed up with a reply from the provider. The replies that stand out and win my sympathy are those that explain the situation in a non-inflamatory way and give the other side of the story. Then potential clients are left to judge for themselves. 

To me its the best way to handle this if RM is unwilling to remove the review. Your many 5 star reviews will speak for themselves.

[Rod Hagen]

RM and RentMasseur won't remove the reviews?  What the fuck?  That's ridiculous.  You've been at this awhile and have total credibility.   Sucks dude, very very sorry.

 

Good news is that with your history, and your large number of 5* reviews, nobody, at least nobody you'd want to work with, will be deterred by a single 1 * review.  

Edited July 28, 2022 by Rod Hagen

[wsc]

Jumping into the water to save a drowning man, when you yourself can't swim, only raises the body count.

Recognizing that you were in over your head with this client and disengaging from him while offering sage advice to get professional help, was the most and best assistance you could give him.

My sympathies for the tough spot you were put in, and my respect for the way you conducted yourself.

[+ nycman]

23 hours ago, Golem said:

This doesn't mean that he was being manipulative, and it definitely doesn't mean that he needs to be involuntarily hospitalized or assessed by a crisis team.

I politely disagree. 

The “client" needed to hire a mental health professional, not an escort. 
Only a fool doesn’t know the difference. Both have their places in our
lives, but the two should never cross. As presented, what the client did 
was at the very least cruel and unusual. And yes, he bears the burden of
responsibility for his reprehensible behavior. Unfortunately, that’s a novel
concept in today’s world.

And if he truly is so out of control that he didn’t realize what he was doing 
was wrong, then an evaluation by a crisis team is imperative and perhaps
life saving. I’m of course going along with the pretense that he was in fact 
suicidal and not just a manipulative xunt. But to be honest, given the effort
it took to write a shitty review the next day, of an innocent bystander, who
apparently tried to help you, I’m leaning more towards manipulative xunt. 

Mental health is no laughing matter, but neither are psychopaths. 

[Golem]

I don't know what to say.  I sincerely hope that none of you ever have an acquaintance or a colleague who's in a dark place and turns to you for help, even though you're not really close enough to be an appropriate choice.

 

People should absolutely be held to account for their impact on others, and for their bad choices -- but when they are so miserable that they are actively expressing a desire to end their life?

Maybe not the best time for that.

 

I don't think this is a complicated concept.

[maninsoma]

34 minutes ago, Golem said:

I don't know what to say.  I sincerely hope that none of you ever have an acquaintance or a colleague who's in a dark place and turns to you for help, even though you're not really close enough to be an appropriate choice.

 

People should absolutely be held to account for their impact on others, and for their bad choices -- but when they are so miserable that they are actively expressing a desire to end their life?

Maybe not the best time for that.

 

I don't think this is a complicated concept.

Are you a trained mental health professional?  If so, I find it odd that you would argue that it's more appropriate for a layperson to try to counsel someone who is expressing suicidal ideation (and maybe even a plan) versus that person, with empathy, advising the struggling person that it's clear they need help from someone more equipped to actually help them.  I don't think anyone is suggesting that an appropriate response is to just walk away without expressing any concern or suggesting a better course of action for that person to seek help, but I think it's potentially dangerous for someone who doesn't have training in assessing someone's suicide risk to wade into those waters.

[Golem]

Huh?  I'm not arguing that.  I have not argued that.  At all.  Like, please point to where I said ANY OF THAT.  This is a crazy straw man.  I've literally said that I agreed with the OP's actions.

What I HAVE been arguing is that we can have some frigging sympathy for the client, and others in that miserable position, rather than calling them "emotionally manipulative", a "fool", "cruel", and (speculatively) a "manipulative xunt".

That's all.

[maninsoma]

6 hours ago, Golem said:

Huh?  I'm not arguing that.  I have not argued that.  At all.  Like, please point to where I said ANY OF THAT.  This is a crazy straw man.  I've literally said that I agreed with the OP's actions.

What I HAVE been arguing is that we can have some frigging sympathy for the client, and others in that miserable position, rather than calling them "emotionally manipulative", a "fool", "cruel", and (speculatively) a "manipulative xunt".

That's all.

You flat out said he didn't need to be assessed by a crisis team.  That's the part I was responding to. 

[pubic_assistance]

Lonliness can be incredibly painful and confusing for some.

Sadly most Americans have an aversion to psychological help when they need it most.

Alcohol, drugs and "hired company," are not unusual first choices to try and cover the pain.