Experience/Opinions on casual dating with client/escorts

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I will mention, this can even include a client or provider that one has only met once, but then chemistry was there to where things were able to develop away from paid meets into a dating or regular fuck bud situation.

 

I ask because I was seeing a client who hired me about 6 months ago (he was only a couple years older than me). Things were going well, or so I thought...but then it started becoming clear that he had multiple “issues”; unresolved family, sex/porn addiction (most of our meets involved him wanting to have sex or constant affection 2 to 3 times per overnight stay, and we would video but he didn’t want me posting on fans platform), prescription, control, trust, and other issues with everything related to the “datingship” we had going on. He also started having issues with me as a person, and waited til he chose to take up a stressful job out of state, a couple weeks before Christmas, to tell me all the things he didn’t like about me ??‍♂️ . Meanwhile trying to make something work from a distance for the both of us. Which didn’t.

 

I had initially and occasionally told him, I liked that we had a steady thing going, but that I didn’t want to start calling it “boyfriends”. And that’s mainly because I know some gay dating can be drama filled, and I was seeing signs of that with him, even though he claimed to live a quiet, drama free life. I also knew he wasn’t monogamous, and I wasn’t going to sign up to an “open relationship” until things progressed more.

 

But as it turned out, he was definitely about drama. Though it was more of the emotional and anxiety type, versus the wild and crazy at the bar type. Regardless, drama is drama. At the end of the day, it’s certainly got me rethinking again how and why I decided to stay in this. I feel some clients can make great occasional FWBs, supportive business partners, etc. But it seems like having steady dating situations with many, is tricky. I’ve conveyed this to a couple good close clients, and the more “mature” guys in their 50s and up seem to be fine with and understand this. This the first time I’ve tried with someone closer to my age though.

 

However even with older guys, I’m just wondering how others maintain a casual friendship, without it stepping into drama territory where dating gets involved.

[Jamie21]

I think it safest to keep things separate if possible. One of my clients has become a friend and I’ve been away on holiday with him as friends (I paid my accommodation but he paid flights and most of the holiday spending though) and it’s great. We get on well as friends and I’ve almost forgotten I first met him as a client (he hired me for about 8 sessions before it became a friends situation).

 

A couple of clients have wanted it to develop further but I’m definitely not looking for a relationship. If I felt differently about them it could be difficult I guess....

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Sausage is delicious.

 

Never ask how it's made.

[+ nycman]

If you’re trying to catch a boyfriend, I’d say you’re fishing in the wrong pond.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

If you’re trying to catch a boyfriend, I’d say you’re fishing in the wrong pond.

 

Right, which in my case I wasn't looking...but it just played out that way.

 

 

I think it safest to keep things separate if possible. One of my clients has become a friend and I’ve been away on holiday with him as friends (I paid my accommodation but he paid flights and most of the holiday spending though) and it’s great. We get on well as friends and I’ve almost forgotten I first met him as a client (he hired me for about 8 sessions before it became a friends situation).

 

A couple of clients have wanted it to develop further but I’m definitely not looking for a relationship. If I felt differently about them it could be difficult I guess....

 

That's a good way to go about it. I had a client-friend suggest an international trip later in the year. On a recent local trip, there was a couple of things that probably would need to be considered before taking on something like that.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Sausage is delicious.

 

Never ask how it's made.

 

Lol... please elaborate.

[+ 7829V]

Is my impression that your posts are always about something bad or negative. I hope your life is also filled with positive things that you can be thankful for

[Storm4U]

I have boundaries. My clients are my clients. My friends are my friends. People I date are people I date. I don’t blur those lines or cross those boundaries. Having boundaries is very healthy.

Edited January 14, 2021 by Storm4U

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Is my impression that your posts are always about something bad or negative. I hope your life is also filled with positive things that you can be thankful for

 

Well that’s only if you choose to read only the negative parts of the posts. I mentioned both negative and positive aspects of the question I posted, but if you only see the negative...that says more about how you interpret the message.

Edited January 14, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I have boundaries. My clients are my clients. My friends are friends. People I date are people I date. I don’t blur those lines or cross those boundaries. Having boundaries is very healthy.

 

That’s true. But I guess what made things “blurry”, is that this same person had dated a guy, who is now involved with someone I had a hot fling with ?

 

I know that’s not directly relevant, but it seems like I could have just as easily met this client/boyfriend on Grindr, instead of RentMen where he found me.

 

However, there have been conversations with him where I’ve had to say: I’m not an escort 24/7. I also told him he would seem to expect me to “perform” on every encounter. I told him that escort sex and private sex are not the same thing for me. He seemed to enjoy rough, aggressive fuck sessions...but that’s fantasy. Partly due to his insatiable porn addiction. That’s not something sustainable after being with someone for 6 months.

 

Even though the fantasy is what sells the whole experience; someone has to understand that fantasy is not a personality.

Edited January 14, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Monarchy79]

I will mention, this can even include a client or provider that one has only met once, but then chemistry was there to where things were able to develop away from paid meets into a dating or regular fuck bud situation.

 

I ask because I was seeing a client who hired me about 6 months ago (he was only a couple years older than me). Things were going well, or so I thought...but then it started becoming clear that he had multiple “issues”; unresolved family, sex/porn addiction (most of our meets involved him wanting to have sex or constant affection 2 to 3 times per overnight stay, and we would video but he didn’t want me posting on fans platform), prescription, control, trust, and other issues with everything related to the “datingship” we had going on. He also started having issues with me as a person, and waited til he chose to take up a stressful job out of state, a couple weeks before Christmas, to tell me all the things he didn’t like about me ??‍♂️ . Meanwhile trying to make something work from a distance for the both of us. Which didn’t.

 

I had initially and occasionally told him, I liked that we had a steady thing going, but that I didn’t want to start calling it “boyfriends”. And that’s mainly because I know some gay dating can be drama filled, and I was seeing signs of that with him, even though he claimed to live a quiet, drama free life. I also knew he wasn’t monogamous, and I wasn’t going to sign up to an “open relationship” until things progressed more.

 

But as it turned out, he was definitely about drama. Though it was more of the emotional and anxiety type, versus the wild and crazy at the bar type. Regardless, drama is drama. At the end of the day, it’s certainly got me rethinking again how and why I decided to stay in this. I feel some clients can make great occasional FWBs, supportive business partners, etc. But it seems like having steady dating situations with many, is tricky. I’ve conveyed this to a couple good close clients, and the more “mature” guys in their 50s and up seem to be fine with and understand this. This the first time I’ve tried with someone closer to my age though.

 

However even with older guys, I’m just wondering how others maintain a casual friendship, without it stepping into drama territory where dating gets involved.

 

Whew Lawd..... LOL

 

If the phrase “It’s Complicated”, came with a visual moniker, your picture would be front & center.

????

 

It’s not an insult (so please don’t take offense), but I sincerely hope that you are at least somewhat aware that you appear to be a magnet to some complicated scenarios. And in each of these scenarios, there’s

one common denominator. You.

 

Although your stories are quite entertaining, it just seems as if you never have a good stretch of time where life is just running smoothly.

 

I sincerely hope that you reach that point in your life where you realize that life and people are quite simple, and the approach to getting the results you want (and don’t want) out of both, are literally a product of simple decision making.

 

Trust me when I tell you that aporoaching life with simplicity, not trying to understand the intentions, or psyche of others (overanalyzing), and making firm, clear decisions based on a mix of logic and common sense, will save you a lot of time & energy, and will reward you with so much peace.

 

❤️☺️

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Whew Lawd..... LOL

 

If the phrase “It’s Complicated”, came with a visual moniker, your picture would be front & center.

????

 

It’s not an insult (so please don’t take offense), but I sincerely hope that you are at least somewhat aware that you appear to be a magnet to some complicated scenarios. And in each of these scenarios, there’s

one common denominator. You.

 

Although your stories are quite entertaining, it just seems as if you never have a good stretch of time where life is just running smoothly.

 

I sincerely hope that you reach that point in your life where you realize that life and people are quite simple, and the approach to getting the results you want (and don’t want) out of both, are literally a product of simple decision making.

 

Trust me when I tell you that aporoaching life with simplicity, not trying to understand the intentions, or psyche of others (overanalyzing), and making firm, clear decisions based on a mix of logic and common sense, will save you a lot of time & energy, and will reward you with so much peace.

 

❤☺

 

I get what you're saying. And I'm not negating the fact that I should have seen that things might have not been what they seemed early on, but I'm the type to try and let things flow... and enjoying it for what it is before making a decision.

 

It's not about trying to psychoanalysize the situation, but it's what I had observed. Sometimes it does take a bit of understanding about where a person may be, to interpret why things turn out the way they can. The whole point of that is suggesting that perhaps, those who come to us as clients, may not be at a place in life where they can maintain a relationship for whatever reason, even though some come with the subconscious expectation of getting that from an escort.

 

That guy, portrayed to me as if he was relationship material, initiated signs of wanting to be in a relationship, but ultimately was not at all able or willing to sustain one. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted someone who he could control and meet his insatiable sexual appetite and need for validation. When he didn't get it, he wasn't trying to do any real work, to make it work. He was still in "I'm the client, you're the whore" mode.

 

If you want to get real, I can get real. 100%.

Edited January 14, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Lazarus]

I’m confused...was he paying you or were you giving him your time & sex free of charge?

[Monarchy79]

I get what you're saying. And I'm not negating the fact that I should have seen that things might have not been what they seemed early on, but I'm the type to try and let things flow... and enjoying it for what it is before making a decision.

 

It's not about trying to psychoanalysize the situation, but it's what I had observed. Sometimes it does take a bit of understanding about where a person may be, to interpret why things turn out the way they can. The whole point of that is suggesting that perhaps, those who come to us as clients, may not be at a place in life where they can maintain a relationship for whatever reason, even though some come with the subconscious expectation of getting that from an escort.

 

That guy, portrayed to me as if he was relationship material, initiated signs of wanting to be in a relationship, but ultimately was not at all able or willing to sustain one. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted someone who he could control and meet his insatiable sexual appetite and need for validation. When he didn't get it, he wasn't trying to do any real work, to make it work. He was still in "I'm the client, you're the *****" mode.

 

If you want to get real, I can get real. 100%.

 

I understand.

However, you must always remember that you are running a business. And just like any business, you want to avoid all possible “conflicts of interest”.

 

Befriending a client beyond the expected pleasantries shared during the paid time spent, places you at risk of being exposed to parts of a client’s life that you’d rather remain unknown.

 

The simple solution to your situation with this guy:

Make your most recent meeting with him your last, and move on.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I’m confused...was he paying you or were you giving him your time & sex free of charge?

 

We originally met on Rentmen. Paid encounter. Then I reached out couple weeks later (it wasn't any agenda to get paid or not paid, I just did it as I usually follow up with clients I had a great time with). He wasn't in a position to pay for "services" this go around as he described it, but since he seemed like my type...I offered to meet on a non biz level. Since then, it remained on that level and we started dating.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I understand.

However, you must always remember that you are running a business. And just like any business, you want to avoid all possible “conflicts of interest”.

 

Befriending a client beyond the expected pleasantries shared during the paid time spent, places you at risk of being exposed to parts of a client’s life that you’d rather remain unknown.

 

The simple solution to your situation with this guy:

Make your most recent meeting with him your last, and move on.

 

Good point, but what difference does it make if it's a guy I met off grindr versus one at a social event? I mean, aren't we all vulnerable and guarded and have things we wish to have privacy about?

 

I've come to learn everybody has drama to some degree. Whether it's past or present. Nobody is perfect. I've been opening myself up more to dating clients, because I've done grindr, the gay bar, the socials, the networking...the whole 9, and at the end of the day, everybody has struggles and issues and improvements that can be done.

 

I know it sounds like I'm defending against my concerns, but I don't want to fall into this category of "I fucked up because I dated a guy who paid me for an encounter, and it didn't work because of that". When in reality, the same thing could have happened elsewhere.

 

And I'm sorry I was eager for someone. I admit. Maybe a little desperate. But living in a state where there's nothing but "straight" White men at the gym, and gays of color only come out online, I was eager to accept someone to love me and see me regularly. Unfortunately it turned out he was a basket case who needed far more emotional support than I could offer.

Edited January 14, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

Easy to say it but I wouldn’t date a guy I’d first met as a client. When that attraction happens it might not be possible to resist of course, I understand that, but I’m sure I wouldn’t initiate any ‘non professional’ contact after they’d booked me. I occasionally get clients who become infatuated with me and it’s difficult to let them down that a relationship isn’t going to happen whilst at the same time trying to keep them as a regular client. But I’d not initiate any sort of boyfriend relationship because they’ve not met the real me (and I’ve probably not met the real them either). That’s why I keep it separate.

 

When guys meet me professionally they’re not seeing the normal me. I’m performing / acting and it’s not necessarily how I’d be outside of the meeting. For most of my clients I’m attracted to them so the performance is easy and because I like sex and meeting people I can give them a great time. However it’s the nature of the work that some clients I meet are great to know and be with but I don’t feel sexually attracted to them. However I act as if I am and I make sure the sex is hot and they get what they’re looking for. I have no problem performing that way (or I wouldn’t escort) but it can be misleading for them if we seem to hit it off in every way when in reality I’ve performed a role in the sex. It’s work...it’s what they pay for, it’s why they booked me so it’s so difficult to tell them later on if a relationship has developed that the sex we had wasn’t real. That’s the problem with developing boyfriend relationships with clients, the professional nature of the initial meeting(s) has to be erased and it’s impossible to do that. Keep it separate!

[+ nycman]

Unfortunately it turned out he was a basket case who needed far more emotional support than I could offer.

Welcome to the dating world!

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Easy to say it but I wouldn’t date a guy I’d first met as a client. When that attraction happens it might not be possible to resist of course, I understand that, but I’m sure I wouldn’t initiate any ‘non professional’ contact after they’d booked me. I occasionally get clients who become infatuated with me and it’s difficult to let them down that a relationship isn’t going to happen whilst at the same time trying to keep them as a regular client. But I’d not initiate any sort of boyfriend relationship because they’ve not met the real me (and I’ve probably not met the real them either). That’s why I keep it separate.

 

When guys meet me professionally they’re not seeing the normal me. I’m performing / acting and it’s not necessarily how I’d be outside of the meeting. For most of my clients I’m attracted to them so the performance is easy and because I like sex and meeting people I can give them a great time. However it’s the nature of the work that some clients I meet are great to know and be with but I don’t feel sexually attracted to them. However I act as if I am and I make sure the sex is hot and they get what they’re looking for. I have no problem performing that way (or I wouldn’t escort) but it can be misleading for them if we seem to hit it off in every way when in reality I’ve performed a role in the sex. It’s work...it’s what they pay for, it’s why they booked me so it’s so difficult to tell them later on if a relationship has developed that the sex we had wasn’t real. That’s the problem with developing boyfriend relationships with clients, the professional nature of the initial meeting(s) has to be erased and it’s impossible to do that. Keep it separate!

 

Good points. And that’s part of what I had discussed with him, towards the latter parts of our seeing each other.

 

And like I say, I don’t normally go looking to turn these things into relationships. However, I’ve tried to be more open to allowing things to work...if the situation is right. Kinda similar to how porn stars may date one another, or escorts date one another, or even clients dating one another (usually not common unless said clients are a couple). Obviously those are different circumstances, but we’ve seen them work.

 

But it seems the whole thing was more about him wanting me to play a role, versus having a partner.

[Jamie21]

Good points. And that’s part of what I had discussed with him, towards the latter parts of our seeing each other.

 

And like I say, I don’t normally go looking to turn these things into relationships. However, I’ve tried to be more open to allowing things to work...if the situation is right. Kinda similar to how porn stars may date one another, or escorts date one another, or even clients dating one another (usually not common unless said clients are a couple). Obviously those are different circumstances, but we’ve seen them work.

 

But it seems the whole thing was more about him wanting me to play a role, versus having a partner.

Yes it seems like that, he still viewed you as a client would, except he was getting it free. Nothing wrong with you expecting he’d see it differently but I’d guess you’re up against it given the way it started.

With porn stars dating each other, or escorts dating each other at least you’re both coming from the same perspective. I could date an escort because I’d understand what he thinks given we both do the same job. Work sex is totally different from relationship sex and we’d both understand that.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Yes it seems like that, he still viewed you as a client would, except he was getting it free. Nothing wrong with you expecting he’d see it differently but I’d guess you’re up against it given the way it started.

With porn stars dating each other, or escorts dating each other at least you’re both coming from the same perspective. I could date an escort because I’d understand what he thinks given we both do the same job. Work sex is totally different from relationship sex and we’d both understand that.

 

Well if I can ask, what do you think of guys who have or are currently in some arrangement with a client? Perhaps the "client" does pay here and there for “sessions”, but there's a more involved relationship and/or friendship outside of the arrangement as well?

 

Because, I’ve had situations like that work as well. This particular one is likely the most involved and longest I’ve ever become with a client, that didn’t involve payment per session.

 

But actually, I had a different arrangement that went on for about a year and a half with a guy who did initially see me as a client, but we had an alternative arrangement down the line.

Edited January 15, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

I’ve a guy like that. He started as a client and booked me about 7 or 8 sessions over a year and then he invited me out for a meal (not a paid session, just as a friend) because we got on well and had similar interests. The meal went well (no sex afterwards...we went home separately!) and things developed into cinema visits etc. Now I’d seen him separately anyway at other times when we happened to meet at sex parties or the gym so I already knew him (and had fucked him at sex parties) so it was more complicated than just a client becoming a friend. But it works fine, he’s a friend and we meet for fun and do stuff together (holiday, meals etc) but no more paid client meetings which is fine by me. So it can work but not as a boyfriend type thing though.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

So it can work but not as a boyfriend type thing though.

 

Yeah, I feel like that’s where things got a bit muddled down the line. But I had originally discussed that, when he started asking me “what were we doing”. And I said back in the summer, I prefer to just be “good/regular friends who fuck, or friends with benefits“. Not just because of the label, but simply because he had things going on (like what I mentioned in the OP), and I had things going on. I was also living between 2 different cities, and didn’t want to feel obligated to stay in the one HE lived in, in order to maintain a relationship.

 

As time went on though, he just started voluntarily making boyfriend moves: holding my hand in public (which I had a discussion about my feelings on that, which he seemed okay with but later on wasn’t), telling me about his emotional needs and how they aren’t getting met. Then he’d come back from 2 months out of town for work, and start telling me I’m not there for him enough when I started traveling and staying in the other city I was at. I’m like dude, we never entered into a monogamous 1 on 1 relationship, so how the F can you sit here and make it seem like I’m obligated to meet your every emotional need?

 

So yeah, it’s done. All the way done. Well done. Like a Rib-eye ? Next time I’ll cut the drama sooner, he was just a drama ? waiting to go off ? Probably not client specific, but I have come across clients who seem to come off needy or want immediate attention, and it makes me wonder how they’d be in dating situations. Even had to tell one of my “demanding bottom” client that I can’t see him right now, because this falls too close to the situation I’m just getting out of.

Edited January 15, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Maximiliam]

I dont mind becoming friends down the line with escorts but dating no ?‍♂️ . I prefer escort that are not acting and allow them to be themselves and open . I am human and they are human . The service is just like getting haircut or massage . Sex is natural , stop making it something else or extra .

[Jamie21]

I dont mind becoming friends down the line with escorts but dating no ?‍♂️ . I prefer escort that are not acting and allow them to be themselves and open . I am human and they are human . The service is just like getting haircut or massage . Sex is natural , stop making it something else or extra .

Yes sex is natural. Guys hire escorts for many things but also for sex. The client chooses the escort, but the escort doesn’t choose the client. You may hope and think as a client that the escort is not acting and being themselves but it will not always be the case. The escort may not be attracted, but they have been hired, and so cannot say to their client “sorry I don’t feel attracted or I’m not horny”. So do you think they are being themselves if they show a performance of attraction to their client? This is after all their job, they have to perform whether they feel sexy or not. Of course if the client is attractive to the escort it is easy, but if not, then you act. The client knows no difference if you are a good escort.