Would you rather go to a bathhouse or gay bar?

[Mocha]

Assuming we’re talking for social and not business: Also assuming “I don’t drink” is not a determining factor. Assuming one can go to a gay bar, and have fun/pick up without drinking.

 

My go to has usually been gay bars/clubs for drinks, socializing and hookups. However, I know there’s a bit of a “chase” that can come about when going to bars. Not to mention, the risk of going “overboard” on drinks or the chance a DUI can be a nagging reason to just say fuck it, and stay in (just the other night I was pulled over by some b***h who asked if I was drinking, when I hadn’t even had a sip and just left the gym). In this little small town, I don’t even bother anyway. Too easy of a target.

 

Bathhouses seem to cut thru that chase. I’ve also run into other providers who frequent or prefer bath houses over going to a gay bar. I also realize bathhouses aren’t offered in every city (those areas usually run parties from home).

 

But when it comes down to it, I think the gay bars have a better quality of connection, whereas the bathhouse is a quicker guarantee of a connection...though one that usually doesn’t include exchanging numbers.

Edited March 3, 2019 by Mocha

[Zapped]

If I want to have sex, now, or at least in the next hour or two, it’s the bath house. Especially if I want to be in one of those in-the-moment group scenes that can happen in a steam room. Or watch. Or be watched.

 

If I want conversation, I’m not likely to get much of that at the baths!

[+ Charlie]

I never went to a bath house because I wanted to socialize, and I never went to a gay bar because I wanted to drink. My objective in each situation was to find someone with whom to have sex. The bath house was almost always more efficient at achieving that; with only one major exception, I never met anyone in a bath house with whom I developed an ongoing social relationship, as I did with guys I met in bars.

[+ Travis69]

For me bars are for listening to music and bathhouses are for sex. I love roaming around bathhouses and watching guys. Bathhouses are safer then taking a guy home. Never was into the sleeping over thing. Best part is in a bathhouse if the guy isn't as great as you thought he would be you pick up your towel and go searching again.

[+ g56whiz]

My partner and I met 30 years ago this coming Wednesday: at the ol Wall Street Sauna.

[+ Topseed]

Option C: None of the above.

[+ Axiom2001]

At my current age, I think I would choose neither and continue to solicit play times with escorts, but when in Brasil or Madrid or Barcelona, or any other city that provides this type of venue-- I'll definitely go to saunas and make the "best" of the situation.

 

No, I've never overdosed on men in these situations! :)

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

You're asking a question that has a ton of variables.

 

Bottom line, a bar and a US bath have very little in common. European baths are a whole other thing: They are VERY social.

 

Depending on the gay bar, conversation may or may not be possible.

 

If you're looking to get laid and you have the confidence to venture into a bath, it can be a fun option and the general lack of pretense is a great thing. The bar scene OTOH has never been for me. It's tough for me to defend something I don't really enjoy.

[+ sync]

Why not both, depending on your mood?

[+ tassojunior]

Trendy hip females still have not infested "gay" bathhouses.

 

They do have that.

[Monarchy79]

Why not both, depending on your mood?

Trendy hip females still have not infested "gay" bathhouses.

 

They do have that.

Not yet... soon enough, they’ll claim “gender discrimination”, and will demand entry.

[Phil_musc]

Geez, just imagine if that happens and word gets out that all thee women are now going to the baths, maybe there will be an influx of hot straight guys showing up at the baths. Some readers here might love that.

[+ HornyRetiree]

There was a time when the backrooms @ NYC bars offered quick interactions — not so much any more so the answers above agree with any additional comments I would make.

[LivingnLA]

I've only been to a bathhouse in the US once and it wasn't interesting to me. Way too risky and dangerous given the ease with which many sexually transmitted infections are spread.

 

http://fortune.com/2019/03/02/sexually-transmitted-infections-diseases/

 

If I were to seek socialization with men interested in men, I would probably check out "gay lounges" or "gay bars." I may be wrong, but I strongly doubt there's much socializing in a US gay bathhouse. They strike me as singularly focused on getting laid. I do enjoy spas around the world though because the ones I've been to have been chill socialization spaces. But, my experiences are probably limited.

[+ VictorPowers]

[Mocha]

And just after I posted this, I was invited to meet a client at a “swingers house”. It was like a bathhouse, for “all”. Just when I thought I’ve seen it all...nope.

 

But it’s true, I suppose you can (and many do) choose both. Start at 1 or the other, and then go on to the next. The most popular is the guys who leave the gay bar at 2 am and then go to the other “club”. I’ve concluded that’s about the least productive time to go.

 

I finally tried something toward the end of last year. Originally I was planning to go to the bath to “advertise”, because a couple of clients of mine told me they went. However, it seemed they were doing it for reasons not related to hiring. So I went during prime time, early in the evening to try it and “see what happens”, worst thing that could happen, I lose 11 bucks since I already had the 6 month membership.

 

I found 1 prospective client, but I won’t mention how many guys I ended up bringing to my room/going to theirs. I was supposed to be networking, instead I fell into the temptation of getting laid. And though it may seem risky, there was no infectious diseases spread (even got tested last month). So, baths can be safe, I personally have never contracted anything from them...then again there’s no guarantee but have to play safe and don’t get down with anybody I can’t see in the light lol.

 

However: after that I had no desire to return to the baths. I generally only go to 1 about once every 1 to 2 YEARS, maybe a couple times in a year. Reason being, I just feel some of those guys don’t know what they want. It’s like a buffet. And the whole anonymous sex/let’s get to biz ASAP thing kind of takes something out of it.

 

I suppose I like the bars because I like the challenge. Bath houses are too easy, but the sex seems watered down. The guys seem preoccupied with trying the whole buffet, the encounters at bathhouses seem to last like 5 to 10 minutes. I usually end up leaving feeling icky. I prefer to go to places where sex is the possibility rather than priority.

[+ Italiano]

Do West and East Side Club Saunas still exist in NYC?......

I used to go a lot in the early 90s to the East one, lots of fun, but when they opened the West Side it really declined. So I started to go to the West Side from the late 90s until the first decade of the 2000s, but it really started to decline a lot too after 2005/2006. It must be a good 8/9 years I have not been anymore, after a couple of really depressing experiences....

[+ Charlie]

I stopped going to the baths about a quarter century ago, when I finally accepted the fact that I was not my most attractive self when wandering around in just a towel.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

For me, this ongoing discussion raises the crux of why I enjoy baths: You can't bullshit a bathhouse.

 

Unlike Grindr, where people Facetune/edit/crop/morph the hell out of their profile pictures, a bath is face-front and for better or worse, the most honest way to hook up. You can make a snap decision as to whether you want to mess around with the guy or keep walking. No harm, no foul.

[hypothetically]

Do West and East Side Club Saunas still exist in NYC?......

I used to go a lot in the early 90s to the East one, lots of fun, but when they opened the West Side it really declined. So I started to go to the West Side from the late 90s until the first decade of the 2000s, but it really started to decline a lot too after 2005/2006. It must be a good 8/9 years I have not been anymore, after a couple of really depressing experiences....

 

Neither are worth an honorable mention. How they are still operating, I do not know.

[hypothetically]

You're asking a question that has a ton of variables.

 

Bottom line, a bar and a US bath have very little in common. European baths are a whole other thing: They are VERY social.

 

I’ve never enjoyed baths in the U.S. The baths in Europe (Spain, Germany, Belgium specifically) are a completely different experience. Love. But Europeans also have a different view on sex than Americans do.

[+ g56whiz]

Neither are worth an honorable mention. How they are still operating, I do not know.

Because there’s no competition in NYC.

[hypothetically]

Because there’s no competition in NYC.

 

Commercial rent is high. No immediate demand for one. Maybe someone will do a “pop up” bath for World Pride ??‍♂️

[BaronArtz]

I don't know about East or West Side Club in 2019, but there are a plethora of nude 'theme' parties at Paddles.

[+ quoththeraven]

Honest question: If there were sufficient separation of the various interest groups and a live and let live ethos all around, how would you feel about a place where people (not just men) met to pair off (or more) in various configurations? Or even when there is no judgment or interference, being in an all-male environment is important? Do you see that continuing to be true as homophobia recedes?