straight guys vs gay guys

[Gymowner]

My longest term "regular" is a guy I met at a professional networking event years ago. He identifies as straight and I've met his girlfriends--including the woman who's pregnant with his kid--and he's been very versatile over the years. I'm the only guy he's had sex with and we've done everything. He's an incredible kisser and it's been quite "eye opening" for me to learn how much I enjoy being kissed by him as he fucks me or I fuck him. I still identify as bi and he identifies as straight. Sexual orientation isn't all there is to human sexuality.

 

I've had a regular very similar to this as well in the past. If I had to label the situation I would call your guy a bisexed heterosexual and you a bisexed homosexual. But what in a name? Lol

[LivingnLA]

I've had a regular very similar to this as well in the past. If I had to label the situation I would call your guy a bisexed heterosexual and you a bisexed homosexual. But what in a name? Lol

 

Names have power because our species labels things as part of our intellectual processing of the world we perceive. The terms you used are not generally accepted nomenclature but if they help you explain your perspective of my life, knock yourself out. I remain happily married to my wife, raise my kids as best I can, and continue to spend quality time with my friend.

Edited October 22, 2018 by LivingnLA

[Gymowner]

Your "label" then would be inclusive of who you date/marry/fall in love with. You may also be a bisexed heterosexual if you feel your lifestyle is in tune with the heterosexual world.

[LivingnLA]

...says the man with the chimp avatar. Srs, very cool that you have that regular guy.

 

Are you attempting a bestiality joke? I am not remotely zoophilic. It's completely repugnant. I have written many times about the complexity of human sexuality. Sexual orientation is only one facet of that complexity.

 

I use the avatar pic I use because it shows--to me--a "thinker pose" in a simian "relative" of ours that seemed fitting given what some other forum members were saying to me when I joined long ago in the ancient past.

Edited October 22, 2018 by LivingnLA

[adventurous old guy]

I think this discussion would be illuminated if we had teens and 20-somethings weigh in. Are their any on the forum?

 

At least for me, they seem to be on the frontier of re-thinking labeling. Two of my friends have children who just will not define themselves as gay, straight, or bi. One of them will also not identify themself by gender. As they describe me, I'm a "man (because I choose to identify as such) who has sex with men," period. They see that as a descriptor more than a label. It's a refreshing POV, respectful of each of us as persons who own our own bodies and the words/concepts we use we identify ourselves.

[+ harey]

Are you attempting a bestiality joke? I am not remotely zoophilic. It's completely repugnant. I have written many times about the complexity of human sexuality. Sexual orientation is only one facet of that complexity.

 

I use the avatar pic I use because it shows--to me--a "thinker pose" in a simian "relative" of ours that seemed fitting given what some other forum members were saying to me when I joined long ago in the ancient past.

No, not at all (yuck). It was simply a reference to a nonhuman face making an observation about human sexuality.

[JayCeeKy]

I had a professor in college who said that "sex is more than just the proximation of genitals." He was correct - truly good sex is also the proximation of feelings, trust, and desire to please the other. I've had great sex with both gays and straights, and bad sex with both straights and gays. Having said that, I agree with the old saying that "When sex is good, it's really good; when it's bad..... it's still pretty damn good."

[BaronArtz]

I am into very masculine looking men. Some of the hottest looking escorts I hired 5-20 years ago advertised as straight. But there was always something lacking in their performance. Now that I am entering the age of maturity - hopefully - I settle for gay escorts even though some may not have the best 'look'. It just is … less work. And I don't want to get naked with someone who really isn't into it.

[myophile]

I'm a 20-something escort. I've decided to start identifying as "pansexual with a preference for women". I used to identify as straight, but I felt that it didn't do justice to the genuine enjoyment that having sex with men brings me, despite my being physiologically "turned on" predominantly by women's bodies.

 

For lots of people non-conformist sexuality and gender identity goes even beyond this, and I'll let them speak for themselves. In any case I think the idea that you don't have to just be straight, gay, or bi is gaining serious traction, as is the idea that you can identify as any of these and still enjoy sexual relations that fall outside their traditional boundaries.

 

Thanks for sharing this, yours is a voice we need to hear. It strikes me that this attitude in younger folks has always been at the heart of sex work, and it’s wonderful to see it now going mainstream.

[BaronArtz]

I'm a 20-something escort. I've decided to start identifying as "pansexual with a preference for women". I used to identify as straight, but I felt that it didn't do justice to the genuine enjoyment that having sex with men brings me, despite my being physiologically "turned on" predominantly by women's bodies.

 

For lots of people non-conformist sexuality and gender identity goes even beyond this, and I'll let them speak for themselves. In any case I think the idea that you don't have to just be straight, gay, or bi is gaining serious traction, as is the idea that you can identify as any of these and still enjoy sexual relations that fall outside their traditional boundaries.

 

Interesting comment. That is very thoughtful. I hope you feel welcome here.

 

Your website is well done, by the way

[Kinky Boyfriend]

I've written about sexual orientation and sexual activity orientation before. So, I'm not going to get into that aspect of this scenario. Instead, I'm going to touch on the perception aspect, since that's what this is really all about. In other words, many of us have a thing for "straight guys" because of cultural and social expectations around masculinity.

 

For me, I have a thing for "straight guys" because my preference is for a masculine guy with a confident cocky attitude. I like "bros" and grew up around many military guys, so that kind of buttoned up yet intense confidence coupled with "guy" attitude.

 

That leads me to guys who market themselves as "straight," "bi," or "ask me." I'm slowly branching out, but haven't found a "gay" professional who pushes my buttons. I'm sure I'll get there one day.

 

Please remember, I'm talking about how a provider markets themselves because it's entirely possible for guys who identify as straight to engage in same-sex activity, depending on their sexual activity orientation and the incentives/pressures involved.

 

 

I think this discussion would be illuminated if we had teens and 20-somethings weigh in. Are their any on the forum?

 

At least for me, they seem to be on the frontier of re-thinking labeling. Two of my friends have children who just will not define themselves as gay, straight, or bi. One of them will also not identify themself by gender. As they describe me, I'm a "man (because I choose to identify as such) who has sex with men," period. They see that as a descriptor more than a label. It's a refreshing POV, respectful of each of us as persons who own our own bodies and the words/concepts we use we identify ourselves.

 

Another 20-something chiming in:

First and foremost, as gender is a spectrum, so must sexuality be.

 

Sexuality is fluid.

 

Sexual attraction can stem from one's appearance, body parts, behavior, identity, or even such arbitrary things as one's occupation (firefighters, anybody?)

 

What turns you on is based on your life experiences and interactions, so as you have more experiences -- your potential for arousal changes.

 

What we as a society view as "sexual" is socially constructed - it can very much change across cultures and time periods.

 

 

It's sexual because we decided it is - think of all the sexual activities that one can do that don't involve penetration or even orgasm

(especially when one dives into the Fetish/BDSM/Kink world.)

 

As @LivingnLA referenced, the attraction to straightness stems from our society's stranglehold on / relationship with masculinity.

 

In reference to men who have sex with men, they are seen as the golden calf because they are theoretically unobtainable and represent the desired male role from mainstream society's standpoint --- what men who identify as gay are often ostracized for not being.

 

The fetishization of straightness has at its core internalized homophobia.

 

My favorite intimate interactions have been with those who explore beyond strict labeling when it comes to intimacy.

 

My Labels

- Queer

- Homoflexible/Pansexual with a preference

[Guest]

Interesting comment. That is very thoughtful. I hope you feel welcome here.

 

Your website is well done, by the way

 

Thanks!

[LivingnLA]

Another 20-something chiming in:

First and foremost, as gender is a spectrum, so must sexuality be.

 

Sexuality is fluid.

 

Sexual attraction can stem from one's appearance, body parts, behavior, identity, or even such arbitrary things as one's occupation (firefighters, anybody?)

 

What turns you on is based on your life experiences and interactions, so as you have more experiences -- your potential for arousal changes.

 

What we as a society view as "sexual" is socially constructed - it can very much change across cultures and time periods.

 

It's sexual because we decided it is - think of all the sexual activities that one can do that don't involve penetration or even orgasm

(especially when one dives into the Fetish/BDSM/Kink world.)

 

As @LivingnLA referenced, the attraction to straightness stems from our society's stranglehold on / relationship with masculinity.

 

In reference to men who have sex with men, they are seen as the golden calf because they are theoretically unobtainable and represent the desired male role from mainstream society's standpoint --- what men who identify as gay are often ostracized for not being.

 

The fetishization of straightness has at its core internalized homophobia.

 

My favorite intimate interactions have been with those who explore beyond strict labeling when it comes to intimacy.

 

My Labels

- Queer

- Homoflexible/Pansexual with a preference

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

Some quibbles from my limited understanding. Sexuality isn't completely fluid because that suggests a degree of mobility that isn't typical for most people. It's frequently flexible, but like all human experiences, it has limits, boundaries, and "normal" ranges of behavior. It, like much of human experience, seems to have biological, psychological, and sociological aspects that vary from person to person, but generally falls within certain ranges that we can roughly categorize and estimate from culture to culture.

 

Attraction can arise from all sorts of things and frequently varies when we're discussing sexual attraction versus romantic attraction versus platonic attraction, though overlap is quite common as well.

 

Arousal is a whole other area, that again, seems to have biological, psychological, and sociological components and frequently involves overlap with what "attracts" one person to another.

 

Yes, the fetishization of "straight guys" is frequently due to the association of "real men" or masculinity with "straightness" and it also tends to be coupled with internalized homophobia, but not always.

 

Obtainability also factors in because our species places various "premiums" on "hard to get" or "out of my/your league" candidates. In other words, some men who have sex with men may pursue "straight guys" for a wide variety of reasons, such as self-hatred to seeking validation from a "real man" or even "proving themselves" by "bagging a straight guy." The list goes on and on. That's the wonderful complexity of our species. And it's proving incredibly challenging to unpack and understand as we dig deeper and deeper into what makes us human.

Edited October 24, 2018 by LivingnLA

[Smurof]

Spanking an ass real hard and jumping on top of guys in a big pile doesn't seem like "straight" behavior, yet in sports people don't bat an eye when this happens. Truth be told, when I was younger I enjoyed doing well in sports because I WANTED my muscle ass to be touched (but thankfully I wasn't ever on a championship team, as I would get hurt in a pile-up).

[studchaser]

Great inputs so much to learn. I have been partial to str8 mens lack of awareness. No one does dumb jock as good as str8 guys lol.

[LivingnLA]

Spanking an ass real hard and jumping on top of guys in a big pile doesn't seem like "straight" behavior, yet in sports people don't bat an eye when this happens. Truth be told, when I was younger I enjoyed doing well in sports because I WANTED my muscle ass to be touched (but thankfully I wasn't ever on a championship team, as I would get hurt in a pile-up).

 

On the contrary, these examples of haptic communication are very "straight" behaviors for our culture and possibly species in terms of physicality as a display of comradery or celebration, and sometimes as a display of dominance, all of which fit cleanly and neatly into human psychology, sociology, and sexuality. For example, it's highly unusual to see "butt slaps" in women's sports or even in "less masculine" sports like golf or gymnastics. But, they're common in men's baseball, men's football, and men's basketball.

 

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/a-cultural-history-of-butt-slapping-in-sports

 

http://bodylanguageproject.com/nonverbal-dictionary/body-language-of-bottom-slapping-or-bottom-pinching/

 

https://mentalfloss.com/article/51141/why-do-athletes-slap-each-others’-butts

[hypothetically]

In my humble opinion, a generous number of you sound very naive. A potential hire can be whatever you want him to be for $xxx/hr. You’re not only paying these boys to perform, you’re paying them to ACT. The escorts who are “chameleons” undoubtedly make the most. 90% of these young men who advertise as “bisexual” would never even look at pussy by choice, but pills and potions during a session and they can make it work. Same for a “straight” man or “gay” man. You market yourself a certain way because it’s monetary, not because it’s the truth. Do all the escorts you hire who advertised being a certain age, height and dick size actually have all these attributes, every time? I doubt it. I think how a provider is defining themselves should be less of a focus. Can they perform what you’ve communicated you’re seeking should be number 1.

[tenderloin]

In my humble opinion, a generous number of you sound very naive. A potential hire can be whatever you want him to be for $xxx/hr. You’re not only paying these boys to perform, you’re paying them to ACT. The escorts who are “chameleons” undoubtedly make the most. 90% of these young men who advertise as “bisexual” would never even look at pussy by choice, but pills and potions during a session and they can make it work. Same for a “straight” man or “gay” man. You market yourself a certain way because it’s monetary, not because it’s the truth. Do all the escorts you hire who advertised being a certain age, height and dick size actually have all these attributes, every time? I doubt it. I think how a provider is defining themselves should be less of a focus. Can they perform what you’ve communicated you’re seeking should be number 1.

 

I understand what you are saying, but it is true only to a point. Sex is not just a physical/mechanical thing (at least good sex isn't) - it is a tangle of actions and responses: emotional, primitive, visceral, passionate, etc. There's sucking dick and sucking dick. Unless one is completely clueless, it becomes fairly easy to discern when one's partner is "into it" or not. And, to me, guys who position themselves as "straight" (regardless of whether they are or not) are less likely to be really into it.

 

And for me personally, that makes all the difference. I have been with guys who positioned their phones on a nearby pillow so that they could glance over and keep an eye on incoming texts as I was thrusting into their darling tuchus. I have also been with guys who have wrapped their legs and arms around me and hyperventilated like a drowning man as I did the deed. The latter is who I want to be with.

 

Or, to pick up on your metaphor, there just aren't that many good actors ready to go "knees up."

[adventurous old guy]

LOVE this thread!!! Very thought-provoking ideas. Have to disagree with the POV about comments here being naive. Au contraire, feels liberating to read. And refreshing. And real.

[studchaser]

In my humble opinion, a generous number of you sound very naive. A potential hire can be whatever you want him to be for $xxx/hr. You’re not only paying these boys to perform, you’re paying them to ACT. The escorts who are “chameleons” undoubtedly make the most. 90% of these young men who advertise as “bisexual” would never even look at pussy by choice, but pills and potions during a session and they can make it work. Same for a “straight” man or “gay” man. You market yourself a certain way because it’s monetary, not because it’s the truth. Do all the escorts you hire who advertised being a certain age, height and dick size actually have all these attributes, every time? I doubt it. I think how a provider is defining themselves should be less of a focus. Can they perform what you’ve communicated you’re seeking should be number 1.

 

i couldnt agree with you more!!! If someone is on rentmen advertising I am gonna take their self declarations of sexual identity with a grain of salt.

 

If someone is partial to str8 men you cant attempt to attain them by the usual means. You would do best to go after demographics of men who will more than likely be str8. It has been done and can be done and is done all the time. Honestly I wouldnt even say it is rare.

[Gymowner]

my point on this matter is that a true straight man by inclination is attracted to women. big deal right? yet if he can perform to your standards then it doesnt matter what you look like at all. he can take his mind to where it needs to go for you to have a good time with his body. i know that some will say "but i want him to want ME". yeah right. grow up. have you seen how most guys look that hire? a gay guy, he will have to be able to do the same. many can. most im afraid by nature will sum up the looks of the guy in front of them and that will create the level of performance for them. a natural instinct.

[+ SundayZip]

I think that for some straight escorts, a client can have characteristics, other than gender, that make him or her more or less acceptable (or even appealing) as a sexual partner. It's things like being clean and respectful -- especially being respectful of the escort's idiosyncrasies and boundaries. It's also important to remember that it's not necessarily the client's face or body that turns an escort on. Instead, it's the sexual energy that the escort can create with his client. It's the escort's knowledge that he's getting his client hot as hell. I've had a straight escort tell me that he loves how turned on he can get me. He's not saying how turned on I get him. It seems that what's hot for me is hot for him.

[GTMike]

I think that for some straight escorts, a client can have characteristics, other than gender, that make him or her more or less acceptable (or even appealing) as a sexual partner. It's things like being clean and respectful -- especially being respectful of the escort's idiosyncrasies and boundaries. It's also important to remember that it's not necessarily the client's face or body that turns an escort on. Instead, it's the sexual energy that the escort can create with his client. It's the escort's knowledge that he's getting his client hot as hell. I've had a straight escort tell me that he loves how turned on he can get me. He's not saying how turned on I get him. It seems that what's hot for me is hot for him.

Couldn't agree more.

[Man Crush Morris]

he can take his mind to where it needs to go for you to have a good time with his body. i know that some will say "but i want him to want ME". yeah right. grow up.

 

I agree 100%. It doesn't occur to me that I'd like the escort to like me. I'm there because of the opposite - I really like the way he looks.

 

The guy I mentioned earlier probably wouldn't have engaged in adult playtime with me except for the money I would pay him. That's not to say he was rude or disrespectful. He wasn't.

 

To be honest, paying him made it more exciting for me, not less.

[ScottyTX100]

Definitely straight or truly bi guys. They seem to try harder and get off on attention more. Some gay guys tend to impose their personal preferences too much.