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BUT...let's not assume those are the only types who hire. I was with a client the other day, and while we were cuddling in bed, I confessed: "you would normally definitely be my type" lol. Definitely a win of sorts, but just goes to show. At the same time, I wouldn't want a guy to feel like, "damm, if I'm your type, why am I paying you, shouldn't we be fucking for free then?" There's obviously different things going into play in such circumstances. With free hookups, I really only do what's convenient, considering those guys really don't go much out of their way for me. For client arrangements, I generally try to be a bit more accommodating.

I've recently re-did my ads to include 3 ABC's of booking me. It's very simple yet very specific about everything that needs mentioning lately (and for a minute, the calls and requests were being normal until they said it's safe to go out again ? A: advanced notice (even if it says available now, which needs to be changed to available today) B: be serious C: be considerate I know it sounds demanding. And I kinda miss the simpler days of not having to give instructions, by just throwing an ad up on gay.com and being available "now" or whenever the wind would blow...I just can't operate like that nowadays. I think the issue is, these guys need direction. Anyone can just slap up an ad, put up a phone number and anyone who sees it can text or call. I know Rentmen has features like not showing number for non members or registered users, but I know there still a segment who won't sign up. The super discrete types. So my whole goal is to train readers/users to recognize that if you're going to meet me, or even if you're not...get on my wavelength and read what I have up say before tapping into my line. Otherwise, they're going to come wrong, words going to get exchanged, and it's going to compromise the chance for something to happen.

So moral of the story is: who’s going to make the first move? Lol. This goes beyond escorting, and into personal life. Similar to game at a bar or bathhouse. Do you approach the guy who looks at you, or wait til he comes up to you? I have had some amazing meets with guys who looked at me, but didn’t make the first move. In fact, in “real life” pickups...the guy who looks at you in a certain way, is the guy who you should make the first move on lol. A lot of guys are either shy, or don’t like rejection. So occasionally I’ll put myself on the line and approach. At the same time, most of my encounters happen when people contact me first. I have an issue where I meet guys in public, they seem soooo talkative and like there’s a vibe going, and turns out, they have a girlfriend ? If a guy doesn’t look at you, just keep it moving...

I refer to the ones who make contact, usually asking about an appointment on the same day. I return the message, include details, and then get no response. I had a prospective client who has done the same thing, 2 or 3 other times. First contact was in January, second was in May, and then again yesterday (June). Each time, his first message would be, “Hi this is (name) in (insert city), I’m wondering if you are available for an appointment this afternoon”. I would then respond, give my info and find out how we can arrange. He would reply back once or twice, and then nothing. On the 2nd time, I thanked him for reaching out...but explained that I recall he previously reached out to me back in January, and didn’t follow up. I also said I don’t host (because they always want me to host) short notice appointments when in town, and that I need advance notice. He explains why he couldn’t reply back (and it wasn’t a good excuse at that), but then once again didn’t respond when trying to arrange over a course of a couple days. That was back in May. Then come yesterday, he hits me up again, saying we tried to meet before...but if I can meet last minute. So I once again tell him the same thing that I told him in May, about me needing advanced notice. I mentioned I could meet soon if he hosted, but I would need more time to go over to the location where I host. Sure enough, I got no response. So at this point, he’s flushed toilet paper to me. Reached out later that evening, and told him he needs to reimburse me for this last “false start” he keeps doing. His excuse? He didn’t actually set up an appointment. But does it matter? He’s contacted me 3 times over the course of 6 months, and bailed on each. That comes off to me, like he really doesn’t value or care much about connecting. As a client and/or provider (since it seems this goes on both sides of the fence), how many chances do you allow for people who initiate an engagement, but then just bail out after the first or 2nd text?

Meh, I’d have to differ on this one. What’s creepy about sending a response to someone else’s Profile online? It’s not as if they sent a personal letter in the mail complete with a photo...as many insurance and retail companies do when you request a quote lol. As far as me: I do it “sometimes”. If they have a client profile picture posted, I’m more inclined to do so. And those can often turn into appointments. Usually if I need to expand or I just have extra time on my hands At the same time, as @Kevin Slater said, sometimes I rather let them reach out to me. Not to mention, we get dozens of people looking at our profile per day, and it just reminds me too much of the 9 to 5 job I used to have where I’d have to call “leads” all day long. I just don’t have the capacity or staff on hand to do that all day, everyday.

“One, you’re like a dream come true Two, just want to be with you, Three, boy it’s plain to see, that you’re the only one for me...

And I 100% acknowledge that. I understand it. That's why I also don't have any in person escort friends either. Palm Springs weekend is like the 1 time per every 2 years, that I get to connect with other providers, that doesn't involved a 3, 4 or 5 way with a client lol. I've dealt with 4 escorts in Kansas City already, and all 4 have been frauds (not frauds in the sense of the word, but fraud in the urban dictionary term) lol. And that's probably why these clients are frauds, because the providers are frauds. It didn't use to be this way when I first visited Kansas City in 2010. But at the end of the day, that's them choosing to lose money. When clients bail on us, that's cheating us out of an expected earning

Well that's why I have asked Rentmen to do their part as well. If deposits are going to become too much to ask of, then we need some other way to have an idea to know whether a client is going to be invested in us. Like I say, maybe get rid of client "memberships" that only put more money in their account, and instead have clients purchase their communications with us. And put the money into our bank account or Rentmen account to use towards things like platinum boost

That's a good point. There's also the others who perhaps don't advertise and prefer more of a networking approach to marketing. Unfortunately I don't live in a large enough market to go that route. And since majority of my clients are generally new or the occasional regular, I tend to like keeping my visibility going. Here's my thing: I wouldn't be as phased, except the fact that Rentmen ads have gone from 39 gold to 79 for gold. Yeah, it's a measly $40, but factor in platinum boosts (which I've stopped doing since the turn of the pandemic), it's really more expense. So to be paying more now than what I was 2 or 3 years ago, I definitely expect better. I've also told them, let us post reviews internally on the site, so other providers can post and make a decision as to whether they see a particular user who may have "done the rounds", in standing up other providers. Because I 100% highly doubt, they're only doing it to 1 or just me. Also: the DIFFERENCE with the t-shirt thing is: those employees are getting paid to be there, regardless if the window shopper buys or not. That's also why I don't do concession stands, telemarketing, or phone sales jobs. I signed up for this because for the most part, you don't necessarily have to be a good sales person and make commission, so to speak. We sell by default with our pics, ad wording, and services. That's already ALOT of work to begin with. Don't make me do MORE work for FREE, and then not pay me. That's shiesty. I try to get people to look at us not like a storefront. Even though you can happily walk into a grocery store and walk out buying nothing, at the end of the day their operations are still going and customers are coming and going in larger volumes. They also have multiple staff on hand to do other duties. We, on the other hand: are usually 1 man, doing many small, but complex tasks. The sex is usually the fun part. When someone contacts for an appointment, they should do so having already invested in making a connection, after confirming the basic essentials. Now, if after agreeing to the basic essentials they wafer and waffle about, bail/no show/stop responding...they have left window shopping status, and stepped into timewaster category.

I've found even having something like a $10 deposit helps, if it's just for short hourly session. Again, even if someone has been ripped off before by sending a deposit, they also may only deal with that once in a blue, whereas we tend to take on requests several times throughout the week. My question: what would you suggest to be an alternative? Especially if say: the escort only books by advanced or notice appointment only (versus the, are you available now brigade), and each time a client doesn't keep an arrangement, various levels of inconveniences can occur? There's really nothing to argue about. If a client chooses to contact a particular provider, they have to be willing to yield to the protocols and order they have established. They wouldn't go walk up in a business and tell them what to do? It's like auto mechanic shops: many charge a diagnostic fee, many don't. You can't moan at BMW to not charge a diagnostic fee, just because the other shop down the street doesn't. At the end of the day, it's our business. I don't like when someone contacts me, and tells me how to run things. The problem is, these people have control issues. And some have the audacity to call shots when they've not even contributed anything.

You make a good point. I periodically do this also, usually via the email system on either RM site. I have had some visits come out of them as well. However, there has been some other takes, where other members have said if they look at someone’s private pics, it may just mean they are just looking...not to be given an “offer”. But I know for most part, I like the opportunity to reach out to clients who view my profile. Someone who flaked in their appointment the other day, attempted to liken contacting me to shopping in a store. Where people can “shop around” before making a “purchase”. I say no, it’s not the same. Shopping around at a store would be like browsing the ads, viewing our pics and reading the ad. I’m fine with that. And for the most part, most videos on RentMen I post are short clips, so I really don’t look for money out of those. But when it gets down to contacting me at early or late hours of the morning/night, and providing hotel details, talking dirty and explicit...and then they bail: then it gets personal. I liken it to contacting a personal trainer at a gym, out the blue...and asking if they can meet TODAY for a training session. And said personal trainer discusses when they are available, and other said person just bails or gives some weak excuse about forgetting it’s Father’s Day. That’s not shopping around. That’s being a hack. Yet some of these guys honestly actually believe, that contacting a sex worker on a private number and talking nasty, is like shopping in a store. Pathetic. But I really shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve already had 2-3 other guys in my personal life talk of meeting, one even suggested 2 days, and neither one followed thru. No explanation, no offer to reschedule...and they don’t see anything wrong with it. My mood might just be cloudy until I finish relocating, and not have to deal with so many inconsiderate jag-offs that exist in the Kansas City gay community.

Thanks...I take what you’re saying to consideration 100 percent. I'm on Twitter already and have the video platforms. However it's really a lot of living and breathing the industry and porn, sometimes it's more attention than I can really give throughout the day. I do somewhat “forget” how things are “out there”. Yes there’s a pandemic, and unemployment, and racial tensions. But whenever I’m available during holidays, I’m usually available only with coordinating planning. I can sense when people try to use the RM or any m4m hookup site to pass boredom, contacting on a day where generally I’m not in the mindframe to deal with nonsense. I may not have any big plans, but that doesn’t mean I want to be messed about into seeing if I’m available. It’s almost as if they are only curious to know if we actually are, with no real intent to make anything happen. I currently have a 3 step template for clients to follow, with the 3rd being to leave a deposit. I try to be lenient and talk to them and get more details, but clearly it’s not getting thru. So it seems the best way to acknowledge that my time is of value, whether that be texting me at 9:30 am when I’m still half sleep (which one of the flakes over the weekend did), or messaging me on messenger while I’m at the gym, is with some form of a pre-contribution. Ultimately, I ended up just turning my phone off for the rest of the night yesterday. And at this point I hardly want to engage with anyone else, without a deposit. On the next 4th of July holiday, I'll be sure to keep my phone off the whole weekend. Because I remember pretty clear last year, the nonsensers were out in full force. It really makes them look sad and bad, that their form of entertainment on a national holiday, has to involve making fake appointments with sex workers from the Internet.

And here’s another example of the stupidity I’m over: Me at 3:49 pm: Hi, just following up as I’ve not heard back yet on details for location or timing, and you previously said 3 or 4 or later. If I don’t receive a text by 5 pm today to confirm, I will assume other plans for the day. Him at 6:20 pm: “Yes sorry... when I was chatting with you earlier this morning I failed to realize it was Father’s Day. I am at my families tonight for a barbecue. My apologies” -Chaddy on RentMen This is after sending me all these messages about being a piggy bottom, saying he has a friend who wants to join for a 3 way, and other explicit questions. And this is what I spent my money on to advertise for this week? To deal with this bullshit? I wrote to RentMen and included a link to this post as well. I told them before to implement something better for us. They need to be making clients pay for our videos, pay for our private pics unlocked, and pay for messaging us on messenger, because WE are paying to BE ON THERE. And I don’t get paid when people waste my time chatting, many who are doing so explicitly. I’m tired of paying my money and having my time wasted. Even if I do recoup the ad fee a few times over before the next billing date, I still shouldn’t have to be dealing with this nonsense, after I’ve paid my money to be on the platform. They can do better, and I want to see better.

Lol yes, that’s what I was referring to. I have my fans page link in my signature (not sure why it doesn’t show on mobile version) I didn’t mention that as part of what I earned this week. Was more referring to the actual clients I received. Also it’s not simply that the contacts aren’t happening. The contacts have happened, but I had 2 clients contact yesterday and nothing came from it, and again today someone contacted me on messenger discussing scheduling a meet...never texted as instructed, no confirmation...yet I took the time out to respond to the messages. Exactly why I keep my messenger on auto reply and don’t even respond most of the time. With that said, I still had funds set aside for my ads...but the past couple weeks has had its challenges because I haven’t been on tour, which I’m long overdue for because the Kansas City market is horrendous for trying to get ahead in. So even the best money setting aside and saving, isn’t going to cut it if the expected return on investment Isn't coming in. Exactly why I am moving this week...which of course is adding to my expenses. I don’t ask them to “pay upfront”. But I do give the suggestion to confirm via a small deposit (usually 25-50 locally). I have a friend who is a wedding planner, and he gets 50% for every event. Because it’s money spent on preparedness. Especially like the case yesterday, the person is saying to meet him at a hotel clear out downtown, but wouldn’t give a timeframe to meet. Being it’s a high demand weekend, I didn’t have time to be sitting around waiting to know if or when he would get back to me. So I simply asked to go ahead and send me a deposit, so I know that this is an appointment being made. But I understand also, the deposit is there to ensure I don’t forgo other clients or things in my life, waiting around for someone to confirm based on nothing more than a name of a hotel and a fake name (which someone gave me yesterday).

I ask because somehow, all my ads have come to be due around the same week every month (Varies between $100 and $150/month depending on what sites and tier levels). Which in this case, was last week. I used to try and space them out, let one be due 1 week, and another on the next week or 2 weeks apart. But that would either mean paying it again before it runs out, or waiting for a week or 2 to renew. Even though I wanted the continued visibility, I don’t like how I spend $150 on ads last week, and only had 1 client the whole week (a regular, and it was prior to my ads expiring). So I basically spent half of what I made last week, and put it towards ads...and having nothing to immediately show for it. All just RentMen messengers, which are auto-responded anyway...and requests for appointments in the city I’m not in yet. Which is really when I was considering waiting before renewing, since my current market isn’t paying me much of shit anyway. Some weeks I struggle with deciding whether it’s worth to the renew the ads right away, or let them lapse for a few days. Especially when approaching holidays or upcoming bills. On the one hand, I can hold onto my money, but on the other hand I know I could be missing client requests/pre-bookings. But instead of making the money right away, I usually end up having my time wasted the first week I renew my ad. And that’s money I could have used to pay a bill or put food on the table. And tinewasters wonder why I am so unforgiving to their bullshit. I’m paying with the intent of making that money back within a day or 2, and instead I end up waiting even longer to get it back. That’s why I just really wish and hope things get to a point where clients PAY for our ads. By the way of getting our number or seeing private pics, which I’ve suggested before to RM enterprise, but they have not yet implemented my advice. Similar to how Justforfans and onlyfans works. Clients pay to see us, and the site takes their cut out of the money we earn. Not the other way around. That’s partially why so many are turning to such sites. The escort/massage sites make us pay upfront; but yet some clients want to get huffy and back out, when we ask for money upfront. Some of these guys contacting us can’t seem to understand that we actually have to pay for the ads, they are contacting us on. So I 100% have a right to ask for a deposit, and ask for a cancellation fee when I feel it’s warranted. It’s not FREE. There’s a FEE. And if I’m spending money so that clients can find and contact me, last thing I want is to be toyed with. Not after I spent my earnings, out of pocket.

Exactly, and that’s what I had someone tell a client today also: just because someone has a RentMasseur ad doesn’t make them real either. This is after he claims to have been burnt sending deposits to other escorts. I dislike when people say that because it’s like, what does that have to do with me? It’s no different than if the provider wasn’t their real pics, didn’t perform as expected, or had a place in the worst part of town instead of an prestigious area of town. I tell em, did you even check if the person was reviewed?

Well remember, which came first the chicken or the egg, right? It's not that a provider who states don't waste my time, is approaching clients with skepticism. They obviously didn't start having their time wasted on their own. Obviously there must have been some experiences to make them feel that way. You may not start out to waste time. But also in that case, you are not personally being told not to waste time. It's an ad. It's being directed at all. Fact is though, you wouldn't always know what a provider may deal with in terms of having their time wasted. Like I say, I personally don't mind communication...but I can't extend the same priority to every person who contacts me, else I would be burning thru lot of time and setting myself up for disappointment. I obviously have to reserve that for confirmed clients. I know for me: I've not had but 1 client in my area show up last week (a regular). All replies were either from guys in the next big city over, or local timewasters who hit me up on Rentmen messenger but never followed directions to contact by phone. Or just general Kansas City inquiries, who are some of the biggest timewasters of all markets, but also similar to Tampa, Raleigh, and few other places that I wouldn't care to name. So, I really want to say "don't waste my time" when contacting me, but it's part of why with deposits... the ones who aren't serious won't generally get past that anyway.

Definitely. However with me, I have moved away from a lot of the chit chat. Not that I don't like to, but in the past have not had people respect my time. Nowadays I never answer phone calls without the client having an appointment made and confirmed. People don't understand that chat time is money time. I've been bamboozled into engaging in explicit or promising phone chats, only to be cancelled on. So if anyone wishes to chat, I just ask for $50+ deposit towards the session. That's not asking a lot. Our ads and pics and videos pretty much do all the pre-workout for us.

I would! I'm all about boating....

Makes sense. I can unapologetically say I'm definitely not in the best place right now life wise. Not that it's horrible (the gym is open so still trying to maintain image wise). But it's more just everything else. Car troubles, men troubles, family troubles, friend troubles, living situation troubles, my current location market troubles (Kansas City is becoming among my list of most miserable cities I've lived in) and the just goes on lol. I know they say you have to "be the man who you want to date", and that nobody wants to be with someone miserable. But it's hard when things aren't falling into place even with the best attempts and intents to make it go right. Financially I've actually been pretty good this year despite the current events, but it's like one thing after the next, and still don't have much of a social circle to do anything when I do get the money. So it's like I've been getting the money and basically just spending it on bullshit every week. But I'm hoping once I make this relocation next week, things will improve. It may even take me a few weeks to shake the residual effects of being in a recurring state of unhappiness and disappointment everytime something doesn't seem to be working out. That's why all the stuff about Covid 19 and Black lives matter... it's great, but I'm struggling with asthma almost everyday (didn't have this problem in Florida lol) and I still don't feel like anyone outside of my paying clients, thinks my life matters.

Well in my case I wasn’t using it as an ultimatum. And I can see 100% where he’s coming from. That’s why I worded it careful: if I don't hear from you by 6 pm Friday, I'll assume you have other things to tend to". Instead of something like, “I’ll call someone else if I don’t hear back by 6 pm Friday.” That way there’s no ultimatum being made. It’s just stating a deadline that someone needs to know something by, and if not...that takes out the guesswork or wondering and waiting. But the point is, to at least SAY it. I hate when people ask me about appointments in advance, and then I may need a day or 2 to think about whether I can accommodate, and when I get back I get told they made other plans because THEY THOUGHT I wasn’t interested. To avoid that I try to just respond anyway, and try to let them know I am interested to meet, but need more time to get back and let them know if I can do it. And also, “available now” has been spoken of before. Yes, if you are with a client...turn off available now. That’s not fair. But...it doesn’t always mean “available right now”. It’s like when an apartment is for rent, or a mechanic shop is open. It doesn’t mean you rent it right that second. Nor that your car is immediately going to get taken into the service bay. It just means available to “be available”.

I hear what you’re saying. It’s all valid. However, when you say kids, pets, family, etc...not everyone has that. It’s easy to fall back on and build a life once those default things are in place. I also know of a guy who has an older daughter as well...and even though we’ve talked of meeting, I’m telling myself I don’t want to go back down that “path” again: Namely one where I’m playing 2nd base. So, my options will certainly involve others outside of that. My question: what do you think you’d be if you didn’t have the kids, family and dog to center you? Not saying that to imply those values are “material”, but hypothetically: if you didn’t, how do you think your world would be different? I personally don’t have any kids. Pets aren’t a good option right now either, because I’ve been out of my own place for going on 2 years now, and trying to race to get back into one. And most places make it pretty undesirable to move in with a pet, on top of everything else. No desire to have kids (and why would I considering everything) I know there are guys who can play the role of family man, and single gay guy. But in my opinion, it’s capitalizing on the “system”. Not just money either. And rightfully advantageous in doing so. With kids you get tax dependents, and a broader social horizon. You can be the “respected” family man that this country is so infatuated with, but in the same vein, the “gay men” out here having kids knowing they are gay, is throwing biologically gay and “out” men under the bus...making it seem like gay men without kids don’t have responsibilities, have lesser importance and contribute less to “the family society”, and are selfish and can’t take care of anyone but themselves. Meanwhile, reaping all the benefits of being a “family man” on the side. I’m not citing that all gay guys who have kids are doing it for a gain, but I do many want their cake and eat it too. They want gay camaraderie, on the side when it’s convenient for them. And some may even want it long term and are consistent. But anytime you have kid in the mix, it’s almost like having to contend with another partner. Like the guy I’ve been talking to since we first hooked up earlier this year said to me yesterday, “I can’t meet, I’m going out of town with my daughter for the weekend”. How does one interpret that? I’m supposed to feel like..nothing about it? You said it right: “my kids come first and because of that, I don’t have a desire to be in a relationship.” And that’s exactly what happens. Some want to have 1 foot out the door. Half being family man, other half being gay man. That's fine for client/escort arrangements. But in regular situations, it's not going to work being 1 in the same, unless both parties actually move in together. Which I've seen happen. But I always feel some sort of way about the one who moves into that situation, ultimately playing substitute mother or father to the person's kids. No Thankyou. I ain't about being bamboozled into becoming some live in babysitter for nobody. Obviously if the person had adult sons or daughters, that could make a difference. Or not.

And that's 100% fine (pardon if the rating I gave your post comes off as a dislike, just referring to the general idea). Why does it have to be a Disney way of things when it pertains to gays though? Why do I have to be out here, can't even fucking have a movie date or Saturday night plans, when straight people out here are going out on dates and shit? Yes, I Agree many marriages are for practical reasons. But at the same time, I'm not talking about marriage lol. I'm talking about consistency. It says a lot when somebody can connect with me on a sexual level, but yet can't seem to turn it into anything substantial. Does this person not like ANYTHING else about me? Or did they? If someone feels like no desire or prerogative to at-least feel like wanting to be seen with me outside of the bed, then I might as well stick with paid appointments. I'm not looking for a notch on my belt, I'm hoping for a connection outside of clients... it doesn't have to be marriage, but at-least an attraction that carries some type of friendship. I'll say, this used to be a little more common circa 2000-2005. Guys would at-least put some kinda effort into making the other gay feel human. Nowadays, they don't even try. Worse yet, they rub it your face...no tact. No class. Just trash.

In the same vein: if that's true, those are all phrases indicative of someone who just can't be real with others. And what happened to the lack of priority when they were all too eager to fuck last time? When I tell clients those things, most likely it really is that. I've had to reschedule a couple clients this week because I was busy...and I wouldn't doubt many clients likely the same.

Whoa Whoa whoa, let's back up. One question at a time. If we answer the first question, that'll kinda help answer all the others. How much time do you spend waiting? Well how much time did you agree to? Do you tell them, "if I don't hear from you by 6 pm Friday, I'll assume you have other things to tend to"? If not, you should. If they don't reply, you know what to do next. This is where clients get mixed up. They assume, and then start contacting others, without actually giving some sort of parameters. Once a provider starts communicating with you, don't go making other plans unless it's clear that the person hasn't responded within the time parameters discussed. And that may have to be up to an hour prior to an appointment time. I've had more than enough times where clients have been like, "oh I didn't hear back so made other plans". That's a real dick move. Because I never consulted them to tell them I had cancelled or made others plans. They simply assumed and took it upon themselves to make other arrangements, despite the concessions that were already planned. That's a $200 cancellation fee. But lately to avoid that, I just try to make sure #1 the session is confirmed with deposit and #2, make sure they know, that I know...once we make plans it's made. No need to confirm and reconfirm unless I specifically say: "check with me the day before to re-confirm." Also I tell people don't assume I do or don't have other appointments. Clients always think when they don't hear back instantly, the escort is making other appointments. Remember, we're in the middle of a pandemic, recession/depression, and nationwide social unrest. There is still demand out here, but most days, it's also very dead. Dead, dead. Zombie apocalypse dead (okay I'm exaggerating) ? So I'm not turning down any clients, I'm only blocking timewasters who contact for appointments, and then don't follow thru. I've also left my Rentmen messenger on auto reply, and pretty soon may no longer be responding to messages on Adam4Adam. Only direct texts. The site is a magnet for indecisive, inconsiderate mind fucks who can't be relied on for serious inquiries. Fortunately, it still brings real clients my way...so I try and deal.