MsgFantasy

I just got back from a 8-day long trip from Tokyo. Before my trip, I picked out a masseur via RentMasseur.com that I want to try, and amazingly, our schedules worked the first night I was there. His name is Victor. As much as he looked mixed in his photos, I thought he looked more Japanese than anything else, but he told me he's originally from Brazil, and he's only one quarter Japanese, and apparently, Japanese people don't think he looks Japanese because he's too hairy, which is interesting, because Japanese guys are the hairiest among their Chinese and Korean counterparts. Regardless of what others may think, he seemed very Japanese to me: he was very soft-spoken and courteous, plus when I paid, he accepted with both hands.
Anyway, I had the best massage ever from a masseur from RentMasseur.com. It's 100% a professional therapeutic massage. He did NOT bring a table, since Japanese hotel rooms tend to be small anyway, but he did bring pads that can lift your body up on the bed as if you were on a table. He was able to find all the tight spots on my back, and worked through them one by one. He was also able to lift himself up and use his knee on my back, or straddling me and use his thighs to pressure on my body, which is very sexy. He also did some stretching for me, which my body absolutely needed since I have a desk job.
As for extras, Victor is very open about it in our initial communication. I got exactly what I was looking for, but you just have to be patient, because the massage process is 100% therapeutic, extras only come at the end, which you may DM me for details. Needless to say, I strongly suggest you give Victor a try if you're visiting Tokyo SOON, because he is in the process of re-locating to my area, the Greater Los Angeles Area. I did not ask if he'd be doing the same thing here.
I also visited a gay sex club and a bathhouse. I was staying in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo, so both places are in Shinjuku. The club was for bjs only, and the 2 days I was there, it was pretty dead, at one point on both days, I was the only guest there, and just like clubs in the U.S., once a good-looking white man shows up, it'd be all about that guy, lol, no surprise there😆. (I'm Asian myself in my late 30s.)
The bathhouse is slightly more interesting. it's called 24 Kaikan, and it's a chain with 2 other locations in Tokyo. Since bathhouses, gay or not, are a natural part of Asian culture, I did find quite a lot older Japanese men there, like between the age 50 and 60, by which, I'm not surprised at all. For how many expats and visitors Tokyo has, I didn't see too many westerners there, but among the westerners, there were 2 much younger guys in their 20s, one South-Asian and one white, they both sounded British, and I'm not sure if they're even visiting together, but they were only playing with each other, putting on a show for all others. Another white guy there, who arrived later than I did, only showed interests for those 2 guys, which was weird to me, because why would he visit a gay bathhouse in Japan then? I did have some fun there, and I'm assuming things can get more lively at a better time: I visited on a Thursday afternoon.

Took the dip to try someone new, and regretted not going with one of my usuals. The massage was good with some highlights, but got upsold while I was on the table. He may still be appealing to others, I wouldn’t repeat though.

Took the dip to try someone new, and regretted not going with one of my usuals. The massage was good with some highlights, but got upsold while I was on the table. He may still be appealing to others, I wouldn’t repeat though.

Took the dip to try someone new, and regretted not going with one of my usuals. The massage was good with some highlights, but got upsold while I was on the table. He may still be appealing to others, I wouldn’t repeat though.

I think not respecting each other is too strong, we’re just wired differently. The little things he does that bug me, he doesn’t do them to despise me, that’s just him being himself.
Just two examples, when he first started his own business, he had a client that I could tell him is a total crook one month in, but he didn’t listen to me, and maintained the client relationship for a few month, and ended up with a loss of a few thousand dollars. When we used to go restaurants before the Pandemic, whenever my order was messed up, he would always assume it must be me who didn’t order it clearly. It took him a few years to realize that it’s actually America’s work force that has a competence issue. My interpretation of that is subconsciously he doesn’t want to take my intellect seriously.
I’ve tried to talk about it with him, but he’s not a very expressive person, so He would just shut down in that case: the biggest fight we’ve ever had was caused by my trying to get him to addressed our communication issues. Just like when we talk about politics, when he didn’t have anything good to address my point of view, he just stops talking about it by changing subjects. As a result, I just compromised and learned to accept that’s just who he is.
We continue to spend time together doing daily things, we still give each advice, we tell each other to be careful when we’re out and about, and we take care of each other when either of us is sick. Like I said, we’re like two family members living together. There’s love, but no romance or passion. Considering how many people are telling me to change my ideals, I guess that’s really just normal.

Thanks for everybody's input here and in DMs. I assure everybody that I'm not in a mental health emergency. Not saying that therapists aren't necessary, but I believe I still have more than enough will power to mentally adjust myself. Of course I cherish what I have by counting my own blessings on a regular basis, and working in banking only made me realize how privileged my life already is as an immigrant compared with a great deal of natural born citizens. I didn't mention all that because I didn't want to veer off topic. Besides, no emotional void can truly be filled, you learn to make peace with it and move on, but you still feel it sometimes, like a deceased loved one, and that's how I am with my void.
I think @FrankR got it right in his last sentence, so I could redefine the void better: in my two relationships, I sort of bypassed the stage of feeling "in love," which normally includes romantic dinners, trips together, and last but not least, passionate sex. The frustration is that I obviously can't experience it with my husband anymore, and one simply can't easily find a person only to experience that for various reasons. I've certainly tried that when I was in college before meeting my husband, but that only made me realize I preferred older non-college-age men since I care about intellectual maturity too. (My husband is 8 years older than me.)
I'm never about guys with perfect faces and perfect bodies. In fact for the masseur I met in DTLA, I picked him because he didn't have a 6-pack at all, just a flat stomach. I live in L.A., so I'm trained to see through people's instagram glamor, and that isn't what I think is missing. Also, I'm extremely comfortable with who I am at this point of my life, but ironically the people who I think truly appreciate who I am are my female coworkers, and even my 2 straight crushes. To my husband, I'm too loud, too straight-forward, and too passionate about what I like or believe in. He has a monotone low voice, and never gets animated with his words, so that's why I think he gets intimated: while I'm simply being passionate about what I'm talking about, he just takes it as unnecessary hostility. Whenever I told him about something that happened at work, one of the first things he would say is "I'm right next to you, you don't have to be this loud," and that's another frustration: being myself and loving myself doesn't necessarily mean the person I want to love me as who I am would just do so. Again, I appreciate everybody's input, but I think some of you guys misunderstood me here and there.

Forward: First and foremost, this is supposed to be a blog post from my own blog, but the subject matter is so personal, I don't want to post it on my regular blog. Since I still want people to read it, I've decided this forum should be a better place to post it. This is not meant to be my side of an argument or anything, I just want to write my thoughts out. If you can connect with what I have to say in any way, however, please feel free to share your thoughts as well.
For the past 2 years, I've been working nonstop, so I decided to take a week off as a staycation just so I can burn off some of my time-offs that won't be carried over after March. I picked this week because I had to see Imagine Dragons at (formerly) Staples Center this past Saturday night, so I figured it'd be really nice if I didn't have to work a few days before and after. I also spent the night in downtown L.A. instead of going back to the (San Fernando) Valley. I convinced my husband that he didn't want to pick me up that late with his sciatica, and I also wanted to take this opportunity on Sunday morning to get a "massage."
Of course it was more than a massage, and the masseur also delivered more than what I asked for, but that's not the point of the blog post. The point is, I felt that void inside me again, the void created by lacking the kind of sexual and to some degree, emotional attention I always craved for in my life. I don't feel the void all the time, and it doesn't even show up that often, only when I had a sexual encounter where I'd feel wanted. I don't have a lot of sexual encounters to begin with, so for the past few years, I've only felt it once before, and unfortunately, I had to pay for that one as well.
Obviously, I had to console myself by telling myself that it wasn't real, but the best therapy so far is actually for me to take a look at the masseurs' personal Instagram, which would make me realize there wouldn't be a relationship with them in real life anyway whether I'm married or not: you know, for example, different political and social views, or the fact that I work in banking, and they party all the time while working on OnlyFans. (Not a judgement, I admire people who can do OnlyFans: If I had to make money by kissing ass all day, then I might as well make more money eating them; it's just that I can't overcome the moral standards I was taught.)
At this point, some of you may ask: "what about your husband?" Well, let's first talk about the circumstances of when we first met. Remember the void? I came to the U.S. in 2008 as an international student, so I have no family here, as a result, I had a bigger void in me at that time: constant loneliness, and that wasn't caused by lack of sexual attention, that was caused by lack of support from loved one(s) and uncertainty with life. Right after graduation before knowing how to get a Green Card, I didn't even want to think about hooking up. Then there came my husband. Honestly, I WAS lucky to have met him when I did. He helped me find a new place to live, and my first job out of college to get my adult life started in the U.S. Already knowing how tough the market was for a chubby gaysian at the time since I'd been trying to get a boyfriend when I was in college, I leaned on him instantly. Before he became my boyfriend, he already became my family, a loved one. You could guess the rest: DoMA was struck down, and we were able to get married so I could stay in the U.S.
We were only sexual with each other for a very short period of time, and even when we were, we were never quite on the same page. I enjoy gentle loving sex, and he enjoys leather stuff, but the thing is even when I was willing to wear some of his gears, it'd still took him a very long time to get hard and eventually cum. He also can't keep it consistently hard enough for any penetration. When he pleasures himself, he needs on average more than one hour and 15 minutes, and he wasn't even trying to edge. That's why we stopped having sex with each other within 6 months of our relationship, and we've been living together for more than 10 years. We absolutely do love each other as family, so much so that knowing what's available out there, I'd only see myself living alone if god forbid something happens to him. Nevertheless, because we treat each other as family members, neither of us was able to see each other sexually--he didn't even want me to touch his dick without any sexual intent.
Therefore, without explicitly talking about it, we low-key allow each other to explore sexually if an opportunity should arise. Some of you may ask again: "What's the problem, then?" The problem is, whenever I feel the void, I was reminded of the fact that I never got the chance to feel being swept under my feet by any one. My husband was only my second relationship; the first one was long-distance, so neither of my relationships resembled anything like what I was taught to expect.
Do I think there might be something better out there for me? I don't know, but I honestly doubt it as well. I live in L.A., and I see 3 types of gay guys: the ones that don't want to think about settle down at all and just want to have sex, the ones that want to settle down but are too picky and care about all the wrong things of the other person, and the ones who have a perfect body, who live with a boyfriend with a perfect body, but are in an open relationship. No wonder all my dream husbands are all straight. There were 2 straight men in my life that I had a serious crush on (If you don't count Dan Reynolds from Imagine Dragons, that is). Both of them are good looking of course, and turned out to be a responsible husband and father, but I think what they did for me more than my own husband ever does was that they both appreciated my intellect. My husband never appreciated how good my English is; he kinda just took it for granted; and he sometimes behave like he's intimidated by my intellect by not discussing politics with me, and never admitted he loved a movie whenever I picked it, even though he was seen visibly enjoying it. That, was the emotional part of the void I was referring to earlier.
Whenever we think about things like that, there are always a lot of what-ifs. What if I had a better body, would I increase my chance to meeting my dream guy? What if I had a dream husband, but our sexual passion for each other would still fade away? What if I don't take a chance now, or I'd be too old to do so? Even when I was looking at my straight crushes' life, I really couldn't tell if they have the same problem or not, so 8 paragraphs in, is it possible that my expectations of a good relationship were simply unrealistic? Just to be clear, having a perfect body was never my expectation for a perfect husband. I'm chubby, and my husband has the same weight as me but shorter, so you do the maths. I've found guys attractive when they're chubby or have a dadbod as long as they're not morbidly obese, but again a perfect body seems to be what most gay guys are looking for these days, and since I want people to appreciate my intellect, I can't bring myself to get a perfect body myself just to be loved.
Well, what do I want then? I'm still not sure. Maybe a perfect affair or one night stand where I can meet a nice guy who can give me the sexual attention I want without money involved, while being able to carry on a stimulating conversation with me just so I know what I've wanted is possible? Maybe all I need was simply knowing that I can be loved the way I want to be loved at one point of my life, and it didn't have to last at all.

I took the dip and spend $300+ for a massage and beyond experience, and he made me feel special for the very first time in a long time.
 
House organizing is just something he does, and if that’s all you want him to do, I don’t think he would charge massage rate…

Took the dip on him. PM for details.

I took the dip and spend $300+ for a massage and beyond experience, and he made me feel special for the very first time in a long time.
 
House organizing is just something he does, and if that’s all you want him to do, I don’t think he would charge massage rate…

I was just reading another thread, and a member here mentioned that his relationship with a masseur turned more intimate a few times, and the masseur never asked for the payment during those times since he didn't really give a massage before escalating things.
 
My thought reading the post was that I would have paid the masseur anyway because I never wait till they ask. To me, it's such an awkward conversation to get into, and it can instantly kill the vibes you just built with your masseur, so I always take initiative to pay them, and I don't think I ever remember anyone of them count the cash; they just take my word for it.
 
Therefore, should we wait?

I can understand why @Wolfer feels the way he does. The reason this masseur calls him last minute is because he is in a relationship with someone - man or woman - or maybe even married? When he's able to get away to make a booty call, he cums calling @Wolfer. This is one of those situations that you enjoy for what it's worth and don't read into it. How about testing the waters- next time he calls, you tell him up front that you have no spare change this week but I'd still like to meet up with you. See what the reaction is. It does still sound hot to me!

Finally took the dip for the team, and the positive reviews here are true: it was my best massage experience in L.A. so far, and Mateo's definitely worth the money. Feel free to DM me for details.

Would you DM me also? Thanks!

I booked a session with Spencer, who's better known as porn star Logan Stevens. If you want to know what happened, you could PM me, but right here, I'm gonna be a little philosophical.
 
On any given day, if you ask me if I think he's sexy, and if I'm attracted to him, I'm gonna say yes. In person, he truly is: nice body, pretty scruffy face, and that musky smell from his body... He's everything I'd dream of in a sexual fantasy, as I can also see in his porn videos at any time.
 
Unfortunately in reality, my brain works differently. From the first moment I saw him and started a conversation, my brain just started to compute the differences between what he thought he was like and what he was actually like. He's every bit of sexy in person, but the computing in my brain still killed the vibe a little bit.
 
The massage was good and deep. I sit at a desk all day, and my back needed it, but because the massage was good, my mind was nowhere near the gutter at all, even though my fantasy man was touching me! Since I knew he could see I wasn't aroused, my mind started to worry that he might be thinking I didn't like him in person (as I told him I was a subscriber of his JustForFans page). Nevertheless, I am still attracted to him, but when he was there, in my mind I couldn't treat him like the guy he was in his own videos. He was just a good looking stranger that I would look at, but probably too insecure myself to have an instant sexual connection with.
 
We talk about here everyday that which masseur's cute, hot, or sexy, but I think the best masseur should be someone that can put your mind at ease. If you have a usual masseur to go to, and things have been working out well, then there must be a reason. Trying something different might be a bad idea, even though it sounds like a good one.
 
Don't get me wrong, if you like Logan Stevens, hire him, the massage is great, and it's a porn star bucket list item to check off, but beware that it'll probably not going to end up like the fantasy you've imagined. (It's funny that he said something about he no longer had energy to party hard during holiday gathering with younger people, and I almost said that wasn't what I would perceive from all his threesome videos?...)

I booked a session with Spencer, who's better known as porn star Logan Stevens. If you want to know what happened, you could PM me, but right here, I'm gonna be a little philosophical.
 
On any given day, if you ask me if I think he's sexy, and if I'm attracted to him, I'm gonna say yes. In person, he truly is: nice body, pretty scruffy face, and that musky smell from his body... He's everything I'd dream of in a sexual fantasy, as I can also see in his porn videos at any time.
 
Unfortunately in reality, my brain works differently. From the first moment I saw him and started a conversation, my brain just started to compute the differences between what he thought he was like and what he was actually like. He's every bit of sexy in person, but the computing in my brain still killed the vibe a little bit.
 
The massage was good and deep. I sit at a desk all day, and my back needed it, but because the massage was good, my mind was nowhere near the gutter at all, even though my fantasy man was touching me! Since I knew he could see I wasn't aroused, my mind started to worry that he might be thinking I didn't like him in person (as I told him I was a subscriber of his JustForFans page). Nevertheless, I am still attracted to him, but when he was there, in my mind I couldn't treat him like the guy he was in his own videos. He was just a good looking stranger that I would look at, but probably too insecure myself to have an instant sexual connection with.
 
We talk about here everyday that which masseur's cute, hot, or sexy, but I think the best masseur should be someone that can put your mind at ease. If you have a usual masseur to go to, and things have been working out well, then there must be a reason. Trying something different might be a bad idea, even though it sounds like a good one.
 
Don't get me wrong, if you like Logan Stevens, hire him, the massage is great, and it's a porn star bucket list item to check off, but beware that it'll probably not going to end up like the fantasy you've imagined. (It's funny that he said something about he no longer had energy to party hard during holiday gathering with younger people, and I almost said that wasn't what I would perceive from all his threesome videos?...)

On the first visit?....no
 
On the 3rd or 4th visit with a guy who’s been open and playful during the previous massages?.....maybe.
 
Sexual play and comedy; reading the room is paramount for both.

Is lurid behavior considered sexy or inviting in this context? Is it sexier to scream I want to get fucked or to whisper it in someone's ear? Does anyone long to satisfy a guy who appears so blatantly desperate?
 
I once saw a massage guy who liked to top me before he moved to another state. He was kind and tender and I enjoyed him. He didn't know it, at least we never talked about it, but I wore a butt plug for an hour before my appointment, and I used as little lube as possible. I removed it in the shower before I left to see him and showed up looking dry and normal.
 
He enjoyed working my ass crack during the massage, thinking his technique is what loosened me up. It certainly helped relax me. If I showed up on the table with a butt plug inserted, I believe it might alter the masseur's approach and could interfere with his thinking. Did I kill all fantasy? Did I put a prop in his way and now he doesn't know what to do with it? What if he thinks by removing it there might be an unwanted surprise at the tip? The mind is a funny thing in these moments. You gotta be careful what you wish for. You gotta make sure your fantasy is in line with his. Otherwise I think you're inviting disaster.

Just took one for the team, and had a last-minute appointment with him. He was very accommodating given the short notice. The massage is definitely one of the best I’ve ever had, deep and relaxing. Extras are somewhat lacking, but given his rate, it’s good enough I suppose, and YMMV. Anyone who wants a little bit more details can DM me.

In general, people will often debrief with a trusted friend prior to going to a Clinic. If you have a confidante, they may help assess the decision to pursue screening. Many folks attend PEP screening with someone they know.
 
A lot of guys paying for sex do not have a reliable non-judgemental "tribe" member. The forum may not be the optimal debriefing place, but in the absence of ... the above ...
 
In addition, many guys hiring commercial sex providers are mortified about disclosing this practice, notwithstanding that a clinic is likely accustomed to serving this population. I still wince when transparently verifying this theme at PrEP follow-ups.
 
The OP was cryptic, but readily invited private input as surrogacy for a real-world confidante. OK in my books.
 
Some people have a lower threshold of anxiety and may experience an isolated transmission phobia following behaviour that others view as negligible or zero risk. Someone may have AIDS phobia, have some insight into their "panic" state, and be self-conscious about pursuing transmission assessment or psychological help. I am not saying this is the case, but there must be some reason for the vagueness.
 
Let's face it, fear of transmission is a motivator for protection. Fear can thus be productive but also take on an extreme shape.
 
I think that what kept this thread ticking along was curiosity about what really occurred. My sense is that the OP got some advice behind the scenes that was useful if not technically formal.

I've already PMed the original poster my recommendations, so I don't feel too bad about steering the discussion off topic.
 
I'm Asian, I'm not hung, and I'm around 30 pounds overweight. I've hired 4 L.A. area masseurs in total so far mostly based on rate and whether or not they can do outcall to my location. I've had good experiences with 2 of them, and I don't want to hire the other 2 any more because their extras were too much. Therefore, it's absolutely inaccurate to say most masseurs in L.A. are anti-Asian. Honestly, as someone who immigrated here from China, I don't understand how people, who grew up here, can live their life seeing every obstacle they encountered as a result of racism. That's a big turn-off for me in a man of color, actually.
 
Granted, most of the men I've been with are white, but that's after growing up in China seeing millions of skincare commercials about whitening, hearing how other older Chinese people complimenting white skin, big eyes, and tall noses. Maybe the beauty standards I grew up with are racist, but it wasn't my fault, nor was it any white person's fault. It also f**ked me up too, I have small eyes and wide nose, so I had to grow up thinking I'm ugly. Coming to America makes me realize that there are people who appreciate how I look, and I also learned to appreciate the beauty of people with darker skin: I've had encounters with Latino, black, and mid-eastern men. Therefore, you can call people racist, or you can give them a chance to learn and appreciate you. It's always hard to be refused, but as long as I still have a type, I can't bring myself to blame others for not being into me. Yes, you can always argue masseurs shouldn't discriminate, but we are not talking about masseurs that work out of your chiropractor's clinic, are we?

OK, since no one replied to me, I decided to take one for the team.
 
I ended up having a very special time with him. Our time together was very relaxed and organic. Nothing felt forced. You could PM me for details.

OK, since no one replied to me, I decided to take one for the team.
 
I ended up having a very special time with him. Our time together was very relaxed and organic. Nothing felt forced. You could PM me for details.

I've already PMed the original poster my recommendations, so I don't feel too bad about steering the discussion off topic.
 
I'm Asian, I'm not hung, and I'm around 30 pounds overweight. I've hired 4 L.A. area masseurs in total so far mostly based on rate and whether or not they can do outcall to my location. I've had good experiences with 2 of them, and I don't want to hire the other 2 any more because their extras were too much. Therefore, it's absolutely inaccurate to say most masseurs in L.A. are anti-Asian. Honestly, as someone who immigrated here from China, I don't understand how people, who grew up here, can live their life seeing every obstacle they encountered as a result of racism. That's a big turn-off for me in a man of color, actually.
 
Granted, most of the men I've been with are white, but that's after growing up in China seeing millions of skincare commercials about whitening, hearing how other older Chinese people complimenting white skin, big eyes, and tall noses. Maybe the beauty standards I grew up with are racist, but it wasn't my fault, nor was it any white person's fault. It also f**ked me up too, I have small eyes and wide nose, so I had to grow up thinking I'm ugly. Coming to America makes me realize that there are people who appreciate how I look, and I also learned to appreciate the beauty of people with darker skin: I've had encounters with Latino, black, and mid-eastern men. Therefore, you can call people racist, or you can give them a chance to learn and appreciate you. It's always hard to be refused, but as long as I still have a type, I can't bring myself to blame others for not being into me. Yes, you can always argue masseurs shouldn't discriminate, but we are not talking about masseurs that work out of your chiropractor's clinic, are we?

I've already PMed the original poster my recommendations, so I don't feel too bad about steering the discussion off topic.
 
I'm Asian, I'm not hung, and I'm around 30 pounds overweight. I've hired 4 L.A. area masseurs in total so far mostly based on rate and whether or not they can do outcall to my location. I've had good experiences with 2 of them, and I don't want to hire the other 2 any more because their extras were too much. Therefore, it's absolutely inaccurate to say most masseurs in L.A. are anti-Asian. Honestly, as someone who immigrated here from China, I don't understand how people, who grew up here, can live their life seeing every obstacle they encountered as a result of racism. That's a big turn-off for me in a man of color, actually.
 
Granted, most of the men I've been with are white, but that's after growing up in China seeing millions of skincare commercials about whitening, hearing how other older Chinese people complimenting white skin, big eyes, and tall noses. Maybe the beauty standards I grew up with are racist, but it wasn't my fault, nor was it any white person's fault. It also f**ked me up too, I have small eyes and wide nose, so I had to grow up thinking I'm ugly. Coming to America makes me realize that there are people who appreciate how I look, and I also learned to appreciate the beauty of people with darker skin: I've had encounters with Latino, black, and mid-eastern men. Therefore, you can call people racist, or you can give them a chance to learn and appreciate you. It's always hard to be refused, but as long as I still have a type, I can't bring myself to blame others for not being into me. Yes, you can always argue masseurs shouldn't discriminate, but we are not talking about masseurs that work out of your chiropractor's clinic, are we?