Freaking Out After Massage -- Looking for Advice

[GoneStag90]

Hi there -- longtime lurker finally compelled to post after an experience today that I'm sort of freaking out about.

 

Today I had a sensual massage booked with "extras" but the extra that I experienced was a bit more than anticipated and things just went kind of fast, so now I'm wondering if I need to look into PEP options and the like. This was with a top-rated masseur who has had lots of glowing recommendations on this site, but I didn't know that things would escalate so quickly and leave me feeling like this.

 

Am I overthinking everything? Happy to explain more over DM if anyone's inclined to reach out and help settle my mind. Thanks so much.

 

Guy Sez: Stay On Topic!

Edited May 30, 2019 by Guy Fawkes

[Typical]

Maybe you should call a clinic. This is not a medical forum.

[+ nycman]

Way too few details to get an intelligent response.

 

You should talk to a medical professional.

 

You're not the first nor are you the only one.

 

Don't beat yourself up.

 

Get professional advice from a knowledgeable individual.

[dcman]

Sent you a PM.

[hypothetically]

Hi there -- longtime lurker finally compelled to post after an experience today that I'm sort of freaking out about.

 

Today I had a sensual massage booked with "extras" but the extra that I experienced was a bit more than anticipated and things just went kind of fast, so now I'm wondering if I need to look into PEP options and the like. This was with a top-rated masseur who has had lots of glowing recommendations on this site, but I didn't know that things would escalate so quickly and leave me feeling like this.

 

Am I overthinking everything? Happy to explain more over DM if anyone's inclined to reach out and help settle my mind. Thanks so much.

 

Stories like this (from grown men) really baffle me considering the resources available and the money being poured into sexual health campaigns about PEP and PrEP. If you’re an adult and not well versed on the risk surrounding a “slip up,” you shouldn’t be (excuse my language) fucking at all.

 

While I realize your situation is different..there’s nothing I detest more than reckless clients who reach out requesting BB and inquiring if I’m on PrEp, only to find out upon further investigation that they are not on PrEp themselves. Don’t panic after playing Russian Roulette. You were not held against your will. Clients should be held to the same gold standard of sexual health as providers.

[+ Intosmoothmuscles]

Hi there -- longtime lurker finally compelled to post after an experience today that I'm sort of freaking out about.

 

Today I had a sensual massage booked with "extras" but the extra that I experienced was a bit more than anticipated and things just went kind of fast, so now I'm wondering if I need to look into PEP options and the like. This was with a top-rated masseur who has had lots of glowing recommendations on this site, but I didn't know that things would escalate so quickly and leave me feeling like this.

 

Am I overthinking everything? Happy to explain more over DM if anyone's inclined to reach out and help settle my mind. Thanks so much.

 

Don’t stress too much, that happened to me twice in a similar situation as what you described. Both times I went on pep and I am now on prep just to have extra protection. Go to a clinic or er and start the pep if you haven’t done it yet .

[musclelover]

If you're going to do PEP, a very quick Google search will inform you that you MUST do it quickly - if 72 hours pass since your encounter/exposure, it's not effective.

• An excerpt from the Planned Parenthood website says: "But you have to start PEP within 72 hours, or 3 days, after you were exposed to HIV, or it won’t work. The sooner you start, the better it works — every hour matters."
  
• https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hiv-aids/pep
  

So, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!!!

 

Good luck.

[Michael PhD]

Sounds like you went too far. No worries. You live and learn. Just make sure to go slower and discuss expectations next time. And as others have mentioned, if PEP needed time is crucial but I’d imagine you’ll probably be fine. Let this lead you to being careful for the future. Sorry others are being hard on you... I know I’ve lost common sense when I’ve worried about stuff I’ve done... it happens.

[wbtravis]

If you're going to do PEP, a very quick Google search will inform you that you MUST do it quickly - if 72 hours pass since your encounter/exposure, it's not effective.

• An excerpt from the Planned Parenthood website says: "But you have to start PEP within 72 hours, or 3 days, after you were exposed to HIV, or it won’t work. The sooner you start, the better it works — every hour matters."
  
• https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hiv-aids/pep
  

So, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!!!

 

Good luck.

 

Amen. Happened to me, and I went on PEP. It was the only thing I could control after an unfortunate turn. In the grand scheme of regrets, I did not want the regret of not doing everything in my power to protect my health.

 

The 72 hour timeline is very important.

[thedanNYC]

Side note - If you do want to go on PEP, I suggest being honest with the doctor about what happened (as awkward as it might be). You always want to give doctors enough information to code STD-related prescription, tests, etc. as necessary due to high-risk exposure to have a better chance of your insurance company covering the costs.

[musclelover]

I think that the main point is to make sure that the OP (GoneStag90) has the info that he needs to take FAST action.

 

None of us know the precise circumstances (e.g., did a condom break?) and what he is going through emotionally.

 

So I think that what is key here is to provide him with practical advice so that he can take whatever remedial action is needed - before the critical 72-hour window closes.

 

GoneStag90 - as you've corralled a bunch of folks on here to advise you, please update everyone after you've taken care of yourself and can exhale.

[+ purplekow]

I think it is a safe assumption that if the OP is unwilling to state what happened on a forum of strangers most of whom would be supportive, that it is almost assured that he is going to have trouble speaking with a doctor, specifically his doctor. We have no idea of the availability of medical services in his area, though I agree, he needs to get medical help as soon as possible. It may be that the act which occurred needs PEP but it may also be that the OP is unfamiliar with what is and what is not high risk and he may not need PEP. What he definitely needs is education, not humiliation. There is a man who has come to us for help, let us try to be kind and to offer whatever assistance we can,

OP, please be aware that if the man with whom you were involved is negative or has an undetectable viral load due to treatment your risk is either zero, the former, or very low, the latter situation. That is not to say that you should not be concerned, but that is to say that you need to act expeditiously and after seeking medical help, while in the waiting room, call your partner and ask his status, Get treated, get tested and deal with the results.

Blame does not play a productive role in this.

[boiledeggz]

Get to an ER immediately and ask for pep. You must act quickly. All the other discussions at this point are moot. It's happened, and you need to take care of this.

The highest risk is in you were the bottom and got barebacked or the condom broke. If you were a top who barebacked, the risk is much less but still risky. If it was only oral sex, then it would be very hard to get it that way because the virus itself is quite fragile.

Edited May 28, 2019 by boiledeggz

[Bacon]

If you’re going to get extras of any type, might as well start a PREP regime. HIV infection never worried me too much, because I practiced safe sex and often didn’t engage in activities where transmission tends to be more prevalent. However, with the PREP monitoring, you get the complete/thorough STD check-up every three months too ... and you’re probably far more likely to get one of those.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

So instead of being accountable for one’s actions, the course of action following an incident like this is to go to the hospital and say you’ve been raped?? Wrong.

 

One should NEVER fabricate rape. The clinic will treat him if he simply communicates he had a little emergency situation. Again, the importance of knowing what PEP is and who has access to it via the available resources. You guys are scaring me lol. Wow.

 

I'm not reading rape into the OPs message. One can tell the same story of everything that happened without saying "I was raped." The exact same story can be told stating, "things were moving fast and I let them go further than I anticipated."

[Terpmaniac]

Wait a minute? You get naked. He gets naked. You climb naked up on a massage table and he then climbs on TOP of you and at no point did you think what happened can not possibly happen? Really?

[SirBillybob]

In general, people will often debrief with a trusted friend prior to going to a Clinic. If you have a confidante, they may help assess the decision to pursue screening. Many folks attend PEP screening with someone they know.

 

A lot of guys paying for sex do not have a reliable non-judgemental "tribe" member. The forum may not be the optimal debriefing place, but in the absence of ... the above ...

 

In addition, many guys hiring commercial sex providers are mortified about disclosing this practice, notwithstanding that a clinic is likely accustomed to serving this population. I still wince when transparently verifying this theme at PrEP follow-ups.

 

The OP was cryptic, but readily invited private input as surrogacy for a real-world confidante. OK in my books.

 

Some people have a lower threshold of anxiety and may experience an isolated transmission phobia following behaviour that others view as negligible or zero risk. Someone may have AIDS phobia, have some insight into their "panic" state, and be self-conscious about pursuing transmission assessment or psychological help. I am not saying this is the case, but there must be some reason for the vagueness.

 

Let's face it, fear of transmission is a motivator for protection. Fear can thus be productive but also take on an extreme shape.

 

I think that what kept this thread ticking along was curiosity about what really occurred. My sense is that the OP got some advice behind the scenes that was useful if not technically formal.

Edited May 29, 2019 by SirBIllybob

[starman05]

Wait a minute? You get naked. He gets naked. You climb naked up on a massage table and he then climbs on TOP of you and at no point did you think what happened can not possibly happen? Really?

 

I wasn't there when the GoneStag90 went through this. I was getting a massage once when I was in my 20s so this is quite a while ago. The guy hops up on the table when I'm on my back and takes my fully erect penis and glides it into his butt fairly quickly. I think he had time to go up and down once before I pushed him off declaring: "HEY! That is not safe for either of us!"

 

Finished up fast and got out quickly; never went back. I emerged unscathed but it taught me to be careful and set my boundaries and stick with regulars who I felt safer with.

[+ azdr0710]

I hope the OP checks back in with us......as of now, he was last online early yesterday (Tuesday) morning and probably saw many of these very helpful posts.......

[wbtravis]

I wasn't there when the GoneStag90 went through this. I was getting a massage once when I was in my 20s so this is quite a while ago. The guy hops up on the table when I'm on my back and takes my fully erect penis and glides it into his butt fairly quickly. I think he had time to go up and down once before I pushed him off declaring: "HEY! That is not safe for either of us!"

 

Finished up fast and got out quickly; never went back. I emerged unscathed but it taught me to be careful and set my boundaries and stick with regulars who I felt safer with.

Happened to me too - a year and a half ago. He had not asked me any health questions and was not on PrEP either.

 

I went on PEP.

Edited May 30, 2019 by wbtravis

[pubic_assistance]

I am confused.

At what point did this situation get so out of your control ?

Clearly most practitioners are going deep because they think you want it.

If you say "NO"...pretty sure that works.

Always has for me.

It's not date rape you know...it's an up sell.

[starman05]

Happened to me too - a year and a half ago. He had not asked me any health questions and was not on PrEP either.

 

I went on PEP.

 

smart move wbtravis; alas, it didn't exist when I had my unfortunate encounter. I feel cheated out of my youth as the AIDS crisis was in full swing. The government didn't do much, but the media had this on the news every night. I worked in show biz at a network/production facility in the late 80s and saw men dying around me. For whatever reason I didn't come off as stereotypically gay and people assumed I was straight. 'When are you getting married?" I got so sick of that from near-strangers whom I didn't feel like sharing my life with.

[starman05]

I am confused.

At what point did this situation get so out of your control ?

Clearly most practitioners are going deep because they think you want it.

If you say "NO"...pretty sure that works.

Always has for me.

It's not date rape you know...it's an up sell.

 

it can get out of control during a massage when you start to relax and let your guard down and then the therapist, who's more awake and alert, takes it to another level.

 

Yep, I'm all for shouting out NO.

 

It's fair to assume that if you hire someone for a massage then you want a massage and MAYBE a little fun/happy ending. If you want sex, you might hire an escort/rentboy

[wbtravis]

smart move wbtravis; alas, it didn't exist when I had my unfortunate encounter. I feel cheated out of my youth as the AIDS crisis was in full swing. The government didn't do much, but the media had this on the news every night. I worked in show biz at a network/production facility in the late 80s and saw men dying around me. For whatever reason I didn't come off as stereotypically gay and people assumed I was straight. 'When are you getting married?" I got so sick of that from near-strangers whom I didn't feel like sharing my life with.

 

I remember the fear of the early eighties. We had no idea how contagious AIDS was and misinformation was rampant. I was so deeply closeted then that I had few experiences, and very limited ones.

 

The Masseur in question with me straddled me on the table with his hand stroking me behind him, while I stroked him on my belly. I came... made all the faces, and noises, and after he blew a load, he said “do you want to cum”? I was really confused... like, how could be jizz not be all over his hand? I said,”I did already.” He said, “in me?”.

Then I turned ghost white. I had no clue he’d popped me in. I have always been clear that my wish list was a quality massage, nude Masseur, some mutual touch - and HE. This guy just got carried away in the moment. Having had many massages with my wish list honored, it never occurred to me that someone would slide me in without asking. (Or more, that there would be any way i’d not know.)

Some people told me PEP was overkill, as I was top - but I had to do something. I ALMOST had to pay $4127 for the two anti-virals, was it not for the incredible staff at SF City Clinic. I opted for treatment because regret if I had not would have been terrible.

[+ 5280Dane]

Obviously nobody wants to contract HIV or any other STD, including the masseur. Don’t blame him, your health is your responsibility, regardless that honesty and looking out for the fellow man morals should be universal. Don’t be hard on yourself either. Most STDs can be cured with an antibiotic, HPV is fairly common and it’s not tested for unless you ask for it. And even HIV is no longer a death sentence and won’t ruin your life. So keep things in perspective. Good luck.