cougar

Lmao…..at 35, you’re a fucking dinosaur in the gay community. 

CheckCar, these two sentences are probably the most realistic description of my life. Thank you for saying this and I hope it will stir me to think more about this topic. I do not know how I will act upon it, I am just happy to read it. 

I identify so intimately with the series of before/after’s you mentioned. It’s a big reason why, as a near-50-year-old, I struggle at times to figure out my role in the present day. For instance, I can appreciate the affordances of online dating, especially for those who don’t have ready access to vibrant in-person queer social spaces. I also feel a sense of loss, however, as someone who came of age at a time when I had to go to gay bars or gay community centers in the big city for any kind of gay social life. In those spaces, I found older queer folks—sometimes only a few years older than I was, sometimes significantly older—who taught me how to navigate the world as a young gay adult. They taught me how to distinguish safer from riskier social spaces, safer from riskier dating prospects, safer from riskier professional and financial decisions, etc. By contrast, I became an informal mentor to a gay college senior a few years ago after he had just come out. When I asked him what his coming out experience was like, he told me that he had downloaded Grindr and had met his first “boyfriend.” The thought of Grindr being this young man’s initiation into gay life—revolving largely around hook-up culture without nurturing connections to mentors and community—saddened and alarmed me.
I embrace the opportunities that have emerged through professional and some social networks to be the nurturing gay mentor with no sexual interests in younger mentees (I had a few bad experiences in my earlier years that taught me how difficult it is to mentor someone you want to fuck). But with the increasingly homophobic and transphobic sociopolitical landscape surrounding us, I worry that I’m not doing enough. I have a good job, ample savings, and lots of security in my life; I can afford to take risks that might be harder to manage for others. But I’ve been disconnected from in-the-streets activism for quite some time (which helps to explain my professional success and stability). I don’t see clear pathways for someone like me to get involved in political spaces where the white-collar, “assimilationist” gay male professional seems to frequently be identified as one of the problems that needs to be solved. 
Perhaps I just need to enter some of those spaces and hope that, with time, my potential contributions will become apparent.
 

This is a great question. It seems like LGBTQ+ folks can find ourselves occupying “elder” status under unusual and confusing circumstances. When I came out in my sophomore year of college, I quickly became “Papa Bear” for the closeted folks around me. I had barely started to learn what it meant to be gay when I suddenly found myself positioned as the go-to for gay issues on campus. As I looked for mentors to support me, I realized the gap created by the AIDS epidemic. Many of my would-be mentors were either gone or were scared away by the intensity of the epidemic in the 80s. I was forced to become an elder way before I was ready to.
And then there are those who come out later than others and experience what a gay male social worker friend describes as “delayed” gay adolescence. This is the 30 year old with a job, home, and other trappings of adulthood whose sexual and romantic experiences—to no fault of his own—are equivalent to those of a typical 17 year-old heterosexual. Is it fair to expect that person to play an elder role when he has had so little time to experience gay life for himself? As I type this, I realize that I still have some baggage from prematurely becoming a gay elder!

My thanks to @CheckCar for the very thoughtful posts.  Has give me a lot to think about. 

I usually experience a mild discomfort when in the presence of drag queens.  I don't know why, it just is.

I have nothing against drag queens. I respect the amount of work that goes into it. I realize there are many talented people who perform as drag queens. I’ve seen my share of Drag Race. But it’s just not who I am as a gay man. I really have no desire to dress up and impersonate a woman. If someone wants to do that it’s fine. Go ahead. I just feel like it gets too much press but I suppose that’s because it’s so obvious. I think gay men are so much more than putting on a dress. Do we always have to be clowns to get attention? 
Yes, yes I realize there’s more out there but honestly I’m just so tired of drag queens  
 

Another fabulous body ruined by tats!

What a great sentence!
Thank you. 

I think 'prodigious' might be the word meaning generous or extensive, whereas a prodigal son or daughter is one who goes their own way, loses badly, and returns to their family empty, but is showered with grace upon their return to the 'fold'.  I imagine his grandma, as misinformed as she may be, is hoping he will one day change his ways and return to the 'fold'.  In the Bible story it is the other brother, who always did everything right, who is criticised and rebuked.  He resents that his father welcomes the wayward brother back with such generous and open arms.  It is a story about grace and receiving something good when we might not deserve it.

I would pass. 

Trixie - came in here around 2005 and had a really neat online persona.  Towards the end of their time here they became kind of down.  They were having issues with a job change and being in a more conservative city if I remember correctly. 

Oh I miss KYTOP! 
 
 

HIs profile claims "the pandemic is over." That's a deal breaker for me, as it means he's not living in reality. LOL

Another young, sexy man, very nice body ruined by a collection of random tats 🥴

I don't go to them. Was it Thomas Wolfe that said "You can never go back".  

Went to HS 15th, in Dayton. Won award for having traveled most miles, from LA. 
The event validated my life choices. 

The college I graduated from had a large Greek fraternity & sorority system and still does. I enjoyed being a brother, met and made good friends for life. Even though we all graduated in the 1980's Facebook has been good to facilitate our connections and brought a lot of us back together and I still go to the house when I am there (rarely) for football games or for a major anniversary banquet celebration. Actually I was at a brother's home for Labor Day that lives about 15 miles from my house. I have met brothers throughout my life from chapters from all over America and most of them had impressive careers, it was a pleasure to meet them and have our fraternity bond. The chapter at my college is still large and the most prestigious fraternity chapter on campus, I look at current chapter and realize, I could never survive the current GPA requirements, regardless, they recently posted the current Fall Pledge class has something like 45 pledges. It means a lot to me that my chapter is strong and thriving and still very well respected by all faculty and students. I have included my chapter in my Will.

It's never too late

Met this young man earlier this week - fun and friendly guy with a great attitude.  He doesn't host but was happy to come to my hotel in NYC.  A little younger than I usually go for, but no regrets here.  Ask for face pics - he is handsome but being discreet.  I guess I would call his body "twinkish" and slim...he speaks softly and carries a big stick! English skills are great, very polite and had no problem communicating.  Would definitely see him again.  
https://rentmen.eu/SlimBoy_BR

If he uses Android, not iPhone.

If we are out at a restaurant and you can’t leave your damn phone alone!

Right wing  ideologues or Trump supporters would be off my list 

If Republician......

If Republician......