josh282282

Several people have mentioned ignoring the offending posters but on a forum like this—small and geared toward people with common interests—is it unreasonable to ask for some level of tolerance and civility from all members?  Yes, there are a lot of assholes on fora throughout the internet who revel in the anonymity and freedom to post whatever vitriol they want, but we don’t have to be like them.  Scrolling and ignoring are good options but what’s wrong with expecting ourselves to meet a higher standard when posting and commenting?

We’ve all seen it happen: A benign thread on this site that gets derailed by haughty and venomous users who seemingly delight in belittling and bullying others. Sometimes their comments reflect an inability, or maybe an unwillingness, to accept that others simply disagree with them. Perhaps more disturbing are the times when their spite and snark emerge with no clear provocation, leaving the rest of us to wonder whether participating on this site is worth the hassle. Either way, this mean girl dynamic — the bullying of fellow users into submission and silence — is difficult to avoid on Company of Men, and it undermines this site as a space where all of us can convene and connect.
 
Outside of reporting such behavior to site administrators — an imperfect response that raises its own set of challenges — I see no clear path toward curbing this dynamic on CoM. (If others have suggestions, feel free to share.) I am naming it here for the benefit of others who, like me, are troubled by the mean-spiritedness of some of our fellow site members. You are not crazy; some of our peers on CoM are terribly unkind, and their petty and spiteful communication styles can make it difficult to spend time here.
 
And sure, this is not unique to CoM. Aggressive and malicious comments from others pervade practically every online domain imaginable. But I find the mean girl dynamic on CoM particularly disheartening because of the purpose of this site. As a gay man of a certain age who is often invisible in bars and clubs catering to the gym-bodied under-40 crowd, and who engages in the type of encounters discussed on this site, I don’t have many people that I can talk to about my specific “extracurricular activities.” (I imagine this is the case for some — not all, but some — of you as well.) I was so relieved when I finally discovered this site after years of wasting time and money on unskilled providers just looking to make a quick buck. I was also incredibly grateful for the outlet (and on some days, the lifeline) this site provided during the COVID lockdown. CoM has the potential to nurture a spirit-lifting camaraderie for those of us who struggle to find it elsewhere. I wish some of us weren’t so seemingly hellbent on tearing others down.
 
Note: I have not named any specific users in this post, as the issue at hand extends beyond any single user. I implore anyone who chooses to comment on this thread to follow suit.

CBC has reported that 6 cases in gay men have been reported in the last two weeks. One had had one vax  but not the second as recommended. Just a reminder this has not gone away. 

Here's what you can do: Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER send a deposit again.
Ever. 

What classifies as VIP (Very Important Person) provider?
Some providers think they’re VIPs when they’re MSPs (Modestly Significant Person).
I know and believe some of the providers here are busy; but the number of escorts who clamor about not having enough to make ends mete suggests to me that more than not providers want you to think they’re busy to pressure you to book right now, immediately. 

Sufficient. 

You should never send a deposit, especially if it's someone not known, and when they ask via Pay Pal it's usually always a scam.  

Primary care physician here. I practice Medicine in a primary care clinic on the east coast & see these issues daily. 
Some comments.
First, my love & support to all who struggle with obesity.  It's a terrible disease with significant & harmful consequences.  And losing weight is challenging.  And as we age, it only gets more challenging. 
I am, of course,  getting oh-so-many-requests for Ozempic from non-diabetic patients who desire it for weight loss. Daily requests. On Ozempic I've had a handful of patients really drop the weight, like 20-30 lbs. Its impressive.  And I've also had some not lose weight on Ozempic.  
And I'm also very much aware of my diabetic patients who have been prescribed Ozempic for diabetes.  This medication has really helped improve their glycemic control & reduced their risk of serious complications of uncontrolled diabetes. Its awesome.  Unfortunately,  since the Ozempic for weight loss craze started,   some of my diabetics struggle to get a prescription filled because the pharmacy is out, all the Ozempic went to weight loss.  And their health suffers. It's very disappointing.  
There are pros & cons to using these Ozempic products for weight loss, as outlined by several posters here which I wont repeat. But I highlighted Benjamin's note for the strength of its insight.  Weight loss drugs are doomed to fail if the patient does not change their lifestyle. And to be honest,  many (not all) of the patients requesting an Ozempic prescription from me have no cogent plan or strategy in specifically HOW they will change their diet & behavior.   They just demand their Ozempic NOW. I ask about their plans.  I listen & wait,  but the answers typically are somewhat weak & poorly formed,  tbh.
I am fearful some, not all, on this website who want their own prescription of Ozempic may fall in the same category.  The fear is many who lose weight on Ozempic will only regain it back unless they really change their behavior.   History will repeat itself.   
With this in mind, some of my physician colleagues,  including myself,  have followed bariatric surgeons path. Bariatric surgeons demand prior to surgery that the patient lose a bit of weight and THEN they are offered bariatric surgery.  My colleagues and I are doing similar: we inform potential Ozempic patients they must lose 5-10% of their weight THEN we will prescribe Ozempic.  Simply put: whether I like it or not, I'm a gatekeeper of this "magical" drug. Therefore,  I must keep many factors in the forefront of my mind: will this prescription take away an imperative drug from a patient who needs it for diabetes?   What is the risk the patient will eventually regain the weight? Is this patient demonstrating clear evidence that changed behavior is present now, and likely will continue once the  Ozempic course has ended?
This weight loss drug will cost thousands of dollars for several months for a course and prudence & honesty demand of me that my professional prescribing behavior be judicious and fair. It's a work in progress. 
Ozempic is a complicated drug, isnt it?
Obesity is a touchy & for some, a painful topic, especially in the judgemental Gay community where the Body-Beautiful pressure is ever-present.  So to those who struggle, fight on. My love & support goes out to you.
Hugs & kisses,
Josh
 

No, no, you did not originally write "ask". You specifically used the word "right".
 
Any businessman, of any field, can of course ask for anything, even $10,000,000,000,000  to engage in business dealings. I'm skeptical that the logical & sane men on this board would disagree with that. Yet, few would pay that.
But you are coming across as it's their right.   There are no rights in this detail of minutiae of hiring regarding asking for pics prior. But it is bad business practice. You may have tweaked your sentence in follow up (thank you for responding,  kind sir!) but your revealed your true thoughts on this.  
To All Readers:  don't add toxicity to hiring. There is enough toxicity already.
Campsite Rule: leave the site better than you found it.   Say NO to pic requests.   

Do you hear yourself? You cannot actually mean what you say, can you?

biological imbalance? What about acknowledging lifestyle also matters and assuming responsibility.
Just one pill / injection can't solve most health issues
"Eat less, move more" that's the right thing to do, isn't it? 
 

I’ve stated this before, I don’t expect a client to send pictures, because I know a lot of men are discreet and or private.

yes, you're not a potential scammer but there are some out there and how do they know you're reliable until they meet you. 

Yes, you're an outlier!
believe me MOST client don't send pics at all!
Let's ask some escorts how often they receive pics of potential clients @BenjaminNicholas 

No, no, you did not originally write "ask". You specifically used the word "right".
 
Any businessman, of any field, can of course ask for anything, even $10,000,000,000,000  to engage in business dealings. I'm skeptical that the logical & sane men on this board would disagree with that. Yet, few would pay that.
But you are coming across as it's their right.   There are no rights in this detail of minutiae of hiring regarding asking for pics prior. But it is bad business practice. You may have tweaked your sentence in follow up (thank you for responding,  kind sir!) but your revealed your true thoughts on this.  
To All Readers:  don't add toxicity to hiring. There is enough toxicity already.
Campsite Rule: leave the site better than you found it.   Say NO to pic requests.   

No, no, you did not originally write "ask". You specifically used the word "right".
 
Any businessman, of any field, can of course ask for anything, even $10,000,000,000,000  to engage in business dealings. I'm skeptical that the logical & sane men on this board would disagree with that. Yet, few would pay that.
But you are coming across as it's their right.   There are no rights in this detail of minutiae of hiring regarding asking for pics prior. But it is bad business practice. You may have tweaked your sentence in follow up (thank you for responding,  kind sir!) but your revealed your true thoughts on this.  
To All Readers:  don't add toxicity to hiring. There is enough toxicity already.
Campsite Rule: leave the site better than you found it.   Say NO to pic requests.   

I actually prefer that with a new provider. We both get a good sense of one another.

Could you elaborate on how/when escorts achieved this societal "right" to get pictures of potential clients? 
I've never heard of this before and I'd like to learn more.  

Agreed here, does an accountant, waiter/waitress or barber get to see a picture of their potential clients or pick and choose who they see?  They are getting paid so they work with their clientele.  Money changes the dynamic.  In personal life an escort can pick and choose who they want to see if they aren't getting paid but money changes the dynamic.  If they want to make money they should be non-judgemental and see whoever wants to hire them.  If they can't handle that then they should find something different.

Could you elaborate on how/when escorts achieved this societal "right" to get pictures of potential clients? 
I've never heard of this before and I'd like to learn more.  

Agreed!
Even Doctors and realtors get no shows! 
In most cases guys who behave like this are likely to be insecure, out of shape, living in their mom's basement having a daily adrenaline rush. 

Hiring an escort definitely isn't the same as going to a barber or even getting a massage.  We are hiring them to "act" out a fantasy for us, meaning most times we want or expect them to get undressed and sexually engage with us in one way or another.  While I understand that some want to get a sense of the person they'll be meeting we are hiring them.  If they are getting into this industry they need to understand the territory that comes with it including being able to service anyone who hires them if they want the money.  If they aren't interested in that then they should find a different industry in my opinion.  

YOU are the exception!
99% of potential clients DON'T send pictures at all under any circumstances!

Any evaluation of a patient requires as much information as possible regarding the illness and the patient.  A physician should never assume that any one factor is the most likely cause of a particular medical issue, neither should they ignore pertinent data.  If you do not supply the information or the physician does not request it, a disservice is being done to your health care.  
I believe it would be prudent to select a doctor based on one's experience with the doctor, rather than by considering with whom he has sex, any more than one would select a contractor based on the same date.  If you wish to support gay professionals, make sure you select a well trained one with whom you have a good rapport.  
If you think your doctor is assuming that all your ailments are related to your sexual orientation or your smoking, or your weight issue, or your age,  it is time to find another doctor, gay or not, who takes time to question you thoroughly about the illness and makes a well considered plan based on all the facts at hand.  

I see no reason to ask that question on a form and every reason to ask that question as part of the. history taking.  I would usually ask the question in this manner.  Are you sexually active.  Most adults reply yes, many with the same old tired jokes. Not as much as I want to or some variation thereof.  After the oh you're so witty moment has passed, the next question assuming a yes to the first is:  Do have sex with men, women or both.  Which is your preferred partner?   This may lead to follow up questions such as when was the last time, how many partners etc.  Other questions such as have you knowingly had unprotected sex with Iv drug users.  Gay men.  Those questions go to both sexes.  If I sense any hesitance in the patient or I see that they are uncomfortable, I explain the need for an accurate sexual history related to possible exposure to sexually transmitted disease.  Unfortunately, I have had more than several patients come in for a routine physical who say that they have never been asked those questions by other doctors.  I explain that this is an essential part of the history but if they do not want to proceed, it would be best to find another practitioner though I will perform the rest of the exam at this time and note the request to not ask sexually related questions.   I can think of at least 5 occasions in which the answers to the questions led to HIV testing and a positive test.  I did not routinely order the test, but I always asked if they wanted to have the test done.    Of those five occasion  one was a pregnant woman who would have had the test done as part of the prenatal evaluation in any case, but she was very surprised at the result.  Another was a man in his 70s who said he had not had sex in 10 years and he had not had sex with a man for slightly longer than that.  His chief complain was fatigue.   
So while I think the question is clumbsily phrased and the whole situation could be handled more personally, I am pleased that at least the questions are being asked.