soloyo215

On 5/5/2024 at 5:30 PM, Thelatin said:

How do I avoid looking like a sad old queer as I age?  I see these sad old gay men with sunken eyes at bars, pretending to have fun.  I think I’m about done. 

Don't be sad, and don't pretend to be happy when you're not. Don't go to bars if you're not going to have fun there. Bars are places where many people pretend to be something they're not anyway.

I used MisterBnB to book a place in Puerto Vallarta, and saw at least one that was clothing optional. Didn't like the location, but was in fact intrigued. Decided that where I was going has plenty of options to get freaky, so didn't look into it any further.

I think that's a good option, considering that some people might have different inferences of what clothing optional or nudity permitted means. It could help having communication about what it means and if/what the limits are. I keep in mind that that's the place where I also expect to have a good night sleep and peace and quiet when I need to.

I'd be thrilled to know if you go ahead and book it and to hear about your experience.

3 hours ago, nycman said:

You voluntarily went to the Dominican Republic?
AKA "the slightly less shitty other half of Haiti"?

Well, considering that I am half Dominican, I think that you should check your American self-serving shit before insulting a country that chances are you've never been to. So feel free to stop talking out of your ass and go fuck yourself, asshole.

3 hours ago, nycman said:

I have no sympathy.

Nobody's asking for it.

3 hours ago, nycman said:

My advice?

Stop right there, not worth addressing so many erroneous presumptions about my or my husband's family, nor my vacations, my traveling, nothing.

37 minutes ago, APPLE1 said:

I guess I didn't read the post to mean "I am on vacation, and it's always miserable UNLESS I arrange a meeting with a provider."

I read it to mean "I am stuck on vacation with my insufferable in-laws. They're driving me nuts and ruining vacation. Can anyone suggest a provider here so I can escape for a few hours and enjoy myself?"

Thank you. BTW, my in-laws are normally lovely people. just not great travel companions. They have thrown surprise birthday parties for me, they have been there when my husband has been sick or when I've been sick, we get together for Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc, and as I said before, they get along among themselves much better than my own family. Also one of them does have a disability that affects her cognition. They're just not the best people to vacation with.

Here are a few pictures of the "shithole" where I'm staying.

My position is that people can like and dislike based on age as much as they prefer. My only problem is that some seem to just have their preferences; they also attack those who differ in their preferences. That's where I intervene to either educate or set boundaries. One thing is what you like, another one is attacking others who don't share the same preference.

When it comes to me, my saying is "I find both beauty and ugliness in all ages, shapes, races, ethnicities and types". Those things are not necessarily the most dominant factors for me to decide hooking up or hiring.

I respect, so I can demand respect.

Gentlemen, thank you for your thoughts and for sharing your own horror stories. A rather strange type of solidarity. Much appreciated, though.

Update:

17 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

You stick to Santo Domingo.  The options there are a-plenty.

As for traveling with people who have Korbel wishes and bean dip dreams, you stiff upper lip through it and never travel with them again.

Yep. definitely been to Santo Domingo and it's richer in options. All-inclusive resorts are not necessarily my type of vacation, so this was purely to please my husband. Oddly, I've been to La Romana, and I've hooked up with people there without any issues.

On 5/14/2024 at 4:38 PM, Jamie21 said:

Keep us updated! It’s between you and the hypochondriac sister in law….surely you can’t let her win? 

So I wasn't able to flip the Butler, but as I have always said, it doesn't hurt to ask. I asked him if he flips and he said no, but he had a few names of guys who will gladly help. Something in the back of my mind was telling me that there has to be some kind of covert activity. I'm sure there have been this type of requests in the past.

I was referred to a few local providers, two of which I chose, one Dominican, the other Haitian. They were perfect, affordable, safe and hot as hell. Had a great time last night. As everything in the DR, they were versatile in many ways, one of which was that they also sell merchandise, so I got mugs, t-shirts and other souvenirs from them.

Today I saw the Butler and he did notice my change in mood for the better. He was discreet but inquired about "how was my day".

I rarely come to places where this type of things are more underground than easily accessible. I still feel that it was risky to ask the Butler if he flips and for info, but I'm glad I did. This chain of resorts is gay friendly (yes it's also LBT... friendly, but I'm talking about me) and this is an adults-only resort, so I guess that I'm not the first to make this type of request.

I also decided to tell my in-laws that I need "me time", so I haven't seen them. I'm glad that I was able to please my in-laws, please my husband and now please myself. Now I feel like a real vacation.

3 hours ago, DrownedBoy said:

Ask them in person.

If they forgot what you asked the next time you meet, then don't even try to get closer. That's him staying away.

Great advice. I have been thinking about the same thing. There's a mutual interest in traveling with me and one of my masseurs. I've been wanting to reach out to him to share information about one destination that we both are interested in, of course, I'm not interested in traveling with him. I think what you posted is a good idea. Thanks.

1 hour ago, dbar123 said:

Why are you willingly subjecting yourself to family on an expensive retreat?  That’s not a vacation by any definition.

Sounds like it’s time for some new family rules .

If you have to do family dwell time, do it somewhere more pedestrian, like a city where you can more easily find ways to separate…like NYC or DC. 

Husband insisted. It's his family and there are compromises, obligations and responsibilities that come with being married. Besides, even with all that, they are a lot better than my family.

But yes, you do have a point. We're not doing this again.

2 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

See if you can turn the butler.

Working on it. He's hot.

4 hours ago, FrankR said:

Thank you for reminding me why I hate people and love my dog! 😆

I say dump the dead weight and go do your own thing! 😉

Yes, definitely a dog would have been a much better companion.

Just venting, I guess.

I've always know that as a traveler, I have to be very careful about who I choose to travel with. Being a good friend (or family, of course) does not mean that you will be a good travel companion for me.

I am currently on vacation in a rather luxurious resort, definitely out of my budget (how I managed to pay for it is another post) in the Dominican Republic. The facilities are only 4 months old, so everything is brand new. We even have a butler assigned to our entire stay. Excellent Caribbean weather, amazing dining, activities and shows. The thing is that I am traveling with my in-laws and my husband. Six people altogether, one married sister in law and her husband and his two single sisters.

I've been to many parts of the world with my husband, and he's worked in the travel industry since 1980, so he's an experienced traveler. My in-laws however, are making my point of how much I fucking hate traveling with groups. Yesterday I had a great day. Normally husband and I take a day for self-care, so we did that yesterday. We went to the resort spa, got haircuts, got pedicures, etc. It was great. In the evening we decided to have dinner with the group, and it turned out to be such a miserable event.

Hypochondriac sister in law shows up in a wheelchair because she apparently "can't walk". Did the same number at the airport but walked perfectly fine when she thought nobody was watching. Her conversation was about how miserable her stay has been since "she's sick" and "allergic" to everything that happens to be offered to her, except the butler's cock, since she's been ridiculously coming on to him since day one (he's the one pushing the wheelchair, how seductive!).

The husband of my other sister in law was pissed because during breakfast, they went to a restaurant that had a dress code and he had a tank-top, and was turned away. He went on and on and on about how much he's "paying for premium service" and not getting what he paid for. Then he complained that they didn't clean the room. He spent the day in the room and never set the button for the maid to clean the room, but that doesn't matter. He's not supposed to do anything and the staff "must know" that  it's ok to clean the room with him in it. He was finding everything wrong in every single thing that they did, served or said during dinner. Being the only one able to speak Spanish, I told the servers that he's pissed and looking for an excuse to snap. Finally he wanted to go through some door in the restaurant and couldn't for some reason, so he started yelling at everyone, making a scene about opening "the fucking door".

The other sister in law has some kind of mental disability that impairs her cognitive skills, so she has to be explain things ten times. Then she tell the server that she's allergic to garlic, and we are in an Italian restaurant. So it took forever to first find something she can order and then prepare it without garlic.

Husband and I just decided to ignore everything and have our own side conversation about our wonderful day.

Then there's the fact that there's almost nothing for gay men here. This area has very little for us. Our massages were done by women, and my husband told me that his masseuse did find a way of touching his balls. I guess mine knew better. I've been looking for anything to do or anyone to hire, but nothing. Next to the resort they offer "massages" by some shady characters, they cost about 10% of what we paid for the massage in the resort, and they are done outside in a balcony of sort, where they have about 10 tables next to each other. When I asked if they have a private room for massages, they seem to understand that I wanted a HE, which I was on the fence on, but then they said that they have about 5 different Haitian women for me to choose from for the HE massage. Having been in this country several times I know better than bluntly asking for a male masseur, so I left it at that, plus the place looked too seedy.

So here I am looking stupid, in a luxury hotel, but rather bored and avoiding the group I was supposed to have fun with. I proposed taking tours and they declined, so I know that I have to change my mindset and have the different type of fun that one has during certain types of vacation.

If anyone knows anything about providers in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, please let me know. I only found one provider in RM, and he's not a good fit.

On 5/6/2024 at 5:14 PM, n2guysnatl said:

I first contact providers using the Rent Men chat feature cause I don't like giving out my phone number until we connect.  I chatted briefly with a provider and then asked what his rate was.  He replied with his rate then 2.5 hours later he added "Budget shopping?"  I thought this was a little rude to ask.   I simply had not longed in to Rent Men to read his reply within 2.5 hours and he is 2 hours away so a visit would require some planning.  I was interested in traveling to see him but this response turned me off to seeing him.  

Yes, it's a little rude in my opinion. Plus if that's what's in his mind, it can give you an idea of how it might go. He might want to give you Dollar Store treatment.

7 hours ago, MaybeMaybeNot said:

I don't understand the outdated picture thing.  I like older guys. No one has to be perfect. But don't set me up for one person and present another.  So annoying.  

In my hometown, the trend on Scruff is to use an old picture, then to have the following pictures be recent. I don't get it. 

My guess is that the premise is that once you meet him, and once you get to see his wonderful personality or other attributes, you will be so charmed that you'll overlook the fact that the picture is deceitful.

Another guess is that they are in denial, as it happen with people who keep wearing 90s clothing because they looked good in it back then. They convince themselves that that's how they still look.

Another guess is poor self-image, too afraid of showing how they really look.

I don't see any of them as good/bad, more as a "you decide how to deal with it yourself" thing.

No, but following. He's handsome.

23 hours ago, francisssgorg said:

 We both got disappointed. 

To say the least. Seriously, look into that people pleasing thing (trust me, I know a lot about it). It can get you killed one day.

I don't have any Grindr horror stories because I've never been in it, precisely because of what I just read, and because I prefer in-person meeting people. Of course, nowadays it's almost impossible, but I am part of that almost.

On 5/11/2024 at 9:39 PM, Rick M said:

I don't want to sound unfair or damning by categorization, but a recent experience leads me to revisit the subject of my sexual compatibility with guys who call themselves straight vs. bi vs. gay. First of all, my own encounters have forced me to conclude that straight men cannot pull off a convincing scene with gay men--it's a wasted effort when they try to emulate a level of intimacy greater than posing, looking pretty, or getting their cocks sucked. A real difficulty arises in judging bisexuals... Unless one has done the deed with a bi individual, one can't predict how rewarding a fuck will be.

The data I've accumulated suggests a flake rate of roughly 50%. Sure, there are gay providers who are flaky (unreliable, not in the moment), but I get the sense from them that they are having a bad day, or they are fried from drugs. Half the bi guys I've met exhibit deep-seated, perpetual wishy-washiness: they want your money, but can't bring themselves to put in the grunt work to earn it. Latest example: a simple request for phone sex. The provider set up a time, then canceled. Renegotiated, then postponed over and over. Came up with excuses involving his dog or muddling his massage appointments. I had to give up on him. There are hints in his RM profile and related media that he is more of a ladies' man, anyway. 

Therefore, in the future I will be scrutinizing and (if I can) screening any prospective escort, for either a physical or virtual engagement, who lists that nebulous middle ground as his orientation.

My sincere apologies to any dualists reading this who take pride in satisfying their own sex.

The first thing that came to mind was "No shit!" I try to be sensitive, but in my experience there are very few bisexuals who really enjoy sex with both genders. There are many who use it as a way of doing precisely what you describe and attribute it to their sexual orientation, which to me sounds more like an excuse for them to make money doing the minimum, or to disassociate from what they are actually doing. Others just use it as a marketing strategy, stemming from the premise that bi and straight are supposed to be more desirable and consequently bring more business.

I honestly thing that we should always try to be thorough when we see a profile that we like. I personally try not to be blinded by the things I like reading about and ignore the ones that might be red flags or signs of possible dissatisfaction down the line. That scrutiny should be with all people we see as potential hirings. I'd think is other than sexual orientation, there's more that those providers have in common. That will give me a better picture of what I tend to gravitate towards. Of course, easier said than done when you see a profile of a person who looks really nice.

I find your post interesting. Thanks for sharing this.

Not an expert, but as a consumer, I'd suggest to think about what makes people interested. A great physique does help, but I've left or stoipped watching guys with great physiques that are boring as hell. The physique is only one aspect of engaging the audience. Audiences nowadays have the attention span of a gold fish, so catching their attention mihg require more than just looking good.

I'm not sure I agree with it all being "about the cock" only. Yes, it's as good and important, but the same thing that happens with the physique, a great cock that does nothing can get boring. Then there are the ass-liking people, some of which are quite thrilled by that more than penis.

Just my thoughts, not law.

19 hours ago, SouthOfTheBorder said:

for me, condoms aren’t a moral question or decision but rather a practical one.  I just don’t want to spend unnecessary time going to the doctor, testing & then meds if I should be exposed to an sti.  
i can remember a phone call from a provider years ago saying he had an sti and I should go get tested.  I appreciated the call & sure enough - I had it too.  Ever since then it’s been condoms for me - it just seems that mixing with so many people it would be statistically difficult to manage sexual health.

I know I'm not a provider, but I've done plenty of work in non-profits dedicated to the physical and mental well-being of men, especially gay men, including a sector of the provider community that is typically at higher risk, so something that can be mentioned is that yes, condoms definitely help reducing the chances of an STIs, but does not eliminate them. Some STI's can be acquired orally by just kissing, and there are other things that are not necessarily considered STIs that can also be acquired with sexual contact, such as a the flu, crabs, and others.

My point with this is that it's important to remember that there's always risk, and what we can do is reduce the level of risk, not eliminate it. Yes, condoms help and are recommended for those who want to use protection, but we should keep in mind that all they do is resuce risk. It's a false sense of security to think that using condoms will not require ongoing testing if you are sexually active.

Also, there is a sector of the provider community that takes good care of themselves, which also reduces the risk of spread and transmission. I imagine you are greateful that the provider who called you did so. There's another sector of the provider community that is at a higher risk since they just work on the streets. Of course, that provides a higher health and personal safety risk.

Regardless of the use or non-use of condoms, as a sexually active person, I still make sure that everything is ok and get tested for things. I have a good relationship with my doctor, and (now a) she has conversations with me where I am candid about who/what I've done, for her to determine the appropriate testing recommendations.

My concern is that some people might just feel that they don;t need to test or that they are completely safe because they use condoms.

Just my two cents.

1 hour ago, TravelingLibra said:

I find that showering together before or after the session is often a possibility once you become more of a regular with providers who already offer showers to their clients. Usually after 2 or 3 appointments I can get them to shower with me and various levels of play ensues depending on the provider. More often than not, they are glad to rinse off too. Happens less if you are already out of time on the appointment, which is a reason I tip well and sometimes book a 60 min massage but pay for 90 to accommodate the shower, so the time element becomes less of a factor. 

Never done it and never occured to me, but great idea. I've had a vichy shower and body scrub, but never showered with the masseur.

Love the idea. I always schedule a 90-minute massage, mostly because I take some time to shut down my mind and really relax, but  using some of the time for showering sounds really good.

Thanks for the idea.

I remember a pair of twins who did porn and were providers too. Unfortunately, it was a long time ago, early 2000s, and also either one or the two of them got in trouble with the law and went to jail. I haven't read this before posting, but there's a story about one of them.

Other than that, all the twin/brother thing that I have known of is either 70s-90s porn, or stories that I have been unable to verify.

Personally, I did get together with twin brothers, and also with father and son, and with two brothers. Hey, I'm allowed to brag a little. 🙂

11 hours ago, Trick said:

As soon as we agreed on the donation, text communication got bad.  At least two hours between replies, the longest between 8PM and 11AM the next day.

Then he planned on booking at a hotel with reported shady activity. There’s also the issue of his pricing.  300 for full service 500 with watersports. Normally I would not consider these as red flags but with PNP on his list, it gave me pause.

The feedback I got was that he asked for MUF and then left.

Absolutely you made the right call. Thanks for sharing.

4 hours ago, Trick said:

As of the last time he texted me last night, he hasn’t even booked his hotel yet.  So I don’t think his schedule was set. 
Aside from the feedback I got, I was already getting bad vibes in my text exchange with him.

Glad that you got out before the appointment. If I get bad vibes from an exchange with the provider, I normally trust my instinct. Not even because of anything bad happenning, but more because I will be uncomfortable throughout the session, which defeats the purpose. I also read discussions about havibg a degree of trust when something doesn't look or feel 100% right.

I wonder if you could share details? What happened? What gave you bad vibes, and what made you want to cancel?

8 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

Whenever I have an entirely open schedule for a day, the massage should be my day's highlight. When I let the masseur know any time will work for me, so whatever works best for you, pick. a. damn. time. 

I first gave a time when he insisted that it was up to me. He let me know that it was way too early. I picked a time that was later by a few hours. He indicated that still was too soon in the day. If anything before noon wasn't good, last time I checked, that is half of the day. I gave a 24 hour window of time, entirely up to him. Worse, the photos he sent me were NOT AT ALL of the guy in the photos of the person I contacted, coupled with the address being in a very dangerous area of town. Abort?

I actually post reviews with no expectations of having a response to it. The negative reviews I've left were not replied to, but the profiles were taken down. One of them reapeared with a different name, the other is not longer in the website.

No response could be a good thing or a bad thing. Hard to tell. I wouldn't dwell on it.

4 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

I have had only one review I left deleted by the moderator of the website per my request due to the masseur being (by private message) upset with me for giving something insignificant like ambiance a 4 instead of a 5 - that's far too diva to be getting on my case.

Didn't know that a provider can have reviews taken down just because they don't agree.

22 hours ago, PileDriver said:

who puts out and goes down? elusive topic with many providers...

I think that this practice is included as an option in the providers' profiles in providers' websites. That can give you an idea of who's up (or down) for it. In my observation, like every other practice, there are some who love it, some who don't and some who specialize in it. I know of a masseur who seems to be quite dedicated to that practice (most definietly not a critique or complaint)

On 4/17/2024 at 12:09 AM, Fisher said:

New to the business. As we know Condom is still recommended even under Prep. Curious for a TOP client, do you use condom with an escort? If so should you bring your own? Thanks

 

You won't husr anyone or anything by being prepared for protection. The use of condom (and any other object for that matter) is something that can be discussed in the conversation that leads to the encounter. As you can see, many see it as a matter of preference, and some are quite judgemental around using condoms (or not).

If you are a paying customer, it's ok for you to expect to receive a service to your satisfaction. That does require to speak up about protection and about everything else that you deem important in the encounter. No one is to impose their preference on you when it comes to safer sex.

On 4/30/2024 at 2:46 AM, nopelo said:

Well, that might be true if you are comparing states in the US or Europe, but I do believe that West Africans are considerably bigger than East Africans, that Cubans are more hung than the Japanese, Brazilians more equipped than Chileans, etc. Pretty much the same way that blond hair is more common in Scandinavia than in Spain. 

But thanks for taking the time to reply! 

Absolutely, but you can find West Africans in East Africa, Japanese in Cuba, and Chileans in Brazil. And all of them all over USA. All of them advertising.