DWnyc

People do it on dating sites, when hiring / interviewing candidates for a job, when considering roommates etc If using information you have obtained through disclosure (eg a phone number) rather than by stalking / going through someone’s personal items etc - I don’t see anything wrong in it. what you do with it is of course where it can become problematic.

Not uncommon for some in the profession to have a background like that. Some will even talk about it. Which is why I don’t blame some providers for wishing anonymity or discretion - and they should therefore respect the same for clients even if driven by different reasons.

To be fair they’re trying to avoid people making the most out of the trial and never signing up again. But yes it is annoying how they put up barriers. I actually got a second Mr N subscription on a different number to check what my number looked like when others saw it (to confirm there wasn’t a complaint or description I was missing) - and canceled right after - was quite easy from memory.

Well that approach would certainly put an end to any further texts (or any contact of any sort) from me 😊

RIP I ran into him socially once (knew nothing about him at the time) where he told me about his comic books and about his work in the hobby to finance that. He had some strong (and important) opinions on the political aspects, protection for providers etc - clearly someone with a strong and empathetic social conscience. Just a few months ago I saw him on the subway at Grand Central. Hard to miss him given his physique but also his smile, towering above the commuter crowds. He was wearing a t-shirt saying “legalize sex work”. I was in two minds as to whether to waive and say hi as I thought he wouldn’t remember me and I was exhausted and feeling unsociable. He spotted me, however, and walked over and gave me a hug on a crowded train - asked how I was and said we should grab lunch, that he was traveling and he would be in touch when back in town. I remember feeling the warmth of his personality both times I met him. Condolences to everyone in his life.

Shouldn’t be - as that would kill the app’s business model

People can suggest names and I believe they have a verification process and then leave them up there if confirmed. Individuals who can prove they own the number can then have the name corrected or removed if they object to it being listed. One smart ass provider suddenly started calling me (let’s say) “ Brian” in his comms (berating me for not booking) - it’s not my name and I have n ever used it as an alias. I couldn’t figure out what was going on until I saw someone had suggested me as that name and it was listed in my report, so their verification doesn’t always work.

Agreed It seems like we’ve replaced the “sero sorting” divide with a new one. The thing is, whether providers or online hookups, strangers (who lecture) remaining strangers is not a problem. (I’ll add that I’ve received many a lecture on the topic from providers who otherwise apparently don’t have time for questions prior to booking)

Why would condoms be unsafe? we can debate whether condoms (without prep /ART) are less safe than prep/ART or whether condoms add anything to safety in conjunction … but what makes them unsafe independently?

Bottom line - providers and clients can and do stalk for a variety of unfortunate reasons. Likewise both groups can and do leave trails of complaints that - whether or not legitimate - can affect reputation. And whether or not the probability is high / material, there is greater than zero chance of legal trouble (not to mention personal / reputational damage) coming from publicity around engagement. So, instead of relying on all these proxies and beating around the bush - eg iPhone vs android, real phone number, deposit but not through anonymous apps, Uber me in your account, will only meet at client residence etc - why don’t people just say what they really mean: - I want to perform a background check on you before confirming our appointment - Unspoken but understood would be - if I have enough info on me to do that, I can come after you in any scenario For me this would be a deal breaker - but if others don’t mind they can oblige - and market forces being what they are, there will be plenty of providers at my comfort level and it won’t be a problem to miss out on those insisting on this. Hasn’t been so far.

For the providers here and elsewhere who talk of leverage they need to have and hence the client non burner number requirement, or how they look up MrNumber and maybe file complaints etc - have you actually looked up your own mr number entries? it can be painful - like googling onesself a but I’ve often seen some negative comments which are more explicit and less diplomatic than reviews on this site

Oh @arnemgreeves you’re hardly a stranger anymore 😉

I (sometimes) envy Toronto as you get a lot of the good stuff of NY but everyone is so nice …

Plus when you travel and you say you’re from NY sometimes a provider will pretend they actually find you cool 😎

@Jarrod_Uncut you should be thankful to get the feedback from potential clients even if you don’t agree with what they have to say. Large companies spend millions on market research to understand what’s on their targets’ minds. What you do with that information received is of course totally up to you.

I would love to see something like “We all have our preferences and I have mine. Please send your pic or provide honest stats so we can determine if we will play well together”. Whether or not this is acceptable, professional etc is a broader but separate discussion - it would just avoid wasting time, and also perhaps illuminate the reality of all this to those who don’t believe it happens.

A while back there was a provider (who constantly deletes his profile and renames himself) who started posting to defend himself after a 411 thread on him threw up common negative experiences, and offered free sessions to make up to those complaining about him. The provider got a lot if compliments on here for seeing the error of his ways, for trying to make it right etc. (and perhaps a few more paid bookings). I knew one of the aggrieved clients who was offered this make up session, who told me that when he sent the provider a private thank you by text for the apology and asked about scheduling the offered session there was no response. He followed up with and was blocked on cellphone and RM. That’s the only part of the story I didn’t find surprising.

You’re being exceptionally gracious unless there’s more to their “sincere apology” which is a step forward but not enough (certainly for me) to take them out of the naughty corner. If they haven’t demonstrated in their apology any genuine commitment to amend their ways or acknowledgement that they lack professionalism - what’s the point?

Who said they can be enforced? The best one can hope for is that platforms like this site generate awareness and can force providers who err to amend their ways. Elsewhere in the forum right now is a discussion - if genuine this suggests a provider saw the implication of his behavior on his potential business and tried to do something about it. Smart providers even if cynically would do the same.

Well the obvious - no misrepresentation of profile or services offered, punctuality, pleasant customer service with no unnecessary attitude, integrity on fees etc And given the specifics of the “profession” - being open minded, understanding why clients may seek to engage, no unnecessary entitlement / shaming and so forth These don’t really need articulation - but it’s easy to say “I’m the best” or “I’m a true professional” - putting it in practice consistently is where the hard work comes.

With due respect, I’ve held back on my personal views and practices in this discussion to try and be more objective. I happen to be medically trained and spend most of my volunteer time working in my geography with people (of all declared orientation) dealing with addiction and health issues from meth and other substance abuse). I’m fully aware of the potential effects on the mind and body as well beyond that on their relationships, professional lives, economic well-being etc. However, I have not sensed much genuine compassion or concern let alone empathy on here when the subject is discussed. It is presented as a binary of a bad choice by sex obsessed deviants far removed from our daily lives where the adjudicators of good taste are somehow morally exempt from society’s verdicts. The nuance of different degrees of use are is ignored despite, I assume, most people’s exposure to other substances that are frequently abused ranging from “social use” to “addiction” eg alcohol and nicotine which are legal but have severe health consequences also (liver, heart, brain, oral health, diabetes, blood pressure, strokes, deaths from car accidents etc). We’ve seen comments here ranging from “i do cocaine, but surely not meth good God no .,, ” to “weed is ok but not ..” to “I didn’t even know what Pnp was, aren’t I so cute and innocent” (all while discussing escorts to donate to). And in the paradigm of how this such an obscure practice. And when concern on health is raised we don’t stop to think how this moralizing and stigmatizing makes it harder for people who genuinely want to control their use to seek help or speak to others about it. I’m not trying to normalize anything in terms of encouraging use or dismissing the consequences. But use is far more prevalent than certainly discussion on here would suggest and denying that is a big part of the problem. Before we even get into opioids etc wreaking havoc across our entire society. Most of us on here don’t know each other personally and likely never will. There is no need to gain points on our supposed superiority to others whether as providers or clients.

I chuckle at the irony of this discussion - which to me seems ultimately an attempt at moralizing, shaming, virtue signaling etc. We are on a forum that exists solely because of a common interest in a hobby that is legally problematic in most of our geographies and socially frowned upon almost everywhere. And that’s before we even get to that man on man stuff that’s also apparently involved.

Just for saying that this post will likely live forever 😝

I speak several non-English languages as some of you likely also do. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an ad from the New York City govt in their ethnic outreach (eg on the subway) without errors eg literal rather than conceptual translation, words cut off probably by graphics teams who didn’t follow where sentences and words begin and end etc. All through using Google translate and similar services. They will improve no doubt. But maybe not in time for our hot Latino friend’s business if grammar is selection criteria.

Part of the point is just put something (and why would a provider lie? Age, weight etc are surely also always correct …) While we shouldn’t encourage status stigma or entitlement, and thanks to science we now have tools to protect ourselves in any scenario, some people still don’t use them all and select based on this info. Leaving it empty doesn’t help move us along that knowledge gap / discomfort / slow take up of treatment options.