If you've tried therapy, was it worth the $$$?

[+ BlueSky]

Like many things in life, you get out of it in proportion to what you put into it.

Yes, remember it's your fault if the product they are selling doesn't work. All your fault. The shrinks are still entitled to your money though. They certainly won't fail to remind you of that.

[SuenosAmor]

Yes, I would highly recommend it. I'm fortunate enough to have a service in my area specifically for the LGBTQ community. They offer a sliding scale for services so they try to accommodate everyone. For me, it helped improve my self-awareness (i.e. how much actions and behaviors affect others, my relationships), addressed past issues of sexual abuse, and gave me strategies for dealing with stress and depression. After a year of therapy, I started meditating and changed my diet, both of which improved my sex life. Therapy isn't magic, but it gets you to start looking at yourself in a different way, which is the catalyst for change.

[+ FreshFluff]

You may want to start with a facilitated discussion group instead of individual therapy. Its cheaper, you may develop a personal connection with a person that has done individual therapy that could give you a referral you trust, you can combine talking and listening - both are great skills.

 

Yes, I'm a she. This is an interesting option though. Problem is that everyone I know does individual therapy, so I'd have to find a group on my own.

 

@BlueSky , sorry therapy didn't help. Yeah, one of the big risks is that I could spend $400/hour for months and get nothing out of it.

 

@Charlie , it's fortunate that your therapist in college was ahead of his time (assuming this happened before homosexuality was removed from the DSM in the 70s).

 

@LivingnLA , I think this guy is just a regular analyst--nothing more specific. I tried biofeedback once, a loong time ago, to help my concentration. It actually worked well, but then I read studies showing it was ineffective and assumed it was all a placebo effct.

[JayCeeKy]

As one who provided therapy for 30 years in a variety of setting, I think it is important to emphasize that therapy is not navel-gazing, it's not magic, it's not so much about the past as the present. Therapy is about CHANGE. Perhaps it's about changing your habits, perhaps it's about changing your way of thinking about yourself or your life, perhaps it's about changing the way you react to people or situations. After YOU (with your therapist's help) decide WHAT SPECIFICALLY you want to change, you and he/she can determine a course of action to make these changes. Change (and therapy) mostly happens BETWEEN sessions, not in session when you try out new ways of thinking and/or acting. That is why a good therapist almost always gives "homework." You also need specific goals in order to determine whether you are actually making progress (SMART GOALS = specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-oriented). Insurance companies today won't pay your therapy if you don't have specific goals - no more sitting around talking about "problem-of-the-day) - and they usually won't pay for your sessions after a few months (which should be plenty of time in most situations). If you haven't made any progress towards your SMART GOALS after six months or so (weekly sessions normally), I would look for another therapist. Therapy works, if you work at it! Having said that, I've always also said that a really good, honest, friend is worth about five therapists.

[+ OliverSaks]

I’ve done therapy.

 

I would say it has been very helpful.

 

I would also recommend books.

“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and “When things fall apart: Heart advice for hard times” by Pema Chödron - these books have been helpful at certain points in my life.

[P Gren]

I’ve done therapy.

 

I would say it has been very helpful.

 

I would also recommend books.

“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl and “When things fall apart: Heart advice for hard times” by Pema Chödron - these books have been helpful at certain points in my life.

"Velvet Rage" is geared toward us queers

[+ WilliamM]

Having said that, I've always also said that a really good, honest, friend is worth about five therapists

 

There's some skills required in presenting honest critical comments. My 6th grade teacher about her concern of my first book report ever: "The worse thing you have written in the class. Then I remembered you were absent with the whooping cough for weeks when I discussed the assignment."

 

She was right. I had no idea how to write a book report. In a very nice way, my teacher made her point; I should have asked her.

Edited December 25, 2017 by WilliamM

[gallahadesquire]

I knew my therapist from working with him professionally. I chose him because I knew he was able to, and would say, "You are SO full of shit!" Which he did, more than once.

 

Went to him for two years, then an additional six.

 

When you've tried on your own, and it hasn't worked, and you need another point of view ... therapy can be incredibly useful. But it's like the quote:

 

He had a friend, a real indivisualist ... He spelled his name Hen3ry ... the 3 was silent, you see ...

He always wanted to be a writer. He wrote one book, about a childhood necrophiliac, who fulfilled his life ambition by becoming County Coroner.

I remember, as they took him off to the Massachusetts State Home for the Bewildered, his last words:

Life's like a sewer:

What you get out of it

Depends on what you put into it.

Tom Lehrer

[LADoug1]

"Velvet Rage" is geared toward us queers

It changed my life. It’s the first thing my current therapist recommended I read.

[LADoug1]

Remember too that therapy along with psychiatry is a collaboration. Your therapist is working WITH you not ON you.

 

Also watch for arrogance in a medical professional. Despite what they think they don’t have all the answers. It’s okay to question their recommendations and answers.

 

I have SO much to add to this thread. Interested members can PM me for more thoughts.

[Rudynate]

I saw a therapist for about two years many years ago. I had episodes of anxiety that would last for weeks at a time and were very uncomfortable. It was kind a feeling of doom, or of something being very wrong, and if I could just figure out what was wrong, then I could do some thing to relieve the feeling. When I was in the grip of one these episodes, I had difficulty eating, sleeping, lost interest in sex. Long story short, I went to see an MFCC, and saw the guy weekly for about two years. During that two years, I learned to become very comfortable with myself and have had essentially complete relief from the episodes of anxiety. Time and money well spent.

[Kenny]

Yes, remember it's your fault if the product they are selling doesn't work. All your fault. The shrinks are still entitled to your money though. They certainly won't fail to remind you of that.

Why do I get the feeling you would be responsive to career appeals from Trump University? Or The Wizard of Oz?

Edited December 25, 2017 by Kenny

[+ Gar1eth]

"Velvet Rage" is geared toward us queers

 

A gay counselor of mine recommended I read Velvet Rage years ago. I wasn’t able to even get through the introduction. The author seemed to take the attitude that his experience was universal, that all gay men went through what he did. Well my experiences are my own.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

I was waiting for someone else to drop the other shoe

 

Or stiletto in this case, perhaps.

 

[LADoug1]

Yes, remember it's your fault if the product they are selling doesn't work. All your fault. The shrinks are still entitled to your money though. They certainly won't fail to remind you of that.

 

I think the therapist bears responsibility as well.

[LADoug1]

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It changed my life and brought me back from desperation. It teaches that what you think determines how you feel. Feeling Good by Burns covers the subject concisely. Hard to find a therapist who uses this technique though.

[+ Gar1eth]

Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It changed my life and brought me back from desperation. It teaches that what you think determines how you feel. Feeling Good by Burns covers the subject concisely. Hard to find a therapist who uses this technique though.

 

 

Not in the Seattle area. Going thru multiple ads for therapists, you see either the words ‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’ or the initials CBT (and I don’t mean Cock-Ball-Torture) frequently. Now most them of say they use a combination that includes this as opposed to being strict CBTers.

 

Gman

[+ WilliamM]

sorry therapy didn't help. Yeah, one of the big risks is that I could spend $400/hour for months and get nothing out of it.

 

I am surprised at the $400 per hour rate. Seems a bit high, @FreshFluff. But, I may be out of date as to where you live.

[+ SundayZip]

I've seen a therapist a couple times in my life, each time due to different (but similar) issues and circumstances. I consider both times to be positive experiences and worth the money (although insurance paid most of the cost). I think part of the reason therapy worked for me is because, to paraphrase the words of one therapist, I was highly motivated and focused.

 

What I got out of therapy was clarity around my issues and probably more importantly, how to manage shit when it happens in the future. It's no different than the set of exercises I learned from a physical therapist for a neck related problem. First you understand the source of the pain/problem, what to do in your life to prevent a recurrence and what behaviors/exercises to setup up when you feel or fear a recurrence coming on.

[+ FreshFluff]

@SundayZip , thanks for your post. You got a great result, but I have a feeling that you're more disciplined and focused than I.

 

I am surprised at the $400 per hour rate. Seems a bit high, @FreshFluff..

 

He's good looking though.

Edited December 31, 2017 by FreshFluff

[+ Gar1eth]

@SundayZip , thanks for your post. You got a great result, but I have a feeling that you're more disciplined and focused than I.

 

 

 

He's good looking though.

 

 

@FreshFluff-this may not be a good thing. I’d say that at least 70% of the therapists I’ve seen over the years have been cute to attractive. The most attractive one was straight, so what I’m about to say regarding the gay practitioners doesn’t apply to him.

 

So here I am sitting in therapy with these attractive gay guys. And most of these practitioners, while not revealing any inappropriate details, have indicated that they had their own struggles coming out. But I would keep thinking to myself, but once they came out and accepted being gay -how much easier it was for them to find hook-ups/dates/partners than it was for me since I’m not that attractive (I’m not a Medusa by any means-just not that attractive).

 

I was talking about this with an acquaintance of mine. I told him I had for the most part always picked gay male practitioners because I thought they could understand what I was going through better. And I told him that most of them seemed very attractive. He told me he always picked women therapists as there was no chance he was going to be attracted to them.

 

So while it’s pleasant to sit and look at an attractive person (unless of course he’s an analyst, and you are lying down), maybe it’s better not to have a therapist you could be attracted to.

 

Gman

[LADoug1]

"Velvet Rage" is geared toward us queers

 

 

Required reading for any gay guy who is having issues with internalized homophobia.

[LADoug1]

Yes, I'm a she. This is an interesting option though. Problem is that everyone I know does individual therapy, so I'd have to find a group on my own.

 

@BlueSky , sorry therapy didn't help. Yeah, one of the big risks is that I could spend $400/hour for months and get nothing out of it.

 

@Charlie , it's fortunate that your therapist in college was ahead of his time (assuming this happened before homosexuality was removed from the DSM in the 70s).

 

@LivingnLA , I think this guy is just a regular analyst--nothing more specific. I tried biofeedback once, a loong time ago, to help my concentration. It actually worked well, but then I read studies showing it was ineffective and assumed it was all a placebo effct.

 

$400/hour is WAY over the top when it comes to average price. I pay $125/45 minutes.

[LADoug1]

@FreshFluff-this may not be a good thing. I’d say that at least 70% of the therapists I’ve seen over the years have been cute to attractive. The most attractive one was straight, so what I’m about to say regarding the gay practitioners doesn’t apply to him.

 

So here I am sitting in therapy with these attractive gay guys. And most of these practitioners, while not revealing any inappropriate details, have indicated that they had their own struggles coming out. But I would keep thinking to myself, but once they came out and accepted being gay -how much easier it was for them to find hook-ups/dates/partners than it was for me since I’m not that attractive (I’m not a Medusa by any means-just not that attractive).

 

I was talking about this with an acquaintance of mine. I told him I had for the most part always picked gay male practitioners because I thought they could understand what I was going through better. And I told him that most of them seemed very attractive. He told me he always picked women therapists as there was no chance he was going to be attracted to them.

 

So while it’s pleasant to sit and look at an attractive person (unless of course he’s an analyst, and you are lying down), maybe it’s better not to have a therapist you could be attracted to.

 

Gman

 

My psychiatrist is hot. I know he has a partner. Sometimes I resent him for being so lucky.

[LADoug1]

Not in the Seattle area. Going thru multiple ads for therapists, you see either the words ‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy’ or the initials CBT (and I don’t mean Cock-Ball-Torture) frequently. Now most them of say they use a combination that includes this as opposed to being strict CBTers.

 

Gman

 

A combination of CBT with another strategy may well be a winner.