party etiquette

[Rudynate]

I think it depends on the relationship of the host to the guest who brought the orders. As general rule, no, you don't bring along additional guests. But maybe the guest knew the host is a flexible guy who wouldn't mind at all. Maybe the guest had called and asked if there was room for two more. Maybe the guest really wanted to be there but wouldn't have been able to if he hadn't brought the others along. There's no single answer. I generally feel, "The more, the merrier," and would have made room at the table for everybody.

[bigvalboy]

This wasn't a matter of a host inviting someone else but a guest bringing two more people.

 

No, it's not the end of the world, but it's presumptuous and inconsiderate.

 

Yes...however, we just don't have enough information. We don't know what the host said to the invited friend. He could have told him that inviting additional guests was not a problem and could have even encouraged "The more the merrier." I keep going back to the informal and relaxed atmosphere aspect of the party.

 

No it's not the end of the world, but....I like to think that I'm always right.

Edited November 19, 2017 by bigvalboy

[+ Kman]

Correct, it is not the end of the world. The acquaintance said he had invited two more people AFTER he arrived.

[bigvalboy]

You seem annoyed that everyone is not agreeing with you.

[gallahadesquire]

This wasn't a matter of a host inviting someone else but a guest bringing two more people.

 

No, it's not the end of the world, but it's presumptuous and inconsiderate.

 

Not quite up to heinous and reprehensible, but close. What was that jackass thinking, bringing along two more people? To a dinner party?

[+ Kman]

You seem annoyed that everyone is not agreeing with you.

 

I am not annoyed..I asked for people's opinion naturally there will be some who won't see it the same way I do. And you had said you didn't have enough information and so I gave you that information.

[LaffingBear]

I dont think it wrong to bring others to a big casual gathering.

 

But I would never bring uninvited guests to a sit down event- dinner, brunch or whatever.

 

And if I was hosting, I'm not sure how I'd handle it. I've politely refused a guest's last-minute request to bring a date to a dinner... because I only have so many seats at the dining room table. If someone walked in with unexpected companions, at some point, I'd probably tell the "bringer" I didn't appreciate it. But I'd do my best to make the unanticipated guest feel welcome.

 

Im not sure how Id handle specifics. What if there were only X portions of food and it was something that doesn't divide up.... like beef wellington portions, or an appetizer of one crab cake per guest? I have service for eight in some dishes.... does the 9th get a paper plate and plastic utensils? The guy who brought him? Eight guys drinking from wine glasses, the ninth from a tumbler?

 

Ooops... Im having 1970s flashbacks on episodes of MTM.

[BluDay]

There is basically one case when an invited guest can ask to bring people off the invitation: when that guest is hosting people from some distance away and it would be rude to leave them. Then the invited guest must contact the host and reveal they must decline so they can continue to host his own guests. The original host can then determine if he can expand his guest list. Naturally these secondary guests must not have been even scheduled when the invitation was accepted. And their arrival must have been unplanned. Like "Uncle Sid and Aunt Mary just showed up on my doorstep 30 minutes ago - I was getting out of the shower and getting ready to come here."

 

Even if it's informal, the host(s) would have made preparation, and adding 2 more people would set things off. What if there are not enough chairs or dinnerware? Not to mention that some dishes are made individually.

 

The original hosts must make the best of things if it happens to them, but it's required that the invited guests not put him in that position.

 

Showing up with extra people just makes the original host(s) look bad, as they will have to rush around to change things, so it will look like they did not prepare well.

[+ Axiom2001]

I concur with you! If it had happened to me-- I would have been pissed and addressed in a pvt. phone conversation later.

[+ nycman]

As I said before....it’s rude.

 

Nonetheless, I’ve surreptitiously rearranged dinner place settings,

divided meals, and quietly sent out FHB (family hold back) instructions

to my closest friends when uninvited guests have shown up unexpectedly.

It’s not the end of the world.

 

The most egregious was someone who was applying for a high level job

with my company. She brought her gay brother unannounced to a small

dinner at my home, because she wanted him to meet “normal” gay people.

Needless to say she was stunned the next day when her amazing job offer

.....was rescinded.

[craigville beach]

rude, easier to accommodate if the dinner party was very casual, maybe an outdoor bbq theme, not acceptable if it was an indoor sit down dinner.

[+ FreshFluff]

Last weekend my friends and I had a dinner party, it was relaxed, informal. One if the hosts invited another friend, who/whom we all knew but not very well, and he invites one of his friends and that friend brings his girlfriend.

 

Now I thought that the hosts' friend essentially inviting two more people was odd and out of line...I have always been taught that I never invite additional people to a party that I am invited to, unless I was told I could beforehand (without asking). What do you guys think?

 

A cocktail party is one thing. A dinner party, even a casual one, is a different story.

[+ azdr0710]

Ooops... Im having 1970s flashbacks on episodes of MTM.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8ZandFhIds

[+ sync]

Crotchety old man here. This scenario has failings in a few quarters: The host who was compelled to invite an additional guest should have first consulted with the other hosts; the first extra person invited should definitely have not invited an additional guest without prior approval; the second extra person invited should have declined the invitation and definitely should not have invited the third extra person. For me, a "relaxed" and "informal" dinner party describes the mood of the party but not the work and stress involved in developing the food and beverage menus and finalizing the guest list to bring everything together. The presence of additional guest(s) who are not well-known to the other guests neutralizes "relaxed" and "informal."

Edited: Corrected "neutralizes" for "naturalizes."

Edited November 20, 2017 by sync

[RM]

I don't understand. It's not your party. It's the hosts' problem. If there isn't enough food, it's their fault for accepting the party crashers.

[+ poolboy48220]

I got the impression there were three hosts, and the original poster was one of hosts.

[+ Kman]

I got the impression there were three hosts, and the original poster was one of hosts.

 

I was not a host. I just felt that the additional invited guest should not have invited two more people. Enough food and drink was provided, but that isn't the point, it is about having respect for other people and their time/effort.

[rogerG]

it is about having respect for other people and their time/effort.

Unfortunately, that kind of respect is getting more and more difficult of find.

[+ Charlie]

Bringing an uninvited guest is always wrong--unless of course, the uninvited guest is an attractive young hustler that the invited guest picked up on the street on his way to the party (didn't you people ever see "The Boys in the Band"?!).

[bigvalboy]

Some of the best parties I've been to were those without guest lists. A dear friend would have a Christmas eve party every year. The invites went out to anyone who had no where to go. The first year four people showed up, by year 5, the house was filled with over a hundred people, coming and going all night. It was standing room only... Artist, musicians, writers, educators, actors, students, collectors, neighbors, friends, family...the list was endless. It was an event I looked forward to all year. Another friend has a Thanksgiving day dinner. He invites 10 or 15 people and then tells them to bring anyone they want to. His only request is that each invited guest has to bring a dish. He would laugh and say "Bring anything you want, and we'll make do." The number of people out there that have no place to hang their hat on holidays is surprising.

Edited November 20, 2017 by bigvalboy

[bigvalboy]

Bringing an uninvited guest is always wrong--unless of course, the uninvited guest is an attractive young hustler that the invited guest picked up on the street on his way to the party (didn't you people ever see "The Boys in the Band"?!).

 

[+ poolboy48220]

no arguments, and I've been to some great parties like that, but I've also had parties with a set guest list - mostly dinner parties, with table settings, portions, etc.

 

Early on, when a friend was visiting from out of town and I hosted a dinner at my house, lots of our mutual friends said they couldn't make it at the time, but would come later. I didn't have the experience to say "That's great, you're welcome to show up later for drinks and hanging out, but dinner will be served at 7:00", and I spent all night running around re-doing dinners.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

naturalizes

If you meant neutralizes, then that is a fair comment.

 

But also when you are 35, that is kind of the main way to make new friends, through dinner party introductions.

 

Unlike in college, you don’t have 100 people attending the same class that you can chat up.

 

So saying having people I don’t know at an informal party kills the mood of the party, well, maybe, but it also allows new things to happen (including new potential and future sexual partners:-))

[+ Kman]

If you meant neutralizes, then that is a fair comment.

So saying having people I don’t know at an informal party kills the mood of the party, well, maybe, but it also allows new things to happen (including new potential and future sexual partners:))

 

I like where your head is at, but it wasn't going to happen at this party.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I like where your head is at, but it wasn't going to happen at this party.

Fair enough, then! Pls ignore my irrelevances.

 

Edit: or is it irrelevancies?