Do you reveal your race to your masseurs/escorts?

[Drained Empty]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.

 

I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").

 

I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.

 

I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.

 

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

[LaffingBear]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community ..." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?"

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

At the risk of making some form of regional-prejudicial assumption...... where are you located?

 

I can't imagine anyone feeling the need to do that. Not when hiring, or most other situations. But Im on the west coast, and maybe views are different elsewhere.

 

And, no, I dont disclose my race when hiring. Or my height, or religion, or eye color.

[Drained Empty]

Lol I'm in Los Angeles.

 

I can tell right away when I enter a spa, gym or bar and guys have an issue with me being there. It's a look in their eyes, usually followed by them exiting. People aren't very discreet in their disdain.

 

It happened to me during a recent visit to Premiere57 in New York. My first visit there and guys would steer clear even though I had no interaction with them.

 

It happened to me during my first trip to Immersion Spa in the SF Bay. That visit was especially painful because the moment I entered the steam room after showering, EVERYONE got up and left. When I decided that check out the sauna EVERYONE got up and left again. Rinse and repeat. Eventually I sat in an empty room and wanted to cry. I had never been there and never looked at or engaged with any of these guys.

 

And the funny thing is, I don't usually consider asian masseurs (even though I have no race hangups) because they're often the ones who discriminate the most against other Asians!

[TruHart1]

I had the experience of hiring an escort whose ad never mentioned that he was Asian American and did not show his face, so when I got to his hotel room, I was quite surprised at the fact that he had not been upfront about it. Reading your comments about how you feel discriminated against because you are of Asian descent, now makes me wonder if that was why he chose not to put that info in his ad. We never spoke of that specifically. Anyway, after my initial surprise, we had a pretty wonderful play session, even going out to dinner off-the-clock afterwards.

 

I did end up hiring him a number of times, not only enjoying our bedroom adventures, but also finding his history (he and his sister were adopted as infants from Korea by a well-to-do Midwestern family!) fascinating. He was also fun to talk with about how hot our waiter was as we were dining! I always had a great time with him. Alas, he retired a few years after we first met. I do feel quite bad (and a bit angry) that you feel discriminated against by so much of the gay community, though.

 

TruHart1

[+ sync]

It is terrible that you are being made to feel this way. Please do not give in or give up. It's possible that you just happen upon environments that are racially intolerant, and (a bit of lay psychology) is it also possible that your sensitivity is perceiving too many movements away from you as rejections? I know from the experience I had when I first entered gay bars. I discovered that I was unconsciously repelling because of my tense and nervous appearance. After a time I realized that the world was not watching my every move and became more relaxed and inviting. Soon after, happy hours became really happy.

[+ sync]

I had the experience of hiring an escort whose ad never mentioned that he was Asian American and did not show his face, so when I got to his hotel room, I was quite surprised at the fact that he had not been upfront about it. Reading your comments about how you feel discriminated against because you are of Asian descent, now makes me wonder if that was why he chose not to put that info in his ad. We never spoke of that specifically. Anyway, after my initial surprise, we had a pretty wonderful play session, even going out to dinner off-the-clock afterwards.

 

I did end up hiring him a number of times, not only enjoying our bedroom adventures, but also finding his history (he and his sister were adopted as infants from Korea by a well-to-do Midwestern family!) fascinating. He was also fun to talk with about how hot our waiter was as we were dining! I always had a great time with him. Alas, he retired a few years after we first met. I do feel quite bad (and a bit angry) that you feel discriminated against by so much of the gay community, though.

 

TruHart1

 

Just curious TruHart1, is his name Will? I had a similar experience and am so sorry he left the business.

[TruHart1]

Just curious TruHart1, is his name Will? I had a similar experience and am so sorry he left the business.

No @sync, not Will, but if you like, feel free to PM me, and I'll tell you who it is. I just think that since he has chosen to retire, I prefer not to publicly name him here.

 

TruHart1

[+ sync]

No @sync, not Will, but if you like, feel free to PM me, and I'll tell you who it is. I just think that since he has chosen to retire, I prefer not to publicly name him here.

 

TruHart1

 

While I'm sure Will was only his professional name, I understand and appreciate your discretion. No need for me to know the name of your guy. I'm still basking in the memory of Will.

[GLEE]

I had the experience of hiring an escort whose ad never mentioned that he was Asian American and did not show his face, so when I got to his hotel room, I was quite surprised at the fact that he had not been upfront about it. Reading your comments about how you feel discriminated against because you are of Asian descent, now makes me wonder if that was why he chose not to put that info in his ad. We never spoke of that specifically. Anyway, after my initial surprise, we had a pretty wonderful play session, even going out to dinner off-the-clock afterwards.

 

I did end up hiring him a number of times, not only enjoying our bedroom adventures, but also finding his history (he and his sister were adopted as infants from Korea by a well-to-do Midwestern family!) fascinating. He was also fun to talk with about how hot our waiter was as we were dining! I always had a great time with him. Alas, he retired a few years after we first met. I do feel quite bad (and a bit angry) that you feel discriminated against by so much of the gay community, though.

 

TruHart1

 

It happened to me... ugh, multiple times, hiring or non-hiring scenarios.

 

When I first started hiring masseurs, I usually didn’t reveal my ethnicity/race during our conversations before we met unless he asked. Some were absolutely fine when they saw an Asian standing at their door, some... let’s just say didn’t handle it the way I hoped for. One in particular intentionally stood at least further than my arm’s length from the massage table so that I couldn’t touch him. He also said that me as an Asian made him lose all his sex drive and what not. After that, I revealed in any conversations with either masseur or escort that I’m Asian, asking if that’s ok. Fortunately, most of them are fine about it.

 

Social-media-wise, I have indeed had more than just once that people I talked to telling me, “Asian? Nope!” At first I was definitely disappointed, and then I got numb, and in the end I quit all of them. Of course there are some people are pretty nice and even particularly attracted to Asians, but the feeling that you’d be judged because of your race haunts me. I guess I’d rather meet someone who could truly accept who I am in real life instead of guessing if this guy you talk to behind the screen has any issue regarding whom you are. Most of them do not have their racial preferences listed in their profile, so you never know...

[P Gren]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.

 

I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").

 

I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.

 

I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.

 

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

There is a chapter analysing pricing by escorts based on ethnicity and assumed sexual position in Male Sex Work and Society - what you say is supported by the numbers

[Drained Empty]

When I first started hiring masseurs, I usually didn’t reveal my ethnicity/race during our conversations before we met unless he asked. Some were absolutely fine when they saw an Asian standing at their door, some... let’s just say didn’t handle it the way I hoped for. One in particular intentionally stood at least further than my arm’s length from the massage table so that I couldn’t touch him. He also said that me as an Asian made him lose all his sex drive and what not. After that, I revealed in any conversations with either masseur or escort that I’m Asian, asking if that’s ok. Fortunately, most of them are fine about it.

 

Social-media-wise, I have indeed had more than just once that people I talked to telling me, “Asian? Nope!” At first I was definitely disappointed, and then I got numb, and in the end I quit all of them. Of course there are some people are pretty nice and even particularly attracted to Asians, but the feeling that you’d be judged because of your race haunts me. I guess I’d rather meet someone who could truly accept who I am in real life instead of guessing if this guy you talk to behind the screen has any issue regarding whom you are. Most of them do not have their racial preferences listed in their profile, so you never know...

 

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.

 

I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.

 

I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.

 

It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.

 

The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

[+ nycman]

If there’s anything about yourself that would cause you emotional harm if another person

rejected you in person because if it, then you should disclose it ahead of time.

 

I am painfully honest in my self description when hiring (and in non-paid encounters

as well). Like most, I’d rather they were pleasantly surprised instead of horrified when

they open the door.

 

Yes, they are professionals. Some more than others. But they are still humans with

all the accompanying baggage and hang ups. Again, some more than others.

 

Personally, it just makes me cherish the men with whom I have chemistry all the more!

[+ smara]

I have always disclosed my age and ethnic background to all escorts that I have met at some point before the first meeting and though majority of them said that they were concerned with neither, some of them have stopped correspondence in spite of having fixed up a time and day for the appointment earlier (and of course they were no-shows). I think it varies and it is best to disclose since we never want to get into a situation where the escort shows up and hate touching you and leave with the money at the first opportunity that they can.

[+ Axiom2001]

During my almost two decades of engaging the services of escorts, I've "NEVER" revealed my ethnicity, and this has "NOT" been a problem.

In the early 2000's, a well-reviewed escort had in his ad that he preferred not to see a particular ethnicity; I responded and asked him why not.

Fortunately, he replied back to me in the most genuine and candid manner of which I appreciated; he and I managed to see each other when he

visited the West Coast, and he and I had a remarkable and worthwhile time. On his next visit, we had another "fucking hot time!"

 

He was one hell of a sweetheart, and I think both of us were pleased in our having met! :)

Edited October 22, 2017 by Axiom2001

[MartyB]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.

 

I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").

 

I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.

 

I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.

 

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

It is not weird to use to identify your race when booking a session with an escort/masseur. I do it all the time even when they write it doesn't matter. Plus what about age and weight?

[marylander1940]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.

 

I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").

 

I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.

 

I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.

 

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

 

First of all @Drained Empty thanks for sharing so many personal experiences with us and welcome to the forum!

 

There was some talk a few times about escorts saying "no blacks" and to the best of my knowledge I was one of very few saying I wouldn't hire someone who's so picky about his clients. Others simply said that at least the escort was being sincere about not feeling comfortable with some kind of men.

 

To each his own.

[LaffingBear]

Learned something. Never occurred to me that Asian discrimination was prevalent in the gay community.

 

Maybe because I became an adult in the SF Bay Area. Asians were part of my crowd when I used to hang out in bars. I've dated and been attracted to some. Last guy I hired was Asian.

[Drained Empty]

Learned something. Never occurred to me that Asian discrimination was prevalent in the gay community.

 

Maybe because I became an adult in the SF Bay Area. Asians were part of my crowd when I used to hang out in bars. I've dated and been attracted to some. Last guy I hired was Asian.

 

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).

 

Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

[LaffingBear]

I have never seen "no rice or spice"

 

I have heard the term "rice queen" and I have seen "no fems or fats"

 

Not that it matters... I didnt grow up in Bay Area. I arrived in my early 30s. I became a sensible, rational adult here.

 

Not disputing... just didnt know

[GLEE]

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

 

Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.

 

I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.

 

I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.

 

It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.

 

The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

 

There're probably more than just race, as there are so many other factors out there. Before I started working out on a daily basis, even though I wasn't ripped, I wasn't in a bad shape either. But some people said I look "fat." Of course, they would claim that when it comes to sexual activities/relationships..., etc, they have their own preferences and it has nothing to do with discrimination. Of course there is opposing view to that claim but I'm definitely not intending to push this thread to that direction as I believe it'll be kind of an endless discussion or even irrational fights.

 

I guess I'm not as positive as you are @Drained Empty . I still feel sad about it somehow, but realize that's probably just the real world. Years ago, when I first arrived in the States and received that kind of comments, there were definitely times when I'd look in the mirror and wish I could look different. But that was a while ago. I guess such comments actually make me stronger, and always remind me to be as kind as I can. I guess it just depends on how you take it you know.

Edited October 22, 2017 by GLEE

[bigvalboy]

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community.

 

FWIW...Drained Empty is unfortunately very correct here. I grew up in LA and the discrimination against Asians was more prevalent than against blacks.

 

That said, I think it is important to reveal everything about yourself that might be an issue with the escort. Communication is the key to any successful hire. If someone is going to be rejected because of ethnicity, I think that it should be done long before the door opens. Racism and bigotry is a fact of our society, I would much rather the subject be discussed before hand, to avoid any uncomfortable face to face meeting. Rejection from anyone is a terrible thing to go through, whether it is age, weight, race, or political views (yes that can be an issue also) I'm all for minimizing it at the earliest possible moment.

[Rudynate]

I had the experience of hiring an escort whose ad never mentioned that he was Asian American and did not show his face, so when I got to his hotel room, I was quite surprised at the fact that he had not been upfront about it. Reading your comments about how you feel discriminated against because you are of Asian descent, now makes me wonder if that was why he chose not to put that info in his ad. We never spoke of that specifically. Anyway, after my initial surprise, we had a pretty wonderful play session, even going out to dinner off-the-clock afterwards.

 

I did end up hiring him a number of times, not only enjoying our bedroom adventures, but also finding his history (he and his sister were adopted as infants from Korea by a well-to-do Midwestern family!) fascinating. He was also fun to talk with about how hot our waiter was as we were dining! I always had a great time with him. Alas, he retired a few years after we first met. I do feel quite bad (and a bit angry) that you feel discriminated against by so much of the gay community, though.

 

TruHart1

 

I don't understand how anyone could NOT be into Asian men. Of course, saying I like Asian men doesn't mean I like every Asian man, but of course, I don't go for every white man either.

[Walker1]

I don't to masseurs. I like a good massage, not the rub and tug variety. So if the masseur is not attracted to me, it does not matter as long as he gives me a good massage. I have a few who give a great massage and add a sensual element-pure bliss.

 

Escorts I do give my err-dimensions. Some never reply-which is good, but others are fine-which is better.

Edited October 21, 2017 by Walker1

[TruHart1]

There're probably more than just race, as there are so many other factors out there. Before I started working out on a daily basis, even though I wasn't ripped, I wasn't in a bad shape either. But some people said I look "fat." Of course, they would claim that when it comes to sexual activities/relationships..., etc, they have their own preferences and it has nothing to do with discrimination. Of course there is opposing view to that claim but I'm definitely not intending to push this thread to that direction as I believe it'll be kind of an endless discussion or even irrational fights.

 

I guess I'm not as positive as you are @Drained Empty . I still feel sad about it somehow, but realize that's probably just the real world. Years ago, when I first arrived in the States and received that kind of comments, there were definitely sometimes when I'd look in the mirror and wish I could look different. But that was a while ago. I guess such comments actually make me stronger, and always remind me to be as kind as I can. I guess it just depends on how you take it you know.

I will always continue to be surprised that such a large number of gay men, who so often feel discriminated against personally because they are not considered "normal" by many people in "straight" society, even now, after having achieved some very hard won rights, still feel so racially prejudiced against certain ethnicities. I understand that we may not all be attracted sexually to persons of each and every race, but treating anyone socially as being beneath yourself because of their race is simply loathsome to me. I'm sorry. I just don't understand that mindset.

 

@GLEE and @Drained Empty, you both sound as if you are better men than those who treat you with such disrespect and are usually able to rise above it, though I can understand that the hurt can be discouraging and sometimes run far too deep. I know you will both find many, many people who look beyond your outward appearance (not to infer that you are not beautiful in your very Asian-ness) to the beautiful humans you are within. Hang in there and ignore the short-sightedness of those who cannot see beyond their narrow minded prejudices.

 

TruHart1

Edited October 20, 2017 by TruHart1

[MikeBiDude]

So your prefer “masseuse”

mas·seuse

maˈso͞os,maˈso͞oz/Submit

noun

a woman who provides massage professionally.

 

as long a she gives me a good massage

Edited October 20, 2017 by MikeBiDude