Do you reveal your race to your masseurs/escorts?

[Rudynate]

I have a profile on RM with a pic.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

It happened to me during my first trip to Immersion Spa in the SF Bay. That visit was especially painful because the moment I entered the steam room after showering, EVERYONE got up and left. When I decided that check out the sauna EVERYONE got up and left again. Rinse and repeat. Eventually I sat in an empty room and wanted to cry. I had never been there and never looked at or engaged with any of these guys.

This is sickening and is very hard to believe that it still happens today, I must live in such a bubble of internationalism.

Asian guys are actually sought out by many members here.

I only hooked up 3 times for free in a bathhouse, and 2 of these were with Asian guys.

Can’t get my head around these reactions.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?

 

I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.

 

I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").

 

I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.

 

I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.

 

Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

 

In today's political climate, no, you're not crazy for worrying. If I were a minority of any sort, I'd be looking over my shoulder a lot more these days.

 

I'd disclose and if someone gives you an ounce of pushback, move on. Some people are assholes and it's better you know who they are and ultimately not have to deal with them.

[Epigonos]

I agree totally with Benjamin Nicholas on this one. As ridiculous as it is in this day and age it is far better to learn early that the guy you are interested on hiring is an asshole. The last thing in the world you would want to happen is have the escort shut the door in your face.

I always tell the guy I'm interesting in hiring my age. There are escorts out there

who are not remotely interested in being hired by someone my age (soon to be 77) and I would rather know that early in our communication so I don't get the door slammed in my face.

Great escorts are NOT racists, ageists or weight conscious. Some loser escorts/hustlers are. Check out this site carefully and you will find lots of great escorts who could care less about your ethnicity or my age. Good luck and don't let the assholes discourage you or get you down.

Edited March 26, 2018 by Epigonos

[bigvalboy]

FWIW...Some don't care, but some do. I don't think just because an escort is successful or "great" means that he is not a racist. One has nothing to do with the other. I've had the pleasure of being with some great escorts over the years, and I've have had some pretty disgusting comments made to me, because they had no idea what I was. It's amazing what people will say to you when they are unaware of your ethnicity. Top shelf might get you a higher quality experience between the sheets, but it is certainly no guarantee of anything else. As I've gotten older, I realize that minds are rarely, if ever changed, so I don't call them out, unless I decide to pull the plug on a hire. Every situation is different, so there are times when I'll let certain comments slide.

 

I've always been of the opinion, right or wrong, that you have to chose your battles. Moving the needle on systemic racism embedded into someone's character is unlikely to happen...it is the way of the world. There are too many out there who genuinely don't care, to waste time on the few who do.

Edited October 21, 2017 by bigvalboy

[Walker1]

So your prefer “masseuse”

mas·seuse

maˈso͞os,maˈso͞oz/Submit

noun

a woman who provides massage professionally.

Typo, I corrected it now. Instead of as long as he, I put as long a she.

[Deadlift1]

I always tell them my race age height and weight. I think it takes away some of the anxiety the provider may have since they are inviting a stranger in their house. I am currently dating an asian man which started as a hook up. When i met him i thought he was italian. Either way was fine by me. He did tell me that there is a pecking order within the asian community with the Japanese at the top of the list and so on. so not only are they discriminated in the gay community they too discriminate against other asian cultures.

[marylander1940]

Learned something. Never occurred to me that Asian discrimination was prevalent in the gay community.

.

 

I've seen profiles on Grindr from Asian guys saying: "no Asians".

 

Btw all the folks who used to bark at this issue "it's nothing but a sexual preference..."

 

I posted about a black man on manhunt who's profile said "no blacks" and they jumped immediately.

 

Where are they now?

[MikeyGMin]

with the Japanese at the top of the list

Dear god! Don't ever say that to a Korean man!

 

Seriously though, it's very common for an ethnic group to have prejudices among themselves. And generally each group thinks they are at the top of the pecking order. I have a LOT of Latin friends and you should hear the Costa Ricans trash the Nicaraguans. And the Nicaraguans trash the El Salvadorans. And it goes on and on. The only thing they ALL agree on is that U.S. Cubans have the most attitude. LOL

[marylander1940]

Dear god! Don't ever say that to a Korean man!

 

Seriously though, it's very common for an ethnic group to have prejudices among themselves. And generally each group thinks they are at the top of the pecking order. I have a LOT of Latin friends and you should hear the Costa Ricans trash the Nicaraguans. And the Nicaraguans trash the El Salvadorans. And it goes on and on. The only thing they ALL agree on is that U.S. Cubans have the most attitude. LOL

 

Cubans are also the most successful.

 

What about folks from Argentina? They have a fame for attitude too.

 

and you @latbear4blk pointed racism as one of the problems of your country on here.

[Deadlift1]

I think a lot has to do with the perceived height of the sub group.

[510guy]

I also am Asian American, lived whole life in Bay Area. I have not felt need to disclose my race. I don't hire for escort but rather massage and it never has been an issue whether it be another Asian or Caucasian. In fact, one guy from Australia who I hired before said he went further with me because he was attracted to Asians.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Cubans are also the most successful.

 

What about folks from Argentina? They have a fame for attitude too.

 

and you @latbear4blk pointed racism as one of the problems of your country on here.

 

Argentines do not have an attitude. Fuck you.

[Chidude]

FWIW...Drained Empty is unfortunately very correct here. I grew up in LA and the discrimination against Asians was more prevalent than against blacks.

 

That said, I think it is important to reveal everything about yourself that might be an issue with the escort. Communication is the key to any successful hire. If someone is going to be rejected because of ethnicity, I think that it should be done long before the door opens. Racism and bigotry is a fact of our society, I would much rather the subject be discussed before hand, to avoid any uncomfortable face to face meeting. Rejection from anyone is a terrible thing to go through, whether it is age, weight, race, or political views (yes that can be an issue also) I'm all for minimizing it at the earliest possible moment.

 

This!! Completely agreed. I always reveal my race along with other physical stats before meeting with an escort. If I'm paying for a service with my hard-earned $$, I want to be able to relax and enjoy the experience without having to worry about being rejected or given sub-par service due to an escort's potentially insidious, deeply sewn racial prejudices (I hate the blanket and seemingly innocuous term "preference").

 

Racism is unfortunately a harsh reality in our world, but I'll be damned if I allow it to put a damper on my orgasms. Self-disclosure regarding my race before meeting any $tud eliminates unnecessary doubt or worry of rejection on my end.

[Walker1]

I love Asians and Latinos. It is a pity, one of the hottest escort sessions I had was with a muscular black Somali immigrant. The initial -looks are important, but after that what he is able to do for you is important. Having said that I may not be able to get over my "preferance" and hire a 400 pound escort, but within moderation, I am finding there is an elusive something that seems to make it great.

 

Of course the escort being drop dead gorgeous and your "type" helps.

[+ quoththeraven]

At the risk of making some form of regional-prejudicial assumption...... where are you located?

 

I can't imagine anyone feeling the need to do that. Not when hiring, or most other situations. But Im on the west coast, and maybe views are different elsewhere.

 

And, no, I dont disclose my race when hiring. Or my height, or religion, or eye color.

Just because an area has a lot of Asian-Americans doesn't mean there isn't prejudice against them.

 

It's great that you don't feel the need to disclose, but that's not true for everyone.

 

It is terrible that you are being made to feel this way. Please do not give in or give up. It's possible that you just happen upon environments that are racially intolerant, and (a bit of lay psychology) is it also possible that your sensitivity is perceiving too many movements away from you as rejections? I know from the experience I had when I first entered gay bars. I discovered that I was unconsciously repelling because of my tense and nervous appearance. After a time I realized that the world was not watching my every move and became more relaxed and inviting. Soon after, happy hours became really happy.

I really doubt it.

 

Totally different context, but some Black authors went to sit down at a table at lunch while attending an annual conference for writers in their genre and some white women sitting at the table got up and moved elsewhere. The Black women interpreted this as racially motivated. Based on the context and subsequent developments, including a white woman walking out of a presentation on social media at a subsequent conference when an Indian-American author said she is political on social media of necessity because her existence is political, I believe them.

 

There're probably more than just race, as there are so many other factors out there. Before I started working out on a daily basis, even though I wasn't ripped, I wasn't in a bad shape either. But some people said I look "fat." Of course, they would claim that when it comes to sexual activities/relationships..., etc, they have their own preferences and it has nothing to do with discrimination. Of course there is opposing view to that claim but I'm definitely not intending to push this thread to that direction as I believe it'll be kind of an endless discussion or even irrational fights.

 

I guess I'm not as positive as you are @Drained Empty . I still feel sad about it somehow, but realize that's probably just the real world. Years ago, when I first arrived in the States and received that kind of comments, there were definitely sometimes when I'd look in the mirror and wish I could look different. But that was a while ago. I guess such comments actually make me stronger, and always remind me to be as kind as I can. I guess it just depends on how you take it you know.

This is why when people say their preferences are their preferences and are untinged by racism, I find it hard to believe them. Hiring only sandy-haired bulked-up men with pink skin (to use a hypothetical) may not be the product of conscious racism, but it's sure affected by societal standards of beauty, attraction and so on.

 

I don't understand how anyone could NOT be into Asian men. Of course, saying I like Asian men doesn't mean I like every Asian man, but of course, I don't go for every white man either.

Some people aren't as open-minded as you.

[Rudynate]

Just because an area has a lot of Asian-Americans doesn't mean there isn't prejudice against them.

 

 

 

 

Some people aren't as open-minded as you.

 

I was at a bodybuilding event last weekend. The Asian athletes were spectacular - so cut and muscular that they looked like animations from a video game.

[+ quoththeraven]

I was at a bodybuilding event last weekend. The Asian athletes were spectacular - so cut and muscular that they looked like animations from a video game.

I agree with you! I think Asian/Asian-American men are swell and attractive-looking. (As the daughter of a Korean-American man, it would be a bit self-loathing of me to think otherwise.) But there are many who do not agree, possibly (to bring in another factor) because Asian men are perceived by Westerners as looking feminine, just as Africans and African-Americans are perceived as hypermasculine and white men are perceived as "just right." (There's actual research on this subject.)

[P Gren]

This!! Completely agreed. I always reveal my race along with other physical stats before meeting with an escort. If I'm paying for a service with my hard-earned $$, I want to be able to relax and enjoy the experience without having to worry about being rejected or given sub-par service due to an escort's potentially insidious, deeply sewn racial prejudices (I hate the blanket and seemingly innocuous term "preference").

 

Racism is unfortunately a harsh reality in our world, but I'll be damned if I allow it to put a damper on my orgasms. Self-disclosure regarding my race before meeting any $tud eliminates unnecessary doubt or worry of rejection on my end.

None of us are going to end racism/ageism/fatism (or whatever that is called) by our individual selves - so I totally get the self-disclosure ahead of time to make sure its going to be a good match. I don't think saying 'I'm Asian' (or whatever) contributes to racism, but I think it could help an individual avoid it.

[Rudynate]

I agree with you! I think Asian/Asian-American men are swell and attractive-looking. (As the daughter of a Korean-American man, it would be a bit self-loathing of me to think otherwise.) But there are many who do not agree, possibly (to bring in another factor) because Asian men are perceived by Westerners as looking feminine, just as Africans and African-Americans are perceived as hypermasculine and white men are perceived as "just right." (There's actual research on this subject.)

 

What was fascinating was the beautiful effect the spray-tan had on the Asian men. It interacted with their natural skin tone to produce a beautiful sort of dark taupe with a nice suede-like sheen.

[Deadlift1]

[nynakedtop]

Sorry to enter this discussion late... it is an interesting and valuable one, and one that can easily open the very real wounds that some of our brothers carry as a result of mis-treatment because of their identity.

 

One thing that resonates deeply for me is how white-ness plays out here. White people, especially men, can far more easily navigate through places -- actual or implied -- than any others in our world. There is almost an assumption that whiteness is the norm ... a kind of hegemonic whiteness... and that anything that is other-than-white is the exception that must be "dealt with" as the other.

 

White men cannot possibly understand just how "easy" we have it - how our lives are not full of the aggressions (micro or otherwise) that are part of the daily realities of persons of color in our world.

 

To suppose otherwise - to in any way imagine a world in which there is "color blindness' is to be delusional.

[P Gren]

Sorry to enter this discussion late... it is an interesting and valuable one, and one that can easily open the very real wounds that some of our brothers carry as a result of mis-treatment because of their identity.

 

One thing that resonates deeply for me is how white-ness plays out here. White people, especially men, can far more easily navigate through places -- actual or implied -- than any others in our world. There is almost an assumption that whiteness is the norm ... a kind of hegemonic whiteness... and that anything that is other-than-white is the exception that must be "dealt with" as the other.

 

White men cannot possibly understand just how "easy" we have it - how our lives are not full of the aggressions (micro or otherwise) that are part of the daily realities of persons of color in our world.

 

To suppose otherwise - to in any way imagine a world in which there is "color blindness' is to be delusional.

Our experience of homophobia is not the same thing as racism but it is a transferable skill in terms of navigating otherness.

[Rudynate]

another factor) because Asian men are perceived by Westerners as looking feminine, just as Africans and African-Americans are perceived as hypermasculine and white men are perceived as "just right." (There's actual research on this subject.)

 

Some do look feminine, but a lot of whites look feminine. I have always been attracted to Asian men and I guess, since I live in a part of town that is mostly Asian, I have developed even more of an eye for them. I actually have a drawer full of pictures of Asian men that I have torn out of magazines. When I see one I like, I tear it out and add it to my little collection.

[Epigonos]

I guess I'm eclectic or fickle in my taste in men. I like men of a certain physical body type and I could care less about their ethnicity. They could be pink with purple polka dots for all I care as long as they have a body that races my motor.