I'd have given different advice

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My husband had an affair. I found out after seeing a motel charge on our bank account. I asked, and he confessed that it was with an old school sweetheart. I asked how long it was going on. He said two years. He then called her and told her I knew. He told me he had told her if I ever found out, it was over for them.

When I got on the phone with her, she said he was lying, and their affair had been going on for 20 years! WHO IS THE BIGGER MORON — HIM, FOR TELLING YOU THINGS SHE WOULD CONTRADICT, OR YOU FOR NOT IMMEDIATELY WALKING OUT THE DOOR? He invited her to his mom’s visitation when she passed. He invited her to other things as well. Now she no longer wants him because he is a liar UNLIKE THE UPSTANDING DUDE HE’D ALWAYS BEEN WHILST A-SCREWIN’ HER? and he expects me to go back to the way it was. I don’t know if there’s time to go through it all — he also had an affair with someone at his work. He said it was a one-nighter. Who knows? WHO CARES? GET THE FUCK OUT!

I’m having so much trouble with this and all the things they did together. My husband didn’t do anything with me — he skipped funerals, weddings and engagements. YOU WERE AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT FOR YEARS. IT HAPPENS. GET THE FUCK OUT! I was going everywhere alone. People always asked where he was, and I always had to say “working.” AND BEHIND YOUR BACK THEY HAD TO SAY SHE’S AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT. SHE SHOULD GET THE FUCK OUT!

The way things are now is not comfortable. YOU HAVE A GIFT FOR HYPERBOLE! He doesn’t care. He just wants his way and to not let anyone else in the family know. CAN YOU AFFORD TO RENT A BILLBOARD? It’s been two years and it’s still fresh in my mind. I don’t know what to do. KILL THE BASTARD! Counseling hasn’t helped. He wants me to forget everything. I’m going crazy. How do you trust after that? GO ALL LORENA BOBBIT ON HIM! — Lost Faith in Missouri

Dear Lost Faith: You are not crazy. You are married to a lying, narcissistic womanizer. For you to “forget everything” might require OBVIOUSLY HAD a lobotomy. Are you willing to do ADMIT that? (Don’t answer too quickly; some people would rather do anything than be alone.)

I think it would benefit you to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional HITMAN YOU FIND ON THE DARK WEB. TALK with your friends and your family as well. You need all the support they can give you ADVICE ON HOW TO KILL THE BASTARD! Your husband has plenty to be ashamed about NEEDS TO SUFFER!

A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. If you were to separate, your life would not be much different than it already is. It might even be better. From what you have written, you have already been alone for a very long time AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT FOR YEARS. IT HAPPENS. KILL THE BASTARD AND GET THE FUCK OUT! 

Dear Abby: Ever since our daughter moved out, married and had children, she has become a different person. She doesn’t treat my wife like a mom. They used to be close, but now it seems my wife can’t do anything right. She can’t post pictures of the grandkids when others can, and she can’t hug or kiss her grandkids when others can. When asked what she did to be treated this way, my daughter responds, “I don’t know.”

My wife wants to be a typical grandma and love, spoil and have a relationship with the grandkids, but she keeps being pushed away. I have had it to my wits’ end with my daughter because when my wife hurts, so do I. I’m ready to write her off and move on. What are we to do? — Frustrated Grandparents

Dear Frustrated: Your daughter may fear that her children will love Grandma more than they do her. You might ask your daughter if she would be open to family counseling, but don’t be surprised if she isn’t. If I’m right about that, then your idea about moving on and finding other interests with your wife to fill that empty space isn’t a bad one.

If she craves being around little children and needs to fill the time, perhaps she could volunteer for a program such as Foster Grandparents, in which volunteers work as aides in schools, day care centers, Head Start programs and family support centers. To find out more about them, visit americorps.gov. 

IS A BITCH. OR SHE’S REPRESSING YOUR WIFE’S ABUSE WHEN SHE WAS GROWING UP. EITHER WAY, IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. CUT THE KID OUT OF THE WILL AND SPEND HER INHERITANCE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE.

Dear Abby: I am allergic to a wide range of scents — perfume, cologne, laundry detergent, etc. When I am caught in someone’s cloud, my sinuses and lungs burn, which causes instant wheezing and coughing.

My husband’s friend bathes himself in a scent akin to household cleansing powder. It’s so strong, both of us can smell it in our house for more than a week after he visits. I avoid that friend like the plague and hide at the other end of the house, doors shut, yet I still suffer an allergic reaction. Forgive my being graphic, but his caustic scent gives me a bloody nose.

My husband refuses to tell his friend about the health problems I suffer after his visits. He doesn’t want to make him feel unwelcome or upset him by being “rude.” What about ME? I can’t go near the upholstered furniture the friend sits on for well over a week.

There’s no reason in the world why I should suffer in my own home. I’m afraid I’m going to explode in rage the next time he visits, embarrassing all involved. Could you please advise me how to tell the friend he stinks without being rude? –Suffering in California

Dear Suffering: It isn’t a breach of etiquette to tell someone you have an allergy problem you have been hesitant to discuss for fear of seeming rude. Call the friend BEFORE his next visit and explain that one of the products he is using causes you to have an allergic reaction that results in bloody noses. Then ask that he please not wear it when he’s in your home. This may be a conversation that’s uncomfortable for you, but to have it is essential.
THIS BLOWS! 

IT REALLY STINKS! 

IT MAKES NO SCENTS THAT HE DOES THAT. 

DO YOU THINK HE NOSE HOW STRONG IT IS?

SERIOUSLY, IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, OPEN THE DOOR WEARING A HAZMAT SUIT AND GAS MASK AND SPRAYING A CAN OF LYSOL WITH EACH HAND NEXT TIME HE VISITS.

 

Edited May 11, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am a middle-aged gay man who has never had any serious relationships. A few months ago, I met a 22-year-old guy. He seemed really sweet and nice, and we had good times when we were together, so I let him use me for money. He played on the feelings I thought I had for him, and I think I still do.

The other night, I caught him lying to me again and went off the deep end. He ended up blocking my number, so I know he’s not getting my text messages. I have called him at least 100 times and it goes straight to voicemail. Must I just chalk it up as “lesson learned” and try to go on? Must he just chalk it up as “lesson learned” and try to go on and find another ‘mark’ who won’t turn into a stalker?

I doubt I will ever forget him. A lobotomy might help. I know I need to go on with my life. He’s in my head right now and it’s difficult. A lobotomy might help. If it were to happen, I can’t go back to him the way we were. Although this may sound stupid and immature, I think I fell in love with him. I’m not sure. He hurt me badly because I let him use me. Thank you for any advice you can offer. — Tricked in Tennessee

Dear Tricked: I’m sorry you’re hurting but, yes, you should chalk this up as a lesson learned. You stated you’ve never had a serious relationship. If you would like to pursue one, meeting someone closer to your age with whom you have more in common would be beneficial. Check in at your nearest LGBTQ community center and sign up for an activity or event and you may meet someone. you are too stupid and gullible to be in a relationship. A lobotomy might help. I wish you luck.

Dear Abby: I am a caregiver for my elderly diabetic mother and my disabled husband, who is an alcoholic and also epileptic. Every single household responsibility falls on me — cleaning, upkeep, shopping, driving, food preparation, etc. My mother refuses to eat right for her medical condition. It’s a daily struggle. I keep everything on hand to make it easy for her, but I still have to beg and plead.

I am not well. I have several autoimmune diseases that zap my strength. I love my mom and my husband, but this has taken every bit of joy from my life. My mother doesn’t have dementia — she’s very aware of what she is doing.

As for my husband, his love for me will never come close to his love of alcohol. He is never abusive, but I have never felt so overwhelmed and alone at the same time. There are no siblings to help, and my children live out of state. Do you have any suggestions on how to keep what is left of my sanity? — Overworked in Virginia

Dear Overworked: Yes, I do, but you may not like what I have to say. It’s time to quit trying to “save” your mother and your husband from the fates they have chosen. Your mother is an adult and in possession of her faculties. Let her assume responsibility for herself and her treatment. (Or not — also her choice.)

As to your husband’s alcoholism, join Al-Anon and start attending meetings. Only he can fix his drinking problem IF HE WANTS TO. In fact, you should accelerate the inevitable…

KILL THE BITCH
 

AND
 

KILL THE BASTARD!

Ruining your health trying to help people who don’t want to be helped may be well-intentioned, but it is also misguided.

Edited May 13, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[+ FrankR]

6 hours ago, samhexum said:

 

KILL THE BASTARD!

Dont be so blood thirty! Hasnt anyone heard of the Sinclair method?  I am shocked that Abby recommends AA when treatment with 80% effectiveness is available.

https://www.sinclairmethod.org/

[samhexum]

My fiancé and I have been together several years and are getting married next year. Marriage is not something he cares about, but he knows it’s important to me and is happy to get married. WHAT A BEAST! At his request, there was no proposal, and the wedding will be tiny and simple. This is all legitimately fine with me BULLSHIT!; however, I did decide I wanted an engagement ring. I know it’s easy to bash them for being a symbol of materialism and misogynistic traditions, but I’ve always loved jewelry, and having a physical symbol of my relationship is very meaningful. IT’S BETTER THAN HAVING A KID, I GUESS!

My fiancé was on board until it came time to buy the ring; then he decided we should split the cost equally (which we do with all other expenses). This is really rubbing me the wrong way. ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHETHER OR NOT HE KNOWS HOW TO RUB YOU THE RIGHT WAY. DOES HE?

Money isn’t an issue; he’s well-paid and has no debt, and the ring I chose costs less than $900. He just thinks it’s a silly thing to buy. NO ARGUEMENT HERE! I’ve given so much to this relationship — two cross-country moves for his career YOU DIDN’T BENEFIT AT ALL, RIGHT? IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FAIR FOR HIM TO GIVE UP THE CHANCE FOR CAREER ADVANCEMENT FOR YOU, RIGHT?, hundreds of hours learning his native language so I can communicate with his family DID HE ASK YOU TO?, taking on extra chores because he needs more downtime — and it hurts he won’t do this for me.

That gets me feeling slighted, but then I feel weird about: 1. Expecting a ring, or any gift in the first place. 2. Expecting a ring from someone who doesn’t care about marriage. It doesn’t help that every married woman I know has a ring her partner enthusiastically bought for her, plus a nice proposal, plus a wedding much grander than mine will be. JEALOUS MUCH?

I feel like I’m being materialistic even though my wants are so much less than what everyone around me got. YOU ARE A SAINT! So then I just cycle through the confusion again. Am I ignoring my boyfriend’s personality and values to push societal expectations on him YES!!!, or is he failing to show up for me? NO!!!

 

He: Move cross-country for my career.

You: Okay!

He: Move cross-country again for my career.

You: Okay!

He: Learn a new language so you can communicate with my family.

You: Okay!

He: Do more of the chores than I do because I don’t feel like doing them.

You: Okay!

You: Marry me using a symbolic piece of jewelry that means a lot to me and costs less than $900.

He: I don’t care, so fine, but you pay half even though I can easily afford it because I think what you value is stupid.

You have your answer, screamingly loud and clear, don’t you? And it has nothing to do with marriage, materialism or symbols.

Same answer, another way: There are so many wonderful men out there. Use what you learned here to hold out for one who loves you completely and values your happiness equally. Give yourself a chance to feel that.

 

[+ WilliamM]

On 5/11/2024 at 12:57 AM, samhexum said:

Dear Abby: My husband had an affair. I found out after seeing a motel charge on our bank account. I asked, and he confessed that it was with an old school sweetheart. I asked how long it was going on. He said two years. He then called her and told her I knew. He told me he had told her if I ever found out, it was over for them.

When I got on the phone with her, she said he was lying, and their affair had been going on for 20 years! WHO IS THE BIGGER MORON — HIM, FOR TELLING YOU THINGS SHE WOULD CONTRADICT, OR YOU FOR NOT IMMEDIATELY WALKING OUT THE DOOR? He invited her to his mom’s visitation when she passed. He invited her to other things as well. Now she no longer wants him because he is a liar UNLIKE THE UPSTANDING DUDE HE’D ALWAYS BEEN WHILST A-SCREWIN’ HER? and he expects me to go back to the way it was. I don’t know if there’s time to go through it all — he also had an affair with someone at his work. He said it was a one-nighter. Who knows? WHO CARES? GET THE FUCK OUT!

I’m having so much trouble with this and all the things they did together. My husband didn’t do anything with me — he skipped funerals, weddings and engagements. YOU WERE AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT FOR YEARS. IT HAPPENS. GET THE FUCK OUT! I was going everywhere alone. People always asked where he was, and I always had to say “working.” AND BEHIND YOUR BACK THEY HAD TO SAY SHE’S AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT. SHE SHOULD GET THE FUCK OUT!

The way things are now is not comfortable. YOU HAVE A GIFT FOR HYPERBOLE! He doesn’t care. He just wants his way and to not let anyone else in the family know. CAN YOU AFFORD TO RENT A BILLBOARD? It’s been two years and it’s still fresh in my mind. I don’t know what to do. KILL THE BASTARD! Counseling hasn’t helped. He wants me to forget everything. I’m going crazy. How do you trust after that? GO ALL LORENA BOBBIT ON HIM! — Lost Faith in Missouri

Dear Lost Faith: You are not crazy. You are married to a lying, narcissistic womanizer. For you to “forget everything” might require OBVIOUSLY HAD a lobotomy. Are you willing to do ADMIT that? (Don’t answer too quickly; some people would rather do anything than be alone.)

I think it would benefit you to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional HITMAN YOU FIND ON THE DARK WEB. TALK with your friends and your family as well. You need all the support they can give you ADVICE ON HOW TO KILL THE BASTARD! Your husband has plenty to be ashamed about NEEDS TO SUFFER!

A marriage without trust is no marriage at all. If you were to separate, your life would not be much different than it already is. It might even be better. From what you have written, you have already been alone for a very long time AN OBLIVIOUS DOORMAT FOR YEARS. IT HAPPENS. KILL THE BASTARD AND GET THE FUCK OUT! 

Dear Abby: Ever since our daughter moved out, married and had children, she has become a different person. She doesn’t treat my wife like a mom. They used to be close, but now it seems my wife can’t do anything right. She can’t post pictures of the grandkids when others can, and she can’t hug or kiss her grandkids when others can. When asked what she did to be treated this way, my daughter responds, “I don’t know.”

My wife wants to be a typical grandma and love, spoil and have a relationship with the grandkids, but she keeps being pushed away. I have had it to my wits’ end with my daughter because when my wife hurts, so do I. I’m ready to write her off and move on. What are we to do? — Frustrated Grandparents

Dear Frustrated: Your daughter may fear that her children will love Grandma more than they do her. You might ask your daughter if she would be open to family counseling, but don’t be surprised if she isn’t. If I’m right about that, then your idea about moving on and finding other interests with your wife to fill that empty space isn’t a bad one.

If she craves being around little children and needs to fill the time, perhaps she could volunteer for a program such as Foster Grandparents, in which volunteers work as aides in schools, day care centers, Head Start programs and family support centers. To find out more about them, visit americorps.gov. 

IS A BITCH. OR SHE’S REPRESSING YOUR WIFE’S ABUSE WHEN SHE WAS GROWING UP. EITHER WAY, IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. CUT THE KID OUT OF THE WILL AND SPEND HER INHERITANCE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE.

Dear Abby: I am allergic to a wide range of scents — perfume, cologne, laundry detergent, etc. When I am caught in someone’s cloud, my sinuses and lungs burn, which causes instant wheezing and coughing.

My husband’s friend bathes himself in a scent akin to household cleansing powder. It’s so strong, both of us can smell it in our house for more than a week after he visits. I avoid that friend like the plague and hide at the other end of the house, doors shut, yet I still suffer an allergic reaction. Forgive my being graphic, but his caustic scent gives me a bloody nose.

My husband refuses to tell his friend about the health problems I suffer after his visits. He doesn’t want to make him feel unwelcome or upset him by being “rude.” What about ME? I can’t go near the upholstered furniture the friend sits on for well over a week.

There’s no reason in the world why I should suffer in my own home. I’m afraid I’m going to explode in rage the next time he visits, embarrassing all involved. Could you please advise me how to tell the friend he stinks without being rude? –Suffering in California

Dear Suffering: It isn’t a breach of etiquette to tell someone you have an allergy problem you have been hesitant to discuss for fear of seeming rude. Call the friend BEFORE his next visit and explain that one of the products he is using causes you to have an allergic reaction that results in bloody noses. Then ask that he please not wear it when he’s in your home. This may be a conversation that’s uncomfortable for you, but to have it is essential.
THIS BLOWS! 

IT REALLY STINKS! 

IT MAKES NO SCENTS THAT HE DOES THAT. 

DO YOU THINK HE NOSE HOW STRONG IT IS?

SERIOUSLY, IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, OPEN THE DOOR WEARING A HAZMAT SUIT AND GAS MASK AND SPRAYING A CAN OF LYSOL WITH EACH HAND NEXT TIME HE VISITS.

 

Ridiculous advice 

[mike carey]

9 hours ago, WilliamM said:

Ridiculous advice 

And the sun rose in the east this morning.

[samhexum]

13 minutes ago, mike carey said:

And the sun rose in the east this morning.

Is that an Australian thing?

😁😋😊🤣😇😍😁

 

Edited May 14, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[+ WilliamM]

17 hours ago, samhexum said:

Is that an Australian thing?

😁😋😊🤣😇😍😁

 

Sam,

 

You are essentially making fun of people who need advice 

[samhexum]

6 minutes ago, WilliamM said:

You are essentially making fun of people who need advice 

It took you until now to understand the point of this thread?

[Cooper]

Administrator’s Message

Gentlemen, The subject is on “Different Advice”.  Let’s stay on topic and not wander off by personally replying  to different members. Thank you! 🙏 

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am a widow. I supported my husband during our entire marriage with no help from his wealthy parents. My husband died before his father did. After my father-in-law’s death, I received nothing. My sister-in-law told me she would give me $5,000, but she would invest it for me and give it to me after I retire.

Well, that was 10 years ago. I just retired. When I asked her for it, she claimed she had no memory of it and got angry with me for asking. I argued and said I hated her “stingy” family, and she hung up on me. Should I ask her for the money again? — Promise Broken in Michigan

Dear Promise: No. Unless the promise your husband’s sister made was in writing, there is no way for you to collect the money. Asking for it again will not help. I’m sorry. SURE… NOW THAT YOU’RE RETIRED, YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WASTE CALLING A WOMAN WHO WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

Dear Abby: I am a 35-year-old married mother of two daughters, ages 3 and 1. About a year ago, a couple our age moved in across the street. They have two boys, ages 3 and 11 months.

While we have formed a friendship with this family, I find it very uncomfortable when the family leaves our home and the father kisses my children on the cheek. The mother does not do it. I want it to stop, but I don’t know how to address it. — Uncomfortable in the East

Dear Uncomfortable: The way to address it would be to tell your neighbor that you would prefer he not kiss your children. Period. HAVE THE PERV ARRESTED. You are their mother, and asserting yourself in this role is part of your job. ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY.

Dear Abby: I am a 14-year-old first-generation Polish American with a very Polish family. I don’t have a lot of issues, but I just changed schools, and nobody cares enough to learn how to pronounce my name, including the teachers.

I was named after a family member and the name has a lot of history, so my parents don’t want to Americanize it. But correcting people with no results is getting tiring. What started as a small issue now has me feeling split between my Polish and American identities.

Is it worth it to disappoint my parents to make it a little easier? — Agnieszka in New Jersey

Dear Agnieszka: What would be worth it would be to explain to your teachers and friends the history behind your name. Shakespeare wrote, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” In this case, there’s a whole LOT behind your name, including the memory of a woman who was much loved by your family. That fact is worthy of respect. If your teachers don’t get it, perhaps your parents can explain it to them. IF YOUR LAST NAME IS ANYTHING LIKE FALTSKOG, DON’T CHANGE A THING.

P.S. Agnieszka AGNETHA is a beautiful name. Phonetically it sounds like Ann-YES-ka Ahn-YET-a, which has a musical quality. WHAT A CO-INKY-DINK! Many people have nicknames, and if your peers choose one you like, so be it.

Edited May 26, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years recently proposed. The issue is he’s the great-nephew of the man who jilted my great-aunt at the altar in the 1970s. My aunt dated his great-uncle for financial reasons, which she has admitted. She tried to ensure he would stay with her by “baby trapping” him and telling him he had to marry her. He agreed until the day arrived — and he didn’t show.

This shouldn’t be important to the current situation because it was decades ago, and I barely know my great-aunt. She didn’t even know my fiance’s name until the most recent family reunion when I mentioned our engagement and my soon-to-be last name. She freaked out and demanded he leave her house! She told me not to marry him, and said his family was all the same.

I don’t like my great-aunt much, but after this controversy, her children and her siblings are threatening to shun me if I marry him. The wedding is in five months, and I’m torn. Family is important to me, and while I’m not close to her, I made it a mission to be closer to her kids (my cousins) and relatives as I grew older. I know what happened to her hurt her a lot, but I feel her demand is outrageous. What should I do? Should I postpone the wedding? — PAST DRAMA IN THE PRESENT

DEAR PAST DRAMA: Let me get this straight. Your aunt tried to trap a young man into marriage by claiming she was having his child. Did she have the baby, and was the father’s paternity ever established? If your fiance’s uncle got wind of the fact that he was being falsely accused and that your aunt not only didn’t love him but was after him for financial gain, who can blame him for running? I certainly don’t.

The decision you now must make is whether you want to break an engagement to your fiance (whom I presume you know well and love after three years) or cave in to the emotional blackmail of your ethically challenged aunt. I know what I would do. This may be your chance to “break the curse.” KILL THE BITCH & ENJOY YOUR WEDDING

DEAR ABBY: After a social occasion, I come home and obsess about what I did or didn’t say. Did I act appropriately? I worry and keep doing these “reviews” in my head. It’s painful. The social occasion can be lunch with a friend, a phone call or a party. I’ve done this for years, and it’s exhausting. Why do I do this? More to the point, how can I stop? — REPLAYING IN ARIZONA

DEAR REPLAYING: While I am not allowed to diagnose an illness in any state of the Union, speaking as a “talented” amateur, it seems you have a nasty case of social anxiety. A licensed psychotherapist can help to lessen the obsessive thinking that is torturing you. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you. YOU DO IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TOTAL BORE AND YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP BECAUSE THAT’LL NEVER CHANGE.

Dear Abby: I am a 29-year-old man who has been with a fantastic woman, 25, for the last year. I believe she is The One. We have moved quickly and have already settled into an apartment together.

Recently, she was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding between her ex’s cousin and a friend she met through her ex. Her ex will be a part of the wedding. She isn’t very close with this friend. It seems like the bride-to-be doesn’t have many other friends.

It is clear to me that my girlfriend really wants to attend this wedding. I asked her to see if we could attend the wedding without her being a bridesmaid, but she’s under the impression that we wouldn’t be invited otherwise. I felt like I couldn’t say no, so I agreed to go if she agreed she wouldn’t attend any event where her ex would be present.

But now she has agreed to be a bridesmaid, and I find myself getting upset every time the wedding is mentioned. I haven’t begun to feel resentful toward her, but I’m worried this may change as the wedding draws closer. I want to be supportive, but I also can’t ignore that I am clearly not OK with this arrangement. What should I do? — New Boyfriend in Connecticut

Dear Boyfriend INSECURE BABY: You should not be placing stipulations on your girlfriend, who is part of the wedding. For her to back out on her promise to be in the bridal party would be bad form. Pressuring her to do that is childish on your part.

You have an opportunity to be a hero and conquer your insecurity. Grab hold of it and send your girlfriend to the wedding … alone. And when you do, smile, give her a hug and tell her you hope she has a good time, and that you will be waiting with open arms when she gets back. DEFINITELY BRING THIS UP TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND, AND KEEP HARPING ON IT UNTIL SHE REALIZES WHAT A BIG MISTAKE SHE’D BE MAKING IF SHE DECIDES YOU’RE ‘THE ONE’.

 

Edited May 28, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I still obsess over my first love, even though we broke up 21 years ago. We grew up in a poor mill town, where I was a frustrated, mediocre athlete. She was a cheerleader. We shared fundamentalist religious beliefs that, along with poor access to contraception, led to our decision to “save ourselves for marriage” during our five-plus years of regular dating. Unlike most of our peers, we were able to attend college.

Around the time of my graduation, when many of my friends were getting married, she met a minor league baseball player and, in a very short while, traveled to another state with him and parted with her virginity. BON VOYAGE! Soon after that, she hooked up with a major college football player NOTICE A PATTERN?… MEDIOCRE HS ATHLETE… MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL… MAJOR COLLEGE FOOTBALL. SHE WAS MOVING UP IN THE WORLD; GOOD FOR HER! for a summer fling, and then with a much older divorced lawyer.

I put up a good front as I continued a rigorous graduate program, but I was physically sick and extremely depressed and disillusioned to the point of having suicidal thoughts. BON VOYAGE!

By chance, I ran into her 15 years later WHILE STALKING HER. We were both married, and she was heavily involved in Christian ministry. I told her in a non-judgmental way that her affairs had been very hurtful. We had a nice lunch and parted on good terms, but she was unapologetic and dismissed all of that as “just sex.”

Abby, after all this time, I’m still confused. I don’t know what I’m seeking. Maybe I want revenge. Am I crazy to hold on for so long, or do others carry their pain for a lifetime? — Not Shaking Her in the South

Dear Not Shaking Her: Yes, some people do carry their pain for a lifetime, unless they deal with it. You appear to have the entire roster of your ex-girlfriend’s romantic involvements. (She sure must talk a lot!) I have a strong hunch that what you wanted when you took her to lunch was a sincere apology for hurting you all those years ago. That none was offered illustrates the depth of her insensitivity. ARE YOU STILL MARRIED? IF SO, I PITY YOUR WIFE (JUST IN GENERAL) AND WONDER HOW SHE’D APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU.

My friend, you don’t need revenge — you need to stop reliving the past. It is a waste of your energy. If you can’t manage to do this on your own, counseling may help. IF NOT, BON VOYAGE!

Dear Abby: My wife works from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. The other night she left me a voicemail saying, “I’m super tired so I’m not coming home tonight. I’m going to stay in a motel.” We live 20 minutes from her job. I am, to say the least, very upset. She swears she didn’t go with anyone — she just went there and slept. I’m not sure I believe her. I’m also not sure what to do next. Help, please. — Perplexed Husband in Michigan

Dear Husband: One would think that your wife is used to the schedule she works. What she did is highly unusual, not to mention costly. Can she produce the receipt from the motel? If she can, let it slide — this time. If it happens again, consider hiring a private detective to help you gain insight into her sudden change of behavior. NOT TO PILE ON, BUT DOES YOUR WIFE WORK ADJACENT TO A MOTEL? BECAUSE IF NOT, IT WOULD MOST LIKELY TAKE 20 MINUTES TO DRIVE TO ONE, PARK, CHECK IN, AND GET INTO HER ROOM.  JUST SAYING…

[samhexum]

My daughter wants to change colleges, and she asked a professor for a letter of recommendation. We received the letter, and it strikes me as overly positive. My daughter has worked hard to get decent grades, but from the contents of this letter, you would think she was the most gifted student ever to attend that college. Basically I don’t believe that what her professor is saying is true. Maybe he’s just trying to be helpful, or possibly he used ChatGPT, but I feel uneasy. Should I submit it anyway?

Your daughter’s in college. Why are you submitting the letter/application? You can assist, you can advise. When asked. You can’t do it for her anymore. Land the helicopter.

I’d have thought that the better practice was to send letters of recommendations to the college in question, not to the student. But however this letter was produced — whether it involved ChatGPT or a Ouija board — the professor has offered it as his view. You haven’t been in the classes and seen the work your child has done. Your daughter asked for a letter expressing his judgment, not a letter reporting yours. If the letter is implausible on its face, of course, it might not help your daughter’s chances of getting the transfer, and, I suppose, could even hurt. That would be a reason to worry about submitting it. But your doubts about the letter’s accuracy are not a sufficient warrant for concern. Letters of recommendation are so often hyperbolic that a dry-as-dust articulation of your daughter’s qualities might be read as unenthusiastic. (British letters of recommendation tend to be several degrees cooler than their American counterparts.) Hyperbole is a figure of speech: an overstatement that’s meant to be recognized as such. So I wouldn’t assume that your daughter’s professor aimed to be dishonest. He may simply have a better sense of the calibration of such letters than you do — just as the wised-up admissions folk on the receiving end will.

Consult a lawyer, you moron! Your slut daughter obviously had an affair with the professor and now wants to run away from the mess so she blackmailed him into writing that letter. THAT’S why it was sent to your home and not the new school… so the conniving slut could approve it.

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My husband and I have a friend, “Sophie,” who is cheating on her husband of 25 years. Of course, this is not our business. But now, unbeknownst to her husband, she has incorporated her lover into their everyday life. Her lover is from India and is also married. Sophie is now obsessed with all things Indian — wearing saris, dancing in her lover’s dance troupe and wearing henna all over her body.

My husband and I are involved in a small business with Sophie and her husband, and I’m growing more uncomfortable by the day as she constantly confides to me about her and her lover’s sex life, addictions, how she’s pursued him, etc. I told her she’s playing with fire. Now I remain silent, hoping she’ll stop. Meanwhile, she’s started a new business that has incorporated him into her life on a daily basis.

We love Sofie’s husband. He’s a good and trustworthy man. I absolutely will never be the one to tell him what’s going on, but we need to get away from her. Without hurting the husband, what explanation can we give for stepping away on a business and personal level? Because he WILL ask why. He’s a kind and compassionate man who feels very close to both of us. Any gentle suggestions? — Knows Too Much

Dear Knows: Start by making yourself and your husband less available to socialize with these people. If Sophie continues to confide in you, tell her you do not approve and do not want to hear another word about her affair. BLACKMAILING SOPHIE. You may not have to worry about keeping mum around the husband because, sooner or later, he is going to catch on to the fact that something is going on AND YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO BLACKMAIL HER.

Because you did not mention how closely tied your financial interests are with Sophie and her husband, I will assume you are not solely dependent upon it. That is why you and your husband should consider te KIlling Sophie’s husband that “considering the state of the economy,” your financial picture has changed, and you will need to relinquish your interest in the business. Your attorney can help you with IF YOU GET CAUGHT DOING this.

Dear Abby: I have an identical twin who lives in a different state. I am married; she never has been. At 62, she still demands that I live my life her way. I love her, but I’m an adult. I live by my own rules. She seems enraged that I don’t think and behave the same way she does. By the way, she works from home and sets her own schedule. I work in a call center. I would appreciate your input. — Likes My Freedom in Iowa

Dear Likes: At 62, you are entitled to live your life exactly as you wish. So is your sister. You may be identical, but this does not mean you must think alike. Perhaps the next time your twin unloads on you, you should remind her of that. WHAT IS IT ABOUT IOWA THAT MAKES IDENTICAL TWIN SISTERS NOT GET ALONG? ARE ONE OR BOTH OF YOU AN ADVICE COLUMNIST?

 

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I rented an apartment six weeks ago. A friend of his needed a place to stay due to some marital problems, so we decided she could stay with us. At the beginning, she offered us $500, and we agreed to that. Abby, she hasn’t paid us a dime. She has chipped in maybe $30 for food.

She sleeps all day and sits in her room playing games on her phone all night. She demands we take her anywhere she needs to go, gives no help around the house and makes nasty comments about my boyfriend. (I just caught her looking at my phone to see what I am writing.)

We have tried explaining that I’m the only one paying the bills here and she seems to be freeloading. She even had her boyfriend here. I am on a fixed income, and I feel like she’s taking advantage of the situation. Do you have any advice for me? — Feels Like a Fool

Dear Feels: Yes. The longer you tolerate this, the longer it will continue. Tell your boyfriend (if he doesn’t already know) that his friend hasn’t given you the agreed-upon $500 and has made no effort to become self-supporting and independent.

If she’s entertaining her boyfriend at your place, it’s no wonder she was having “marital problems.” Tell your boyfriend you want his freeloading friend out of there. Then set a date for her to be out — unless he wants to support the two of them himself.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU FEEL, BABE

 

Dear Abby: When my mother-in-law turned 75, her kids decided to throw her a surprise party. My two sisters-in-law and I offered to make the food, with one of them doing the shopping and the three of us splitting the cost and the work. We agreed upon a menu and hashed out a shopping list.

The party was a success. But when the grocery bill came, it was three times higher than I’d expected. Sister-in-law had bought only fancy-brand organic foods from a boutique store, expensive wine and way more than we needed.

Now, we’re planning a party for the parents’ anniversary. I said I’m happy to make food again, but I have to put a cap on the budget or be the one to do the shopping. This did not go over well. The family is taking turns making digs at me for being “cheap.”

At what point do I say they need to be respectful or I’ll bow out of the event altogether? I refuse to be shamed for holding the line on my budget or for making less money than they do, but I’m also not interested in giving them intimate details of my financial situation, which is none of their business.

Am I wrong to think that when I say I have to stick to a budget, they should believe me? They think I’m being stingy. — No Party Pooper in Texas

Dear No Party Pooper: Of course you are not wrong. Because you are reluctant to reveal exactly what your financial situation is (and you are within your rights to keep mum), the next time you are accused of being “cheap,” simply respond that NOBODY has as much money as other people think they do. Period! 

TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT HE CAN EXPLAIN TO HIS RUDE & CLASSLESS FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THEIR CRAP AND WILL BE USING THE AMOUNT YOU WOULD’VE BEEN WILLING TO CHIP IN FOR FOOD TO HAVE A SPA DAY THAT DAY. 

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: Several years ago, I began a friendship with a woman at my church. She had children a few years older than my daughter. The friendship seemed mutually satisfying for a long time, although I noticed on many occasions that my friend seemed entitled and demanding where her children were concerned. I overlooked it until it affected me.

I realized over time that she had manipulated and lied to keep my daughter away from hers at teen social events because my daughter had been labeled “annoying.” There was also other deceptive behavior.
These betrayals, combined with realizing that we don’t agree on many subjects, has made me lose interest in the friendship. However, she doesn’t seem to share my feelings. She still frequently invites me to lunch (which I refuse) and initiates “friendly” conversations.

Confronting her about her behavior would result in denials and a big blowup. How can I bring an end to this fake friendship? — Not Interested in the Midwest

Dear Not Interested: Since you no longer wish to continue to have a relationship with this woman, the quickest way to end it would be to tell her exactly what you have learned about how your daughter was treated and that you feel appalled and betrayed. Whether she “blows up” and denies it is irrelevant.

If you can’t bring yourself to confront her, then drag it out by continuing to be “too busy” to see her or to have those “friendly” conversations. ASK YOUR DAUGHTER FOR TIPS ON HOW TO BE ANNOYING AND THE PROBLEM WILL SOLVE ITSELF.

Dear Abby: My older daughter, “Brianna,” age 42, does not want anything to do with me or her brother and sister-in-law. She keeps me from my granddaughter, who is 17. I have been divorced since the ’90s and remarried for 25 years. My first husband was a cheater. I tried very hard to save my first marriage. We got back together six months later, but he walked out again.

When I remarried, Brianna wasn’t happy. I have another daughter, age 24, with my current husband. Brianna wants nothing to do with any of us. I wrote her and said I was sorry for the divorce. She has never mentioned anything about my letter. I have to leave gifts to my granddaughter at the front door. This hurts so bad. Everyone says let them go. I love them so much. What do you think? — Estranged Mom in New Jersey

Dear Mom: I think your granddaughter will be 18 very soon, and an adult. IF her mother hasn’t diverted those gifts you have been leaving, she knows she has a grandmother who loves her. The ball will be in her court as to whether to make contact with you. (I hope she will.) If, however, she doesn’t do that, you are going to have to turn your eyes forward and let her and your daughter live their lives, while you concentrate on what is healthy for YOU. DAUGHTER IS A BITCH. KILL HER! (just to be clear, I mean “Brianna”.)

If you need interaction with younger people, volunteer some time where it will make a difference. If your interests lie elsewhere, devote some of your extra time and effort in that direction. Your pain may lessen if you give yourself less time to dwell on it. YOU ARE A PERV, WHICH MAY EXPLAIN YOUR DAUGHTER’S BITCHERY. (just to be clear, I mean “Brianna”.)

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My husband and I are retired and have recently joined a Harley-Davidson motorcycle club. We both love to ride and are looking forward to many events in the coming months. At the first meeting we attended, an ex-lover of mine was seated at the same table near my husband. They seemed to enjoy conversing back and forth. I kept a low profile and tried to ignore the situation.

I know that at the meetings and upcoming events, we are sure to see each other. Should I tell my husband who this person is? I am concerned it will spoil those events for us and cause issues if I reveal it. My husband has, for years, taken meds for anxiety and depression. We are very happy together, and I love him very much.

— Let’s Ride in the South

Dear Let’s Ride SLUT: Very few people today don’t have some kind of history. Tell your husband the truth. Believe me, he is sure to be even more anxious and depressed if the situation is revealed before you can tell him. YOU MADE YOUR BED, NOW LAY IN IT (AGAIN)… CONTACT YOUR FORMER FORNICATING PARTNER AND TELL HIM YOU’LL DO ANYTHING ANYTIME IF HE KEEPS YOUR SORDID PAST A SECRET FROM HUBBY.

Dear Abby: An old hat style that created problems years ago has returned. The brim is so large that a person sitting behind them in church can see nothing but the back of that hat. It’s aggravating to think I had a good place to sit and then have to spend an hour seeing only that big hat.

To block the view of those seated behind you is inconsiderate. I hope you will mention this in your column so women will be reminded how those large brims present a problem in any gathering where people are expected to sit quietly and listen to a speech or sermon.

I move when I can, but that isn’t always possible, especially when the hat suddenly “appears” right before the service starts and finding another place to sit isn’t feasible.

— Blocked in Alabama

Dear Blocked: Your point is well taken. I’m pleased to pass your reminder along to those who need to see it, but since we cannot control the behavior of others, you would be well advised to run for the first row when you have a chance. GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS… I BELIEVE THIS IS HIS WAY OF TELLING YOU TO KILL THE BITCH!

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: We have five grandchildren. All but one call me MeeMaw. I’ve been MeeMaw since my first grandchild was born 15 years ago. Four years ago, our third grandchild was born, and the fourth arrived the next month. This fourth grandchild was calling me MeeMaw until one day when she started calling me MeeMawMeeMaw, which my child’s spouse told me “started out of the blue.”

It soon became apparent this grandchild was being told to do it. This is the first grandchild for her other grandmother, who has decided she is going to be called MeeMaw and I would not be.

At first, I tried to let it go, but as time goes on, it’s really bothering me. It would have been fine for us both to be MeeMaw, but I think it’s wrong for someone to tell my grandchild they can’t call me what I’ve been called for many years and what all my other grandchildren call me.
I don’t want to cause problems, but this is causing me great stress. What should I do, or how can I get through this? I have been given a nickname that I didn’t ask for and that I don’t like. — Renamed in New England

Dear Renamed: Lady, you have FIVE grandchildren; the other grandmother has only ONE. If it’s important to her that this child calls only her MeeMaw, be generous. Let her have the honor. It won’t mean the child has less love for you. In the words of Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

P.S. “MeeMawMeeMaw” is quite a mouthful. It doesn’t take a crystal ball to see that, in time, the kid will shorten it by one MeeMaw. KILL THE BITCH(ES) [your choice– the grandmother, your kid’s spouse, the grandkid, any two, or all three]

Dear Abby: My daughter is graduating from college with a bachelor’s degree — a proud moment. I am divorced from her mother. Both her mother and I are invited to attend the ceremony, but she has not invited my current wife, whom she doesn’t like. She has stated that she has only a limited number of tickets and wants to invite her mom’s close relatives.

This has put me in an uncomfortable position, as my wife feels left out and aggrieved. I can either insist to my daughter that she has to invite my wife or I won’t attend, or I can go, insisting to my wife that this is a significant moment in my daughter’s life and I need to be there. What should I do? — Conflicted in California

Dear Conflicted: If your current wife had a hand in the demise of your marriage to your first wife, I can understand your daughter’s dislike of her. If it’s a personality conflict, she shouldn’t be shocked that she wasn’t invited.

I agree with you that your daughter’s college graduation is a significant milestone. I understand why you feel the need to be there to celebrate it with her. Explain to your wife that you would like her to “be the bigger person” and send you off to the ceremony without adding to your problem. Then do what your heart tells you to do. Then consult a good divorce attorney; you’re gonna need one. Godspeed.

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: We adopted our daughter, “Opal,” at the age of 2. She is 6 now. Opal lived with us off and on as a newborn, but by age 1, she lived permanently with us. We live in a small community, so everyone knows everyone. Opal lived with her biological mom prior to adoption.

We tried to allow interaction between them with certain rules in place. However, Opal was recently permitted to spend two hours with her biological mother at a party for a sibling. Opal asked to come back home, so she was dropped off. I later found out her bio mom told her she gave birth to her so SHE is her REAL mother.

We never hid the adoption from Opal. We speak about it in a way that isn’t negative or hurtful. Since this happened, Opal has reverted to being clingy and wakes up with that conversation on her mind. How do I address this with her bio mom and with our daughter?

— Really Mom in Kentucky

Dear Really Mom: First address this with your daughter. Explain that when her bio mom gave birth to her, she was unable to keep her, so she gave her to you to raise. Tell Opal you love her, she fills your heart with joy every day and that you, unlike her bio mom, will be there for her every day of your life.

Then, tell the woman who gave up your daughter that you had planned to tell Opal about the adoption when she was a little older, that she bungled the situation and that, for the foreseeable future, you want her to stay away and not further traumatize Opal IF SHE DOESN’T IMMEDIATELY MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE, YOU WILL KILL HER.

Dear Abby: I have been married to my husband for 34 years. Seven years ago, we retired to a little town on the Oregon coast. I love the ocean and the area we are living in. There is so much to explore.

I’m writing because, since the pandemic, my husband has changed. He is addicted to the news 24/7. If I say anything to him about it, he gets defensive and says, “I told you when I retire I’m going to sit in my recliner and watch TV,” but I didn’t take him literally.

I’m going crazy. I leave, take my camera and go, but I can’t do that 24/7. We have dogs to take care of. I had no idea retirement was going to be so hard. I volunteered at the dog kennel but had to quit because I hurt my shoulder. Please help me to cope or suggest how I can approach him without getting my head bitten off.

— Frustrated in Oregon

Dear Frustrated: Your husband may be hooked on the adrenaline rush he gets from watching the news or be using it as an escape. Whatever his reason, for the sake of your sanity, you must find more activities and friendships to fill the empty space he once occupied in your life. FIND A MAN WHO WILL MASSAGE YOUR INJURED SHOULDER AND GET LAID.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has a number of male friends she has known for years. One of them stops off at her work, brings food and gifts, and may go out with her after hours. Another called her one evening and invited her out for drinks to celebrate his promotion.

At a recent party, another one had his hands on her back or shoulders whenever he spoke to her (she was wearing a silk blouse). Prior to that, she had left with him to go to the ATM holding his hand. At another party, I practically had to wrestle another “friend” away from her so I could sit next to her at dinner and later stand next to her for the group picture.

When I tell her I’m upset about this, especially that she is allowing it to go on, she tells me they have been friends for years and there is nothing sexual going on. (In fact, she says I’m the ONLY man she knows who thinks that way.) She says, “We’re all just touchy-feely.” Observing these goings-on, I don’t see any of her other male or female friends touching anyone else like this.

I would never touch another woman who was in a committed relationship. She insists it’s just me, and that if I say anything, she will be upset. So, here I sit, stewing, while her supposedly non-sexual friends paw at her and vie for her attention. Advice? — SEETHING IN NEW YORK

DEAR SEETHING CUCKOLD: Yes. Your fiancee has made it plain that she doesn’t plan to change. This is why you should stop seething and end the engagement. Unless you enjoy pain and anxiety, this IS A BITCH. KILL HER; SHE isn’t the girl for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have one grandchild and another on the way. I have been struggling lately with all the rules and boundaries my children are placing on me. I realize that with the internet and the new parent courses, they are receiving more information than I ever did.

The latest issue is with my daughter who is due in a few months. We are very close, but suddenly she says I will need to shower and wear clean clothing before seeing her child. She’s afraid of third-hand smoke. I am, unfortunately, a smoker.

I would never smoke around her baby. I don’t even smoke in the house, but she has told me it’s her rule. I have read everything about third-hand smoke and haven’t found any statistics about the amount of exposure it would take to harm a baby.

I’m going to try to quit, but I think this is crazy. She hasn’t said anything about cleaning products, food or anything else. Am I wrong in thinking this is over the top? — SAD SMOKER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SMOKER: As a longtime smoker, you are probably no longer aware of how unpleasant the smell of tobacco can be for nonsmokers. It clings to the smoker’s hair, skin, clothing and surroundings. You are entitled to think whatever you wish, but as you stated, this is your daughter’s rule, and if you are going to interact with that grandchild, you will have to respect it.

I truly hope you will be able to overcome your tobacco addiction and cuddle the baby. If you do, you will be doing all of you (including yourself) a favor. BUY A FEW PAIRS OF CHEAP SWEATS AND LEARN HOW TO SHOWER IN 5 MINUTES, THEN TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU ARE SO SORRY FOR DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT WITH HER, WHICH IS WHY SHE OBVIOUSLY HAS SOME KIND OF NEUROLOGICAL DEFICIT.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I met this guy at work. He was everything I’m looking for in a guy. During a lunch walk, he told me about his breakup with his ex and how he moved out and bought a house. He lives with his son and his nephews and their family. The entire two months we dated were amazing. There may have been a couple of red flags my co-worker and friends noticed. He couldn’t message me often after work or on weekends, and he was always so busy with his kid we couldn’t go on a date. He told me his ex was not in the picture, which I thought was odd since his son is only 2.

I don’t know why I decided to do some internet research on him, but I found out he actually is married and bought the house with that “ex.” When I confronted him about this, he insisted he had told me about it when we first started talking, which is not true. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, he says he’s getting back with her “for his son” but still wants me in the picture as his side piece. I fell in love with him, Abby, and he says he loves me, too. I don’t think it’s right to do this, but I don’t want to stop talking to him. Should I block him and move on or stick around since he still wants me? — SIDE PIECE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SIDE PIECE: Close your eyes, dig deep and see if you can feel around and locate a shred of your self-esteem. Why would you be content to be a “side piece” in this philanderer’s life? He doesn’t love you. I doubt he loves anyone but himself. Do yourself a giant favor: Quit listening to his sales pitch, block him and find someone who can give you the love you crave. ABSOLUTELY STICK AROUND!!! YOU’RE TOO STUPID TO DESERVE ANY BETTER. JUST PLEASE USE BIRTH CONTROL… OUR POPULATION IS DUMB ENOUGH AS IT IS.

DEAR ABBY: Last week my wife and I were at a local function. During intermission, a man walked up behind my wife and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up, shouted “George!”, jumped out of her chair and was all over him, fondling his face and head. I had to turn away, but our friends continued to watch as the two carried on. She claims it was not inappropriate behavior and that I am just jealous. Is this really a married woman’s normal behavior? — WOUNDED IN MISSOURI

DEAR WOUNDED: Bind your “wound” and let it go. While your wife’s reaction may have seemed over-the-top to you, if George is someone your wife cared about and hadn’t seen in many years, it wasn’t out of the realm of normality for her. TO HER SEAT EACH TIME YOU’RE OUT IN PUBLIC. PROBLEM SOLVED. YOU’RE WELCOME.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law caught wind that my 6-year-old would be getting her first haircut and took it upon herself to trim my daughter’s baby curls without telling me so she could keep some for herself. I am livid. She has taken the first birthday, the first Christmas dress, the first pair of shoes. I get that it’s her first time being a grandma, but this is my first and only time being a mom. She is a delicate woman. How do I approach this? — FIRST-TIME MOM

DEAR FIRST-TIME: Explain to your ex-mother-in-law what you wrote to me, omitting the part about “livid” because she’s “delicate.” The next time a first approaches, inform her politely that you wish to be consulted before she does anything else involving your daughter. KILL THE DELICATE BITCH BATTLE-AXE.

 

 

Edited July 17, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My son and his family live six hours from me. I can afford the gas to drive there, but paying for a hotel room for two nights is beyond my means. My son is a stay-at-home dad of seven children. When I asked his wife if I could stay at their place, thinking one child could make a pallet on the floor, giving me their bed, she said she didn’t want to put their child out.

At my age, I can’t sleep on the floor because I have some health issues. This means I can’t see my son and his family. They don’t offer to help pay for a room. I remember when someone stayed in my parents’ home, they gave up their bedroom to the guest. I don’t expect my son and his wife to give up their room, but one of the children should. It makes me feel sad, disrespected and uncared for since, in the past, my son said he wanted me to get closer to his children. Is there any answer? — DENIED GRANDMA IN WASHINGTON

DEAR GRANDMA: This may not be a case of being uncared for or disrespected. From what you have described, your daughter-in-law makes the decisions in that household rather than your son. The reason may be that she’s the one financially supporting the family. If you (and your son) want you to grow closer to your seven grandchildren, perhaps a foldaway cot could be purchased for you to use when you visit. It shouldn’t cost more than a few nights in a hotel. (Have you ever ASKED them if it would be possible for them to pay part of the cost of a hotel stay?) If a cot is out of reach, consider sleeping on a sofa or in an easy chair, if one is comfortable enough. I MUST ADMIT I’M STUMPED. THE LOGICAL THING TO DO WOULD BE TO PICK OUT YOUR LEAST-FAVORITE GRANDCHILD (it should be easy… you've got seven - at least one must be particularly annoying) AND KILL HIM/HER, BUT YOUR BITCH DAUGHTER-IN-LAW WOULD PROBABLY EXPECT YOU TO PAY FOR THE FUNERAL, SO THAT SOLUTION IS OUT…

Edited July 20, 2024 by samhexum
To maintain the incredibly high standards I have established here

[samhexum]

• DEAR ABBY: I worked for 11 years in the accounting department of a busy law firm. During my tenure, my three much younger colleagues married and started families. Due to the inevitable trials of raising kids, planned, unplanned and often simultaneous absences became commonplace, which left me to run the department alone.

  During my last performance review, which I presumed to be confidential, I shared with our boss my exhaustion and health-impacting stress. My appeal for additional personnel was rejected. Rather than address the matter in the context of firm productivity, our boss informed each of my co-workers that I had complained about their chronic absenteeism, drawing charges that I, a middle-aged male with no children, was “insensitive” to their familial obligations.

  I mended fences to the best of my ability but resigned shortly thereafter. I never confronted my boss, and he was never aware I had any knowledge of his manipulation. He now contacts me monthly to feign concern for my health and tell me how much I am missed, all of which is disingenuous.

  As my former colleagues have now left the firm and face no retribution, I would like to end his contacts with an appropriate expression of my contempt. Or should I simply block him and be done with it? — MOVED ON IN ARIZONA

  DEAR MOVED ON: As a former employee of that firm, you are under no obligation to have any more contact with your former boss. If you are still in the working world, refrain from venting about your contempt. Simply express that you prefer he not call you again. If he asks why, you would be within your rights to tell him you know he violated your confidence, which is why you left the firm.

  IF EVER THERE WAS A SITUATION THAT CALLED FOR A WORKPLACE MASS SHOOTING, THIS WAS IT, BUT YOU MISSED YOUR CHANCE WHEN THE YOUNGER BITCHES LEFT THE FIRM. KILLING YOUR EX-BOSS MIGHT FEEL GOOD (and bring some justice to the situation) BUT THE HASSLES INVOLVED WITH YOUR ARREST & TRIAL WOULDN’T BE WORTH IT, SO UNLESS YOU ARE PLANNING TO KILL YOURSELF AFTERWARD, JUST LET IT GO.

  DEAR ABBY: Last year, I reconnected with a childhood friend. We met for dinner a few times with our husbands, and everything seemed fine. They keep asking us to take a trip together, but I don’t feel we know them well enough to spend that much time with them. I’m also becoming uncomfortable when we are together.

  She says things like she told her mother she was meeting me for dinner and her mother said, “I’m jealous.” Her husband tells me she says I’m her favorite person, EVER. She constantly sends me silly things on social media. I have now backed off even meeting them for dinner because I feel crowded by her.

  She recently texted me asking if she had done anything to offend me. I explained that I had a lot of work issues right now and was not good company — I hoped it would be enough. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t want to encourage her friendship, either. Should I leave it alone, or say something more? — SMOTHERED IN GEORGIA

  DEAR SMOTHERED: Listen to your intuition. I don’t think you need to do more than you are already doing, which is distancing yourself. If you are confronted directly again, remind her that you and your husband are busy people and you do not have the time to devote to cultivating a closer social relationship. YOU’LL HAVE BO CHOICE BUT TO KILL THE BITCH.

  DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 16. She has been with her boyfriend, who is 18, for a year. She says she loves him, but she doesn’t want to go on dates. She also doesn’t like to give him hugs (the only type of affection that is shown). I have told her it’s OK if she doesn’t like him like that, and it’s OK to not have a boyfriend at all. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it.

  I am concerned because this isn’t normal. He gets to see her only when she allows him to come to our house. She could go weeks without seeing him and be OK. He is so in love with my daughter that I don’t think he will ever end their relationship. I just want her to be happy, and she doesn’t seem to be. I try to let her figure things out herself, but her dad and I are at a loss. How can we help her? — SOMETHING’S OFF IN OHIO

  DEAR OFF: You and your husband should stay out of this. This is your daughter’s problem (if there IS a problem) to resolve. She may like this young man only as a friend, or she may be taking her time figuring out where her true feelings lie. Once she does, SHE will end it. If her boyfriend (I use this term advisedly) wants more than he’s receiving, he will eventually draw the line himself. 

  WAKE UP & SMELL THE SCENTED CANDLES- YOUR DAUGHTER'S A DYKE.

  DEAR ABBY: I’m a 50-year-old man, married for 17 years with two kids. I have a mostly good marriage, but I have been noticing things that bother me. Almost daily, my wife seems to insult me or make a sarcastic comment.

  I work long hours because of the nature of my job, which my wife claims I am a slave to. Whenever I get a raise, my wife says, “Is that all?” She never seems happy with what I make. We’re in debt, but she works part time at what she calls a “princess job” that pays well per hour, but she works only three days a week. Sometimes, however, she doesn’t work for months.

  My wife seems uninterested in anything I try to tell her that isn’t about her. While she cooks, I handle most of the other chores. I have grown less content with my situation recently, although I admit I’m not without my faults. This has me wondering if there’s something wrong with me. I wonder, if I can’t make my wife happy, would I be able to make anyone happy?

  A friend told me he thinks I have been mentally abused for years. Could it be true? There are times when things feel fine. This is embarrassing to ask, but have I really been abused? Has it been going on for a long while and I’m just noticing it now? — LESS THAN HAPPY IN MICHIGAN

  DEAR LESS THAN: Your friend may have a point. It’s not just women who are subjected to spousal abuse; it happens to men, too. Your wife is hardly supportive if she snipes at you on a daily basis and refuses to recognize your achievements at work.

  I wish you had mentioned why you and your wife are in debt. It may contribute to the stress that has been happening in your marriage. While I hesitate to advise you to take on any more expenses, it might benefit you to talk with a licensed counselor, HIT MAN whether it be for you and your wife, or you alone.

  DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old son lives with his two girlfriends, who are also romantically involved with each other. They share a single bedroom. One of them has a baby due this week, and the other has made noises about wanting a child.

  I don’t approve of this arrangement and can’t see it ending well. I love my son and I have a good relationship with all three of them, but it flies in the face of my upbringing and beliefs.

  My question: How do I deal with this threesome if they come stay at my house? I don’t want this going on under my roof, but I don’t know how to assign bedrooms. If it were just two of them in a committed relationship, I could suck it up and put them together, but all three?

  I think my son knows me well enough to (hopefully) make that decision before coming here. I’m afraid if I assign bedrooms according to my convictions, it will lead to a falling-out. Any advice? — CONFLICTED DAD IN OHIO

  DEAR DAD: Discuss your feelings with your son as soon as he tells you he and his “extended family” want to stay at your home. Explain that what goes on in his dwelling is his business, but in your home, you prefer the three of them (or four, once the baby arrives) not share one room, and let him decide where everyone sleeps. (This would include staying in a nearby hotel or motel during their visit, which might be more comfortable for them.) 

  PUT THEM ALL IN ONE ROOM, HIDE WEBCAMS, STREAM THEM 24/7, AND FUND YOUR RETIREMENT (or the kid’s college fund; that might make the cost of the cameras tax-deductible; talk to your accountant, as I am only an expert on advice, not tax law).

  DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their early 70s and have been married 51 years. They have two homes — one in the Midwest and another in the South. They used to go back and forth between them together, but for the past two years, they have basically lived in separate states.

  In total, they spend about two months a year together, and Mom complains nonstop when they are together. She is concerned only with herself and having fun, and she has progressively ignored my dad, my brother, her grandchildren and me. I’m so angry with her that I think my dad should divorce her. She stays with him only for his money and admits it to me and all of her friends.

  Should I tell Dad to divorce her? I don’t understand why he puts up with her behavior. I’m convinced once he dies (his health is worse than hers), we will never hear from her again. — FRUSTRATED AND HURT IN THE MIDWEST

  DEAR FRUSTRATED: Many marriages are close and loving ones; others are what I would call “arrangements.” Your parents apparently have the latter because it may work better for them (possibly for religious or financial reasons) than divorce.

  Please refrain from telling your father what to do. I have a strong hunch he has thought this through, KNOWS YOUR MOTHER IS A BITCH, WISHES HE COULD KILL HER, BUT IS TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO DO SO. As to your relationship with dear old Mom THE GOLD-DIGGING WHORE, you have my sympathy. You may need a therapist HITMAN to deal with her selfishness and rejection of you, your brother and the grandchildren.

  DEAR ABBY: I’m a Chinese man born in the United States. My girlfriend, whom I’ve yet to meet in person, lives in China and is 24 years younger than I am. (I live in California.) We’re awaiting approval of paperwork with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service. We have both been divorced twice. She has a grown son (single) in his 30s in Japan. My two children are in their 50s and self-sufficient.

  We both are Christian and educated. Her English proficiency is fair to good. I’m a physician; she’s a teacher. We are kind, gentle, patient people. We plan to meet and, hopefully, marry. She would relocate to the U.S., and I might continue to work part time. From what I’ve told you, how would you rate our chances of marital success? — HOPING FOR THE BEST

  DEAR HOPING: Are you absolutely certain that this woman is who she says she is? Many people have been duped by someone they met on the internet. Have you discussed this with your adult children, who might be more tech-savvy? (I hope so!)

  You and this woman have never seen each other in person and have no idea what the chemistry between the two of you would be like. When she arrives, take sufficient time to get to know each other, observe each other in various situations (including stressful ones) and figure out whether your personalities and lifestyles mesh. Because of these unanswered questions, I think your chances of success are about 50-50. 

  AS THEY SAY IN CHINA, MAZEL TOV! (they say it, but nobody understands it)

   

  

  

  Edited Wednesday at 02:54 AM by samhexum
  to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

   

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I met a man from another country through the internet last year. In the beginning, we talked every day via video chat. We share much in common. We never have a problem keeping our conversations going, and we pick up on each other’s emotions and needs without even trying.

Our communication is less frequent now that our relationship is maturing. With this newfound freedom from the phone, I’m starting to question how wise it is to continue pursuing a future together. Although we have never met in person, I feel he is trustworthy and absolutely wonderful, and I would even go so far as to say he’s my soulmate.

The questions that are always in the back of my mind, though, are: Am I crazy for thinking this is the real deal? Is it too good to be true? And if I don’t pursue this further, am I missing my only opportunity for a lasting love? — MATCHED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MATCHED: This is not your “only” opportunity for lasting love. Whether this is the real deal or too good to be true remains to be seen. Because you found this match online, you need to be cautious. If it’s possible, arrange to visit him in his country, which will give you the opportunity to meet his family and friends and observe his living situation. If he is genuine, he should welcome it. If he is hesitant, however, regard it as a significant red flag. BE KIDNAPPED & SOLD INTO WHITE SLAVERY. THAT WOULD GIVE YOU PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO FIND LOVE.