I'd have given different advice

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 20 years is a busy person. She has a demanding job, a husband, two children and extended family she cooks for on most holidays. She also cares for an elderly distant relative. She has a heart of gold and is wonderful to me and my family.

When I'm invited to her house for dinner, she refuses to let me help her clear the table. I'm not happy with that, but I accept it. The problem arises when I invite her over for dinner. Because we don't get to visit often, I'll pile the dishes in the kitchen so I can spend time with her and wash them later. But she cannot sit still and just have a conversation with me or anybody. You will find her in the kitchen scraping plates, soaking pans and hand-washing the wine glasses.

This has become a point of contention because I like to unwind and clean my kitchen after my guests have left. I have tried working with her, but she prefers to power through the mess by herself, which gives us less time to sit and talk. How can I get through to her? -- ANXIOUS IN NEW YORK

 

DEAR ANXIOUS: Assuming that you have spoken to your friend more than once about this, I think it's time to accept her the way she is, rather than the way you would like her to be. Some people are unable (notice I didn't say unwilling) to just sit still and have a conversation, and she appears to be one of them. If this is her only flaw, consider yourself blessed to have a sparkling kitchen when she leaves.

 

DEAR ANXIOUS: Send her over to MY house, you ungrateful bitch!

[MikeBiDude]

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 20 years is a busy person. She has a demanding job, a husband, two children and extended family she cooks for on most holidays. She also cares for an elderly distant relative. She has a heart of gold and is wonderful to me and my family.

When I'm invited to her house for dinner, she refuses to let me help her clear the table. I'm not happy with that, but I accept it. The problem arises when I invite her over for dinner. Because we don't get to visit often, I'll pile the dishes in the kitchen so I can spend time with her and wash them later. But she cannot sit still and just have a conversation with me or anybody. You will find her in the kitchen scraping plates, soaking pans and hand-washing the wine glasses.

This has become a point of contention because I like to unwind and clean my kitchen after my guests have left. I have tried working with her, but she prefers to power through the mess by herself, which gives us less time to sit and talk. How can I get through to her? -- ANXIOUS IN NEW YORK

 

DEAR ANXIOUS: Assuming that you have spoken to your friend more than once about this, I think it's time to accept her the way she is, rather than the way you would like her to be. Some people are unable (notice I didn't say unwilling) to just sit still and have a conversation, and she appears to be one of them. If this is her only flaw, consider yourself blessed to have a sparkling kitchen when she leaves.

 

DEAR ANXIOUS: Send her over to MY house, you ungrateful bitch!

That was a short break?

[BabyBoomer]

That was a short break?

 

It was only a week.

 

~Boomer~

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: My husband and I treated our 24-year-old granddaughter to dinner and a historical city tour. When we stopped by to pick her up, she came out of the house wearing a skin-tight top that laced up the front, with a 3-inch gap from top to bottom and no bra.

 

 

My first reaction was to ask her to change, thinking it was highly inappropriate. Her grandfather thought we should just let it go, so we went out for the evening. Nothing was mentioned regarding her attire, but I was extremely uncomfortable. What is your opinion?

 

Buttoned Up in Indiana

 

Dear Buttoned Up: Your granddaughter is an adult. For you to have asked her to change clothes would have been awkward for everyone concerned. While her choice of outfit may have been revealing, if there was any embarrassment, it should not have been yours. If you prefer she dress more modestly when she’s with you, the next time you invite her to go someplace, say so.

 

Dear Buttoned Up: Your granddaughter is a whore. For you to have asked her to change clothes would have been inconvenient for her johns. While her choice of outfit may have been revealing, she can write it off as a business expense. If you prefer she dress more modestly when she’s with you, buy her a burka.

 

Dear Abby: My husband met a gal 33 years younger than he is at a doctor’s office. It seems they “became close,” so they went off and bought real estate together in another state. They spend weeks at a time together there alone.

 

When they are both here in town, they have “business” meetings several times a week. I am not allowed to attend, know when they take place or even ask what was discussed. They never have phone conversations while I’m near, and their texts to each other are “none of my business.”

 

My husband’s words: “I don’t know why you’re so mad; you’re just jealous.” Your thoughts, please?

 

Peeved in California

 

Dear Peeved: You live in a community property state. Half of your husband’s share of whatever property he and this woman bought together belongs to you.

 

My first thought is your husband is having a fling and lying about not knowing why you are angry. He’s right that you are jealous. You have every right to be.

 

My second thought is that you should consult an attorney ASAP. I don’t know how much you know about your husband’s finances, but a forensic accountant can help you unearth any assets he may be hiding or has already buried. After that, it will be up to you to decide whether you want to continue in a marriage with someone who would treat you so shabbily.

 

Dear Moron: My first thought is that you're a moron.

 

My second thought is that you 're a moron.

 

My third thought...

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl in seventh grade. I have this crush and we're friends. I finally got up the courage to tell him I liked him, and he has said nothing about it for the past two days. My best friend, Sara, tried to ask him why twice at lunch, but he left every time she tried to bring it up.

 

I know we're only in middle school, but I'm ready. Should Sara and I confront him together or give him time? I can't do it without Sara because then I would probably run. What should I do? -- GIRL WITH A CRUSH

 

DEAR GIRL WITH A CRUSH: Twelve-year-old girls in seventh grade may be ready for crushes, but 12-year-old boys in seventh grade may not be. You have already gotten your message across to him. Forget confronting him and do not involve your friend Sara, or he will run in the opposite direction the minute he sees you coming.

 

Be patient. It may take some time, but he will develop an interest in girls eventually. And when he does, you do not want him to remember you as the one who embarrassed him in public.

 

DEAR GIRL WITH A CRUSH: Step up your game, girl! You and Sara should tape a naked wrestling match between the two of you, then slip him a flash drive with a copy on it, & whisper to him (seductively) that he can referee the next match at your house that afternoon.

 

DEAR ABBY: How do I treat someone with respect whom I do not respect and who does not respect me? I try to treat everyone courteously; however, it's tough to do when often the respect only flows one way. -- UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

 

DEAR UNSURE: Here's how. First, keep your distance, if that's possible. And then refrain from showing your disdain by using basic good manners whenever you are forced to be in the person's presence.

 

DEAR UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA: Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier... but do it courteously and with respect!

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My father -- aged 68, active and in good health -- has become increasingly obsessed with deciding who will get which of his belongings when he passes. Almost every conversation now consists of some form of "Do you think your cousin Joey would like my antique fishing lure collection?" I'm glad he's thinking ahead and putting his affairs in order, but it has been months since we've been able to talk about normal things, and I feel like he's missing out on living in the present.

 

I finally had to tell Dad to stop asking my young kids which of his childhood toys they would like when he dies because it was freaking them out. They no longer want to go over there because they're terrified he's going to keel over in front of them.

 

How do I get him to stop this, move on and continue living his life? I'm pretty sure he doesn't have an illness he's keeping secret. Obsessiveness is normal for him, but this topic is new. -- ADULT SON IN FLORIDA

 

DEAR ADULT SON: Have you asked your father directly what has caused this change in his behavior? If you haven't, you should. Have you any idea how long it has been since his last physical and neurological examination? If it has been more than a year, suggest the two of you go together to make absolutely sure nothing is wrong with him.

 

Because you prefer he stop talking about death and distribution of assets with your children, let him know that today's young people prefer electronic gadgets rather than the toys he played with in his youth. It's the truth, and he needs to hear it.

 

DEAR ADULT SON: Tell your father the only thing anyone wants after he dies is his money. It's the truth, ain't it?

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved back home to help take care of my mom. We get along well, but there’s one major issue. She has to care for my brother’s four kids every day and is pretty much raising them. Because they are loud, whiny, rude and demanding, my mother snaps and yells at them constantly. It makes life miserable for everyone.

 

My brother refuses to accept the fact that he’s taking advantage of our mom financially and emotionally. He has plenty to say about me moving back home, though, even though I help to pay bills and contribute. Never once has he offered to make a dent in the huge grocery bill his children ring up, and he complains about how much gas Mom uses toting them to the half-dozen or so programs he has them in.

 

I have PTSD, and the situation is taking its toll on me to the point that I can no longer be around the kids or my mom. Is there anything I can do? Or must I just accept that this is how life will be if I choose to stay home?

 

TAKING A TOLL IN NORTH CAROLINA

 

DEAR TAKING A TOLL: Have a talk with your mother about her short fuse with the grandchildren, and figure out why it’s happening. If she is so stressed or sick that she can’t manage them, correct them and give them positive reinforcement, they should not be under her supervision.

 

Your brother should not expect his mother to foot the bill for feeding and transporting them. If your mother can’t make him understand that, then the two of you should make clear that if he doesn’t pony up, his children will have to go to day care rather than Grandma’s.

And last, because this unpleasant family dynamic is taking a toll on you, you must decide if you want to remain in that household under those conditions, or if coming home to take care of your mother was a mistake you should rectify.

DEAR TAKING A TOLL: Get your own trailer

DEAR ABBY: We are a couple in our 70s living in drought-stricken Southern California. Our dearest friends moved to Nevada three years ago, and we visit them often.

 

What drives me crazy when we visit is the way they use water. When we finish a meal, my hostess will go to the sink and rinse the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. I mentioned to her that it was only necessary to scrape the plates, that the dishwasher is designed to wash dirty dishes, and she agreed — temporarily. The last time we visited, she was back to her old habits. Also, she runs the dishwasher when it’s only half-full, instead of waiting until there’s a full load.

 

I realize that Nevada is not having a drought, but I find her water waste very upsetting. I’m aware that it’s her house and her water and she can do what she wants, but is there anything you can suggest that I can say or do to get her to cut down on her water usage?

 

PARCHED IN SO-CAL

 

DEAR PARCHED: I have news for you. California is not the only state that has suffered through drought problems. Nevada has plenty of them, too. Make the speech you’re dying to make once and get it off your chest. After that, be a gracious guest and keep your mouth shut. You are not the drought police, and if you keep harping on this, you may no longer be a welcome houseguest.

 

DEAR PARCHED: Funny, I just got a letter from a reader in Nevada who complained about her visiting friend from California who is a hypercritical old biddy...

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, my husband of 20 years was in a serious accident. He was placed on disability because of it. Because of the accident, he can’t perform sexually because his “goods” don’t work.

 

I am many years younger than he is and still in my prime. I need and want the cuddling and intimacy I’m not getting and haven’t gotten for years. I have thought about finding a friend with benefits, but that’s risky. I can’t talk to him because he flips out and says, “Then leave!”

 

 

I feel our marriage has become just a living arrangement. Talking to a counselor or a doctor is out because he will refuse. Please help. —LOST AND LONELY

 

DEAR LOST AND LONELY: Your marriage doesn’t have to be “just a living arrangement.” Although sex may no longer be possible with your husband, there’s no reason why there can’t be cuddling, intimacy and affection. Talking to a licensed marriage and family therapist will be helpful for you, whether or not your husband agrees to go with you.

 

DEAR LOST AND LONELY: Why don't you write to Melania and ask how SHE deals with the problem.

 

 

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Troy,” takes it as a personal offense that I won’t share a hotel room with him and his younger son (age 15) when we go out of town to see his older son play college sports. Troy wants me to go to all of the games, but I have said I will only go when it’s the 15-year-old’s weekend to be at his mom’s (Troy’s two sons have different mothers).

 

I am extremely uncomfortable sharing the same hotel room, and Troy refuses to get separate rooms. Do you agree that I’m unreasonable? — “BAD SPORT” IN OHIO

 

DEAR “BAD SPORT”: No, I do not. You should not be talked into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable, so stick to your guns.

 

DEAR “BAD SPORT”: That depends. What does Sonny Boy look like?

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 20, in my second year of college, and I have never been in a relationship. Usually I shrug it off, but lately it has been really bothering me. I know I'm not alone because a lot of my friends are in a similar situation. I'm just afraid that I'll end up alone, or if I do ever find someone, I won't know how to act. Please help. — FRUSTRATED IN CLOVIS, CALIF.

 

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I'll try, so bear with me. Please quit flogging yourself. Unless you're into that sort of thing; in that case, hire a dominatrix. You're in college and on a path to success. Great, Abby... now if he's flunking out he'll be suicidal! To obsess about ending up alone is a distraction and a waste of time. Just give in and accept it already. Stop being afraid of what "might" happen. Enjoy your college experience. Meet as many people as you can and make friends let them know you'll do anything with/to anyone who so much as smiles at you. The more friends you have, the greater your chances of finding what you're looking for. And possibly something you're not looking for... always wear a condom!

 

As to not knowing how to act when you finally meet someone special, I guarantee that you will know how to act because you WON'T BE ACTING. You will just be yourself, and that will be all you need. Plus a roll of $50s and/or a pocket full of GHB.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when your ex-wife leaves a frozen pie at your door but doesn't even acknowledge your invitation to stop by and have a slice when it is cooked? -- MIKE IN MONTANA

 

DEAR MIKE: Consider the symbolism in a pie that is frozen. It probably means she wanted you to know that she thought of you, but you're still out in the cold.

 

DEAR MIKE: Your ex is a complete psycho. If I were you, I'd lock the bathroom door, leave the shower curtain open, and keep a baseball with you from now on when you shower.

[BigK]

It is fun, in a morbid sort of way, to read some of the letters in the agony columns. One of my favorites was from a guy who had been appalled at how much toothpaste his visiting mother-in-law used, so he put out little squares of wax paper on the sink, with "appropriate amounts" of toothpaste on them. After the visit the MIL sent him a case of toothpaste, and he wrote Miss Manners wondering if he'd been incorrect.

 

good for the mother-in-law. He sounds like a cheap bastard. Then again, I always bring my own toothpaste when traveling.

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: What’s the polite way to get guests to leave at the end of the night? I’m a pretty direct person, so generally I say, “Well, it’s getting late now,” or “I’m tired and would like to go to bed,” but my husband keeps telling me I’m being rude.

 

When inviting someone over, is it in poor taste to ask them to leave by a certain time?

 

I love that guests feel so comfortable and welcome in our home, but my husband and I work full time and have a 1-year-old. I need some ME time at the end of the day.

 

Rude Host In The East

 

Dear “Rude”: A variation on how you’re handling this would be to stand up and say, “‘John’ and I want to thank you for coming, but we have to work tomorrow.” For a guest to ignore that cue would be rude.

 

An almost surefire way to ensure guests are out by a certain time would be to make clear when they are invited that the evening will be “between 7 o’clock and 10.”

 

http://gif-finder.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Ari-Gold-Get-The-Fuck-Out.gif

 

 

 

http://i.imgur.com/tcd8JTR.gif

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Scarlet" has a precious 18-month-old baby girl I'll call Sierra. Scarlet, her husband and the baby spend a lot of time at their beach house, where they have several full-time employees, including a nanny, housekeeper, cook and gardener. These employees have been at the house for years and are practically part of our family. The problem is, my daughter and her husband allow Sierra to walk around the house and beachfront naked throughout the day.

 

I have told Scarlet on several occasions that I don't feel comfortable with Sierra being exposed like that around the employees. A naked toddler might make them feel awkward, plus a child should be raised to understand that her private parts are just that -- private -- and not for anybody outside of her immediate family to look at.

 

Additionally, from a sanitary perspective, Sierra sits down on dirty, potentially bacteria-infested places such as kitchen tiles, grass and beach sand, which could cause infections. My daughter calls me old-fashioned and tells me not to worry. What do you think? -- MORE MODEST IN NEVADA

'

DEAR MORE MODEST: I seriously doubt that anyone is going to be embarrassed by the sight of a naked toddler. I know you are well-meaning, and your points may be valid, but frankly, I think you should let your daughter raise her daughter.

 

DEAR MORE MODEST: 'their beach house, where they have several full-time employees, including a nanny, housekeeper, cook and gardener.' Scarlet obviously knows what she's doing (As God is her witness, she'll never be hungry again!) so shut the fuck up & stop rocking the boat (or gravy train).

Edited April 14, 2019 by samhexum

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I dated this woman for almost a year. It ended when she gave me an ultimatum: convert to her religion or walk. She is Pentecostal, and I am Catholic. We are both deeply rooted to our own churches.

 

A few months have gone by. She still has deep feelings for me, but I don’t know if I feel the same way because of her ultimatum. One of us must convert or we won’t be able to move forward. But there are big differences between the two religions. What should I do? — Converting In The South

 

Dear Converting: Because you are deeply rooted in your Catholicism and no longer sure you feel the same way about her, let her go so she can find a good Pentecostal husband. Religion is something a person must believe in, not switch to please someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea for both of you, so keep fishing.

 

Dear Converting: Both of you pray to your God for an answer, and when you don't get one, realize he doesn't exist. Have a blessed day. :cool:

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 25 years just got engaged. I suspect her fiance is gay or there's something seriously wrong with him. They have been dating for eight months and he hasn't once tried to have sex with her. He has used every excuse under the sun as to why (bad back, tired, etc.).

 

He recently proposed to her in a public place in front of his family. I don't think he knows the real her, and I don't think she understands the serious implications of her decision to marry him when sexual intimacy was so important to her before. She once told me she would not marry a man without first having sex with him, and that a sexless life is her biggest fear. I feel I should speak up as her best friend. Should I? -- SEEING RED FLAGS IN GEORGIA

 

DEAR SEEING: Yes. And when you do, urge her to get into premarital counseling with her fiance. During the sessions, matters like sex, finances and child-rearing should be discussed so there won't be any "surprises" later. Repeat your suggestion, if necessary, until she reaches the altar. Let's hope she listens to you because his fatigue and bad back won't magically disappear after they say "I do."

 

DEAR SEEING:

Edited January 16, 2019 by samhexum

[+ Avalon]

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 25 years just got engaged. I suspect her fiance is gay or there's something seriously wrong with him. They have been dating for eight months and he hasn't once tried to have sex with her. He has used every excuse under the sun as to why (bad back, tired, etc.).

 

He recently proposed to her in a public place in front of his family. I don't think he knows the real her, and I don't think she understands the serious implications of her decision to marry him when sexual intimacy was so important to her before. She once told me she would not marry a man without first having sex with him, and that a sexless life is her biggest fear. I feel I should speak up as her best friend. Should I? -- SEEING RED FLAGS IN GEORGIA

 

DEAR SEEING: Yes. And when you do, urge her to get into premarital counseling with her fiance. During the sessions, matters like sex, finances and child-rearing should be discussed so there won't be any "surprises" later. Repeat your suggestion, if necessary, until she reaches the altar. Let's hope she listens to you because his fatigue and bad back won't magically disappear after they say "I do."

 

DEAR SEEING:

 

Imo it is just so wrong for a gay man to marry a woman for whatever reason.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY:

My brother lives in a different state, and every year he comes “home” for a week. I’m one of six siblings who live in the area, but “Jim” always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here he said, “I’ll just keep your key for next year.” I love my brother, but this means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms, so I have to share with my husband and get no sleep. I’m in my 70s, and after a week with no sleep I feel awful. I have hinted to Jim about him staying with his son, but he says “no.” The other siblings don’t offer because he is so critical. Everything we do has to be his way. I really need to tell him he must stay elsewhere, but I can’t seem to find the right words. My siblings say just tell him. What should I do?

— NEEDS MY SLEEP

 

DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Permit me to suggest a few phrases: “Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. Going without sleep for a week while you use my bed is affecting my health, so please return our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you’re here, and we hope you understand.” Do not feel guilty for saying any of it because you have been more than generous to your brother. CHANGE THE @#!*ING LOCKS!

 

Dear Abby: I have a friend I’ll call Rose who likes to brag about how cheap she is. Sometimes when we’re talking, she will interrupt me and ask, “How do you like my pants? I got them for a dollar at a yard sale.” Or she’ll say, “I got them for free.”

 

Rose likes to draw attention to herself every time she wears something new by asking how I like it. Then she will tell me where she got it and how much it cost. I couldn’t be less interested, and I’m tired of hearing about her tacky, cheap clothes.

 

We go to a water aerobics class together, and she will interrupt the class to ask how they like her “sexy” bathing suit. Abby, Rose is in her 70s and not sexy. I like her as a friend, but I am about ready to tell her to shut up! I don’t want to be mean. How can I get across that I don’t want to hear about her clothes? -- Tired of the Discount Fashion Show

 

Dear Tired: If you say nothing, “Second Hand Rose” will continue her line of chatter. Try this: Say, “Rose, honey, you know how much I like you, but I wish you would stop talking about your wardrobe with me. You are interesting on so many other levels, and I’m just not into fashion.” Then cross your fingers and hope your friend gets the message. Next time she goes into her routine, play along, then when she tells you what the cost was tell her, "You overpaid," and walk away.

 

P.S. You know that when she croaks, the headline will be "Friends shocked as miser leaves $30 million fortune to her cats", right?

 

Dear Abby: I faked a secret admirer. It’s getting me a lot of attention, but I did it because I wanted to make my crush jealous. He thinks I’m faking, and I’m pretty sure he also thinks I’m needy and selfish. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you help? — Secretly Lying in Texas

 

Dear Secretly Lying: I’ll try. When a technique doesn’t work, it’s time to change course. Quit talking about a secret admirer. If you are asked about him, just say, “It’s over” — which is less embarrassing than, “The jig is up.” Why your crush would call you selfish, I can’t guess. But if he asks you what happened, my advice is to say, “I like you better.” THAT’S the truth. Congratulate him for his excellent people-reading skills and tell him you hope he meets somebody more worthy of him than you some day.

Edited January 26, 2019 by samhexum

[samhexum]

Dear Abby:

 

My wife and I have been married for 36 years and have five adult children. We have a loving, caring and mutually supportive relationship.

 

We recently had dinner at a restaurant, and she became very flirty and familiar with our male server, who was one-third her age and a complete stranger. She complimented him on his handsome looks, his trim waistline and his smooth and reassuring speaking style. I thought she was out of line, and on the ride home, I told her so. She became defensive and angry and said she was only kidding around with him. What’s the best way to avoid this type of dust-up in the future?

 

Jim in Maryland

 

Dear Jim:

 

What your wife did was inappropriate. Could she have had one pre-meal cocktail too many? Because her behavior made you uncomfortable, she owes you an apology. And if this sort of thing happens again, perhaps you should request a female server if possible. How was his ass? Or were his pants not tight enough to tell? If they WERE tight, was there a large bulge visible? (And if so, could this just be the culmination of 36 years of your wife feeling 'short-changed'?)

[+ sync]

DEAR ABBY:

My brother lives in a different state, and every year he comes “home” for a week. I’m one of six siblings who live in the area, but “Jim” always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here he said, “I’ll just keep your key for next year.” I love my brother, but this means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms, so I have to share with my husband and get no sleep. I’m in my 70s, and after a week with no sleep I feel awful. I have hinted to Jim about him staying with his son, but he says “no.” The other siblings don’t offer because he is so critical. Everything we do has to be his way. I really need to tell him he must stay elsewhere, but I can’t seem to find the right words. My siblings say just tell him. What should I do?

— NEEDS MY SLEEP

 

DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Permit me to suggest a few phrases: “Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. Going without sleep for a week while you use my bed is affecting my health, so please return our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you’re here, and we hope you understand.” Do not feel guilty for saying any of it because you have been more than generous to your brother. CHANGE THE @#!*ING LOCKS!

 

 

Exactly, change the locks, and when he calls again, tell him there is no room at the inn. When people take advantage of other people, they are fully aware of what they are doing.

 

 

Dear Abby: I have a friend I’ll call Rose who likes to brag about how cheap she is. Sometimes when we’re talking, she will interrupt me and ask, “How do you like my pants? I got them for a dollar at a yard sale.” Or she’ll say, “I got them for free.”

 

Rose likes to draw attention to herself every time she wears something new by asking how I like it. Then she will tell me where she got it and how much it cost. I couldn’t be less interested, and I’m tired of hearing about her tacky, cheap clothes.

 

We go to a water aerobics class together, and she will interrupt the class to ask how they like her “sexy” bathing suit. Abby, Rose is in her 70s and not sexy. I like her as a friend, but I am about ready to tell her to shut up! I don’t want to be mean. How can I get across that I don’t want to hear about her clothes? -- Tired of the Discount Fashion Show

 

Dear Tired: If you say nothing, “Second Hand Rose” will continue her line of chatter. Try this: Say, “Rose, honey, you know how much I like you, but I wish you would stop talking about your wardrobe with me. You are interesting on so many other levels, and I’m just not into fashion.” Then cross your fingers and hope your friend gets the message. Next time she goes into her routine, play along, then when she tells you what the cost was tell her, "You overpaid," and walk away.

 

 

Good answer!

 

 

P.S. You know that when she croaks, the headline will be "Friends shocked as miser leaves $30 million fortune to her cats", right?

 

Dear Abby: I faked a secret admirer. It’s getting me a lot of attention, but I did it because I wanted to make my crush jealous. He thinks I’m faking, and I’m pretty sure he also thinks I’m needy and selfish. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you help? — Secretly Lying in Texas

 

Dear Secretly Lying: I’ll try. When a technique doesn’t work, it’s time to change course. Quit talking about a secret admirer. If you are asked about him, just say, “It’s over” — which is less embarrassing than, “The jig is up.” Why your crush would call you selfish, I can’t guess. But if he asks you what happened, my advice is to say, “I like you better.” THAT’S the truth. Congratulate him for his excellent people-reading skills and tell him you hope he meets somebody more worthy of him than you some day.

[samhexum]

QUOTE INCORRECTLY INSERTED

DEAR ABBY:

My brother lives in a different state, and every year he comes “home” for a week. I’m one of six siblings who live in the area, but “Jim” always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here he said, “I’ll just keep your key for next year.” I love my brother, but this means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms, so I have to share with my husband and get no sleep. I’m in my 70s, and after a week with no sleep I feel awful. I have hinted to Jim about him staying with his son, but he says “no.” The other siblings don’t offer because he is so critical. Everything we do has to be his way. I really need to tell him he must stay elsewhere, but I can’t seem to find the right words. My siblings say just tell him. What should I do?

— NEEDS MY SLEEP

 

DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Permit me to suggest a few phrases: “Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. Going without sleep for a week while you use my bed is affecting my health, so please return our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you’re here, and we hope you understand.” Do not feel guilty for saying any of it because you have been more than generous to your brother. CHANGE THE @#!*ING LOCKS!

 

 

Exactly, change the locks, and when he calls again, tell him there is no room at the inn. When people take advantage of other people, they are fully aware of what they are doing.

 

 

Dear Abby: I have a friend I’ll call Rose who likes to brag about how cheap she is. Sometimes when we’re talking, she will interrupt me and ask, “How do you like my pants? I got them for a dollar at a yard sale.” Or she’ll say, “I got them for free.”

 

Rose likes to draw attention to herself every time she wears something new by asking how I like it. Then she will tell me where she got it and how much it cost. I couldn’t be less interested, and I’m tired of hearing about her tacky, cheap clothes.

 

We go to a water aerobics class together, and she will interrupt the class to ask how they like her “sexy” bathing suit. Abby, Rose is in her 70s and not sexy. I like her as a friend, but I am about ready to tell her to shut up! I don’t want to be mean. How can I get across that I don’t want to hear about her clothes? -- Tired of the Discount Fashion Show

 

Dear Tired: If you say nothing, “Second Hand Rose” will continue her line of chatter. Try this: Say, “Rose, honey, you know how much I like you, but I wish you would stop talking about your wardrobe with me. You are interesting on so many other levels, and I’m just not into fashion.” Then cross your fingers and hope your friend gets the message. Next time she goes into her routine, play along, then when she tells you what the cost was tell her, "You overpaid," and walk away.

 

 

Good answer!

Edited April 14, 2019 by samhexum

[+ sync]

DEAR ABBY:

My brother lives in a different state, and every year he comes “home” for a week. I’m one of six siblings who live in the area, but “Jim” always stays with us. After the first time he stayed here he said, “I’ll just keep your key for next year.” I love my brother, but this means giving him my bedroom for a week or more. We have no other bedrooms, so I have to share with my husband and get no sleep. I’m in my 70s, and after a week with no sleep I feel awful. I have hinted to Jim about him staying with his son, but he says “no.” The other siblings don’t offer because he is so critical. Everything we do has to be his way. I really need to tell him he must stay elsewhere, but I can’t seem to find the right words. My siblings say just tell him. What should I do?

— NEEDS MY SLEEP

 

DEAR NEEDS SLEEP: Just tell him! Permit me to suggest a few phrases: “Jim, you will have to make other arrangements when you come to town because you can no longer stay with us. Going without sleep for a week while you use my bed is affecting my health, so please return our house key. We love you and would like to visit with you while you’re here, and we hope you understand.” Do not feel guilty for saying any of it because you have been more than generous to your brother. CHANGE THE @#!*ING LOCKS!

 

 

Exactly, change the locks, and when he calls again, tell him there is no room at the inn. When people take advantage of other people, they are fully aware of what they are doing.

 

 

Dear Abby: I have a friend I’ll call Rose who likes to brag about how cheap she is. Sometimes when we’re talking, she will interrupt me and ask, “How do you like my pants? I got them for a dollar at a yard sale.” Or she’ll say, “I got them for free.”

 

Rose likes to draw attention to herself every time she wears something new by asking how I like it. Then she will tell me where she got it and how much it cost. I couldn’t be less interested, and I’m tired of hearing about her tacky, cheap clothes.

 

We go to a water aerobics class together, and she will interrupt the class to ask how they like her “sexy” bathing suit. Abby, Rose is in her 70s and not sexy. I like her as a friend, but I am about ready to tell her to shut up! I don’t want to be mean. How can I get across that I don’t want to hear about her clothes? -- Tired of the Discount Fashion Show

 

Dear Tired: If you say nothing, “Second Hand Rose” will continue her line of chatter. Try this: Say, “Rose, honey, you know how much I like you, but I wish you would stop talking about your wardrobe with me. You are interesting on so many other levels, and I’m just not into fashion.” Then cross your fingers and hope your friend gets the message. Next time she goes into her routine, play along, then when she tells you what the cost was tell her, "You overpaid," and walk away.

 

 

Good answer!

 

 

P.S. You know that when she croaks, the headline will be "Friends shocked as miser leaves $30 million fortune to her cats", right?

My bad. I should not have tried to do multiple responses into one insert.

 

Liked your post.

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am a woman in my 30s working two jobs to make ends meet after a divorce. A few months ago, I met a nice gentleman who has been understanding about my situation and crazy hours, and we have a pretty stable relationship. Feelings have developed, and we’re thinking about getting more serious.

 

He recently disclosed that he’s actually very wealthy. He works full time and has a modest lifestyle, so the news caught me off-guard.

 

I enjoyed his company before the revelation, and I almost wish he hadn’t told me. Now that his secret is out, he has been going over the top with gifts and offering to pay for things so I won’t have to work a second job. Because I have always worked hard and offered to pay for dates, I have declined his offers, and I feel really awkward about accepting the extravagant gifts he insists on giving me. I think it’s making him more attracted to me because I’m not like his past girlfriends who tried to take advantage of his wealth.

 

This may seem like a happy complaint, but I’m starting to have doubts about this relationship because it seems like we live in completely different worlds. I really like him and want this to work out, regardless of his money. Do you think there’s a way to salvage this relationship and turn it back to the way things were? -- Don’t Want the Glass Slippers

 

Dear Don’t: I sure do. Tell the gentleman exactly what you told me, or show him this column and tell him the letter was written by you. In a successful relationship, honest communication is essential. Now that you know more about his financial situation, things will never be the way they were, but by continuing the conversation, the two of you can navigate through this. Idiot...

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m in 6th grade. My best friend hates a girl in our class. She toilet-papered her house, posted mean signs, threw eggs onto the family’s car and dumped shampoo in their mailbox. I’m really uncomfortable with what she did. She’s nice to me, though. What do I do? — FRIEND ISSUE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

 

DEAR FRIEND ISSUE: Although your friend may dislike the classmate, she did not have the right to damage the family’s property. What she has been doing is called vandalism, and it is against the law. That it makes you uncomfortable shows you have a conscience. If you are smart – and I think you are – spend less time with her. I say this because a person like her could easily turn on you. Ask your best friend where they're registered, and hope the she picks you to be her maid of honor...

 

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Joe,” and I have been married 45 years, and he drives me nuts! I have asked him countless times to use better table manners, speak proper English and treat others with respect. I’m not asking for perfection. I know I’m not perfect, but if someone pointed out something I was doing incorrectly or that embarrassed someone, I’d change what I was doing.

 

Besides asking nicely, which I always do as to not belittle Joe, what can I do? It’s hard to ignore! —NOTHING CHANGES IN NEW YORK

 

DEAR NOTHING: After 45 years you should have come to the realization that you cannot change another person. For the sake of your sanity, learn to change the way you react to your husband’s poor table manners and bad English. Because he’s a sloppy eater, consider eating with him less often. Because his grammar isn’t up to par, try to remember that you married him this way and he managed to get the words “I do” out well enough to satisfy the officiant.

 

As to his disrespect for other people, the next time it happens, don’t ask him to cut it out, TELL him! DEAR ABBY: My wife is cold, judgmental prig who still won't accept and love me for the person I am, even after 45 years of marriage...

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am extremely upset. My son got married a year ago. We were very happy and have welcomed his wife into our family. He met us for lunch yesterday and announced that he and his wife have a polyamorous relationship. They will stay married, but both of them will date and have long-term relationships with other people.

 

My husband and I are in shock. We have been married for more than 30 years and have always been faithful to each other. We thought we had set a good example. They are asking to be able to bring other boyfriends and girlfriends to our family events. I’m heartsick at the thought of watching them be affectionate with other partners. My granddaughter was a flower girl at their wedding. How do we explain this to her?I love my son, but does a relationship with him mean I have to abandon the values I have always felt were important to uphold? Right now he isn’t speaking to me because he thinks I was not supportive enough when he told me. I feel like I’m being forced to accept this new lifestyle or not see my son. How should I handle this?

 

Dumbfounded in Dallas

 

Dear Dumbfounded: Unless you are raising your granddaughter, you don’t have to explain anything. That will be her parents’ responsibility if they decide to expose her to your son and daughter-in-law’s lifestyle. As to your being forced to entertain his and his wife’s lovers, if it makes you uncomfortable — which appears to be the case — you are under no obligation to do so. Handle this by standing your ground and refusing to be emotionally blackmailed. Your son is an adult and entitled to live his life any way he wishes. However, this does not mean that you must endorse it. Tell him you would love to see just him and his wife when they are spending time together. Got any pics of the fun couple? When/where is the next family gathering? (just asking for a friend )

 

DEAR ABBY: My husband likes to wear my underwear, and it grosses me out. He knows I don’t approve and promises he won’t do it again, but he does. I can’t even stand to look at him. What should I do? — DISTURBED IN TEXAS

 

DEAR DISTURBED: The first thing to do would be to understand that not every woman who is married to a cross-dresser feels as strongly as you do about it. Do some research about cross-dressing — its causes and why some men feel the compulsion to do it. If after that you are still grossed out and unable to understand why your husband needs to do this, it may be time to schedule some marriage counseling to see if your marriage can be saved. Greet him at the door one night wearing only a jockstrap, and stuff it with a few socks. If he laughs and says 'I get your point', problem solved. If, however, he seems really turned on, write me back-- you may have another problem we need to discuss.

 

P.S. Got any pics?

 

DEAR ABBY: I am 26. My mom recently got my boyfriend sent to jail. We met six months ago. After a month, he started verbally abusing me, which progressed to physical abuse. Each time I was sure I was about to die.

 

He is now locked up for kidnapping, false imprisonment and aggravated assault. Mom had had enough of hearing about the abuse and took matters into her own hands. I didn’t want her to call the police because I don’t feel jail is right for people except killers.

 

I understand she wanted to protect me because I kept going back, but now I cry every day worrying about if he is safe in jail and wondering how he’s feeling. Everybody around me is saying I don’t need to worry about him because he didn’t care about how he made me feel. I think it’s heartless to say that.

 

When he got arrested, I was in awful pain with my neck and back, but all I could think about was him. People are telling me I need counseling, but I don’t think it will help, because at the end of the day I will still think about him and worry about him.

 

I don’t think the cops and my mom took into consideration how this would affect me mentally. I’m depressed and can’t stop wondering if my boyfriend is OK because I’m a really good and nice person, and it sucks. I am going to go to counseling because I know I need to do it, but Abby, how do I eventually not think about him and his well-being and be heartless like him? —HAVING A HARD TIME IN GEORGIA

 

DEAR HARD TIME: I believe you are a good and nice person, but you are also one who is very mixed up right now. If you think your abuser loved you, you are mistaken. Men who treat women the way he treated you not only don’t love women, they don’t even LIKE them. Had your mother not done what she did, you could be dead.

 

If you want an example of what love is, love is doing something to help your daughter, knowing it may alienate her forever, but doing it anyway to save her life. I’m pleased you have agreed to counseling because you need it very much. After you have gone for a while, your emotional dependence on your abuser will dissipate. He is exactly where he belongs, and you need to get on with your life. IDIOT DOORMAT: Just wait for him until he gets out of jail, and after he beats you to death, you won't ever have to worry about anything ever again.

Edited April 11, 2019 by samhexum

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m 13, and I have had a few problems with my boyfriend’s family. I got him in trouble a few times, and I feel really bad about it, even though I’m not a bad person. We have talked about things we shouldn’t have talked about at our age and used bad language. His parents have gotten on him about it.

 

I tried to talk to his mother, but I have the feeling they don’t particularly like me even though she says she has nothing against me. I know my boyfriend’s older sister doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me and her brother to be together.

 

We are now being forced to break up until he is respectful enough to have a girlfriend, even though he is very respectful. I feel like this all revolves around me, and I want to get his family to know the real me and give me another chance. What should I do? — FORCED TO BREAK UP IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR FORCED TO BREAK UP: Thirteen is young for a serious romance, and your boyfriend’s family may be worried that you are trying to rush him into a relationship for which he isn’t ready. For now, the smart move would be to put some distance between you and your boyfriend.

 

If you stand any chance of improving your standing with his mother and sister, a step in the right direction would be to clean up your bad language. Another would be to concentrate your efforts on becoming someone they can respect — a good student, active in a youth group or sports activity. If they can see a positive change in you, they may be more receptive to your being in his life. And if they don’t, your time won’t have been wasted because you will have become a more successful person. Start working the local street corner, you little whore, and sooner or later you'll likely encounter his father or uncle or cousin, and then you'll have something to hold over the family's heads and they'll HAVE to let you work your seductive charms on your boyfriend. Good luck, and God bless!