First time impending: a jangle of nerves with a jumble of questions here

[+ azdr0710]

I remember my very first meet with an escort.....was so nervous my head was swimming - really was a bit dizzy.....visions of the local PD busting down the door and appearing on the next episode of "COPS"........

 

is the guy you're meeting well-reviewed/known here and endorsed?.......if so, you can totally put that fear out of your head.......

 

at the meet, if you drink, half a can of beer beforehand might help, but no more than that

 

smile, talk slowly, look him in the eye when you speak, joke a bit, move things along so you get what you want.......

 

I presume you're telling him what you're telling us......

[youngboldone]

He has 5 reviews on Daddy's. He goes by BeefMuscleXXX on rentmen, but his reviews are under Rick Acres. I am 95% sure based on photo comparison that it is the same guy. I'm just second guessing since he seems adamant about not talking via phone.

[BabyBoomer]

www.rentmen.com/BeefMuscleXXX

 

AKA: Rick Acres

 

~Boomer~

[rvwnsd]

Okay, so I was starting to feel a little better about this. I have been thinking about how best to word my desires for this weekend's session. All my communication with the guy has been via text. I asked him if we could talk via phone (partially because I thought it might be comforting to hear what his voice sounds like), but he said text would be best. I am starting to get paranoid that I will be caught up in a sting and arrested. And reading about the recent changes on rentmen due to the recent rentboy crackdown have even more jittery. Am I reading too much into this? I am starting to wonder if I'm cut out to do this. But I am in a sexless LTR (with a man), and I really am at my wit's end. I desperately need some loving. I just keep envisioning arriving at his hotel room door and hearing "you're under arrest". The thought sends chills down my spine.

 

So, a couple of things:

 

• Many escorts prefer to communicate by text. This is not an indication of a sting.
  
• Rick Acres has been around for years and he has several positive Daddy's reviews. I have a 99.999999999999999999999999999% confidence interval that he is NOT part of a police sting.
  

This will sound like new-age psychobabble, but it feels like your shame and discomfort with man-on-man sexual activity (and desires) is getting the best of you. Not sure what to say besides "relax."

[youngboldone]

Here is his ad:

 

https://rentmen.eu/BeefMuscleXXX

[rvwnsd]

Here is his ad:

 

https://rentmen.eu/BeefMuscleXXX

Yep that's Rick! He's advertised on Rentmen since 2008, but was advertising on M4RN and even AOL chat rooms long before that.

[youngboldone]

I remember my very first meet with an escort.....was so nervous my head was swimming - really was a bit dizzy.....visions of the local PD busting down the door and appearing on the next episode of "COPS"........

 

is the guy you're meeting well-reviewed/known here and endorsed?.......if so, you can totally put that fear out of your head.......

 

at the meet, if you drink, half a can of beer beforehand might help, but no more than that

 

smile, talk slowly, look him in the eye when you speak, joke a bit, move things along so you get what you want.......

 

I presume you're telling him what you're telling us......

 

Yes, I have been trying to communicate these things to him, but I hate texting in general. It would be so much easier to just talk to him. I don't know why that isn't an option. His responses have all been pretty terse. I guess I'm needing a bit more reassurance than that. Sigh. I guess if I decide to back out on this, I'd best do it sooner rather than later.

[Decatur Guy]

You know what -- listen to your instincts, youngboldone. I like being able to have a brief phone chat, too. I've looked at the ad and what you've had to say -- I think maybe this isn't the right guy. PM me and I'd be glad to talk to you on the phone about this more.

[Despardo]

Yes, I have been trying to communicate these things to him, but I hate texting in general. It would be so much easier to just talk to him. I don't know why that isn't an option. His responses have all been pretty terse. I guess I'm needing a bit more reassurance than that. Sigh. I guess if I decide to back out on this, I'd best do it sooner rather than later.

You have selected a know commodity. You have nothing to worry about. You are not going to be arrested. Nobody is going to hurt you. At least enjoy the massage which should relax you. If all goes well, proceed from there. If things don't work out as planned, you will be out some cash, but you will walk away unscathed. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you cancel, you will kick yourself for doing so. If you go through with the meetup, at least you will have learned something. If, however, you don't like the vibe you are getting from this guy, go with your gut instincts and choose someone else.

[N13]

Has this begun to seem a bit of a put on to anyone else?

[youngboldone]

It's not a put on. I am an extremely nervous first-timer, a 44-year-old gay man with very limited experience and self confidence issues. I am in a sexless LTR and haven't been touched in almost 5 years. I don't have a lot of money to throw away on a random encounter. I need someone who's going to coach me along and give me a boyfriend-type experience, so I came here for advice. But thank you for making me feel even worse. Sorry to have wasted everyone's time.

[KennF]

First and foremost... This is your time. I know you want it to be special.

 

You've been given a lot of good advice...

1) Relax

2) It is about your expectations, not his

 

When it comes to expressing what you want,

You've set up an erotic massage, so your provider will rub your body. He will probably be doing it in the nude.

You should expect that he will undress and have a table or bed or mat already setup. He should also probably have lotion or oil or cream ready and next to the area.

 

If you want to kiss, or have him kiss you, ask him if it is okay, and I'd be surprised if he doesn't step into you and give a passionate kiss.

[KennF]

During the encounter, feel free to phrase the things you want as questions or ask for permission or a little passive-aggressive...

"would it be okay you for me touch your ass?", or, "I've always imagined what it would feel like to have some one handsome go down on me"

 

It may ease you into being more assertive.

[KennF]

@youngboldone ENJOY yourself...

 

And we want details....

and a review...

[+ poolboy48220]

I need someone who's going to coach me along and give me a boyfriend-type experience, so I came here for advice.

If that's what you're looking for, I'm not sure if this is the guy for you. I saw him a few years ago, didn't have a horrible time, but I didn't get the impression that a boyfriend experience is his strong point. Granted, that's not what I was looking for, but anyway. Are you here in Michigan? I know he's here at the moment, I've been flooded with SHOUTs from him on Growlr.

[youngboldone]

Thank you KennF for your kind words of encouragement. I'm just starting to get the feeling that this guy may not be the right fit for what I'm needing, especially after your recent comment poolboy. No, I'm not in Michigan. I'm in Columbus. Is the Growlr app free? I don't play around with apps much because I'm not very tech savvy in general. I think my big hangup is that he refuses to talk to me on the phone before we meet, yet apparently he has time to send Growlr messages. If he won't accommodate that simple request, how well are we really going to get along....this is my thinking at the moment. How late is too late to cancel? My appointment is Sunday at 3:00.

[+ poolboy48220]

Growlr's free, it's more of a bear hookup app than an escort app. SHOUTs are broadcast messages, they go out to all users within a certain distance (I believe), and he's sent out one advertising his services every day he's been in Detroit.

 

He leaves Detroit for Columbus tomorrow, I think. I wouldn't think two days notice is too late to cancel.

[Becket]

Small steps are in order here. Cancel your Sunday 3PM. Go jerk off a few times next week. Next week make a sensual massage appointment with whoever you like. Go to his place. Lie down naked. Breathe. See what it feels like to have someone you don't know well touch you naked, all over your body. Cum or don't cum as the mood hits you. Then go home and think about the past couple weeks. Slowly you will come to understand what it is you're looking for. My two cents worth. Cheers.....

[Despardo]

It's not a put on. I am an extremely nervous first-timer, a 44-year-old gay man with very limited experience and self confidence issues. I am in a sexless LTR and haven't been touched in almost 5 years. I don't have a lot of money to throw away on a random encounter. I need someone who's going to coach me along and give me a boyfriend-type experience, so I came here for advice. But thank you for making me feel even worse. Sorry to have wasted everyone's time.

Here on the Forum you will get a lot of sound advice, support and humor from genuinely kind and helpful people willing to share their experiences. You will also get some criticism, negativity and snarky (sometimes totally uncalled for) remarks. It comes with the territory. Ignore it. Use the comments which are helpful and ignore those which are not. I do not know the escort you approached, so I can't advise you there. Is he your "type?" There are lots of friendly, sympathetic and genuinely likable erotic masseurs out there. If you want recommendations for hot guys who are also super nice, just ask. You've come to the right place.

[Sandlapp]

After months of poring through these forums and corresponding with some of you via PM, I am finally taking the plunge this weekend. I have my first hire lined up for Sunday afternoon - a 2-hour appointment because I know I will need ample time to converse a bit and let my nerves settle. I am trying not to let expectations get the better of me and trying to be cool about this, but to be honest, I am a bit of an anxious mess right now. I think a lot of that has to do with my relative inexperience in the bedroom and the fear of not living up to the escort/masseur's expectations.

 

I have so many questions, so forgive me if this comes across sounding disjointed. I am primarily hiring for an erotic massage type scenario, but I won't be averse to things progressing beyond that. My frustration I guess is how much to leave in the escort/masseur's control and how much to state upfront before the session? I have never been very good at asserting myself, and I don't know how to walk that fine line between expressing my needs and desires clearly and coming across as a crude, demanding jerk. I have a couple of fetishes (more ideas in my head because I've never actually had experience exploring them with another guy) - feet and armpits - but I feel embarrassed to verbalize this out loud. Am I overthinking it?

 

I'm also not sure whether to ask to express my wishes via a phone call instead of texting it. The guy I'm hiring seems well versed in role play as well, which is something I'm interested in exploring, but my experience has been so vanilla so far that I'm afraid of biting off more than I can chew in a first session.

 

From my research here I've learned that cologne is a no-no, but what about deodorant? I tend to get really nervous, and I don't want to be a sweaty, pungent mess before I even get through the door. Even though I am not necessarily wanting anything anal to happen, I want to be prepared should things go there. Is it my responsibility to be prepared with supplies (condoms/lube), or should I assume the escort will have that on hand?

 

I guess what this all boils down to is a lack of confidence. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and even though I'm the client, I'm so afraid of disappointing the guy in some way. Am I being ridiculous, or are these natural thought processes before a first encounter? I am also a little paranoid about being caught up in a sting operation or police bust, although I'm pretty sure based on conversations I've had about this guy with members here and from reading his reviews here that he is legit.

 

Sorry this is so lengthy. I guess I just need to talk all of this out. This isn't something I ever thought I'd be doing in my life, but circumstances have brought me to this moment in my life journey. As RuPaul says, I don't want to "fuck it up"!

 

I also am not flush with cash, and this isn't something I can afford to be doing very often, so I really want to make the most of this experience. Even more pressure I'm putting on myself I know.

I was so nervous the first time! But I chose well and he was understanding and patient. My advice is to tell him exactly what you want. You want to lick his armpits? Tell him. You're into feet? Tell him. Believe me, pit and foot fleshes aren't embarrassing in the least. They're totally common. Take it from a pit freak! When I am considering hiring, I ask upfront about kissing and pits because they're important to me. Seriously, there is nothing you can tell the escort that can shock him. So be frank. It's your money. Make it count. And I hope you have a great time and have a mind blowing orgasm.

[+ purplekow]

Gee, I am glad I never had a first time. It sounds awful. All the anticipation. All that unknown. All that sexual tension building up and 5 years worth of please touch me coming to a conclusion with a body shaking orgasm. The question of "Now what do I do for the next 1 hour and 59 minutes?" after that first prostate emptying explosion.

 

I would not back out. Granted the escort you selected seems to fit into a niche market, but this may be just what you need to get out of your head and out of your comfort zone and back into life and sex again. He is a well reviewed escort. He is an older guy with lots of experience. It may be great and memorable and be spoken of as the Mt Everest of first encounters. It may be not so great and all you walk away with is a handful of goo, an empty pocket and the five year celibate monkey off your back.

You are having opening night jitters and buyer's remorse, both at the same time. Relax. It is money and sex.

Money comes and goes. Make sure you do. This sexual encounter may be your first, but it will not be your last, so savor it, because it will be a story you replay over and over again in your head, whether you want to or not. In that way it is like the Pina Colada Song.

[youngboldone]

Update: I have received a lot of great advice and counsel here and in private PMs, and for that I want to say thank you. I truly appreciate everyone's input and caring enough to take time to help a stranger. I am a nervous person by nature, and I'm self aware enough to realize what my hangups are and that it's my responsibility to breathe, relax, and focus on positive thoughts about myself. No one else can do that for me.

 

After spending all day yesterday with my stomach literally in knots at times wondering what to do, I finally mustered the courage last night to text (have I told you how much I loathe texting?) the guy. I was upfront about my disappointment in his unwillingness to talk with me before meeting. Then I laid out all the things I'm interested in for the session tomorrow. I figured he'd text me back this morning (and was secretly hoping he'd understand how a brief phone call might allay some of my nerves). Well, all morning long I waited and no text. I had literally decided 15 minutes ago that this wasn't worth the stress in the pit of my stomach and decided to cancel. I kid you not, I picked up the phone to text that I had decided not to go through with the appointment when a text came through from him. Serendipity? A sign that I am meant to go through with this? Who knows. Not sure I believe in such things. But the long and the short of it is that his text was very encouraging. He sent me several pics that align with my professed fetishes, AND he offered to phone me this evening. So it is on for tomorrow.

[+ azdr0710]

I hope he is cool and friendly on the phone.....chat him up like a good buddy, tell him your concerns without sounding nervous and ask him to take the lead at the meeting at times......ask him if he has questions or comments for you.....

[TruthBTold]

. . . After spending all day yesterday with my stomach literally in knots at times wondering what to do, I finally mustered the courage last night to text (have I told you how much I loathe texting?) the guy. I was upfront about my disappointment in his unwillingness to talk with me before meeting. Then I laid out all the things I'm interested in for the session tomorrow. I figured he'd text me back this morning (and was secretly hoping he'd understand how a brief phone call might allay some of my nerves). Well, all morning long I waited and no text. I had literally decided 15 minutes ago that this wasn't worth the stress in the pit of my stomach and decided to cancel. I kid you not, I picked up the phone to text that I had decided not to go through with the appointment when a text came through from him. Serendipity? A sign that I am meant to go through with this? Who knows. Not sure I believe in such things. But the long and the short of it is that his text was very encouraging. He sent me several pics that align with my professed fetishes, AND he offered to phone me this evening. So it is on for tomorrow.

 

I always thought of my first time with a new escort (even more with any one) as a test run. It was just getting to know how he reacts as a person and how he reacts sexually. I generally got to see if I would want to see him again but at the same time I knew that if I had some chemistry there would be a lot more on the second go round. I would imagine it is how newly married people used to feel during those times when you had to be a virgin when you got married. The first time you had sex after the wedding was definitely not going to be the best time. Enjoy yourself, your world has just begun.

[+ Funguy]

Just close your eyes, take that first DEEP breath, let it out slowly, open your eyes, HAVE FUN!