First time impending: a jangle of nerves with a jumble of questions here

[youngboldone]

After months of poring through these forums and corresponding with some of you via PM, I am finally taking the plunge this weekend. I have my first hire lined up for Sunday afternoon - a 2-hour appointment because I know I will need ample time to converse a bit and let my nerves settle. I am trying not to let expectations get the better of me and trying to be cool about this, but to be honest, I am a bit of an anxious mess right now. I think a lot of that has to do with my relative inexperience in the bedroom and the fear of not living up to the escort/masseur's expectations.

 

I have so many questions, so forgive me if this comes across sounding disjointed. I am primarily hiring for an erotic massage type scenario, but I won't be averse to things progressing beyond that. My frustration I guess is how much to leave in the escort/masseur's control and how much to state upfront before the session? I have never been very good at asserting myself, and I don't know how to walk that fine line between expressing my needs and desires clearly and coming across as a crude, demanding jerk. I have a couple of fetishes (more ideas in my head because I've never actually had experience exploring them with another guy) - feet and armpits - but I feel embarrassed to verbalize this out loud. Am I overthinking it?

 

I'm also not sure whether to ask to express my wishes via a phone call instead of texting it. The guy I'm hiring seems well versed in role play as well, which is something I'm interested in exploring, but my experience has been so vanilla so far that I'm afraid of biting off more than I can chew in a first session.

 

From my research here I've learned that cologne is a no-no, but what about deodorant? I tend to get really nervous, and I don't want to be a sweaty, pungent mess before I even get through the door. Even though I am not necessarily wanting anything anal to happen, I want to be prepared should things go there. Is it my responsibility to be prepared with supplies (condoms/lube), or should I assume the escort will have that on hand?

 

I guess what this all boils down to is a lack of confidence. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and even though I'm the client, I'm so afraid of disappointing the guy in some way. Am I being ridiculous, or are these natural thought processes before a first encounter? I am also a little paranoid about being caught up in a sting operation or police bust, although I'm pretty sure based on conversations I've had about this guy with members here and from reading his reviews here that he is legit.

 

Sorry this is so lengthy. I guess I just need to talk all of this out. This isn't something I ever thought I'd be doing in my life, but circumstances have brought me to this moment in my life journey. As RuPaul says, I don't want to "fuck it up"!

 

I also am not flush with cash, and this isn't something I can afford to be doing very often, so I really want to make the most of this experience. Even more pressure I'm putting on myself I know.

[bigvalboy]

Am I overthinking it?

 

Yes...

[Guy Fawkes]

Have you considered that if you show up a sweaty mess, you look at him sweetly and say: "I'm a sweaty mess... Can I take a shower and have you wash my back?"

 

Yes, you're over thinking it... He should be used to it...

 

Sit down with him. Be sure that he knows that it's your first time and that you don't know what's what and would like to discuss what would be fun to do together.

[GLEE]

Don't over think about it. Just lay back, relax, and go with the flow. Tell the guy you're about to meet what you're looking for and if he's experienced enough he should be able to handle the situation. I know you might feel anxious because it's the first but overthinking isn't helping. And sometimes it could lead to somewhat awkward or worse situations.

[+ nycman]

Breathe fucker BREATHE!

 

I'm just kidding....sort of.

 

It's cute how nervous you are. I was the same way but I wasn't

even comfortable enough to post here about my anxieties back

then. It sounds like you've done you've homework and if you've

chosen wisely everything will go fine.

 

Don't worry about his "expectations". His expectations are that

he gets paid at the end on the encounter. I assume you've got that

covered.

 

Just make sure you tell him it's your first time and that you're a

little nervous. If he's a pro he'll understand completely. Don't

forget he had a "first time" too.

 

You should always have condoms and lube on hand. Never rely on

someone else for your safety.

 

Take baby steps. You don't have to explore every aspect and every

possible gay sex combination on your first at bat. Most importantly,

relax and have fun.....and BREATHE!

[SuperJunior]

Yikes. I cannot believe I'm writing this, but here goes. The first provider I met was only back in June. I was so nervous to meet him that my plan was to go into his hotel room, drop an envelope, and dash. The very well-regarded forum memeber I met was so sweet and genuine that I was disarmed. We ended up lying in bed partially clothed and it was a great morning. He intimidated the heck out me, though.

[SuperJunior]

I met another provider last week and I kept trying to figure out what he wanted. I'm happy to provide you with details in PM, but he wanted me to tell him what I wanted. I almost ended up at a $500 Waffle House breakfast because I couldn't tell him to kiss me and play with my nipples. I get it. Tell the man what you want.

[+ Travis69]

When anyone has trouble verbalizing their wants, needs and desires just write it on a piece of paper and hand it to the escort/masseur when you walk in the door. Makes your life and his so much easier.

[myophile]

My first time was only a few months ago, and I recognize all these feelings all too well! As others have said: Breathe. And don't overthink it. On the other hand, expect to be nervous -- I certainly was. But I didn't die from nervousness, and the escort didn't laugh at me, and despite one or two embarassing moments I had a fabulous time. You will, too -- ENJOY IT!

[Becket]

Definitely tell him it's your first time. Then just enjoy the experience. Don't expect it to be the "be all to end all". Have fun!!!

[Guy Fawkes]

5" by 7" card in big block letters: "Kiss me and play with my nipples!"

 

I met another provider last week and I kept trying to figure out what he wanted. I'm happy to provide you with details in PM, but he wanted me to tell him what I wanted. I almost ended up at a $500 Waffle House breakfast because I couldn't tell him to kiss me and play with my nipples. I get it. Tell the man what you want.

[Deadlift1]

1/2 xanax 1 hr before you go. no sense in getting overwhelmed. what happens stays between the two of you.

[Epigonos]

You desperately need to understand that there probably isn't ANYTHING you can ask or tell an escort that he hasn't heard before. Most of these guys are pros. If you have selected wisely the entire experience you have coming will be wonderful. Part of the reason many of us hire is that with an escort one can be totally honest. The first time I hired I had a stomach full of butterflies but after I told the guy what I wanted to do it was all smooth sailing

Relax and enjoy, you ARE going to have a good time

[Guest]

I agree with everyone. The first time is harrowing, but relax, be clear about your needs and hesitations and desires. If he's not cool with that, freaks out, flakes out, etc., then he's not the best first time.

 

"If you're not right for him, he's not right for you."

 

I'll admit too that I like to have a couple drinks before a meeting, even now, though I've hired many times now. If you're cool with drinking, that might not be a bad idea. It'll also help provide some, ahem, control as well. I'd take @Deadlift1's suggestion, but Xanax knocks me out! Even half a pill. LOL

[Despardo]

Hire a well reviewed experienced professional. Explain to him beforehand that this is your first time and that you are very, very nervous. Tell him what you would like to have happen over the two hours you have booked. Give him all the information he needs to provide you with a positive experience--that is only fair. Any true professional will be able to see that you have a good time. Communicate during the session.

 

Do not expect that this one experience will rock your world or change your life. Lower your expectations a bit. Do at least try to relax, however, some nerves are a good thing! Many escorts are really nice guys. If you did your best to vet your choice, you should be fine.

 

Most of these guys want to please you, and believe me, they have heard and seen everything. Deodorant is OK--try an unscented one and go light.

[N13]

Worry about him disappointing you.....not you disappointing him. He is the provider and you are the one for whom he will provide. By all means tell him it is your first time and that you are nervous. But don't feel you have to please him. Pleasing you is his job.

[Guest]

Worry about him disappointing you.....not you disappointing him. He is the provider and you are the one for whom he will provide. By all means tell him it is your first time and that you are nervous. But don't feel you have to please him. Pleasing you is his job.

Well said!

[youngboldone]

Thank you all so much for your comforting words and advice! Just reading all your responses is settling me down a bit. One thing I forgot to ask in my initial post is how much to tip? Is a tip automatically expected, or does the expectation vary as the session cost escalates?

[Despardo]

Thank you all so much for your comforting words and advice! Just reading all your responses is settling me down a bit. One thing I forgot to ask in my initial post is how much to tip? Is a tip automatically expected, or does the expectation vary as the session cost escalates?

Tipping is neither required nor expected, however, it is not uncommon. There are a few lengthy threads on this topic on the Forum. It is a personal choice.

 

That said, here is my practice:

 

If the escort is expensive ($300 per hour plus) there is really no need to tip since they are already being well paid.

 

If the escort is undercharging ($200 or less) but really delivers, I tip.

 

If the escort exceeds all reasonable expectations, I tip.

 

Generally when I tip, it is usually 10% to 20% or roughly $20 to $40 depending on the situation.

 

If you had a great time or really like the guy, or if it makes you feel good, go ahead and tip if you want to, but it is not required.

[Jock123]

The Best Advice I give to people whom I'm the First person they've ever Hired is...Dont think too much Into it. Afterall the whole point is to have Fun. It doesnt matter if You have 100+ Emails prior to meeting someone You've never met before. I've had people send me a shit ton of Emails before meeting, Literally spelling out word for word what theyd LIKE to Happen. And things never go as Planned, The Chemistry Isnt there. And I've had people who sent me 2 to 3 Emails...Time/Location...that was It. And the Chemistry In Person was AMAZING.

 

 

 

At the end of the day you can never know what Chemistry You'll have with someone until You are Face to Face.

 

 

So relax. It will work out. HAVE FUN!

[Guest]

Tipping is neither required nor expected, however, it is not uncommon. There are a few lengthy threads on this topic on the Forum. It is a personal choice.

 

That said, here is my practice:

 

If the escort is expensive ($300 per hour plus) there is really no need to tip since they are already being well paid.

 

If the escort is undercharging ($200 or less) but really delivers, I tip.

 

If the escort exceeds all reasonable expectations, I tip.

 

Generally when I tip, it is usually 10% to 20% or roughly $20 to $40 depending on the situation.

 

If you had a great time or really like the guy, or if it makes you feel good, go ahead and tip if you want to, but it is not required.

 

My own MO is that I almost always tip. Almost. Unless he was a complete disaster, I tip something and have the amount for the sliding scale ready and separate from the actual fee.

 

If it's a disaster, no tip. And he should know that it was terrible and should not be expecting a tip. I'm very candid; if it was good not great not mind blowing, I'll tip an extra $20-40; if it's amazing, and that's generally when I'm with a regular, I throw in an extra $100 but I've been very very pleasantly surprised before and done that for a first-time hire.

 

Not percentage-based, just merit-based. And that's just me. It fosters a ton of goodwill IMO. They appreciate it, follow ups are generally much easier to coordinate because they give you precedence, and having dabbled in this industry before, I just feel like it's right to reward a good to great performance.

[+ Funguy]

Shower before (unless you want to shower with him to break the ice); comb your hair; brush your teeth; put on a smile.

Tell him you are a newbie and you are nervous - be up front.

Tell him what you crave - don't hold back - make a list - not everything will be covered this first time but more will than you think. Some escorts love to be creative. If you are with one, you will be in heaven. But, if you don't tell him you want him to stroke your inner thigh he might not.

DO NOT HOLD BACK your "ahs" and groans - he'll want to hear them and know that you are enjoying the time with him.

Don't be afraid to do things yourself and initiate what you want. Put his hand on your balls if that's what you want!

Immerse yourself in this first time!

Enjoy!

[Decatur Guy]

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice here already. You know what -- I bet I've met 30 or 40 men by now, and I still get a little nervous. Even with the ones I've met before. It can actually work for you as long as it doesn't overwhelm you.

 

Just communicate you're nervous, that you're new and what you hope to get out of it. Like the others said, keep the activities and expectations low the first time. Think of it as building up at theme park. If you ride the fastest, highest, craziest roller coaster, first you'll either get sick or all the rest will be a let down.

 

There will be plenty of other times for role play and such. Just enjoy your massage, your contact and the basics. You should leave feeling satisfied but also wanting more!

[rvwnsd]

After months of poring through these forums and corresponding with some of you via PM, I am finally taking the plunge this weekend.

Welcome, @youngboldone. Good for you!

...

I have my first hire lined up for Sunday afternoon - a 2-hour appointment because I know I will need ample time to converse a bit and let my nerves settle.

An excellent plan. One hour would be rushed and three hours could be a loooong time.

...

I am trying not to let expectations get the better of me and trying to be cool about this, but to be honest, I am a bit of an anxious mess right now. I think a lot of that has to do with my relative inexperience in the bedroom ...

Although I am NOT inexperienced in the bedroom, like @Decatur Guy I often get a little anxious, even when hiring a guy I've hored previously.

 

...

and the fear of not living up to the escort/masseur's expectations....

Don't give that a second thought. It is YOUR expectations that count. Most, if not all, escorts would agree.

 

...

I have so many questions, so forgive me if this comes across sounding disjointed. ......

You don't sound the least bit disjointed to me.

...

I am primarily hiring for an erotic massage type scenario, but I won't be averse to things progressing beyond that. My frustration I guess is how much to leave in the escort/masseur's control and how much to state upfront before the session?....

Well, here's a suggestion. Tell the escort EXACTLY what you told us here. "Hey, [insert name of escort] I'm primarily interested in hiring you for an erotic massage, but if we both feel like doing more I'm open to it."

...

I have never been very good at asserting myself, and I don't know how to walk that fine line between expressing my needs and desires clearly and coming across as a crude, demanding jerk....

To me, stating what you want isn't being assertive - it is simply asking the escort to do or say certain things that you like doing. Think of buying a car. Let's say you want a black Jeep with leather seats and deluxe floor mats. When you walked into the dealership you would probably tell the salesman that you want a black Jeep with leather seats and deluxe floor mats, which he will appreciate so he doesn't waste time showing you red Chryslers with cloth seats.

...

I have a couple of fetishes (more ideas in my head because I've never actually had experience exploring them with another guy) - feet and armpits - but I feel embarrassed to verbalize this out loud. Am I overthinking it?...

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I happen to be into the same things. I was surprised to hear escorts tell me that they are asked about these fetishes ALL THE TIME. Who knew?

...

I'm also not sure whether to ask to express my wishes via a phone call instead of texting it...

Do what feels right.

 

...

The guy I'm hiring seems well versed in role play as well, which is something I'm interested in exploring, but my experience has been so vanilla so far that I'm afraid of biting off more than I can chew in a first session....

Let him know you have thought about role-play but are unsure as to whether you want a role-play scene.

 

...

From my research here I've learned that cologne is a no-no, but what about deodorant? I tend to get really nervous, and I don't want to be a sweaty, pungent mess before I even get through the door. ...

Ask him. You would be surprised how many escorts like natural scent.

...

Even though I am not necessarily wanting anything anal to happen, I want to be prepared should things go there. Is it my responsibility to be prepared with supplies (condoms/lube), or should I assume the escort will have that on hand?...

Most escorts will have supplies on hand, but it is a good idea to come prepared.

...

I guess what this all boils down to is a lack of confidence. ...

To me, it sounds like nerves. Don't worry - will be fine.

...

I'm a people pleaser by nature, and even though I'm the client, I'm so afraid of disappointing the guy in some way. Am I being ridiculous, or are these natural thought processes before a first encounter?

...

Neither. It is how you feel.

...

I am also a little paranoid about being caught up in a sting operation or police bust, although I'm pretty sure based on conversations I've had about this guy with members here and from reading his reviews here that he is legit.

...

My guess is you have nothing to worry about.

...

Sorry this is so lengthy. I guess I just need to talk all of this out. This isn't something I ever thought I'd be doing in my life, but circumstances have brought me to this moment in my life journey. As RuPaul says, I don't want to "fuck it up"!

...

No need to apologize.

...

I also am not flush with cash, and this isn't something I can afford to be doing very often, so I really want to make the most of this experience. Even more pressure I'm putting on myself I know.

I think many members could envision themselves feeling the same way. You will make the most of this experience by taking it easy and letting yourself have some fun. Put aside some cash on a regular basis and look forward to your next playdate.

[youngboldone]

Okay, so I was starting to feel a little better about this. I have been thinking about how best to word my desires for this weekend's session. All my communication with the guy has been via text. I asked him if we could talk via phone (partially because I thought it might be comforting to hear what his voice sounds like), but he said text would be best. I am starting to get paranoid that I will be caught up in a sting and arrested. And reading about the recent changes on rentmen due to the recent rentboy crackdown have even more jittery. Am I reading too much into this? I am starting to wonder if I'm cut out to do this. But I am in a sexless LTR (with a man), and I really am at my wit's end. I desperately need some loving. I just keep envisioning arriving at his hotel room door and hearing "you're under arrest". The thought sends chills down my spine.