Wedding Attire = "Semi-Formal / Cocktail" - What is This?

[+ Funguy]

I have had two custom made suits. One was when I was about 35 and decided that I needed to have a very nice well fitting suit. Problem with that is that the suit did not change sizes when I did.

The other suit was a custom made suit by mail. I was attending the Pimp and Ho Party in Vegas and I decided to get a yellow zoot suit made for the occasion. I found a custom tailoring Zoot suit site on line and contacted them. They sent me a form for my measurements and I went to a tailor to be measured. For $200 I had a very nice yellow zoot suit that fit perfectly. A black shirt, yellow tie and a yellow fedora and I was the Bee man with a few B girls. Party was at the Palm and it was great fun.

 

I WANT THAT SUIT!!!!!

[robberbaron4u]

Canali makes a "semi-formal" three button jacket of black silk with a very subtle "pin-stripe" and satin-faced lapels. In the summer, I own one and wear ii with ivory colored linen trousers, a pleated shirt, now tie and black patent leather bowed "slippers" for dining, informally, after 5PM; as it is a three-button jacket, a vest is not required for it. Correctly, the "dinner jacket" or "tuxedo jacket" can be worn at dinner in place of the more formal "tail coat"; however, it must be worn with the white pique waistcoat and white tie as only servants wear a black waistcoat with a tail coat.

[OneFinger]

Semi-formal = black tie. You might appear overdressed, but you won't be improperly dressed.

 

http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/dress-code.jpg

 

One of the best explanations yet!! And, I do much better with pictures than the written word.

[OneFinger]

Wear whatever the hell you want. If it pisses them off, they're not worth having as friends.

 

Not friends. This is close family but we've lived on opposite ends of the country for the past 5 years. Only met his wife-to-be a couple of times and I think she is the one with the dress code. My nephew was typically not a formal type of guy and things have always been very casual when we've traveled together on vacations or business trips (we used to work together).

 

But, this whole event seems so out of character for him. It's being held at a big wedding resort in the mountains. From conversations with him they've been stressing over what I would consider insignificant things such as the china that will be used for the dinner, what decorations / flowers will be on the table, entertainment for the receptions, etc. They've even spent a couple weekends at the resort sampling potential choices for dinner.

 

Never met her side of the family and I get the impression that casual / informal weddings are not part of their lives.

[+ purplekow]

https://www.zootsuitstore.com/Shopping/Catalog/product_detail.asp?ProductCode=SFERYELLOW

 

Seems it is now down to $169 Though this is single breasted and I had a double breasted one

[Despardo]

Good advice. Particularly if you go out to the wealthier suburbs. I have been amazed at the things that are donated to places like Salvation Army.

A friend used to teach at a prestigious prep school. The school ran a thrift shop. My friend said that the school thrift store was amazing--lots of designer clothing either brand new or lightly worn. He bought shoes and suits there on a regular basis.

[Despardo]

Traditionally (or maybe now historically) semi-formal meant tuxedo or "black tie." Formal meant dinner jacket or "white tie."

 

During a stay at a clothing optional resort, it occurred to me there that the question, "Should we dress for dinner?" took on an entirely new meaning.

 

A NY friend of mine owned a tux. Sometimes he would put it on and have a late night snack at the local diner (think Seinfeld) where people would assume he had just come from a swanky affair.

 

Some people get confused by the terms, "dressy" or "business casual." For either, it means that at the very least you need to wear socks.

 

Now I get to agonize over which clothes I should pack for Palm Springs on the 22nd.

Forgot to ask. Is the PS dinner black tie or white tie?

[Despardo]

https://www.zootsuitstore.com/Shopping/Catalog/product_detail.asp?ProductCode=SFERYELLOW

 

Seems it is now down to $169 Though this is single breasted and I had a double breasted one

Nice suit if you are Cab Calloway.

[Despardo]

When I got married, it was black tie optional. Most of my relatives were not suit wearers and they found it easy to rent a tuxedo and in the end, it was less expensive than a cheap suit and a rental tuxedo, while not elegant, usually looks good.

 

In this case, I would have the suit you own tailored and call it a day.

 

My goal at most weddings is to eat, drink and get reasonably well intoxicated, so while I may feel the need to be dressed to the crowd at the beginning, at the end of the evening, the tie is off, the shirt is unbuttoned at the neck and the jacket is over the chair. After all, it is a celebration not a fashion show.

Once I was included in a very elaborate wedding as part of the wedding party. There were 9 groomsmen and 9 bridesmaids, the latter dressed in frilly powder blue lace dresses with satin sashes and big floppy hats with ribbons. One bridesmaid, my friend Mary, was a large and fairly plain woman (think Sophie Tucker.) She was furious about having to buy the outfit which made her look like a grotesque caricature of Little Bo Peep minus only the shepherd's staff. She swore she was going to eat and drink enough at the reception to compensate for the cost of the outfit which she could certainly never wear again. At the bar before dinner was served, she had already managed to pay for the hat.

[Despardo]

Semi-formal = black tie. You might appear overdressed, but you won't be improperly dressed.

 

http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/dress-code.jpg

"Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper..."

[+ purplekow]

Nice suit if you are Cab Calloway.

As I mentioned, it was a costume party, but yes Mr. Calloway and of course the Mask wore similar suits. It has come in handy on a few occasions when outrageous dress was the desired attire.

[Despardo]

[LADoug1]

Regarding the Earl being underdressed... that makes more sense. However, that photo of the dowager countess does remind me of the time I saw saw a patient of mine at a wedding and thought that he was one of the waiters, he was all decked out in a black suit with a white shirt and black tie. He respectfully held the door open for me. I thanked him and we chatted for a while. I then realized that he was going out at the time with one of the other guests and was there as her guest. Incidentally, I was not the only one who made that particular mistake that night.

 

A few years ago a couple who had a very small private wedding decided to renew their vows a year later and invite all the family and friends who never were invited to the original ceremony. The initial word was that it was to be a very informal picnic type event. However, that changed and the decision was made to go much more formal. The invitations referenced a "tapas style" reception at a restaurant. Eveidentslly half of the people did not know what "tapas style" meant as they thought it referenced the very informal initial plans as easily 50 percent came dressed for a picnic. One friend came wearing a loud Hawian luau type shirt. His wife had on a black dress. I asked why he came informally dressed and she was dressed more appropriately. Her response was, "Look closely! Check out the material! This is a sun dress!" And it was on closer inspection! I did wear a jacket and tie as I had been tipped off that the event was going to be more formsl, which given the venue chosen was actually a no brainer. Still a good time was had by all!!

 

What IS the appropriate clothing for a "tapas" event?

[LADoug1]

I had an uncle in the clothing resale business in New Haven who bought fantastic expensive clothes from broke college students at Yale. He got them for quite a low cost. Had quite an inventory. Students and bargain hunters knew about him and he was very popular.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Reminds me of the pair of jeans and matching blue shirt that I worn to organic chemistry lab one whole semester and wore them only to that class. At the end of the year I literally tossed them into the garbage as the smell never washed out. Wise decision as I realized early on that the odor was totally impregnated into the fabric and that it would be better to destroy one pair of jeans and one shirt rather than multiples. Of course one of the compounds that I was assigned to make was triethylamine... a component of decaying dead fish....

 

http://www.chemspider.com/ImagesHandler.ashx?id=8158&w=250&h=250

 

That reminds me of when I took gross anatomy. We had a huge dead lab (32 bodies) and the smell could get pretty strong, even with Vicks wiped under your nose. We all wore scrubs and set them on fire at the end of the semester.

[Rudynate]

I know that having your own tailored tuxedo that you really do only wear after 6PM to the opera, to the Black and White Ball and to events at the Bohemian Club is a far cry from the rental outfits seen at daytime weddings and proms and the uniforms in the hospitality industry, but it seems that tuxedos have become so pedestrian that a great suit, with the right accompaniments and accessories, is the ultimate in refinement.

[Rudynate]

That reminds me of when I took gross anatomy. We had a huge dead lab (32 bodies) and the smell could get pretty strong, even with Vicks wiped under your nose. We all wore scrubs and set them on fire at the end of the semester.

 

I did an independent study for organic chemistry. My project involved some tricky biochemical analysis that involved special techniques. Water for solutions had to doubly-distilled and de-ionized and my glassware, before I used it, had to be cleaned with cleaning acid and then washed with the doubly-distilled, deionized water. I also couldn't handle the glassware with bare hands, had to use gloves.

 

The cleaning acid was so strong that a single drop of it on a garment ruined it. I learned quickly to wear a lab coat and to use one set of clothes when working in the organic lab.

[geoffk]

i find that several of the guests at any wedding do not dress up at all. This sounds like an attempt to tell people to dress up a bit and refrain from wearing sneakers , jeans and casual clothes.

[whipped guy]

That reminds me of when I took gross anatomy. We had a huge dead lab (32 bodies) and the smell could get pretty strong, even with Vicks wiped under your nose. We all wore scrubs and set them on fire at the end of the semester.

As I recall we were 24 in a room with 4 each working on 6 cadavers. For head and neck anatomy we were 16 in a room with two each sharing what we jokingly referenced as brain on the half shell... that is a decapitated cadaver head that was sliced in half with a power saw.

 

Now enough of this hijack, but I had to get the "brain on the half shell" comment in!

[gallahadesquire]

Wear whatever the hell you want. If it pisses them off, they're not worth having as friends.

 

That's just not social. if you don't want to wear what they've indicated, don't go. This isn't a '70's protest.

[JayCeeKy]

You could go out and splurge on a nice cocktail dress.

 

If you insist on a cocktail dress remember: Nothing skimpy, see-through, bare-backed, or plunging necklines or anything that attracts attention to you and away from the bride!

[OneFinger]

Really appreciate all your responses and suggestions. Apparently, I wasn't the only one confused by the "semi-formal" reference and another relative asked for clarification on our family Facebook page. They responded with a picture of a man in a suit (no sport coat) and a link to a website that confirmed the same.

 

Personally, I'd love to shop at a thrift store or consignment shop. But, considering the jacket has to be a 46 extra long and I have a 38" inseam, I'm not too hopefully of finding anything. My one and only suit is in my Utah home and I won't have a chance to get it altered until my next trip in June. (We leave for the wedding on 02 July.) So that looks like my "best" option. I am going to my Oregon home next weekend and I know a couple of stores there that usually carry my size. Plan to check those out to see if I can find a good deal.

 

Thanks again for your suggestions.

[Bearofdistinction]

Is your cockring considered formal or semi formal?

 

Black Jock - Black NEOPRENE Harness - Black Boots with Yellow Laces and the Cockring of your choice == TADA!

[LADoug1]

Wear whatever the hell you want. If it pisses them off, they're not worth having as friends.

 

At my last wedding I knew a suit was appropriate but didn't have one. I couldn't afford a new suit so I dressed cocktail and got more than a few stares despite the fact I looked very nice. I felt conspicuously underdressed. The stares were rude. Still under the same circumstances I'd probably do it again. It's better than declining to go. It's about the bride and groom and not my attire.

[Rudynate]

At my last wedding I knew a suit was appropriate but didn't have one. I couldn't afford a new suit so I dressed cocktail and got more than a few stares despite the fact I looked very nice. I felt conspicuously underdressed. The stares were rude. Still under the same circumstances I'd probably do it again. It's better than declining to go. It's about the bride and groom and not my attire.

 

Did they really stare, or did you just feel conspicuous? Why would anyone care that much?