Straight Male "bud-sex"

[+ bigjoey]

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/12/why-straight-rural-men-have-gay-bud-sex-with-each-other.html

 

Who knew?

[jawjateck]

The country boys have heard about that city boy joy and want a piece (of ass) for themselves.

[bostonman]

Two of my students just sang this song for a cabaret presentation - it came to mind for obvious reasons. (This is NOT them on the video - Drew Gasparini is a composer in NYC and Andrew Kober is a Broadway actor - and both of them, yes, are straight.)

 

[+ Gar1eth]

Omigosh-I'm straight after all!!!

 

 

Gman

[+ WmClarke]

Fascinating.

[BasketBaller]

Interesting. When I used to meet guys from craigslist, usually travelling businessmen, they were nearly all married and identified not as bi but straight. But out of town in a hotel, they had sex with men. �

[AdamSmith]

I can report this is hardly a surprise to any male who has spent any time at all around the farms of very conservative eastern N.C.

[+ Gar1eth]

Fascinating.

On a side note-what a nice picture of you and Andrew.

 

Gman

[+ WmClarke]

On a side note-what a nice picture of you and Andrew.

 

Gman

Thanks! He is so photogenic, I couldn't resist.

[LivingnLA]

This is how I grew up. In rural America, it's no big deal to let a guy suck you off. It's the old West or Machismo cultural model. And as such it is impacted by changing cultural norms. Western straight millennials are even more flexible in their sexual activity than other generations thanks to cultural liberalization and a more solid understanding of gender and sexual identities and how they're independent though related to sexual activity.

 

I've talked about this stuff here before and usually get caustic remarks about how straight men can't have sex with men without actually being gay. I'm sorry, but the science and research doesn't support that opinion. Sexual orientation and sexual activity are not exclusionary. It's entirely possible and happens everyday that a straight identified and oriented man can engage in homosexual activity without it changing his orientation or identification. Human sexuality and self-conception are fiendishly complex areas of study.

 

What I really like about this article is the line it draws between rural and urban. I've noticed these subtle differences over the years and I chalked them up to generational shifts, but there's sound logic in considering it from the sociocultural contexts. Definitely a paper I'll have to read.

[bigvalboy]

I can report this is hardly a surprise to any male who has spent any time at all around the farms of very conservative eastern N.C.

 

Or ANY straight bar in LA or 'anywhere USA'...

[+ sync]

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."

[+ Funguy]

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."

 

A rose-BUD by any other name would taste as sweet"

[bostonman]

This is how I grew up. In rural America, it's no big deal to let a guy suck you off. It's the old West or Machismo cultural model.

 

I've talked about this stuff here before and usually get caustic remarks about how straight men can't have sex with men without actually being gay. I'm sorry, but the science and research doesn't support that opinion. Sexual orientation and sexual activity are not exclusionary. It's entirely possible and happens everyday that a straight identified and oriented man can engage in homosexual activity without it changing his orientation or identification. Human sexuality and self-conception are fiendishly complex areas of study.

 

I think it's human nature to want to label everything - and I agree that sometimes that can be detrimental.

 

Of the straight/married guys I have fooled around with, most don't seem all that hung up with what they are or aren't - they just know what they enjoy. I think one can still identify as straight yet have some fascinations with male/male sexuality. I have had more than one guy who gladly subscribes to the cliche that men (and perhaps gay men in particular) give better blow jobs than women, and I'm glad to say I've been able to confirm that for them lol. (Likewise, though I'm really not into anal sex, the few times I have most enjoyed it have ironically been with men who identify as straight or bi. I don't know that I'd categorically say that straight men know how to fuck better, but that's the experience I've had.)

 

Some, alas, are a bit more messed up about accepting their own desires - and, yeah, I understand that too, given another general human nature, which is to be ashamed of sexual desire and especially sexual "taboo." I met this cute guy online last spring - mid 20's, straight but curious. We met up, had a really nice time. He had had a few drinks beforehand, which I understood lol - it lowered his inhibitions but didn't affect his performance lol. We indulged in some erotic play that he wouldn't expect from a female partner, and he loved it. We were in touch again later, but I was a little concerned about the fact that I'd only get to play with him when he was drunk - though I understood his situation, I felt that compromised my own needs a bit, and we agreed that despite the wonderful sex, maybe we weren't the best match. The problem is, I really did want him again, lol.

 

Saturday night, I got an email from him. He was anonymously answering an ad of mine on the same site we met on before, but I knew it was him from his email screenname - and I find it hard to believe he didn't know it was me (but he didn't say so in his email). I at first answered back not letting on that I knew it was him. No response. I later emailed back as myself, suggesting that maybe we could talk and see what we could work out together, and that I was into meeting up. No response. I sent one more message yesterday saying I was open. Haven't heard back. Seems to me that he's still wrestling with his urges. A shame. I expect that one drunk night he'll email me again to see if I want to meet up...and I really don't know if I'll have the common sense to say "get lost."

[LivingnLA]

I think it's human nature to want to label everything - and I agree that sometimes that can be detrimental.

 

Of the straight/married guys I have fooled around with, most don't seem all that hung up with what they are or aren't - they just know what they enjoy. I think one can still identify as straight yet have some fascinations with male/male sexuality. I have had more than one guy who gladly subscribes to the cliche that men (and perhaps gay men in particular) give better blow jobs than women, and I'm glad to say I've been able to confirm that for them lol. (Likewise, though I'm really not into anal sex, the few times I have most enjoyed it have ironically been with men who identify as straight or bi. I don't know that I'd categorically say that straight men know how to fuck better, but that's the experience I've had.)

 

Some, alas, are a bit more messed up about accepting their own desires - and, yeah, I understand that too, given another general human nature, which is to be ashamed of sexual desire and especially sexual "taboo." I met this cute guy online last spring - mid 20's, straight but curious. We met up, had a really nice time. He had had a few drinks beforehand, which I understood lol - it lowered his inhibitions but didn't affect his performance lol. We indulged in some erotic play that he wouldn't expect from a female partner, and he loved it. We were in touch again later, but I was a little concerned about the fact that I'd only get to play with him when he was drunk - though I understood his situation, I felt that compromised my own needs a bit, and we agreed that despite the wonderful sex, maybe we weren't the best match. The problem is, I really did want him again, lol.

 

Saturday night, I got an email from him. He was anonymously answering an ad of mine on the same site we met on before, but I knew it was him from his email screenname - and I find it hard to believe he didn't know it was me (but he didn't say so in his email). I at first answered back not letting on that I knew it was him. No response. I later emailed back as myself, suggesting that maybe we could talk and see what we could work out together, and that I was into meeting up. No response. I sent one more message yesterday saying I was open. Haven't heard back. Seems to me that he's still wrestling with his urges. A shame. I expect that one drunk night he'll email me again to see if I want to meet up...and I really don't know if I'll have the common sense to say "get lost."

 

Well said, except for the shame part. That's purely cultural. Humans are not ashamed of their bodies or various physical activities naturally. Shame is purely a cultural construct and we know this because some human societies do not even had a word or concept for shame.

[bostonman]

Well said, except for the shame part. That's purely cultural. Humans are not ashamed of their bodies or various physical activities naturally. Shame is purely a cultural construct and we know this because some human societies do not even had a word or concept for shame.

 

I'll give you that. Though certainly if we're talking about America, I think sexual shame is part of our culture for sure.

[BasketBaller]

I think it's human nature to want to label everything - and I agree that sometimes that can be detrimental.

 

Of the straight/married guys I have fooled around with, most don't seem all that hung up with what they are or aren't - they just know what they enjoy. I think one can still identify as straight yet have some fascinations with male/male sexuality. I have had more than one guy who gladly subscribes to the cliche that men (and perhaps gay men in particular) give better blow jobs than women, and I'm glad to say I've been able to confirm that for them lol. (Likewise, though I'm really not into anal sex, the few times I have most enjoyed it have ironically been with men who identify as straight or bi. I don't know that I'd categorically say that straight men know how to fuck better, but that's the experience I've had.)

 

Some, alas, are a bit more messed up about accepting their own desires - and, yeah, I understand that too, given another general human nature, which is to be ashamed of sexual desire and especially sexual "taboo." I met this cute guy online last spring - mid 20's, straight but curious. We met up, had a really nice time. He had had a few drinks beforehand, which I understood lol - it lowered his inhibitions but didn't affect his performance lol. We indulged in some erotic play that he wouldn't expect from a female partner, and he loved it. We were in touch again later, but I was a little concerned about the fact that I'd only get to play with him when he was drunk - though I understood his situation, I felt that compromised my own needs a bit, and we agreed that despite the wonderful sex, maybe we weren't the best match. The problem is, I really did want him again, lol.

 

Saturday night, I got an email from him. He was anonymously answering an ad of mine on the same site we met on before, but I knew it was him from his email screenname - and I find it hard to believe he didn't know it was me (but he didn't say so in his email). I at first answered back not letting on that I knew it was him. No response. I later emailed back as myself, suggesting that maybe we could talk and see what we could work out together, and that I was into meeting up. No response. I sent one more message yesterday saying I was open. Haven't heard back. Seems to me that he's still wrestling with his urges. A shame. I expect that one drunk night he'll email me again to see if I want to meet up...and I really don't know if I'll have the common sense to say "get lost."

One of thr reasons I am so fascinated by this is the fact that my own experience and behavior was so very different. I was a young man who feverishly denied any interest in sex with men for years, and can't imagine I would ever have considered it until much later. Even after acknowledging the interest it was years before I acted on it, and that was with an escort, just to "try it" and get it out of my system. That guys out there are able to act on urges without getting screwed up by what it means somehow makes me happy, even though I wasn't one of therm.

[LivingnLA]

One of thr reasons I am so fascinated by this is the fact that my own experience and behavior was so very different. I was a young man who feverishly denied any interest in sex with men for years, and can't imagine I would ever have considered it until much later. Even after acknowledging the interest it was years before I acted on it, and that was with an escort, just to "try it" and get it out of my system. That guys out there are able to act on urges without getting screwed up by what it means somehow makes me happy, even though I wasn't one of therm.

 

Yes, human sexuality and identity are fascinating fields. People are fairly adaptable within their biological, cultural, and environmental boundaries.

[bostonman]

Even for those of us who do identify as gay, I think the coming out process can be very complicated. I came out publicly at the start of my senior year in high school, after having a heart-to-heart with myself the previous summer, finally ready to admit I was gay - or at least primarily into men. (I did in fact date a few women through my college years, but knew even then it wasn't my real preference.) But even before that summer that I turned 17, I had already had my share of gay experiences - some "experimenting" with neighborhood boys in my early teens, and my truly eye-opening experiences with tearoom sex when I was 16 (a habit I continued into my college days and then stopped). I at least grew up with liberal parents in a fairly liberal community, and I think it all happened for me at the right time in terms of gay visibility (born in 1964, by the time I was coming out, the idea of "gay pride" in a post-Stonewall world was finding more and more acceptance - I still remember how exhilarating it felt to attend the gay pride rally/march the summer after I graduated high school, already the member of a local gay youth group as well). Had I been born a generation earlier, I wonder if I would have been nearly as self-accepting, let alone out to my friends and family.

 

And sometimes, straight guys try things and then go back to a straight life. I had a college friend named Jim that I fooled around with a few times - he identified as straight but I know at least one other guy (a friend of mine also, named Jeff) he experimented with as well. Some years later, I was invited to Jim's wedding - to find that Jeff was the best man. I remember Jeff and I laughing at one point over the idea that we know things about the groom that we bet his bride doesn't, lol. Jim is still married, with 2 kids. I haven't been in touch with him, but I do wonder if he still has any secret feelings for men as well.

 

Or - when I was a college freshman, I sometimes hung out with another classmate from my high school who went to the same college. (Just as friends, not sexually.) I remember one night him telling me that his friend Glen, one of the jocks in our high school senior class, was coming out. I couldn't believe it - he never seemed the type, lol. And though I was tempted to want to find things out for myself, I never thought Glen would go for me anyway, so I never even bothered. (I did have this fantasy of trying to ask him out when we were home over winter break, lol...but I just didn't have the guts. We weren't that close in high school anyway.) Years later, recently, I looked him up on facebook, just to see what he might be like now - he's married (to a woman) and has kids too. Either the "gay phase" didn't last too long, or somehow he just met the woman he wanted and found himself back in straight life. And though I don't think that my college friend was pulling my leg about Glen, I do tend to wonder how "gay" Glen ever was.

 

But, I do think there are plenty of Jims and Glens out there - guys who don't want to identify as gay (or who really do like women and the "straight lifestyle" much more) but who might find that there's an allure to male/male sexual bonding from time to time, however they choose to deal with it. To quote Seinfeld, "not that there's anything wrong with that"...

[+ Gar1eth]

This is how I grew up. In rural America, it's no big deal to let a guy suck you off. It's the old West or Machismo cultural model. And as such it is impacted by changing cultural norms. Western straight millennials are even more flexible in their sexual activity than other generations thanks to cultural liberalization and a more solid understanding of gender and sexual identities and how they're independent though related to sexual activity.

 

I've talked about this stuff here before and usually get caustic remarks about how straight men can't have sex with men without actually being gay. I'm sorry, but the science and research doesn't support that opinion. Sexual orientation and sexual activity are not exclusionary. It's entirely possible and happens everyday that a straight identified and oriented man can engage in homosexual activity without it changing his orientation or identification. Human sexuality and self-conception are fiendishly complex areas of study.

 

What I really like about this article is the line it draws between rural and urban. I've noticed these subtle differences over the years and I chalked them up to generational shifts, but there's sound logic in considering it from the sociocultural contexts. Definitely a paper I'll have to read.

 

I'm willing to believe there is a spectrum for some (some being the operative word-some but not me-I can't ever remember being sexually attracted to the fairer sex even though it was a consummation I devoutly wished for). Sexuality is probably too complex for a simple gay/straight dichotomy to describe everyone. But many of the men in that article sound bi-at the very least-even if they don't want to admit it.

 

My earlier comment was obviously tongue-in-cheek. How many times on the Forum have 'multitudes of us' all acknowledging we are gay but freely admit that in escorts, playmates, and partners we want non-effeminate guys?

 

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/z8viri/the-colbert-report-sport-report---from-russia-with-love--but-no-gay-stuff----buddy-cole-in-sochi

 

 

 

 

Gman

[LivingnLA]

I'm willing to believe there is a spectrum for some (some being the operative word-some but not me-I can't ever remember being sexually attracted to the fairer sex even though it was a consummation I devoutly wished for). Sexuality is probably too complex for a simple gay/straight dichotomy to describe everyone. But many of the men in that article sound bi-at the very least-even if they don't want to admit it.

 

My earlier comment was obviously tongue-in-cheek. How many times on the Forum have 'multitudes of us' all acknowledging we are gay but freely admit that in escorts, playmates, and partners we want non-effeminate guys?

 

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/z8viri/the-colbert-report-sport-report---from-russia-with-love--but-no-gay-stuff----buddy-cole-in-sochi

 

 

 

 

Gman

 

Yes indeed.

[bostonman]

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/z8vir...love--but-no-gay-stuff----buddy-cole-in-sochi

 

Ah - the great Scott Thompson. LOVE those Kids In The Hall...

[+ sniper]

That guys out there are able to act on urges without getting screwed up by what it means somehow makes me happy, even though I wasn't one of therm.

 

I have to disagree. I have beef with those guys because they're most often the ones holding back our freedoms. Have their cake and eat it too, and screw the people who actually are gay seems to be their M.O. all too often. It's an "I got mine" attitude that I take exception to.

[Rudynate]

Interesting. When I used to meet guys from craigslist, usually travelling businessmen, they were nearly all married and identified not as bi but straight. But out of town in a hotel, they had sex with men. �

 

As a young man, I used to like to chase those guys. They could be found hanging out in the bar at nice hotels.

[+ purplekow]

When someone is performing oral sex on me, I close my eyes and they are whoever I want them to be. I imagine those farm boys do the same. Those who want the person they see when they close their eyes to be a woman, are more than likely straight and the ones who see a man are more than likely gay but at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter who is doing the job, just that the job gets done.