Frightening Experience... Advice Requested Please...

[Boston Guy]

His behavior was outrageous.

 

Your true risk is impossible to determine. You don't know for sure how long he was barebacking and you don't know for sure if there was any exchange of fluids. One thing you do know for sure, though, is that you sure as hell cannot trust this guy. I wouldn't believe a thing he told me.

 

At a minimum, talk to your doctor or local gay clinic and ask what they recommend. Do not rely on advice from this Message Center to determine what actions you should take to protect your health. HIV is nothing to fool around with.

 

1. If this guy is an escort, you really should name names here and spell out exactly who he is. Then you should write a review for the people who don't look at the Message Center.

 

2. If, God forbid, you test positive, you should report him to the authorities. In many jurisdictions, having unprotected sex while HIV+ can be a felony -- especially without telling one's partner or against the partner's explicit instructions. In fact, if I were you, I'd be toying with talking to the cops anyway. If he did this to you, he'll do it again to other guys.

 

Sorry you're going through this. And, anticipating responses to my post: No, I'm not overreacting.

 

BG

[Barry]

I'm not sure anyone here is qualified to give you medical advice and therefore I think that's exactly what you should seek out....medical advice. I don't know where you live but find an HIV hotline or clinic or infectious disease specialist with HIV experience. If PEP is the appropriate route it should be started within 72 hours of exposure.

 

Just some thoughts...

 

He asked to bareback (seemingly more than once) and you said NO! He did it anyway. Based on that alone I wouldn't trust one thing he says about testing and clean and whatever else. For someone who only "occasionally" barebacks, it sure seems that he was emphasizing his desire to do so and then went ahead and did it covertly against your will.

 

The short period, minimal precum and no ejaculation are all good things BUT the risk is still not ZERO. As far as rectal trauma, even in the absence of frank blood there is always trauma during fucking. Micro-tears don't show.

 

It is totally a personal decision whether or not to seek out and start PEP treatment. This is something you have to decide after consult with a medical professional knowledgable in HIV. Just so you know, PEP is 4 weeks of treatment, expensive and the side effects can be quite severe.

 

I hope this helps some but most importantly...find and talk to a medical professional with the appropriate knowledge. It's Sunday and I know that sucks.

 

Barry

[guptasa1]

Ughhh. Alright. Some responses.

 

I'm not going to call the police. As to the rest, I really need to give that some more thought. This is a huge dilemma for me.

 

I will say I truly know it it wasn't unprotected very long. Remember, I did feel things change and he asked me that right afterwards, so it really was around the two-minute mark. I *know* he started with a condom because I made sure of that. I did wonder why things felt a little different when they did, but just figured he adjusted angle or something - I don't know how he managed to slip it off without me noticing, but he did.

 

As to the medical professional advice, sooo much easier said than done. I've called about 5 different places with not much luck.

 

CDC was two of those calls, and I feel like I know more about HIV than they do quite frankly, which is scary. Plus, the responses I get are pretty curt and not-too-friendly, which doesn't help things.

 

The answers I get regarding PEP also vary. Most of the answers seem to indicate only occupational exposures (needle pricks, etc.) can get it, and it has to be done within 2 hours. I have gotten a few responses as to the within-72 hour PEP, and most say to talk to my doctor.

 

I'm in a really small (conservative) town. I called the hospital and they talked to me like I was crazy - said they couldn't help me. I really don't want to go to my doctor as I don't think he likes me to begin with, it's a Sunday, and I have the feeling he wouldn't be much help either... (I really need to find a new, friendlier doctor.)

 

I *could* call the Family Health Council tomorrow (which would be 48 hours but still within the 72 hour mark). I don't know if they could help me either, but they are nice and specialize in STD's.

 

I have a feeling around this area, getting PEP would be close-to-impossible anyways... And from listening to the side effects, I'm not sure it's worth it. I think my risk is still probably pretty low, but yes...it's unfortunately still there.

 

I shouldn't probably be as much of a mess I am right now.

[bigguyinpasadena]

Guptasa-you have a car right?Stop making excuses and go into the nearest"big"city(it does not have to be a major metro area)and get the PEP if needed(maybe they have a free clinic?)

2 by not being willing to report this guy you are giving him license to proceed with potentially harmful behavior.Check the laws of your state-he might be guilty of a crime,or(g-d forbid)if you come up positive he could be sued for damages or charged with a very serious crime.

DO IT-it is your life at stake here.

Stop playing "the victim" and take charge of your life.

Best of luck with this.

Ps.If this was an internet hookup save your emails-might be helpful.

[guptasa1]

I am checking into PEP. I can't figure out where it's offered or I would go now. It's easier said than done. (And I choose to respond only to this at this time.)

[guptasa1]

This is the last thing I want to do, but I feel it's my obligation to submit a review and point this out. I feel AWFUL doing this as I don't harbor any malice towards him, and for all I know, it was just an honest bad call/impulse on his part, but this is nothing to mess with... Having to worry 3 months about this is not going to be a picnic, and I want to prevent others from having to go through this.

 

The escort is Chad Phoenix of NC. He seems otherwise like an okay guy, but this incident ruined the whole experience for me.

[mattgunther]

I am a physician and have a friend who was in a similar situation. My friend was in a large city and immediately went to the ER of a local downtown hospital where he got a PEP and a prescription. He had to take PEP for a month and they made him tired and nauseous.

But he thought it was worth it (he's tested negative). There really is not any good data on how high your risk is. But it is known that getting fucked is the second highest risk activity (the first would be sharing needles). In addition, just because he did not come does not mean you're safe. Lots of people put out a lot of precum. If it were me I would immediately get PEP. The longer you wait the less effective it will be. If you need to drive to a big city hospital its worth doing so. On the other hand I would not get to depressed about this. If you do test positive, the new medications can keep you healthy for a long time.

[Guest ReturnOfS]

What is PEP?

[nate_sf]

>Guptasa-you have a car right?Stop making excuses and go into

>the nearest"big"city(it does not have to be a major metro

>area)and get the PEP if needed(maybe they have a free

>clinic?)

 

I agree with this. It's Sunday, hopefully you don't have to work today and the weather's not too bad, so spend the time to go to the nearest major city and find a clinic that specializes in gay men's sexual health. Google the name of the city and some key words until you find a clinic. A lot of these specialized clinics offer free counseling and treatment, and many are open on Sundays since that's when people are available to make the visit. You're in Pennsylvania, right? You will probably need to go to Pittsburgh or Philly, and I'm not sure how far those are from you, but they may be the only options for finding informed and non-judgemental advice for what you should do next. If you can't find anything on the internet, go to a bar or cafe and pick up a gay newspaper -- there are usually referrals for clinics. I've found these types of clinics are way much better at dealing with these kinds of things than most GP's.

 

As others have mentioned it's pretty difficult to determine degree of risk, and at this point you should stop fretting about it and just focus on finding some counseling and possibly treatment. The risk is probably slight but real nonetheless, but going over and over in your head about it will only make you crazy, so try to focus on a simple goal of getting accurate, useful information.

 

Also as others have mentioned, you should at some point expose this guy on the site since what he did is totally unacceptable and others should be warned, but first things first try to get the help YOU need now and deal with a review or whatever later on. And don't blame yourself for this... you did everything you should have done to stay safe, but you got taken advantage of by a really unethical asshole.

[guyinsf]

Post Exposure Prophylaxis (sp?). Basically HIV meds given immediately following possible exposure to HIV in an attempt to prevent the virus from actually infecting the patient.

 

>What is PEP?

[guptasa1]

I'm at least four hours from Pittsburgh. I think my risk is low, and I just can't bring myself to go there. There's a great clinic here, but it's closed on Sundays. I'll call tomorrow and see what they think. Best I can do unless I went to the ER here and tried in person.

 

I did submit a review and mentioned this person above. I hate it...absolutely hate it...but I did it... I don't want to harm anyone. =o(

[Guest timgetrum]

Contact Chat Phoenix and see if he will go with you immediately to be tested. Get the results together. Even if you start the PEP, you could cease following negative testing.

[guptasa1]

Testing now would do no good. HIV antibodies don't show up right away. Window period is 3-6 months. (Most consider 13 weeks to be conclusive). He said he had tested negative last week and he tests every two months - if that's true, his testing is taken care of.

[bigguyinpasadena]

Guptasa,you have ALWAYS come across as a really sweet boy who is in the proces of becoming fabulous!

You have a rare opertunity here-many guys never now when they have been exposed do a potential risk of HIV.

Yes there are meds that"help"with the opertunistic diseases which plague HIV pos folks.But I think most if not all persons living with HIV would jump at a chance to nip it in the bud.

PLEASE seek GOOD profesional advice.I know you have traveled more than four hours for dick-WTF- does driving 4 hours to seek help that might save your life seem less important?Of course not.

Thanks for naming the name,now take care of yourself.YOU ARE WORTH IT!

[woodlawn]

>This is the last thing I want to do, but I feel it's my

>obligation to submit a review and point this out. I feel

>AWFUL doing this as I don't harbor any malice towards him, and

>for all I know, it was just an honest bad call/impulse on his

>part,

 

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. But I find it hard to understand the attitude that prompts you to write the passage above. An "honest bad call"? You are speaking of someone who deliberately deceived you into barebacking after you specifically told him you would have none of it. What would an escort have to do to get you to write a bad review without reluctance, set fire to your house?

 

I know nothing of the escort in question, and I suppose it's possible that he is so stupid that he really believes there is no risk in barebacking someone if he has tested negative in the recent past. Whatever he believes, there is no way to excuse his decision to deceive a client into doing something the client clearly refused. I'm glad you did the right thing by submitting a review. If Hooboy cares about the welfare of the people who consult this site, he will forget about the usual procedures and publish it at once.

[HooBoy]

Big Guy is right.

 

Ultimately in life, all you have is your health. Go wherever you have to go, but get tested. And go again in six months.

 

My non-professional guess and my personal hope is you did not contract anything and <as your mom would say> let this be a lesson to you, young man.

 

I hope since your most recent recant "well, maybe I knew" there is nothing more you are hiding from your Message Center Dear Abby's, like, well, it was our third time to bareback.

 

Bottom line, get checked.

 

I think I can safely say all but one here wishes you well!

 

I wish you the very best.

 

HooBoy

[+ Charlie]

I have no better advice to offer than that already given, just sympathy that you were taken advantage of by a slimeball (he didn't want YOU to have a more satisfying experience--he wanted HIMSELF to enjoy fucking you, and he did it in both senses of the word).

[Luv2play]

Guptasa, I'm sorry to hear of your dilemma. I hope you can resolve it without adverse consequences.

 

One question I have is how you originally got in contact with this escort as you indicate he is from NC and you live in a small town in Pennsylvania. Did you find him on this site? I don't see any such escort listed in NC. Was he listed on a site such as Rentboy? Some of the escorts listed on these sites indicate they bareback or use codewords such as "totally uninhibited" to get across the same message. When you consult such sites, you need to identify these characters so you know what you are dealing with in advance.

 

A review from you will be helpful as many people who visit this site never look at this message center.

 

Good luck!

[Boston Guy]

Chad Phoenix is listed on American Male Escorts. He's listed under Raleigh-Durham in North Carolina. He also shows up fairly regularly in the list of new and updated escort listings on the same site.

 

BG

[Guest YR]

Listed on this site as Ashton Lakes in the North Carolina section.

[Guest arbee]

Guptasa1

 

STOP! Enough circumspection. Get out from behind your computer and see some healh care professional now. No excuses are reasonable.

 

You have no idea of his HIV status, you do not know if your rectal membranes were traumatized... you are playing Russian roulette.

 

Although the risk of acquiring (a life-threateing) infection *may* be small it is NOT zero... and shit happens.

 

Your psychological trauma notwithstanding, you can't be immobilized by it. You really need to act. Why wait till things are right "down to the wire?"

 

A month of nausea and weakness, etc., is nothing to look forward to but is prefereable to PCP, KS, etc.

 

As a practicing physician, I see people who wait, who make excuses for not seeking care... sometimes the consequent damage cannot be undone.

 

PLEASE!

[Guest ncm2169]

< Listed on this site as Ashton Lakes in the North Carolina section.

 

Exactly. Hopefully, when the Review is published it will be consolidated under an "Ashton Lakes aka Chad Phoenix" headline. x(

 

Frankly, I saw the "Chad Phoenix new listing" on American Male a while ago, and I wondered why he was (a) changing his name or (b) adopting an additional persona. Hopefully it has nothing to with the behavior reported here. :*

[mattgunther]

Just to make sure my advise is clear: I would go to an emergency room and ask for PEP immediately. In all the hospital I've worked in the rule is that after a possible exposure you get PEP. This is true even though the risk of getting HIV from a needle stick (the most common way people are put at risk in a hospital) is about 1 in 200.

 

Thanks for posting. I thought Chad Phoneix/Ashton was really hot and have been tempted to hire him. Your post may have save my life.

[Guest timgetrum]

You are correct that the antiboidies do not show up right away, but many become positive in three weeks or shortly thereafter. In this narrow "window" of negativity before conversion the risk from sexual exposure is diminished. There is no 100% guarantee, but should he test negative now, the odds go way, way down. I would not trust a negative report unless I saw myself. With your state of mind, I would consider seeing if he would get tested with your looking over his shoulder. Good luck.

[guptasa1]

A few replies all.

 

First of all, I stopped by the local ER tonight. The nurse was kind enough to talk to the doctor for me. She said my risk was indeed very low, but said that the doctor could, if necessary, prescribe PEP. They recommended I wait and go to the clinic tomorrow instead (both for me to gather information and financial considerations). I hope it wasn't a mistake, but that's what I agreed to. I'll still get there by the 44 hour mark or so tomorrow... From the sounds of it, though, they usually prescribe it only in sure-fire scenarios.

 

In answer to Woodlawn, I don't get angry at people most of the time, and I honestly don't harbor much malice. I'm just odd like that...

 

Hooboy, I'm a bit lost as to what you're saying? I knew only after he told me, but the pieces kinda fit together at that point (it made sense; but I probably wouldn't have realized it otherwise).