Question for Clients: Does this get any easier?

[Reluctant Daddy]

I booked an appointment for tomorrow, and am having a major anxiety attack about it and all the possible negative things that may happen (I am not a Pollyanna by any stretch). This happened the first time I hired, but I followed through. The second time I tried to book with my first hire, I went through the same thing and put him off. I can't seem to relax and I'm afraid that I'm going to be a basket case if I follow through. Did anyone else go through this? What did you do to quell the anxiety? Does this ever stop?

[MikeyGMin]

Yes, it most definitely gets easier after a few hires. You have to put things in perspective though. This is not life and death. No one is about to bleed out on an operating table. It's just a romp in bed.

 

I am always a little nervous when meeting a new guy. But I actually enjoy that anticipation.

 

What are all these negative things you are worrying about?

[+ poolboy48220]

I never experienced that kind of anxiety even when I started back in the mid-80's, but it does become easier. Bear in mind that there's not MUCH negative that can happen (at least in my experience) beyond your not clicking with the escort or not having a mind-blowing experience. I've had more than a few experiences that I'd never repeat again but I've had enough that I'm eager to repeat that it hasn't deterred me. Experience teaches you.

[+ Keith30309]

Agree with Mikey & PB - It does get easier. Part of the enjoyment, for me, is the anticipation and excitement of walking into the new and unknown. I don't take foolish risks, but do enjoy a little adrenalin rush sometimes.

Perhaps mentally playing out in your mind the ideal encounter that you desire and visualizing the positive feelings you will have afterward will make things easier.

If your first meeting goes well then perhaps book a second with the same person; meeting someone a second time is much easier than the first and it may help ease anxiety about the process for future meetings with different guys.

[+ sync]

It does become a more comfortable and enjoyable experience as you gain more confidence in yourself. You may find it helpful to confide your anxieties/insecurities with the gentleman. Most experienced providers have heard it all and are able to compensate toward a very enjoyable meet. Just go for it.

[Reluctant Daddy]

What are all these negative things you are worrying about?

 

Performance issues, body issues, not clicking on a major scale, aggravated assault (thanks for that brainworm Mike Gaite), sting operation......

 

I just got an email from him asking if we were still on, and I'm not sure if a should address those issues or not. I don't want to be that 500 emails guy.

[mattr]

The things you mention are real issues and can be mitigated by doing your research and only hiring those guys who are well reviewed (this will eliminate the worry about a sting operation, and aggravated assault issues). If you don't click, what is the worst that will happen, a couple of hours with a hot guy that is OK but doesn't send you into orbit? Not a big downside in my book.

 

My question for you is, do you have this level of anxiety in other parts of your life? If so, perhaps you should speak to a physician. Almost 3 years ago I began suffering from anxiety (panic attacks, etc.) and always focused on what bad things could happen without really assessing the likelihood that they would happen or the outcome if they did happen. My doctor put me on Xanax which helped get my thinking under control. I then changed jobs to remove myself from a toxic environment, learned to recognize when my anxiety was elevating and developed techniques to talk myself down, and improved my diet by eating a lot healthier. After lots of trial and error, I am now almost completely off medication (I still need it from time to time but I am taking 90% less than I was when I started this journey). This year I have committed to exercising more which I hope will get me off medication completely. I certainly hope you don't have the same issues I have had, but if so, don't try to live with it. Get the help you need. It will improve your life. Good luck!

[Floyd_Taylor]

Does it get easier? Was I anxious for my first hire? Let's see, I arrived at the hotel where we were going to meet about 3 hours early, just to make sure I wasn't late. Petrified beyond all belief would be putting it mildly. But it went great. So great that I forgot to pay him but remembered as I walked down the hall to leave. Yeah, it gets better. A lot better. And so much easier. As was suggested, hire guys who are well reviewed. Talk with them (either by phone, email or text) just to break the ice, to get a feel for them. Let them know you're nervous (trust me they'll notice). And they'll be great at putting you at ease. And I think every guy I've ever hired with really enjoyed being with guys who were on their first hire. They took it as a responsibility and did their very best to ensure a good experience. Enjoy, relax as best you can and it will get like second nature soon enough.

[MikeyGMin]

Performance issues, body issues, not clicking on a major scale, aggravated assault (thanks for that brainworm Mike Gaite), sting operation......

 

I just got an email from him asking if we were still on, and I'm not sure if a should address those issues or not. I don't want to be that 500 emails guy.

 

Go ahead and tell him that you are very nervous, but personally, I wouldn't go into a lot of detail. Give him a chance to say some comforting words about relaxing, but I seriously doubt you want to tell him you are afraid of being assaulted or arrested. I can't ever remember hearing about a sting operation on clients. Even in Las Vegas they only harass the working guys.

 

Performance and body issues are common. You just have to keep reminding yourself that these guys see all kinds of bodies. They are professionals who have been there and done that.

 

I have actually had nerve related performance issues a couple times. Unless your single goal is to top the guy or you absolutely must get off, it doesn't have to be a big deal at all. Go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Explain that you are very nervous and then set about enjoying your companion's body. I've told more than one guy that it isn't about my orgasm. I can have an orgasm anytime I want. For me it's about the skin-on-skin with a hot dude. Assuming you would be satisfied with that kind of outcome... it ain't no big thing at all. (no pun intended)

[rvwnsd]

I was very nervous the first time I hired, but the nervousness subsided pretty quickly. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I hire someone new, but I would not call it nervousness. You might want to express your nervousness to the escort in advance of your playdate. It might help him gauge the situation and make for a more enjoyable and relaxing time.

 

Nervousness, happiness, excitement, anticipation, and so forth are all feelings. Feelings make us human. Embrace them.

[down_to_business]

The answer is, it might and it might not. It depends on the reasons for the anxiety. It depends on you. Some of the anxiety can go away with time and experience, some may not.

 

For me, in time, I was able to turn some of that nervous energy of first time meetings into some actual excitement/enjoyment. Meeting someone new is still scary, but its also like opening a Christmas present... never quite sure what I am going to get but very excited to be opening it. Sometimes I love my Christmas present. Sometimes, the act of opening my present was a greater thrill then what I was left with when I opened the package.

[+ purplekow]

I do not think you need to tell an escort you are nervous. if they have been doing this for any time at all, they will be able to tell.

If you have specific safety concerns, ask yourself why and if your concerns are idle or real. If they are real, change the circumstances.

Once you are there, I have found a nice kiss on the lips as soon as the door opens is a great ice breaker and relaxer. One one occasion, the kiss was so hot that I do not believe we ever said hello, just good bye when it was all over. Believe me, confidence is all in your head, not in your body type or dick size.

[jawjateck]

The thrill/anticipation of a first-time meeting is the reason I hire lots of newbies. I usually don't experience any preliminary excitement with a guy I have met repeatedly, so I feel like some fun is missing, even when the actual session is satisfying. The pursuit is part of the thrill. I hope you will not freeze to act, but I also hope you never numb to the thrill of meeting the next exceptional man.

 

And contrary to some of the lore, there really are many many many amazing men who make themselves available to us. Go get 'em stud!

[+ glennnn]

I have had a similar experience with anxiety as that described by mattr. It was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I am currently seeing a psychologist and trying different mood stabilizing medications searching for the right one. My understanding is that Xanax is good for occasional problems, but can become an addiction with heavy use. Are you out? If not, this might explain your anxiety regarding escorts. It was definitely an issue for me which has improved since I came out to my wife. What a relief! I concur with the others about making that appointment with an experienced, well-reviewed escort and seeing him multiple times to build your comfort level. YOU CAN DO THIS!

[curiousnomore]

It definitely gets easier. Just think of it as a first date with a hot guy that's pre-disposed to like you.

[+ Truereview]

Hey [uSER=12070]@NYClocker[/uSER] ! I think we established it may get better based on all the good advice above. I always get butterflies in my tummy before an engagement, and I know that if I allow it, it is going to grow into anxiety. When I get anxious, I stutter uncontrollably (there, that's my big secet). Anyway, below are the things I do to help me when I meet a new guy. Sometimes I do one, sometimes I do a combo. Hope some of these can help you:

 

1. I love soccer. I try to schedule my engagement later in the day - after I had a chance to play in a match/skirmish. I find the adrenaline helps me. Not sure why
   
2. If I can't get to a match, I go for a jog or a walk - I hate gyms, but maybe that could help you? Anything requiring a bit of exertion.
   
3. I always tell my guys that I can be a bit scattered or worse, so they are prepared to handle me
   
4. I never recommend drinking before a meeting, but for me, a glass of red slows my brain and gives me a tingling feeling that also allows me to relax. Just make sure you brush and do plenty of mouthwash!
   
5. Ever tried breathing exercises? I find them highly relaxing. Actually, I'm discovering yoga makes me a bit more zen.
   
6. I also do a "forum run"- unbeknownst to my forum peers (until now!), I log on specifically to read fun posts (warning, be ready to skip drama threads...no good!). Friday Funnies never fails me!
   
7. I always have a buddy who knows I'm meeting an escort. He is my failsafe. When I'm getting nervous, I call him and he just does silly things to help me.
   

I hope you find your own little formula. Got get him, tiger! - TR

[TruthBTold]

It's funny I am always nervous even if I have been with the guy before. As someone above said, it is like a date but with someone whose job it is to put you at ease and enjoy the experience. A couple of things that helped me (of course, you have to be able do them)

1) I always have at least a 2 hour session. I can't see how people get down to basics in an hour but god bless them if they can.

2) I always think to myself that I am going to like this guy so much that there is no doubt that I am want to see him again so this is just a practice session. Like every practice you do things that will be worked out for the next one.

3) If you can have a drink with the gentlemen and talk to him like a human (as noted above don't get drunk). There is a sense of intimacy you get just by talking and I think that helps with sexual closeness. But who knows.

[+ José Soplanucas]

The thrill/anticipation of a first-time meeting is the reason I hire lots of newbies. I usually don't experience any preliminary excitement with a guy I have met repeatedly, so I feel like some fun is missing, even when the actual session is satisfying. The pursuit is part of the thrill. I hope you will not freeze to act, but I also hope you never numb to the thrill of meeting the next exceptional man.

 

And contrary to some of the lore, there really are many many many amazing men who make themselves available to us. Go get 'em stud!

 

I totally agree. I've been hiring since my twenties and the anxiety has indeed gotten better, but the thrill is still there, very similar to the thrill of cruising or hunting. It is a goooooooood thrill!!!

[mattr]

I have found a phone conversation can help. I recently had, what was supposed to be, a quick "get acquainted" call with someone I have scheduled for next month. We found we had so many common interests that we ended up talking for over an hour. My only fear now is that we will spend all our time talking when we meet and not have any time to get down and dirty!

[bobchitown]

Hire a well-reviewed escort and all will be fine. Relax, meet the guy at his or your door, make "kissy-face" and take it from there.

[jimboivyo]

relax, it's just sex

[Reluctant Daddy]

I don't have anxiety in any other aspect of my life, but for some reason this whole thing makes me feel the most vulnerable. I emailed him back and expressed my nervousness. He said he understood, that he gets nervous too, and that we'll just go with the flow. Thanks all for your input and suggestions. Film at 11.

[LADoug1]

Once you are there, I have found a nice kiss on the lips as soon as the door opens is a great ice breaker and relaxer.

My best experiences always start this way.

[LADoug1]

Hire a well-reviewed escort and all will be fine. Relax, meet the guy at his or your door, make "kissy-face" and take it from there.

It really is that simple. That's what I did and had a very memorable time.

[Reluctant Daddy]

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/wtf_reaction_gif.gif

 

He was neither a stud, nor muscular. Basically a scrawny hippie with chipped teeth, and he reeked of patchouli.