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Irish69
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I re-read the original post from Irish. I remember a couple of things that hit me right away. One of which there is more of a challenge for people that are in acting or in this service profession. Not only are drugs more accessible, but they most likely have a circle of friends and routine. One other thing I did pull away from rehab and meetings is if we keep putting ourselves into places that have access, and around people that are still using...Well, you see the issue. Even the partner that wants to be straight, and their partner/spouse continues to use. Multiple scenarios. Of all the drugs out there, I believe alcohol to be the most evil, because of the accessibility.

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When I was looking up stats the other day, the one that really warmed my heart was: "If individuals remain sober for 5 years, there is a strong correlation that they will remain sober the rest of their lives." It's always those first few years!. I was in a rehab program one time that treated all addictions the same. There were two individuals that had addictions that I never ran into. One was sex addition, the other gambling. I knew there were such addictions, just never ran into people dealing with it. I was really stunned how they paralleled substance addictions. Talk about triggers: Casino's call high rollers (they also are high loser's), offer them transportation, often on private planes, and free, luxury lodging. This gentlemen brought along the title to his home and lost it.

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http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/29/6c/f0/296cf02ae93bb014f541d8e903d40011.jpg

Welcome to Monday everyone....For me, Monday has always been a new start of sorts. Not sure why, but I would often let the weekend be my destruction derby, vowing that I would start anew on Monday. So here I am, another Monday, remembering the past, grateful for the present, looking forward to the future, and reading this incredible post, sharing our lives, and in this odd sort of cyber world, supporting each. I wish you all an incredible week....

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-fitzgerald/6-things-i-learned-during-two-years-without-alcohol_b_7235048.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

 

 

6 Things I Learned During Two Years Without Alcohol

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2015-05-07-1431024693-1233639-image11-thumb.PNG

If anyone can possibly believe it, it's been a whole year since I wrote my infamous One Year Without Alcohol blog. The one that gave me internet fame, a platform to talk about my sobriety and propelled my writing career. It was the first time I outed myself as a sober person. I was terrified and relieved at the same time. Who knew that getting the crazy thoughts out of my head and into a blog would resonate with so many people? I sure didn't, but I'm glad it did. Now here I am two years sober. On May 6, 2013 I took my last drink. Since then my life has done a complete 360. I am a different person. Here is what I've learned so far.

 

1. Bad Things Still Happen

 

Although sobriety has been the best decision I've ever made, it still does not prevent ALL bad things from happening. Don't get me wrong, it has definitely prevented a lot of bad things from happening, but life still goes on around me. Although I don't lose my purse anymore, get in fights or hurt myself while drunk, I still hurt myself playing soccer, I still lose friendships and things still don't always go my way. Life will never be perfect and even when I've had the best of intentions and tried my hardest, some situations still haven't worked out in my favor. Even in sobriety I still make mistakes, but the beauty is I have the awareness to reflect on them, learn from them and grow.

 

2. I Can't Fix Anyone

 

There is a saying I've heard in the last year of my sobriety that goes, "Once you start getting better, you realize how sick everyone around you is." In the first year of my sobriety I was just enjoying living sober and I think this year I've really dedicated time to improving myself as a person. It has shown me how true this saying actually is. Everyone is sick, not just alcoholics. Most people are in denial about something or have character defects that are running rampant. As much as I want to spread the message and I do, it's a hard pill to swallow knowing I can't fix anyone. There have been many friends, family and blog readers who have crossed my path. Some reach out for help and some don't, but desperately need it. I'm learning that I can't cross that line and tell people what to do. Even if they ask, the best I can do is share my experience, what worked for me, and hope that one day they'll finally be ready to change their lives. The hardest thing is watching people you care about suffer and being able to do nothing.

 

3. My Alcohol Issues Are A Gift

 

In my first year of sobriety, I always thought to myself, who are these people who are grateful to be alcoholics?! That is crazy talk. I accepted I had a problem, but damnit, I still wished I could drink like a normal person. This second year of sobriety has finally taught me what they're talking about. My struggle has truly made me who I am. If I didn't have alcohol problems, I might have never known the beauty of this life. I might be sitting in an office somewhere, hating life and cursing every single thing that happens to me. Today I am overcome with gratitude every morning I wake up, just to be alive. I am truly present in every moment and I've got tools to deal with the ups and downs of life; tools that some people will never have in their lifetime. This unique lens of the world was only given to me through overcoming my struggle with alcohol.

 

4. Not Everybody Is Going To Like Me And That's OK

 

This was a funny shift. Last year in my soberversary blog I talked about when actively drinking, I didn't give a crap about what people thought about me. I thought I was the shit and I could care less what people said. Getting sober gave me the opposite feeling. I was timid and my self esteem was shot. I wanted to be liked and I didn't have the crutch of alcohol to help me not care about that. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me immensely with dealing with these issues. Just like with life, every relationship you have with another human being is not going to be perfect. Some people will dislike you no matter what you say or do. Bridging the gap between being nice to people in order for them to like you, and staying true to who you are is tough sometimes. I've learned a good lesson about this in the last few months. Not everyone is going to like me and they don't have to. In fact, in some cases their opinion should hold no weight over me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but as long as I know I am a good person and I'm doing the right thing, their opinion does not affect my serenity.

 

5. It's Not All About Me

 

I know this is also a big one for everyone who gets sober. The world does not revolve around me! Huge ego blow! When I was drinking and doing drugs, I thought everyone was out to get me. I thought the world conspired against me to make my life horrible. I took everything personal. Even during my first year of sobriety, I was constantly in a state of anxiety. I was always wondering if this person liked me; did I do something to piss that person off? Are they writing about me? Are they talking about me? Do they know if I'm sober? This year I finally learned it's not all about me. Life happens and we all have to deal with the hand we've been dealt, not to mention I was responsible for the majority of circumstances that contributed to my horrible life when I was drinking. Not only is life not out to get me, but people aren't out to get me either. They aren't always talking about me or mad at me. Even if they are, it's not something that has anything to do with me. It's something inside of them that they cannot deal with or accept, that is manifesting in misdirected feelings towards me.

 

6. Unconditional Love

 

I just had lunch the other day with a good friend of mine who I spent years partying with and now we are both sober. She was telling me how sobriety allows you to truly experience unconditional love. I know that has been the truth for me, especially during this last year. She is just one example of a friendship of mine that has grown after being shown unconditional love and support. When I chose to get sober, I was terrified. I was scared no one would love me with how messed up I was. I hit the jackpot in the boyfriend department and will be celebrating three years with Fernando this month. Two of the those years I've been sober, but the first one was extra tumultuous. He chose to love me and he has given me the best romantic relationship of my life. Unconditional love is loving without condition. Not forcing someone to fit into the mold you think they should; knowing their flaws, accepting them and choosing to love them anyway.

 

I can't believe no mind-altering substances have entered my body in two years! If you told me two years ago I would be sitting here writing this blog, I would have said, you're crazy. Some days the gratitude is almost too much to bear and I just can't believe I've been given this amazing second chance at life. I have to pinch myself and ask is this really my life? Even on the bad days, sobriety is still SO good. For years I was chasing freedom and prided myself on "living every day like it's your last." At the age of 29 and two years sober, I can truly say I'm finally free

 

For me...#1 #4 and #5 hit home...

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I can't believe no mind-altering substances have entered my body in two years! If you told me two years ago I would be sitting here writing this blog, I would have said, you're crazy. Some days the gratitude is almost too much to bear and I just can't believe I've been given this amazing second chance at life. I have to pinch myself and ask is this really my life? Even on the bad days, sobriety is still SO good. For years I was chasing freedom and prided myself on "living every day like it's your last." At the age of 29 and two years sober, I can truly say I'm finally free

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-fitzgerald/6-things-i-learned-during-two-years-without-alcohol_b_7235048.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

 

 

6 Things I Learned During Two Years Without Alcohol

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2015-05-07-1431024693-1233639-image11-thumb.PNG

If anyone can possibly believe it, it's been a whole year since I wrote my infamous One Year Without Alcohol blog. The one that gave me internet fame, a platform to talk about my sobriety and propelled my writing career. It was the first time I outed myself as a sober person. I was terrified and relieved at the same time. Who knew that getting the crazy thoughts out of my head and into a blog would resonate with so many people? I sure didn't, but I'm glad it did. Now here I am two years sober. On May 6, 2013 I took my last drink. Since then my life has done a complete 360. I am a different person. Here is what I've learned so far.

 

1. Bad Things Still Happen

 

Although sobriety has been the best decision I've ever made, it still does not prevent ALL bad things from happening. Don't get me wrong, it has definitely prevented a lot of bad things from happening, but life still goes on around me. Although I don't lose my purse anymore, get in fights or hurt myself while drunk, I still hurt myself playing soccer, I still lose friendships and things still don't always go my way. Life will never be perfect and even when I've had the best of intentions and tried my hardest, some situations still haven't worked out in my favor. Even in sobriety I still make mistakes, but the beauty is I have the awareness to reflect on them, learn from them and grow.

 

2. I Can't Fix Anyone

 

There is a saying I've heard in the last year of my sobriety that goes, "Once you start getting better, you realize how sick everyone around you is." In the first year of my sobriety I was just enjoying living sober and I think this year I've really dedicated time to improving myself as a person. It has shown me how true this saying actually is. Everyone is sick, not just alcoholics. Most people are in denial about something or have character defects that are running rampant. As much as I want to spread the message and I do, it's a hard pill to swallow knowing I can't fix anyone. There have been many friends, family and blog readers who have crossed my path. Some reach out for help and some don't, but desperately need it. I'm learning that I can't cross that line and tell people what to do. Even if they ask, the best I can do is share my experience, what worked for me, and hope that one day they'll finally be ready to change their lives. The hardest thing is watching people you care about suffer and being able to do nothing.

 

3. My Alcohol Issues Are A Gift

 

In my first year of sobriety, I always thought to myself, who are these people who are grateful to be alcoholics?! That is crazy talk. I accepted I had a problem, but damnit, I still wished I could drink like a normal person. This second year of sobriety has finally taught me what they're talking about. My struggle has truly made me who I am. If I didn't have alcohol problems, I might have never known the beauty of this life. I might be sitting in an office somewhere, hating life and cursing every single thing that happens to me. Today I am overcome with gratitude every morning I wake up, just to be alive. I am truly present in every moment and I've got tools to deal with the ups and downs of life; tools that some people will never have in their lifetime. This unique lens of the world was only given to me through overcoming my struggle with alcohol.

 

4. Not Everybody Is Going To Like Me And That's OK

 

This was a funny shift. Last year in my soberversary blog I talked about when actively drinking, I didn't give a crap about what people thought about me. I thought I was the shit and I could care less what people said. Getting sober gave me the opposite feeling. I was timid and my self esteem was shot. I wanted to be liked and I didn't have the crutch of alcohol to help me not care about that. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me immensely with dealing with these issues. Just like with life, every relationship you have with another human being is not going to be perfect. Some people will dislike you no matter what you say or do. Bridging the gap between being nice to people in order for them to like you, and staying true to who you are is tough sometimes. I've learned a good lesson about this in the last few months. Not everyone is going to like me and they don't have to. In fact, in some cases their opinion should hold no weight over me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but as long as I know I am a good person and I'm doing the right thing, their opinion does not affect my serenity.

 

5. It's Not All About Me

 

I know this is also a big one for everyone who gets sober. The world does not revolve around me! Huge ego blow! When I was drinking and doing drugs, I thought everyone was out to get me. I thought the world conspired against me to make my life horrible. I took everything personal. Even during my first year of sobriety, I was constantly in a state of anxiety. I was always wondering if this person liked me; did I do something to piss that person off? Are they writing about me? Are they talking about me? Do they know if I'm sober? This year I finally learned it's not all about me. Life happens and we all have to deal with the hand we've been dealt, not to mention I was responsible for the majority of circumstances that contributed to my horrible life when I was drinking. Not only is life not out to get me, but people aren't out to get me either. They aren't always talking about me or mad at me. Even if they are, it's not something that has anything to do with me. It's something inside of them that they cannot deal with or accept, that is manifesting in misdirected feelings towards me.

 

6. Unconditional Love

 

I just had lunch the other day with a good friend of mine who I spent years partying with and now we are both sober. She was telling me how sobriety allows you to truly experience unconditional love. I know that has been the truth for me, especially during this last year. She is just one example of a friendship of mine that has grown after being shown unconditional love and support. When I chose to get sober, I was terrified. I was scared no one would love me with how messed up I was. I hit the jackpot in the boyfriend department and will be celebrating three years with Fernando this month. Two of the those years I've been sober, but the first one was extra tumultuous. He chose to love me and he has given me the best romantic relationship of my life. Unconditional love is loving without condition. Not forcing someone to fit into the mold you think they should; knowing their flaws, accepting them and choosing to love them anyway.

 

I can't believe no mind-altering substances have entered my body in two years! If you told me two years ago I would be sitting here writing this blog, I would have said, you're crazy. Some days the gratitude is almost too much to bear and I just can't believe I've been given this amazing second chance at life. I have to pinch myself and ask is this really my life? Even on the bad days, sobriety is still SO good. For years I was chasing freedom and prided myself on "living every day like it's your last." At the age of 29 and two years sober, I can truly say I'm finally free

 

For me...#1 #4 and #5 hit home...

For me, #'s 2,4,5.
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Of all the drugs out there, I believe alcohol to be the most evil, because of the accessibility.

 

Yet an enormous segment of the population has no problem with alcohol. Alcohol isn't evil. It just that some people, because of the way they are made, can't handle it.

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One more good story. The group the I like to attend has a member in his early 70's. On his own, he entered a rehab I think nearly 40's ago, on his own. At that time it was only alcohol, and it was a set 30 days. He got off the bus, and never touched a drop since. He is a firm believer in the 12 step program. He served as a sponsor for really, countless individuals. There was a member for health reasons that could not make it to the room we were in.

He set up a "mini" mtg in this persons home. There were about half of us that went to this mtg. Small, intimate, it was great. Lasted a few months, before the member could make it the regular room. As I said, he was a devoted 12 step person. HOWEVER, he was not a Big Book thumper. He would often say, "It makes no difference to me how anyone gets sober. Find out what works for you, and run with it. If you go to meetings, take what you need and work with it." One day he announced he had attended something like 13,000 AA meetings. My former wife said, "Why couldn't I have married him?" Laughter from both of us. I am not breaking an anonymity rule. He would often also say share anything he said, for the help of others. He is truly gift on earth.

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Yet an enormous segment of the population has no problem with alcohol. Alcohol isn't evil. It just that some people, because of the way they are made, can't handle it.

For sure about that part of the population that can handle it. Curious, got any numbers? To me, I view it as evil. We all come from different backgrounds. Could be another whole new thread! What does "handle" it mean? In my work, I work with a variety of families. I am fortunate to become part of their families. I see many people when they come home from work will have their couple glasses of wine, or a couple of beers. The word "relax" comes up often. They are not physically addicted. I often wonder how they would "handle" not having that available to "relax?"

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Back on page one of this thread, I wrote about giving up cigarettes and drinking thirty-five years ago. I was able to do it on my own, which I did not mention. Prescription drugs -- xanax, to be specific -- are another matter. I have been working with a psychiatrist, and am down to one mg per day (from three mg per day) . Each taper is murder, even.25 mg, but I am almost there! So now I completely understand what other people go through with alcohol.

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One more good story. The group the I like to attend has a member in his early 70's. On his own, he entered a rehab I think nearly 40's ago, on his own. At that time it was only alcohol, and it was a set 30 days. He got off the bus, and never touched a drop since. He is a firm believer in the 12 step program. He served as a sponsor for really, countless individuals. There was a member for health reasons that could not make it to the room we were in.

He set up a "mini" mtg in this persons home. There were about half of us that went to this mtg. Small, intimate, it was great. Lasted a few months, before the member could make it the regular room. As I said, he was a devoted 12 step person. HOWEVER, he was not a Big Book thumper. He would often say, "It makes no difference to me how anyone gets sober. Find out what works for you, and run with it. If you go to meetings, take what you need and work with it." One day he announced he had attended something like 13,000 AA meetings. My former wife said, "Why couldn't I have married him?" Laughter from both of us. I am not breaking an anonymity rule. He would often also say share anything he said, for the help of others. He is truly gift on earth.

 

No of course you haven't broken his anonymity - you didn't say who he was. In the words of the HIPPA consultants, your story was "sanitized" of "PII" (personally-identifiable information).

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For sure about that part of the population that can handle it. Curious, got any numbers? To me, I view it as evil. We all come from different backgrounds. Could be another whole new thread! What does "handle" it mean? In my work, I work with a variety of families. I am fortunate to become part of their families. I see many people when they come home from work will have their couple glasses of wine, or a couple of beers. The word "relax" comes up often. They are not physically addicted. I often wonder how they would "handle" not having that available to "relax?"

 

 

Well, I take the long, or the macro, view. Drinking alcoholic beverages has been with us for millenia, and humankind has thrived and prospered, maybe because of it, maybe in spite of it.

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Back on page one of this thread, I wrote about giving up cigarettes and drinking thirty-five years ago. I was able to do it on my own, which I did not mention. Prescription drugs -- xanax, to be specific -- are another matter. I have been working with a psychiatrist, and am down to one mg per day (from three mg per day) . Each taper is murder, even.25 mg, but I am almost there! So now I completely understand what other people go through with alcohol.

My heart is with you William. Be kind to yourself.

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For sure about that part of the population that can handle it. Curious, got any numbers? To me, I view it as evil. We all come from different backgrounds. Could be another whole new thread! What does "handle" it mean? In my work, I work with a variety of families. I am fortunate to become part of their families. I see many people when they come home from work will have their couple glasses of wine, or a couple of beers. The word "relax" comes up often. They are not physically addicted. I often wonder how they would "handle" not having that available to "relax?"

 

A couple beers or glasses wine - now you're getting into slippery slope territory. My partner never drank a whole lot - he was the two glasses of wine in the evening type of drinker. Nevertheless he concluded that he was a problem drinker because he ALWAYS had that two glasses o

For sure about that part of the population that can handle it. Curious, got any numbers? To me, I view it as evil. We all come from different backgrounds. Could be another whole new thread! What does "handle" it mean? In my work, I work with a variety of families. I am fortunate to become part of their families. I see many people when they come home from work will have their couple glasses of wine, or a couple of beers. The word "relax" comes up often. They are not physically addicted. I often wonder how they would "handle" not having that available to "relax?"

 

Abusive drinking is not dose-related. So two glasses of wine, in the right circumstances, could certainly count as abusive drinking. But even abusive drinking isn't necessarily alcoholism. As one often hears in the program, "Alcoholism is a self-diagnosed condition." IOW, "If the shoe fits, wear it."

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I want to share a few more things before I need to take care of life!

1) Want to thank Irish again for starting the thread. And, ALL the others who have posted. I'm right in the middle of more life changes. Leaving the town I grew up in, went to school/college/started my career/got married and had the delight of raising 5 beautiful kids. Will be moving to care for a baby on ventilator. That's what I do. Plan on working another 4 years or so before I take down my shingle. That's roughly about the time she will be on a vent. Timing is everything. Being involved in this thread has helped me greatly. Hearing what people have accomplished, and how they are doing it always, "warms my heart." I am so fortunate to be ending a career that I love...a career that I made proud, but also prostituted to meet my own drug needs...and received more than one second chance from regulatory boards after spending 2 and 1/2 yrs in prison for my drug use. Talk about an extended rehab program!!!

2) I want to share a story of desperation when an addiction is active. One of my five children has/had an opiod dependence. She was quickly approaching the severity that I experienced. About 7 years years ago I went through two shoulders repairs. Much discomfort. I did just what I was supposed to do regarding pain control. I informed my surgeon that I was an addict. I did not have access to my Oxycodone or Oxycontin. It was kept in a lock box with a combination lock. My former wife would give me the daily allocation for the day before she left for work. She also kept a slip of paper in the bottles with dates and amount given/left. One day before she left, the count was off. Of course she turned to me. She thought she didn't lock completely, and I got into it. Wrong. My daughter had been over the day before. The box was in our closet. She went in to use the "bathroom." She had figured out the combo!!! So in the bottle, I put a slip "gotcha." She came over that day, went into the closet and came out with the bottle. Crying and regretful.

It gets better. Three months later I needed a second repair. This time Oxycodone, Oxycontin, and Fentynal patches were locked in a bottom drawer in the desk in the office. My wife kept the key with her. One day she was dolling out the morning pills, and it was time for a Fentynal patch change. I patch short. And, the Oxycodone pills looked just a little different. I looked up the number on pill finder. What was about 30 doses of Oxy, turned out to be Tylenol. My daughter called the manufacture of the desk with the model number. Said she lost the key to the desk, and needed it. They expressed it overnight. She is doing very well. Like I said, I both accept and understand.

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