Extremely attractive men.

[Walker1]

Does being extremely attractive cause more problems than benefits? I admit I am attracted to a gorgeous man, but once I get to know him well enough and realize he is just another normal person, things change. I still do enjoy his good looks and hot body, but lose that initial passion. The image in my head gives way to reality. It makes me wonder, if one is extremely attractive-does one only get people attracted to his looks and people who expect them to behave in a certain way? I deal with my issue, by hiring different people, but my real partner is even more modest looking than me, but a wonderful person. Perhaps it is me, but do attractive people tire of the constant attention from other folks and having to deal with preconceived notions of how they should act/be?

[+ purplekow]

Yes, I have found it to be a curse.

[+ FreshFluff]

You may have heard the proverb, "Tell a smart girl that she's pretty and a pretty girl that she's smart." Anyone who has a particular quality (wealth, beauty, intelligence) in spades gets tired of hearing about it.

 

That doesn't mean, however, that they would trade it in.

[Rudynate]

Does being extremely attractive cause more problems than benefits? I admit I am attracted to a gorgeous man, but once I get to know him well enough and realize he is just another normal person, things change. I still do enjoy his good looks and hot body, but lose that initial passion. The image in my head gives way to reality. It makes me wonder, if one is extremely attractive-does one only get people attracted to his looks and people who expect them to behave in a certain way? I deal with my issue, by hiring different people, but my real partner is even more modest looking than me, but a wonderful person. Perhaps it is me, but do attractive people tire of the constant attention from other folks and having to deal with preconceived notions of how they should act/be?

 

 

I was one of those little boys of which my mother's friends said I was going to be a heartbreaker when I grew up. In spite of this early input, I didn't think I was anything special. I began to realize that I had better than average looks when I started to get out and around in the world after I finished high school. It was difficult to know how to deal with the attention I received. It did feel like people held me to a different standard than they did others. I managed the situation by developing a haughty, snotty way of dealing with people. One time I was talking to a doll of a man in a bar and he called me on it. He said something like, "For some reason, you want people to think you're an asshole, but I'm not fooled. You're actually a very sweet guy." It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to me.

 

I've since developed the people skills to be comfortable almost anywhere and with almost anybody. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I'm satisfied with the person I am, and I got this way by having the experiences I had. One of the things that I have learned to give myself permission to do is to hang out with people who like me and appreciate me and say nice things to me and about me.

[marylander1940]

Does being extremely attractive cause more problems than benefits? I admit I am attracted to a gorgeous man, but once I get to know him well enough and realize he is just another normal person, things change. I still do enjoy his good looks and hot body, but lose that initial passion. The image in my head gives way to reality. It makes me wonder, if one is extremely attractive-does one only get people attracted to his looks and people who expect them to behave in a certain way? I deal with my issue, by hiring different people, but my real partner is even more modest looking than me, but a wonderful person. Perhaps it is me, but do attractive people tire of the constant attention from other folks and having to deal with preconceived notions of how they should act/be?

 

I know we've seen this video on here and we talked about it for a long time...

 

 

May I sell my soul to Satan to be reborn like him?

 

[+ Gar1eth]

I have a couple of thoughts

 

#1. Does anyone remember the episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fay was going out with Jon Hamm? He was always treated special. He thought that was naturally the way things were. Waitresses and others always paid special attention to him. When Tina had him put bandages over his face to look like a mummy, everyone treated him 'normally'. He thought they were being mean.

 

2. There are various studies about tall men being more attractive and successful. Although there was also a study that shorter men had less divorces -possibly because they had to marry later( so might be more mature when married) -women prefer taller guys-and the shorter men may have to work on other skills to attract women-such as being more faithful-being better at being a partner.

 

3. I once had a weekend with porn star Trey Rexx. I realize this is only once case. But his personality as revealed to me over the weekend -seemed to be wrapped up in how good looking he was. I remember one waitress at Le Peep (it's a breakfast/brunch chain -not a strip joint;)) could barely take her eyes off him. I realize it's an post hoc ergo propter hoc kind of error (if anyone is interested here is a definition of the preceding http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_hoc_ergo_propter_hoc) but I could easily see that if Trey had been that handsome since high school -people probably reacted to him the way that they did to Jon Hamm's character in 30 Rock

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OaLzfxUFO3s/TZRD17cQy9I/AAAAAAABOPY/5SGfK66Kh_A/s1600/brutos40363_TreyRexx.jpg

 

I realize my point #1 above is only a TV show-still I believe we are by biology/evolution designed to be attracted to beautiful things. Now I realize culture and personal preference will influence what each each person thinks of as beauty. I think it probably is often worse for women than men in terms of preconceived notions of intelligence. But depending on personality-probably not good for men to be too attractive either. But there are many other things which could cause the same sort of problems-high school/college star athletes-professional athletes-popular 'movie/TV stars -come to mind. It's always seems to me-although I don't have statistics but it seems to me that often college/NFL quarterbacks are fairly attractive. Maybe I just don't notice the ugly ones. Still beauty is not destiny. It sounds like Rudynate escaped the trap-and I'm sure a large proportion of beautiful people do too. But to paraphrase the character Joan Imbrie in The Philadelphia Story when she is asked if she would like to trade places with the rich Tracy Lord (Katherine Hepburn)--'And would I change places with an incredibly attractive and muscular male? Oh boy just ask me!!!'

 

 

Gman

[marylander1940]

The problem with the video is the devaluation of the word "harass". The tendency is to call any unwanted attention harassment, whereas it really ought to be reserved to repeated or persistent or unpleasant attention.Certainly if one indicates attraction and is rebuffed then one should desist, continuing to press the attention would then be harassment.

 

If I get to look like that... I'll take the harassment at all times and I'll hook up with handsome men without having to pay them money...

 

Let's say some of the compliments are gross and come from unattractive men and women who unless he's an escort have no chance of going to bed with him.

 

don't worry, I get your point.

[+ Gar1eth]

I have a couple of thoughts

 

#1. Does anyone remember the episode of 30 Rock where Tina Fay was going out with Jon Hamm? He was always treated special. He thought that was naturally the way things were. Waitresses and others always paid special attention to him. When Tina had him put bandages over his face to look like a mummy, everyone treated him 'normally'. He thought they were being mean.

 

2. There are various studies about tall men being more attractive and successful. Although there was also a study that shorter men had less divorces -possibly because they had to marry later( so might be more mature when married) -women prefer taller guys-and the shorter men may have to work on other skills to attract women-such as being more faithful-being better at being a partner.

 

3. I once had a weekend with porn star Trey Rexx. I realize this is only once case. But his personality as revealed to me over the weekend -seemed to be wrapped up in how good looking he was. I remember one waitress at Le Peep (it's a breakfast/brunch chain -not a strip joint;)) could barely take her eyes off him. I realize it's an ergo hoc propter hoc kind of error (if anyone is interested here is a definition of the preceding http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_hoc_ergo_propter_hoc) but I could easily see that if Trey had been that handsome since high school -people probably reacted to him the way that they did to Jon Hamm's character in 30 Rock

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OaLzfxUFO3s/TZRD17cQy9I/AAAAAAABOPY/5SGfK66Kh_A/s1600/brutos40363_TreyRexx.jpg

 

I realize my point #1 above is only a TV show-still I believe we are by biology/evolution designed to be attracted to beautiful things. Now I realize culture and personal preference will influence what each each person thinks of as beauty. I think it probably is often worse for women than men in terms of preconceived notions of intelligence. But depending on personality-probably not good for men to be too attractive either. But there are many other things which could cause the same sort of problems-high school/college star athletes-professional athletes-popular 'movie/TV stars -come to mind. It's always seems to me-although I don't have statistics but it seems to me that often college/NFL quarterbacks are fairly attractive. Maybe I just don't notice the ugly ones. Still beauty is not destiny. It sounds like Rudynate escaped the trap-and I'm sure a large proportion of beautiful people do too. But to paraphrase the character Joan Imbrie in The Philadelphia Story when she is asked if she would like to trade places with the rich Tracy Lord (Katherine Hepburn)--'And would I change places with an incredibly attractive and muscular male? Oh boy just ask me!!!'

 

 

Gman

 

Of course I haven't really given the matter much thought over the years. My earlier response was just a spur of the moment/off the top of my head-along with most of my hair (unfortunately)-kind of thing.

 

 

 

Gman

[marylander1940]

I agree, but surely even unattractive and even plug ugly men and women are worthy of a little loving, and in any event isn't beauty the eye of the beholder?

 

We all deserve/need love?

 

I don't know how old you're but I can only get laid with men I consider young and handsome if I pay them, that's why I'm on here.

 

Does any of yinz know Satan's email address? My offer is still standing...

[Walker1]

It is like a fantasy I had for a long time about extremely good looking men. But the more I pay and get to know them and realize they are normal too-with the exception of good looks -just odd. Almost like you want the character you imagined and then he shows he is a normal human and off I go to the next one to keep the fantasy alive! perhaps I should find some way to merge fantasy and reality. Which is why I wonder how do good looking folks deal with this?

[AresEscortNYC]

I think the more interesting question is why you get turned-off once you get to know the person. And like you say, you then move on to another attractive man to get the next "hit". I'm not being judgemental; there are ways we all compartmentalize various aspects of our lives. For you sexual fantasy is a biggie, and when there's a blemish in the fantasy (you find out he's but human) the fantasy withers. I've yet to achieve integration in all aspects of my life; I probably never will. But atleast we can try to be aware and recognize when we continually fall into emotional patterns that don't serve us (or paradoxically DO serve us in some way, usually to distract us from things we'd rather not look at or take ownership of.) Another interesting question is how do these attractive men feel when you suddenly lose interest?

[Walker1]

I think the more interesting question is why you get turned-off once you get to know the person. And like you say, you then move on to another attractive man to get the next "hit". I'm not being judgemental; there are ways we all compartmentalize various aspects of our lives. For you sexual fantasy is a biggie, and when there's a blemish in the fantasy (you find out he's but human) the fantasy withers. I've yet to achieve integration in all aspects of my life; I probably never will. But atleast we can try to be aware and recognize when we continually fall into emotional patterns that don't serve us (or paradoxically DO serve us in some way, usually to distract us from things we'd rather not look at or take ownership of.) Another interesting question is how do these attractive men feel when you suddenly lose interest?

 

Interesting. I think for me, maybe growing up gay, the hot good looking guys seemed unreachable. Then of course the magazines, the hot bods, erotic stories, porn - all fed into this mental image. For whatever reasons, didn't get to enjoy the gay life for a long time. But when I started with masseurs first and then escorts, the image in my head collided with reality. Some guy could be hot as hell and be built like Hercules and yet be as weak and normal as any other humans-with diseases, emotional problems , money problems etc etc. I guess when Superman turns out to be the average Joe, with great looks-something is not gelling.

 

I guess I never considered the other side of the equation, of how the attractive guy feels if I suddenly lose interest-but considering I mostly paid, I figure they must have a lot of clients. Perhaps it is my expectation for the extremely attractive man to be Superman and then my inability to deal with the fact that they are not. Now I am a very average looking guy and never get a second glance, but wondered how it would be for these attractive men to be constantly bombarded with peoples' image of them?

[anotherjohnindupont]

Yes, I have found it to be a curse.

 

Me too, LOL

[Decatur Guy]

I think I'd learn a way to suffer through being a handsome man.

[BaronArtz]

My friend is in his 20s. A former college rugby player and now aspiring body builder, he has striking facial features and a most unusual hair color. When I go out with him, it doesn't matter where we are, street, restaurant, gym you name it, women and men just STARE at him. Incessantly. Without any reserve and without any attempt to disguise they are staring. It has gotten to the point he wears really baggy sweat pants and a baggy hoody to the gym. Even then, people come up to him trying to strike up a conversation or to make proposals of various sorts. It is just ... rude. I think attractive people have to deal with a lot of rudeness. Keep in mind this is in NYC, where people are normally blasé and used to seeing 'beautiful' people and celebrities.

[N13]

It has always been my experience that good looking people have always been treated differently. In school they are easily accepted into the 'cool kids' group...have an advantage with the teachers and then go on to be the first hired in the business world and they come to expect, what for them becomes 'normal' extra attention. The basic difficulty is that they often do not have to develop social skills and the lack of adversity causes them not to have to dig inside themselves for advancement and progression. Again, in my experience, I have found them to be lacking in survival skills because they have never needed them. The part of the question that I think is not being asked is...what are they going to do when their looks fade and they stop receiving special treatment? All that being said if I had the choice I very well might choose beauty. A normal human desire I think. Shallow yes, but if I could I would ask the genie to smite me with good looks and a large dick! lol

[mike carey]

My friend is in his 20s. A former college rugby player and now aspiring body builder, he has striking facial features and a most unusual hair color. When I go out with him, it doesn't matter where we are, street, restaurant, gym you name it, women and men just STARE at him. Incessantly. Without any reserve and without any attempt to disguise they are staring. It has gotten to the point he wears really baggy sweat pants and a baggy hoody to the gym. Even then, people come up to him trying to strike up a conversation or to make proposals of various sorts. It is just ... rude. I think attractive people have to deal with a lot of rudeness. Keep in mind this is in NYC, where people are normally blasé and used to seeing 'beautiful' people and celebrities.

 

It has always been my experience that good looking people have always been treated differently.

 

Not being blessed with the amazing looks of which so many have spoken, I can't speak from experience. And yes, the pursuit of beauty can he shallow. On the train last night there was a good looking guy opposite me, but I dared not say anything. I suspect—and I have read elsewhere—that some won't approach the 'beautiful people' because they 'know' that they wouldn't be found attractive. So no-one talks to them. Maybe the answer is, if you meet a hot guy, say hi, no-one else may have wished to court rejection. If only I could take my own advice!

[N13]

I have read elsewhere—that some won't approach the 'beautiful people' because they 'know' that they wouldn't be found attractive. So no-one talks to them.

 

This puts me in mind of how I came to date "the most beautiful girl in Los Angeles' when I was in high school. We worked together and she would often sit home alone because no one dared approach her. It amazed everyone when I showed up to my senior prom with her on my arm!

[shadowcatzxxx]

Although I think the benefits of being extremely good-looking can outweigh the "problems" I second mike carey's sense above.

 

Four decades ago, when I was still young and reasonably hot (though not gorgeous), I walked into a small bar on Manhattan's upper west side and saw, through an opening in the crowd, a guy who was possibly the best-looking man, with the best-developed body, that I have ever seen in person. Dark, sultry, Italian, incredibly built, about 6'2'" tall. He was sitting there alone, and, on impulse, I (uncharacteristically) walked up to him and told him flat-out that he was the best-looking man I had ever seen. I was just about to turn around and leave when he put his arm on my shoulder, thanked me, and said "let's talk."

 

He had in fact, been lonely that evening, because of the phenomenon that mike c mentions above. No one would talk to him because they were afraid of being rejected by such a handsome hunk. He turned out to be a really nice guy who, because of family circumstance, had received no real education, was down on his luck, and felt like he had few real friends.

 

Long story short, he was interested in hooking up (to my great surprise), but had no free place to hook up, and neither did I. He made a few phone calls and set up a 3-way for us with a friend of his who had an apartment downtown. THAT guy was a professional model, incredibly good-looking, and the most astonishing narcissist I have ever met. To give you an idea, every framed object on the walls of his apartment was a professional photograph of HIM!

 

We did have a hot time, although my Italian buddy turned out to had a package the size of a beer can, so I felt more than little under-endowed. I warmed up the model dude with my average endowment, and then my buddy nearly broke the bed jackhammering him. We swapped back and forth for an hour or two.

 

One of those nights to remember. I stayed friends with that gorgeous man for several years, until he moved and we lost touch. (No email or facebook back then.) He is one of my only hookups from way back then whose name I still remember.

[mike carey]

Thanks for sharing that Shadowcatz. I don't pretend to understand this, but I'm glad my take on it matched your lived experience.

[foxy]

And now Bruce Jenner who was a really gorgeous young man is apparently turning himself into a rather ugly woman. But hey, if it make him happy why not? Unfortunately it seems plastic surgery does more harm than good. I think he could have turned into a pretty hot looking older guy.

[+ Gar1eth]

And now Bruce Jenner who was a really gorgeous young man is apparently turning himself into a rather ugly woman. But hey, if it make him happy why not? Unfortunately it seems plastic surgery does more harm than good. I think he could have turned into a pretty hot looking older guy.

 

Gosh I remember how handsome he was in his heyday. You have to wonder if being all muscular and athletic was his way of trying to deny what he felt. I know some people struggle with being gay (ahem), but I can't even imagine the agony for those who are born into the wrong gender.

 

Gman

[foxy]

I've watched Transparent, which I thought was a wonderful series. An older married a man with children who decides to transition to a woman has got to be pretty damn hard. I'm certainly not critical of Bruce Jenner's decision if that's what he's doing. Although I do think he would have made a better looking older guy if looks are important which is what this thread is all about. I didn't mean to drag it off topic.