Importance of having a will

[cany10011]

One of my dear friend's boyfriend of 15 years died unexpectedly leaving no will. His modest estate of a townhouse in the west village where they resided, along with a few apartments are going to his family (who already has plenty). His family has asked my friend to leave the townhouse as they have received a cash offer (the house isn't listed yet but a broker had contacted the executor already!). My friend is inconsolable with losing so much at once. He's engaged a lawyer but doesn't think things are optimistic...

[+ Charlie]

Something very similar happened to friends of mine: the house was in one man's name, and when he died suddenly, his adult children immediately evicted his longtime partner from the house, even though he had always contributed equally to the cost of maintaining it. Until gay marriage is legal everywhere, every couple should have wills.

[wayout]

Sound advice. Also consideration should be given to health care powers of attorney and durable powers as well for partners.

[+ azdr0710]

many states have "transfer on death" forms for real estate....I believe it also takes the real estate out of the value of the estate for inheritance-tax purposes....

 

thanks for bringing this up, cany....I'll try to add more later from what I learned when my Mom and Dad died....many ways to avoid a hassle

[bigvalboy]

Sound advice. Also consideration should be given to health care powers of attorney and durable powers as well for partners.

 

Sadly there are countless stories about one of the partners in a gay relationship being evicted by the family once his partner has passed. I know a few horror stories where one partner after years of living, working, and saving together, is left with nothing because his partners family comes in and takes everything.

 

Yes a will is paramount, and as Wayout mentions, a medical directive and power of attorney for all matters. Though I am single, I just finished making changes to my will, and have requested specific instructions as to my health care.

[bigvalboy]

What surprises me, how did a boy of 15 years acquire a "modest estate" of a townhouse in the west village and a few apartments?

 

I read it to mean that they had been together for 15 years...not that he was 15 years old.

[seeker630]

One of my dear friend's boyfriend of 15 years died unexpectedly leaving no will. His modest estate of a townhouse in the west village where they resided, along with a few apartments are going to his family (who already has plenty). His family has asked my friend to leave the townhouse as they have received a cash offer (the house isn't listed yet but a broker had contacted the executor already!). My friend is inconsolable with losing so much at once. He's engaged a lawyer but doesn't think things are optimistic...

 

I read it to mean that they had been together for 15 years...not that he was 15 years old.

 

That's how I read it too!

[cany10011]

Aarian, both men are in their early 50s who have been living together in the same place for 15 years. One would think as accomplished professionals in their own chosen fields, that they would have had the time to plan and discuss things like a will, living trust or joint tenancy... but sadly, they did not. As for me, my last will was written 5 years ago and it needs revising soon as I've just recently become an uncle.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

According to the contract law class I took for part of my degree, there are ways to contest wills that leave partners out or contracts that are inherently unfair... however, it's time-consuming and costly.

 

And of course a living will is just as important.

[+ deej]

It's terribly important to have a will to protect your partner, but that goes for all couples. It isn't just for gays.

 

Friends of my mom had lived together for years, a hetero couple. It was the second time around for both so neither saw any particular need for that silly marriage thing. They were together and it's all they cared about.

 

When the male partner started slipping away in dementia, it was too late for him to legally get into any arrangement. He finally got so bad that his son had him institutionalized and immediately threw the female partner out of the home they'd shared for close to 20 years.

 

It can happen to anyone if you don't protect yourself and your partner. Laws vary from state to state so take nothing for granted. Nail it down. Legally.

[Kevin Slater]

Sound advice. Also consideration should be given to health care powers of attorney and durable powers as well for partners.

 

+1

 

Everybody should have a will, a healthcare proxy, a durable power of attorney and probably a directive to physicians.

 

Kevin Slater

[N13]

Even if married, a living trust is mandatory to protect you from the Feds. Yes the state part of it is ok if you are married, but not the federal.

 

Living trusts with the other one as the 'Trustee' in case of death will save a lot of hassles and protect you from avaricious families. See a lawyer immediately!!!

And don't forget wills and health proxies.

[N13]

P.S. The living trust bypasses probate! A huge advantage.

[+ Chris Eisenhower]

+1

 

Everybody should have a will, a healthcare proxy, a durable power of attorney and probably a directive to physicians.

 

Kevin Slater

 

Multiple copies that can be referred to at a moment's notice. A hospital will act on a relative's demands to save you unless there is an advance directive on file at the facility.

[instudiocity]

Something very similar happened to friends of mine: the house was in one man's name, and when he died suddenly, his adult children immediately evicted his longtime partner from the house, even though he had always contributed equally to the cost of maintaining it. Until gay marriage is legal everywhere, every couple should have wills.

Legalizing Gay Marriage, while offering a suite of benefits, doesn't obviate the need for any of these documents. Don't fall into the crowdthink of "If gay marriage is legal, I don't have to worry!" It's absolutely wrong to think this way.

 

many states have "transfer on death" forms for real estate....I believe it also takes the real estate out of the value of the estate for inheritance-tax purposes....

I don't think a 'transfer upon death' property document will aid in avoiding Federal Estate Taxes. But a life insurance policy could fund the payment of estate taxes due.

Hi Cany,

Or a living trust, or joint tenancy, or something with right of survivorship ... (but I think that all those include what you meant).

EVIDENCE that we all need an attorney to tell us how to plan our demise and the passing on of our property.

 

Everybody should have a will, a healthcare proxy, a durable power of attorney and probably a directive to physicians.

In California a living trust/medical power of attorney is called a California Advance Directive.

P.S. The living trust bypasses probate! A huge advantage.

YUP! Get an attorney to assure that the Trust may survive a Probate Challenge.

 

Multiple copies that can be referred to at a moment's notice. A hospital will act on a relative's demands to save you unless there is an advance directive on file at the facility.

Yup! Copies of mine are on file at UCLA Medical Center, my doctor's office, my home and both my trustees have their own copies, oh yeah, and the lawyer. Annually, we discuss the need for changes and about every 4-5 years actually update the documents.

[+ Charlie]

Marriage doesn't obviate the usefulness of a will, but it does put one in a much stronger legal position vis-a-vis hostile family members. My partner and I have supportive family, but we still have wills, powers of attorney, California health directives, etc., all prepared by a competent attorney.

[+ Just Sayin]

Guys, I'm a trusts and estates attorney, and I see many estate plans that were not done carefully; this isn't a task for amateurs and do-it-yourselfers; if it's important to you and your loved ones, please see an attorney who regularly practices in the areas of wills and trusts; you will get good advice and good documents.

[Frequentflier]

There is no other way to say it but, death sucks. I just lost a pet and I asked the vet to put me to sleep just before my pet but he said he's not legally allowed to treat humans (sounded like if he was able to treat humans I wouldn't have been here to write this post).

 

So to compound the loss of a friend/partner/lover, the family twists a knife in the emotional wound - they must not be worried about their positioning in the afterlife. Anyway, several weeks ago some news show had the story of a man who died unexpectedly and while he had a will, the wife had no passwords to online banking and other key accounts and she outlined the challenges she faced to gain access. The message was, write them down or put them someplace electronically and let your heir know where/how to gain access. It took less than an hour for me to do that because I never had. I even realized for the first time that nobody besides me has the combination to the safe in my house (how dumb is that?). I then downloaded an online will and health directive form for my state, filled it out and had my attorney read it. I already had a living will but it hadn't been updated for about 15 years. The attorney made nearly no changes to the completed forms I got on line (he made some because there is probably some law that he can't charge unless he changes something - haha). I told my primary heir where to find the will and who the lawyer was (who also has a copy). To close my point, all told it took me maybe 4 hours including some emails to/from my lawyer and mailing him a signed copy. Afterwards I was really proud of myself and have one less thing to worry about. So, if you're not current with these tasks, why can't you spend three - four hours this week (or if your a master of the universe have your executive assistant make an appointment next week with your lawyer and have your chauffeur drive you there)? I'm not a lawyer so don't know if you can just rely on the legitimacy of some of the online softwares for wills, etc so I had my lawyer review and bless it. All in I was out less than $1,500 (the lawyers fee was the biggest component) and I now know that what I want to happen when one of my heirs bumps me off actually will. Personally, I don't recommend not at least having a lawyer review your version, but if you just won't involve a lawyer, find out what forms (i.e., online sites) are legitimate for your state and complete them. For me the piece of mind that my lawyer has blessed the document and (assuming he's still around) can help my heirs with any issues was worth the relatively low cost for his involvement. And while you may think nobody in your life will contest your will, you'd probably be thinking wrong. And if the documents/your plans aren't drafted properly someone is more likely than not to be successful in contesting your will and all you can do is hope you have the ability to haunt them from the afterworld.

[Guest Wetnwildbear]

WOW Perspectives ---

 

Townhouse in the West Village $$$$ and a "few apartments" in NYC === Bucks Baby for those of us in Real Time America and

 

FUCK YEAH --- Define Your Releationship and PROTECT EACH OTHER - Make a WILL - SIGN A CONTRACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Strafe13]

I'm actually kind of surprised that this couple never bothered to take advantage of the marriage equality law that was passed in New York State in the summer of 2011. Since this death just happened, they had nearly a year-and-a-half. I guess no one ever anticipates a sudden death, so they probably thought they had all the time in the world. Very sad. Given how difficult it generally is to evict people in NY City (the family shouldn't be able to evict that quickly, even if they have a cash buyer all lined up), I hope your surviving friend will have the time necessary to work with his lawyer to protect his rights, or at least gather his personal effects so as to transition into this new and very difficult phase of his life. Of course, if everything belonged to the wealthy deceased partner, then it doesn't look too good for your friend. I'm so sorry.

[cany10011]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Strafe, my friend has his own apartment that is leased now but if he has to move, he has to. Right now, he's trying to figure out his rights as nonspousal partner, which I don't believe is that much. Sadly, he invested a lot of his time , energy, and devotion but never sealed the deal by making it legit nor did he try to ensure that there would be a plan in place should anything like this occur. There was a unsigned will that was found in a computer but as i understand, an unsigned will means nothing. Despite both being successful in their own careers (partner in finance, friend in medicine) neither saw this coming.

 

I'm actually kind of surprised that this couple never bothered to take advantage of the marriage equality law that was passed in New York State in the summer of 2011. Since this death just happened, they had nearly a year-and-a-half. I guess no one ever anticipates a sudden death, so they probably thought they had all the time in the world. Very sad. Given how difficult it generally is to evict people in NY City (the family shouldn't be able to evict that quickly, even if they have a cash buyer all lined up), I hope your surviving friend will have the time necessary to work with his lawyer to protect his rights, or at least gather his personal effects so as to transition into this new and very difficult phase of his life. Of course, if everything belonged to the wealthy deceased partner, then it doesn't look too good for your friend. I'm so sorry.

[Guest]

Wow. Together for 15 years, in their 50s, and no will. If that ain't the most passive-aggressive FU from the grave, I don't know what is. One would hope that being together for 15 years would have some importance in the eyes of the law. I wouldn't think of leaving my domestic partner high and dry. And I don't think he'd let me "forget" to write a will, either. Most of the blame lies with the decedent, of course, but one would think that it would have been wise for the partner to bring it up at some point during those 15 years also.

[+ FreshFluff]

Cany,

 

 

 

If there's an unsigned will, don't you think that there's a printed and signed will somewhere in a drawer, safe, cabinet, or at a lawyer's office? It doesn't sound logical to me to draft a will and then do nothing with it. Maybe this is why the family wants your friend out of the house that fast? (They may not want your friend to actually find the signed version.)

 

Aarian.

 

I agree that this is a possibility and I'd definitely bring in a locksmith to open every locked drawer in the house. There's certainly no downside to it.

 

I'm curious about what Just Sayin' has to say about the possibility of a signed will being around.

[Irtwo]

WOW Perspectives ---

 

Townhouse in the West Village $$$$ and a "few apartments" in NYC === Bucks Baby for those of us in Real Time America

 

I had the same reaction. I live in NYC. WV townhouses start at $4M to $5M (for a small fixer-upper). And with a few apartments as well, that seems much more than a modest estate.

[Rick Munroe]

What surprises me, how did a boy of 15 years acquire a "modest estate" of a townhouse in the west village and a few apartments?

 

And since he was only 15, are there sufficient signs that he and your friend had a serious relationship that already lasted several years? They started to date when then boyfriend was 13 or so?

 

If someone dies at the age of 15, then his life hasn't really begun.

 

I have to say that this is the funniest post I have read here in 13 years. Thanks, Aarian!