Why do clients attack other clients in this forum?

[bcohen7719]

Another forum member noted separately that some desirable member

don't feel welcome on this website. I know his has been discussed

numerous times, but as the New Year approaches, may I bring

it up again?

 

For long stretches of time I participated heavily in this forum. Then, rarely

but enough, I received strange "pot shots." They made no sense to me

because of their degree of irritation.

 

It seemed that just as in literary criticism, negative comments were deemed

insightful, while positive comments were foppish. From time-to-time there

were wonderful thank-you's and private tutorials. Private messages

from Charlie, for example, explaining how the forum works were invaluable.

I still remember and treasure them. Small positive notes were wonderful

to hear.

 

In such a rare, special family such as this, then, why do some clients

want to attack other clients?

 

Could others weigh in?

 

BC

[tyro]

There's a pretty distinct correlation among our members: Most (but not all) of the most verbally adept tend to toss out the most barbs. When a few were directed at me, I sent a PM directly to the poster. I teach high school. I know that some people need an audience. I don't give them one.

Tyro

[Atlantagaguy]

Bcohen, I agree somewhat to your statement. I do believe many of the pot shots are meant to be funny, sarcastic, and catty, but not in a mean way. Just as if I was sitting with my good friends in a bar and how we joke around. The problem is I don’t know any of you, and you guys don’t know me well enough to be comfortable in making these kinds of statements. I am very sarcastic and humorous, but only to my friends that I know their limits. One of the biggest problems on the internet is it doesn’t show emotions of a conversation.

[bigvalboy]

There's a pretty distinct correlation among our members: Most (but not all) of the most verbally adept tend to toss out the most barbs. When a few were directed at me, I sent a PM directly to the poster. I teach high school. I know that some people need an audience. I don't give it to them.

Tyro

 

Well said "T"....I think the forum is much like the people we meet along the way in life. Some are absolutely wonderful and delightful to chat with. I have made incredible Internet connections throughout the year, amazing people that I email and private message most everyday, some several times a day. I cherish those connections as well as a host of incredible members that I have also connected with right here in LA. The nights out on the town in LA are among the most memorable that I can remember. Connecting with other members from other cities has been amazing as well. Flying around the country to meet forum members, and having others come to LA to connect, has been a wonderful experience this year. People like Erie, azdr, truthBTold and others who prefer to remain anonymous.

 

I view others here much the same way that "T" does. By and large I thoroughly enjoy the forum and the Friends that I have connected with here. It has been an wonderful year meeting Daddy and all those in PS. It brought for me some insight into the dynamics of the forum.

 

The best to all those members that bring so much information, opinions and humor to this forum. Finally, a special shout out to you BC for all the videos and thoughtful threads that you started this year. It was nothing short of amazing.

[JT Brooklyn]

There's a pretty distinct correlation among our members: Most (but not all) of the most verbally adept tend to toss out the most barbs. When a few were directed at me, I sent a PM directly to the poster. I teach high school. I know that some people need an audience. I don't give them one.

Tyro

 

Exactly! The Trolls donot deserve any attention most do "self destruct" in Time.

[+ Charlie]

As Atlantaguy notes, many of the catty or sarcastic comments would be received differently from friends. When one interacts here on a regular basis, we often feel as though we know these people just from their posts, but of course, we don't. I have often met posters and discovered that in person they are not at all as I had imagined. I often kid my friends with sharp comments--I think it's part of the older gay sensibility--but I have to stop myself from doing the same thing here, where people can't hear my voice or see my face.

 

And like bigvalleyboy (who turned out to be nothing like my original mental picture of him), I want to commend you for your constant efforts to provide serious material for our consideration.

[jimboivyo]

there are lots of have's versus have not's here, with those who hire a lot having their bragging right. this turns a lot of folks off I think

 

in general there's a high amount of unspoken competition among this group. lots of one upmanship happening both out front and behind the scenes. also a lot of pressure to follow what is really nothing more than group think

[Bosguy]

There is a rapidly increasing amount of inconsistency, game playing, and ass kissing going on recently that has changed the aura of the entire Forum. Anyone notice the dramatic decrease in posting and/or frequency of posts?

 

Boston Bill

[gallahadesquire]

There is a rapidly increasing amount of inconsistency, game playing, and ass kissing going on recently that has changed the aura of the entire Forum. Anyone notice the dramatic decrease in posting and/or frequency of posts?

 

Boston Bill

 

It seems to correspond to the significant increase in times-out.

[EZEtoGRU]

I know that some people need an audience. I don't give them one.

Tyro

Very smart Tyro. There are a handful of posters that use the forum to perform....as it were. I also try and ignore them.

[Diverdan]

I try to ignore those posts that irritate me or don't make a lot of sense. For the most part I enjoy the dialog and have appreciated so many of the honest posts. I have seldome been "attacked" in the way that I have seen others blasted for comments, but I just usually ignore them, and know that the few I have met personally as a result of the Forum have been delightful and wonderful men, and that goes for both the clients and their companions. So Happy New Year to all and hope that 2013 will be good for us all in every possible way.

DD

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

BC - nice topic - thanks for starting the thread.

 

I agree with Tyro as well. Nice observations.

 

May suggest one other possibility? Many of the posters are my age (nearing 50) and older with long careers that have bought us a certain level of respect and deference by others we have regular contact with. When we disagree with others, we now how to respond politely - - at first. But we usually are accustomed to having our opinions acknowledged and either a quick agreement with our thoughts or a quick "agree to disagree" and move forward.

 

When the topic drags on, we simply don't know how to handle that when we can't immediately discuss our differences and reach conclusion. And what often can be resolved in a disagreement between two individuals in a moment or two, easily becomes days of beating both sides of the drum when others jump in.

 

T's approach to sending the private message might be a wonderful option that I will try to use in the new year.

[tyro]

I haven't had to do it very often, but when someone asks me a question directly and/or tries to "slam" me, I think a one-on-one discussion is the best way to go. It has worked well.

T

[bigvalboy]

May suggest one other possibility? Many of the posters are my age (nearing 50) and older with long careers that have bought us a certain level of respect and deference by others we have regular contact with. When we disagree with others, we now how to respond politely - - at first. But we usually are accustomed to having our opinions acknowledged and either a quick agreement with our thoughts or a quick "agree to disagree" and move forward. When the topic drags on, we simply don't know how to handle that when we can't immediately discuss our differences and reach conclusion. And what often can be resolved in a disagreement between two individuals in a moment or two, easily becomes days of beating both sides of the drum when others jump in.

 

I have never heard anyone articulate the problem quite like this. I think you are spot on in your analysis...

[Steven_Draker]

Why the attacks? ... Probably because anonymity on the Internet brings out the worst in some people.

[BaronArtz]

Anonymity on the Internet brings out the worst in some people.

 

I was about to say that. And that's precisely while I ignore it.

[jackhammer91406]

nature of the beast

 

Just a few thoughts that will probably not illuminate or elevate the conversation at all.

but what the hell....

 

I agree with the posters who have said that this medium doesn't allow a poster to include tone of voice, inflection and other forms of spoken communication. It is a "flat" medium if you will.

 

As a result, in my opinion, posters who have a sarcastic approach to wit will not be appreciated as much because their posts often will be taken as hurtful, and then the offending poster will claim he was misconstrued. The problem with sarcasm is that while a case can be made that it is to taken as humor, it often is intended as a slam "disguised as wit".

 

My personal feeling is that if you don't know a poster in the real world, you should refrain from sarcasm unless you are prepared to be called out on it. My best friend from this board is a man with whom I have a very interesting relationship. I have been brutally sarcastic with him in person and on the phone. Why he puts up with me I have no idea, but I do love him so. I guess the reason I feel comfortable taking shots at him is because .....well, for one thing he is so easy and deserving, but mostly because I know him well enough to know that HE KNOWS I don't mean it. I couldn't do that if I had never met him.

 

We have some here who often take shots and then hide behind the "I didn't mean any offense" defense. Ironically they are often the first to take offense when none was intended. I maintain the reason for that is they assume others are like themselves and intend offense.

 

To be honest, I find the amount of slams in the current board to be minimal in comparison to the old days. In my time here I have been slammed by many posters who are no longer here or have changed their handle. At first I felt devastated because I wanted them to like me until I finally realized that they weren't worth it. Believe me it used to be so much worse. In fact at one time it was so bad that the biggest offenders went off and started their own website (now defunct) so they could say whatever they wanted about each other and us. And they called us the mean girls. (never really been comfortable being called a girl, but there you go).

 

No, in my humble opinion, it is much better now, much more civil than any other site I have seen.

 

I would think that we could also be more welcoming to newbies, not just with lip service but with action. Like saying you welcome new posters and more participation and then make some crack about a newbies first post. Hey I misspell stuff all the time, but I would hope I could get a pass on stuff like that.

 

Oh and anyone who was offended by my post, it was intended as sarcasm and no offense was intended.

 

Anyway, just some random thoughts that don't do much to help the topic along, but there I got them out of my head so now there is room for new stuff to rattle around up there for the new year.

[MsGuy]

Many of the posters [have] long careers that have bought ... a certain level of respect and deference by others they have regular contact with.

 

Please allow me to join BVB in applauding this post. In all the numerous threads we've had on this subject, I can't recall anyone even mentioning the point before, yet look how obvious and revelant it appears once stated. To me that's the marker of a good insight.

 

T's approach to sending the private message might be a wonderful option that I will try to use in the new year.

 

That approach has worked on several occasions for me although I have to confess sometimes a public brawl can be a lot of fun.

[bigvalboy]

although I have to confess sometimes a public brawl can be a lot of fun.

 

;)

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

MSGuy and BVB - thanks for your agreement.

 

While reading BC's original post, it struck note with a situation I had at the office this week where after two email messages I was not on the same page as a co-worker and I just picked up the phone. After 60 seconds, we were on the same page and it was easy.

[gcursor]

i agree

 

i think what jimboivyo is correct. i also tend to think that some of the posters do this because they know the drama that it will generate. also they might do it because it gives them the ability to sully somebody else's reputation which gives some people a cheap thrill in itself because they feel that they are "besting" somebody (which ties into the competition aspect).

gcursor

 

 

there are lots of have's versus have not's here, with those who hire a lot having their bragging right. this turns a lot of folks off I think

 

in general there's a high amount of unspoken competition among this group. lots of one upmanship happening both out front and behind the scenes. also a lot of pressure to follow what is really nothing more than group think

[Decatur Guy]

I've never been attacked on this forum. I don't attack others, either, though I can be blunt at times, and I reckon' that was received poorly a few times though no malice or provocation was intended.

 

Many of the feuds and fightin' threads kind of go right past me. They are rather mystifying in origin at times. And the fact they are rather boring to me doesn't really provide me any impetus to dig more deeply into these things or participate in them. And I simply don't engage in useless tit-for-tat volleys. If one of my threads is going downhill, I just beat a hasty retreat and leave it there.

 

Sometimes, I'll post a photo of Laugh-In star Joanne Worley (who used to say BBBOOOORRRRRIINNGGGGG) in a snipefest thread that has dragged on too long and makes no sense to me. The fact that no one ever seemed to pick up on that or what it meant means that I hold the entire board -- every single one of you -- in the tiniest dollop of disdain for your collective and individual lack of pop cultural acuity! LOL.

 

My biggest complaint about the board is there ought to be a lot more explicit chit-chat about sucking and fucking and rimming and hot sex and such than there is! I'm something of an amnesiac about all these attacks of which you speak.

[adriano46]

Coincidentally, before seeing this thread, I had exchanged a note wih one of the recently "banned" members.

 

I have been participating in this site since the days of Hooboy (I stumbled onto the site in the mid- or perhaps earlier part of the 1990's and kept attached to it through most of those years as the place to go to for insight on hiring escorts, and more getting comments on who were worthwhile, and who were best to avoid).

 

For the first part of those years, I was stationed in Europe for work and so my experience was colored by that -- and this was one of the few sites that also had occasional mention of European workers. But I also came to appreciate and look forward to the comments and writings of men who - while I never met a single one - I appreciatd their incitefulness, their wit, and their honesty. At the same time, there were the occasional few whose biting attempts at humor were out and out sarcasm, a humor best served only in face-to-face encounters where you can possible read the true intentions of the speaker. On this forum, most of it comes off as bitchiness and - to me - as the worst form of what people think middle-aged or older gay men are (in their minds) -- disgruntled, joyless old men. I know this is a caricature and for the most part, I find some of the men in my age bracket (55-65) the most enjoyable to engage here for advice.

 

I have learned how to use the "ignore" button here and when one or another poster's rants really do become annoying, I have absolutely no problem pushing that button and I do not feel a need to complain about it or worry about it - it's like removing someone from your FB friends -- they never know, and all the better as you no longer find their annoying postings on YOUR FB page each morning.

 

I am not a fan of the "time-outs" being lately doled out so frequently, but this has been a fact of this Forum as far back as I remember. One of my favorite posters, FFF , was one of the earliest banned, and I used to look forward each day to his writings, but others found him offensive and for whatever reason, he was banned while some of those who complained so much about him were IMHO more worthy of being banned because their postings were... in a polite word... banal (and Decatur Guy, for the record, I always laughed at your Joanne Worley photos!!!). Those who I considered bothersome posters wrote frequently mostly to hear themselves and push up the numbers of their contributions here to rise to the upper stratum of what is a funny rating system on royal titles (when most of us come from the US... again someone's sense of humor using European royalties because of what??? assuming some here are aiming to be "queens"??? Never quite understood that).

 

To BCohen, Charlie, bigvalboy, Brooklyn Guy, Epiganos, Diverdan, Bosguy, jimboivyo, gallaheadsquire, EZEtoGRU and so man others, I enjoy reading your opinions and thoughts on a wide range of topics and smile at the very witty rapport you can dish up without attacking others.

 

To the actual question that started this, why do (we) clients attack other clients? The anonymity aids this as does a certain perhaps tinge of jealousy over those who can afford to hire over those who wish they could, but no way to prove that latter comment. Personally, I try to avoid any criticism of a poster here, and when there has been an attack on me, I simply walk away from it (having learned my lesson here after suffering being the victim of a favored escort here's -and his fans' - attacks in the past for daring to say he did not rock my world!). The lesson was learned then that one has to be careful in what one says, and judicious in what one writes. The other choice is simply to find another place to share such ideas on escorts and hiring, and I have yet to find an alternative that suits my own needs.

[+ WilliamM]

.

 

I stumbled onto the site in the mid- or perhaps earlier part of the 1990's and kept attached to it through most of those years as the place to go to for insight on hiring escorts, and more getting comments on who were worthwhile, and who were best to avoid.

 

deej posted the following in another thread here three days ago. I never knew when HooBoy started this site. Like you, I thought it was earlier in the 1990s. Enjoy the New Year!

 

 

deej:

 

"Hooboy's domain (typo and all) was first registered 08/30/1999."

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

My biggest complaint about the board is there ought to be a lot more explicit chit-chat about sucking and fucking and rimming and hot sex and such than there is!

 

Decatur Guy - - you have made the most needed observation of this thread.