Why do clients attack other clients in this forum?

[Walker1]

Well, in real life, it is not like people float on a cloud playing the harp all day.

[Epigonos]

To start this post let me note that I began participating here for the first time in December of 2003, thus I am beginning my tenth year of postings. Over the years I have lost count of how many times the silly, ridiculous topic has been addressed. It never ceases to amaze me nor will I ever understand how an anonymous poster on this site can be offended, hurt, chased away, or devastated, by what another anonymous poster has to say about him. If it makes someone here happy to call me a jerk, a sob, an asshole or a silly old faggot be my guest – I really don’t give a shit nor should I. Additionally, I assure you all, I will not lay awake nights stewing about the matter nor will I rush to Daddy and whiningly ask him to ban the offender. As always it appears that a goodly number of us here need to lighten up and realize just what this site is. It is a site where a bunch of guys who hire escorts for fun and games, post about their experiences, and pose questions regarding this rather weird hobby come together. It is nothing more and nothing less. What is posted around here certainly is NOT a matter of life and death and should definitely NOT be taken that seriously. There is a wonderful old adage that goes “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”. Now let’s all put away our tear soaked hankies and move on.

[+ Oliver]

Woodlawn!

 

... I used to look forward each day to his writings, but others found him offensive ...

The same could be said of the poster known as "Woodlawn". I looked forward to what he had to say. However, he was relentless in his need to have the last word on any subject on which he spoke. He also professed that he would never resort to name-calling. However, one time (and I emphasize one) when I was able to call him on an error, that’s exactly what he did. I enjoyed that immensely, although I refrained from pointing it out to him!

[+ Charlie]

The same could be said of the poster known as "Woodlawn". I looked forward to what he had to say. However, he was relentless in his need to have the last word on any subject on which he spoke. He also professed that he would never resort to name-calling. However, one time (and I emphasize one) when I was able to call him on an error, that’s exactly what he did. I enjoyed that immensely, although I refrained from pointing it out to him!

 

Ah, yes, Woodlawn. When he was posting under an earlier handle, I pointed out a foolish error he had made about a subject he was so proud of being an expert on, and he went ballistic, sputtering every filthy name he could think of at me. It was such an embarrassing public meltdown for him that he disappeared, and reappeared as Woodlawn. He was eventually forced out here and went to another site, where something similar happened. I assume that he is still around somewhere, posting under some other name.

[+ Cash4Trash]

I think that any number of us who grew up in the 50's and 60's when there was so much intolerance and ridicule developed a very acerbic, sarcastic sense of humor as a defense shield from the daily insults. I feel many have not learned

other means to deal with suspected affronts. Often we are tilting at windmills, fighting ghosts that do not exist.

 

This forum does a good job insisting on some minimal level of civility. Other boards have long since gone out of business because of unchecked vitriol. I don't mind a good bit of spice to keep things interesting

but it usually turns into a few posters trying to top each other and a descent into silly time. Number of clicks determines ad revenue and driving people away from the site is not in Daddy's or our best interest.

[bigvalboy]

This forum does a good job insisting on some minimal level of civility. Other boards have long since gone out of business because of unchecked vitriol. I don't mind a good bit of spice to keep things interesting

but it usually turns into a few posters trying to top each other and a descent into silly time. Number of clicks determines ad revenue and driving people away from the site is not in Daddy's or our best interest.

 

Exactly...excellent post and brought this subject right to the 'bottom line'

[Phil_musc]

To start this post let me note that I began participating here for the first time in December of 2003, thus I am beginning my tenth year of postings. Over the years I have lost count of how many times the silly, ridiculous topic has been addressed. It never ceases to amaze me nor will I ever understand how an anonymous poster on this site can be offended, hurt, chased away, or devastated, by what another anonymous poster has to say about him. If it makes someone here happy to call me a jerk, a sob, an asshole or a silly old faggot be my guest – I really don’t give a shit nor should I. Additionally, I assure you all, I will not lay awake nights stewing about the matter nor will I rush to Daddy and whiningly ask him to ban the offender. As always it appears that a goodly number of us here need to lighten up and realize just what this site is. It is a site where a bunch of guys who hire escorts for fun and games, post about their experiences, and pose questions regarding this rather weird hobby come together. It is nothing more and nothing less. What is posted around here certainly is NOT a matter of life and death and should definitely NOT be taken that seriously. There is a wonderful old adage that goes “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”. Now let’s all put away our tear soaked hankies and move on.

 

Once again, you are the voice of maturity and reason, two incredibly sexy and attractive qualities.

 

And yet I used to be bothered by the lack of civility and hair-trigger eagerness displayed by some to take offense or go on the offensive. But now I've pretty much lost interest in defending the defenseless and advocating for niceness here. Took a few days off from here and suddenly wasn't seeing posts from prolific posters. Oh well, there will be others, I'm sure. Meanwhile keep those educational posts about matters of interest coming. . . (I think Decaturguy summed these interests up quite well a while back.)

[citylaw1]

To start this post let me note that I began participating here for the first time in December of 2003, thus I am beginning my tenth year of postings. Over the years I have lost count of how many times the silly, ridiculous topic has been addressed. It never ceases to amaze me nor will I ever understand how an anonymous poster on this site can be offended, hurt, chased away, or devastated, by what another anonymous poster has to say about him. If it makes someone here happy to call me a jerk, a sob, an asshole or a silly old faggot be my guest – I really don’t give a shit nor should I. Additionally, I assure you all, I will not lay awake nights stewing about the matter nor will I rush to Daddy and whiningly ask him to ban the offender. As always it appears that a goodly number of us here need to lighten up and realize just what this site is. It is a site where a bunch of guys who hire escorts for fun and games, post about their experiences, and pose questions regarding this rather weird hobby come together. It is nothing more and nothing less. What is posted around here certainly is NOT a matter of life and death and should definitely NOT be taken that seriously. There is a wonderful old adage that goes “If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”. Now let’s all put away our tear soaked hankies and move on.

 

Bingo!

[citylaw1]

There is a rapidly increasing amount of inconsistency, game playing, and ass kissing going on recently that has changed the aura of the entire Forum. Anyone notice the dramatic decrease in posting and/or frequency of posts?

 

Boston Bill

 

And power trips, which, to me, are ridiculous. I was banned for stating an opinion without attacking ANYONE. Rather than respond with a thought, I was "timed out" for basically not fawning over the moderator. I don't see how this contributes to an interesting forum.

 

I may not participate in the "birthday threads," "thank you for your hard work Daddy and the moderators," or other related threads, but I do comment on escort related threads, or other threads of interest that I can offer information on. I'm hardly an abuser of posters, or known for responding to EVERY thread regardless of the value added to the discussion. I have used this site and forum for many things, and, in turn, I offer first hand experiences and submit reviews. Isn't that what we're here for?

 

Lately there are more time outs and warnings than information.

[Guy Fawkes]

Dear <Fill in the Blank>,

 

You were "Grinched" for being mean. I don't do well with mean during the Holiday period. There were multiple complaints to the management. Everybody had fair warning and you chose to ignore said warning. Perhaps you should now try the: "But he did it first" ploy. However, sticking out your lower lip has a more comical effect and if you get me to laugh, I may hand you a lollypop.

 

http://images.clipartof.com/small/1047099-Royalty-Free-RF-Clip-Art-Illustration-Of-A-Cartoon-Man-Sitting-In-A-Corner.jpg

 

(p.s. This thread will be closing in the next few hours)

[bcohen7719]

Bingo!

 

Respectfully, trust me--it's possible. Some posters attack viciously the mind, logic and sensibility of someone else who was doing their very best to express themselves as well as they can. Some

mocked and taunted.

 

I understand the point that "anonymous-to-anonymous" shouldn't matter, but online abuse can really become an emerging form of interpersonal abuse. Just as you, yourself, are hardened to this, because you are better prepared for whatever reasons, others may not be.

 

BC

[Nvr2Thick]

Another forum member noted separately that some desirable member

don't feel welcome on this website. I know his has been discussed

numerous times, but as the New Year approaches, may I bring

it up again?

 

For long stretches of time I participated heavily in this forum. Then, rarely

but enough, I received strange "pot shots." They made no sense to me

because of their degree of irritation.

 

It seemed that just as in literary criticism, negative comments were deemed

insightful, while positive comments were foppish. From time-to-time there

were wonderful thank-you's and private tutorials. Private messages

from Charlie, for example, explaining how the forum works were invaluable.

I still remember and treasure them. Small positive notes were wonderful

to hear.

 

In such a rare, special family such as this, then, why do some clients

want to attack other clients?

 

Could others weigh in?

 

BC

 

I've noted similar behavior on a motorcycle forum and a local neighborhood forum. Many of you have weighed in, IMO, correctly on other aspects of these situations. One thing I have noticed across forums is the dominance of elder statesmen. Whether I participate in a thread or not I notice that there is a group of persistent authority figures who will align responses along certain tones or styles. As DecaturGuy has noted, the tone rarely has anything to do with hot sex. It's not necessarily that the threads are being hijacked -- it's more like you're joining an ages-old conversation, and there's realignment because you haven't adopted the established in-jokes. In some cases, you haven't kissed the right rings yet. Often you just have to accept the fact that no matter what you want to discuss it's going to slip into one of the familiar, comfortable conversational ruts.

 

A newbie can encounter everything from disdain for bringing up an idea that was discussed many times before to well-meaning but overbearing guidance. On all forums I've seen a few newbies burn out from trying too hard to fit in, so that they can get their questions answered and get their points across. It's like trying too hard to break into the circle of regulars at a neighborhood bar.

 

I think it's in part because many participants think of themselves as a rare, special family instead of a discussion forum.

[citylaw1]

I've noted similar behavior on a motorcycle forum and a local neighborhood forum. Many of you have weighed in, IMO, correctly on other aspects of these situations. One thing I have noticed across forums is the dominance of elder statesmen. Whether I participate in a thread or not I notice that there is a group of persistent authority figures who will align responses along certain tones or styles. As DecaturGuy has noted, the tone rarely has anything to do with hot sex. It's not necessarily that the threads are being hijacked -- it's more like you're joining an ages-old conversation, and there's realignment because you haven't adopted the established in-jokes. In some cases, you haven't kissed the right rings yet. Often you just have to accept the fact that no matter what you want to discuss it's going to slip into one of the familiar, comfortable conversational ruts.

 

A newbie can encounter everything from disdain for bringing up an idea that was discussed many times before to well-meaning but overbearing guidance. On all forums I've seen a few newbies burn out from trying too hard to fit in, so that they can get their questions answered and get their points across. It's like trying too hard to break into the circle of regulars at a neighborhood bar.

 

I think it's in part because many participants think of themselves as a rare, special family instead of a discussion forum.

 

Bingo #2 .

[Steven_Draker]

Funny, I haven't sensed any hostility towards new posters, except if it's someone 'old' trying to pose as 'new'. But I can be wrong. Could you give a few examples supporting your observation.

 

On a side note, when you start reading this Forum on a regular basis you get a feeling of the different personalities. In that regard it's more than just a discussion forum, it's an online community.

 

I wouldn't be so quick to spit into the soup I eat.

[Nvr2Thick]

Funny, I haven't sensed any hostility towards new posters, except if it's someone 'old' trying to pose as 'new'. But I can be wrong. Could you give a few examples supporting your observation.

 

On a side note, when you start reading this Forum on a regular basis you get a feeling of the different personalities. In that regard it's more than just a discussion forum, it's an online community.

 

I wouldn't be so quick to spit into the soup I eat.

 

I'm sorry if I've been unclear. I thought I went out of my way to not characterize elder statesmen as hostile. The smiley is nice, but I don't think I'm spitting in anyone's soup. It's an odd metaphor for me because even though I've been around for quite a while I don't think I'm as invested as many of the regulars, so I don't think of this as the soup I eat. I know that some of you do take your participation in the forum quite seriously. I'm not quick to make comments such as the one I made, and I don't think I'm disparaging the forum.

 

BCohen called this forum a rare, special family. You've also noted the difference between a discussion forum and an online community. Maybe that's the disconnect I'm trying to expose. There are different levels of commitment. Some of us participate but don't bond. To be honest I'm not enough of a regular participant to get a feel for the different personalities. Even if someone is an absolute prick I'm not going to hang on to that memory of him from one session to the next.

 

I do like my neighborhood bar analogy. I've had bartender friends who have pointed out problems with their regulars both actively and unintentionally discouraging new customers. There can be hostile regulars who shit on new customers for not knowing that certain tables are understood to be reserved for certain people who are always there, but there can also just be an uncomfortable vibe if you try to coexist within a group of decent people who have become very familiar with each other.

 

On the motorcycle forums over and over I'd see a newbie or casual poster's request for advice on a certain modification turn into a discussion among the masters of a much more ambitious version of the same mod. On local community forums many topics get herded or aligned by the people who have made the forum their online family. Much like what can go on around here, an original poster's attempt to get back on track can cause escalation. The elder statesmen more firmly establish the tone and the casual participant can either give up or push harder.

 

I tend to agree with some of the other contributors to this thread -- that some valuable responses come in the form of PMs. Some of these offline contributors have honestly noted that they'd just as soon not have their input judged or spun on the public forum. Too bad for the community sometimes IMO.

 

On all types of forums I see requests to provide examples. I'm too lazy and just not invested enough to do that type of research. I do appreciate Citylaw's affirmation, and I welcome your rebuttal. If I'm wrong or if you don't see what I see I'm not going to make it my hill to die on. I would, however, encourage you to keep your eyes open and reassess whether some of the more beloved or infamous posters are addressing the topic at hand or whether the topic at hand is being stifled, potentially to the point of conflict, by the general chatter of the community or family.

[Steven_Draker]

Thank you for clarifying, Nvr2Thick. I should have gotten the instruction manual on how to read your post before responding to it

 

I do appreciate Citylaw's affirmation, and I welcome your rebuttal.

 

There won't be any rebuttal from my part. Make yourself at home

[+ purplekow]

Steven no rebuttal why not, you have on of the best buttals around. I would welcome it again and again. I am sure i am not alone in this.

[jgoo]

A very interesting thread and many good points raised so I don't have much to add. I do think there are some who like to play one-upmanship and/or will never back down from a position but will keep on arguing a point further than is necessary.

 

One thing that has been useful for me, and I recommend others consider it as well if useful to them, is to limit a response to a thread to one post or at most two posts (if a clarification is needed). Some member, I forgot who, mentioned that they follow that self regulating rule and I adopted it for myself a couple years ago. I have found it to be a good way to not get caught up in arguments or repeating myself without adding any value to a thread. I think it has helped me in many ways.

[Zapped]

I really like Nvr2Thick's neighborhood-bar analogy. I've seen this on other forums, too. A new person will ask a question about something, and then be scolded for not knowing that it was discussed two or three months earlier. It's easy to see both sides--it's annoying when you have a group with a set of relationships and history established, and someone seems to be elbowing his way in; and then it's also unsettling when you are looking for like-minded people, find them, and have them rebuff you for not having been around sooner.

 

Some people take their online conversations very seriously, and emotionally invest themselves in them. So their feelings can and do get hurt. Other people use forums as a way to blow off steam, and we often see displaced anger and hostility manifesting.

 

Our online presence may well be much like our offline presence. I, for example, appear and disappear in online forums, and now that I think about it, I tend to do that in other areas of life as well. When I'm busy with work, I tend not to have the time or mental energy to do much posting or even lurking. When I have off or slow periods (this is one of them), I start participating again. In the rest of life, I am dealing with depression and anxiety and all sorts of stuff and all too often isolate myself.

 

I will say that this is one of the most interesting forums I've ever participated in, and I'm drawn to it even when I'm in a period of life (like now) where I'm in a relationship and not hiring escorts.

[Phil_musc]

Steven no rebuttal why not, you have on of the best buttals around. I would welcome it again and again. I am sure i am not alone in this.

 

Hear, hear!! Let's have more rebuttals - Steven's and others!

 

When I first came here I lurked a long time before posting - I wanted to learn a bit about the lay of the land, so to speak.I was glad to discover the forum and learn about some topics that interested me. After a while, I began to see some things go through a cycle and some back for discussion. Generally I don't bother with those repeat threads. But sometimes our attitudes do change and it's good to see how tastes and ideas evolve. Actually the board seems pretty civil to me lately - sometimes I miss the old hostilities that used to manifest themselves.

[+ Charlie]

I'm glad Daddy didn't shut down this thread, because trenchant observations continue to be made. It is true that there is a good deal of competitiveness here--it's the nature of the male beast. A good friend of mine once told me that the reason he rarely posted was because he was intimidated by the verbal competition. I'll admit that I enjoy competition--just watch me on a tennis court--and I am comfortable brandishing verbal weapons, but sometimes threads drag on like a football game in which the outcome is pretty obvious, but the sides continue to slug away at one another, and I don't care to watch a verbal blood sport.

 

The neighborhood bar metaphor is also appropriate, as is the private club analogy; Hooboy used to call this a gentlemen's club for those engaged in the buying and selling of escort services. He thought in terms of the positive values of clubbing, but the negative side has also been pointed out here: some senior members expect deference, want to control both admission and the direction of conversation, and resent brash newcomers. That can also be true at times of the club owner and manager. Resentments and private feuds abound. Such is life.

 

Like Epigonos, I don't take most attacks here very seriously, and even if the club were to close or I were to be blackballed, I would be a bit sad but hardly devastated. Yet it is obvious that many members or would-be members do take it all seriously, and are really bothered when they are candid or attempt to be friendly and get slapped instead, so I try to think through what I want to say and do my best to avoid unintentionally upsetting anyone, although I don't always succeed. And the truth is that I am getting old and crotchety, and the effort to be nice is wearing me down, which is why I participate less than I used to.

[AdamSmith]

Just a thought about what someone said earlier in this thread (I think! mind like a steel sieve) about how sarcasm & other inflections can be hard to get across on a message forum as opposed to in person: Well, yes, but that's what writing is all about, nein? I thought I knew how to write long ago, but a decade of posting here & elsewhere has taught me (whether it shows or not! I fancy, anyway) a good deal about just that -- communicating tone, stance, glint-in-the-eye through written word alone. (Even smileys, though fun, are of course a crutch.) And to a mix of readers, some of us long familiar with one another, but also to newcomers not accustomed to the old horses' habitual tricks.

 

In fact I think most everybody here does a marvelous job of expressing themselves as individuals with distinctive voices, viewpoints, hobbyhorses (all lovable of course!). The occasional irritable notes included, in the by and large notably honest dialog that we have here. Those after all as noted above are a natural part of everyday face-to-face discourse too. Yes, the occasional stretch of trolldom, but what else with an open anonymous site?

 

For my money we have a great resource and community here whose tenor, tone & heart are as good as they've ever been. Which is to say something.

 

(And I swear I have not been into the eggnog today!)

[unsub2O17]

I started on this forum a little over a year ago after having lurked for about 3 months. I posted a lot at first (even started a number of threads) because I had many, many questions and, I thought, valuable observations. Now, I post only when I think that I have something new or important to add to the thread. I also go out of my way to write, what I hope, are objective and informative reviews (12 so far and one in the pipeline). The rest I leave to others.

[+ Tom Isern]

it has been my impression over the years that those who have been invited to depart—temporarily or permanently—worked very hard to earn that privilege—clients and escorts alike.