How many chances do you give a flake provider?

[Mark_fl]

Sigh. A couple of years ago now I found a provider I was interested in seeing. Even though he flaked on me twice, (family emergency; missed flight) this time he said he was going to meet me for a couple of days on a work trip. Even the day of the trip, we were supposed to meet and have the same connecting flight to our destination, and he told me that morning he had to change flights.  I thought "here we go again", but he actually got another flight from a different airport a little while later. I was shocked when he actually walked out of the plane. We had a great couple of days.

Flash forward 8 months or so and I ask him if he's interested in meeting me for another trip in St. Louis (he's in Colorado) and he was excited to do so. Booked his flight and texted me the actual ticket with his real name on it,  so I know he was serious and trusted me.  Well about a week before the trip, he goes on radio silence and never shows up. 

And I really don't think he's on drugs or anything like that. Holds down a regular job, and wasn't strange at all when we were together.

So now another year later, and he lets me know he's visiting his sister in my town, so hopefully we can meet up in a few weeks. His excuses are terribly lame, such as his cat passed and he was depressed. But there is no risk to me this time if he flakes or doesn't communicate when here. 

But I am getting suckered in again ;).  What can I say. He's cute, my type, and kind of my first.

Do any of you have similar stories of giving guys you like so many chances to let you down?

Sorry about the rant.

[BigK]

Since you have so little to lose, I would grant him grace and see if you can have another fun meet up.  If he has a sister in your town, he could become a regular meet up for you.

[+ JamesB]

To be honest, I don’t like giving people, including providers, a second chance. More often than not, I’ve ended up regretting it. That said, in this particular case, there isn’t much risk for you other than potentially wasting some time.

I wouldn’t look at it as giving him another chance. I’d look at it more as, “If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, that’s what I expected anyway.”

[Rayphactor]

Oh man, brings up the disappointment I had with a preferred provider.  You're not alone and ranting helps.  It was that experience that taught me no second chances unless the rapport with the provider is good; if rapport is good, two chances.  After that, they need to make a concerted effort for a third chance. 

2 hours ago, JamesB said:

I wouldn’t look at it as giving him another chance. I’d look at it more as, “If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, that’s what I expected anyway.”

I agree with JamesB; in this particular case, your risk level is low.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Go for it!

My similar story of flakiness is SkylerDiamond in NOLA.  On the surface, his ad was enticing.  But it was a constant struggle knowing if he’d show or be hours late.    Unfortunately, I also allowed him to scam me out of money and the more I got to learn of him, his habits, and his ways, the less comfortable I became with him in my presence, even less so in my house.  Sometimes flakiness covers up deeper issues and that one is a piece of work.  I gave him about 3,300 too many chances and unfortunately, his situation simply got worse from there  

I agree that you have little at risk with this guy.  But I’m more concerned about the emotion impact on you if he flakes 

Edited 12 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[Mark_fl]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

I agree that you have little at risk with this guy.  But I’m more concerned about the emotion impact on you if he flakes 

Im definitely going to try and see him when he's here. (Maybe twice, if I'm lucky).

Im not too worried about the emotional side,  as I know whatever problems he has, they're his,  not about me. He's never asked for money, and his ad has been inactive since he disappeared on me before St. Louis. I'm even wondering if he freaked after he sent me the copy of his airline ticket not realizing his real name was on there until after he sent it.

But I have nothing to lose, and he even mentioned possibly meeting me on my next trip.  I'm pretty easy money for him of he's interested,  and (this week anyway) he seems to be. Maybe he broke up with a jealous boyfriend. God knows the truth, but I'll definitely try and see him whenever possible. He was my favorite provider experience, after all.

[maninsoma]

I likely wouldn't give a provider a second chance if he totally flaked (by that I mean he didn't show up when he said he would AND he didn't communicate with me in advance that he wouldn't be there).  If someone has to cancel on me, even if it's relatively last minute, I'd give him a second chance but no more.

This topic reminds me of a friend and roommate I had for a year while in college.  I actually don't know what this guy got out of it, but he would frequently make dates with guys and then not be there.  People would show up at our apartment and I'd have to be the bearer of bad news that he wasn't there and I had no idea where he was or when he'd return.  Despite this, when I surprisingly ran into him where I lived several years later (I had moved from the midwest to San Francisco) I set a date with him to have dinner and catch up.  I'm sure you all know what happened.  I had dinner alone.  

[polysome]

How hot is the provider in question? 😛

[+ nycman]

I’m a one and done kind of guy. 

Burn me once and you’re dead to me.

I’ve regretted almost every second chance I’ve ever given anyone, hooker or not.

Leopards don’t change their spots and there’s too many fish in the ocean.

I agree in this scenario you have a little to lose, but then again why bother?