*When a regular provider stops trying… what do you do?

[+ ApexNomad]

34 minutes ago, Braziliancutee said:

U dont need to spent a lot and we are not talking about love. But sometimes this little actions are really nice. 

So by that logic, you’d be open to seeing a client for free sometimes, just because it’s nice and makes them feel cared for?

[savantsav]

2 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

4-5 post meets at 2-3 hour blocks, plus overnights, is expensive, and yet still not delivering was very generous of you. Shame he couldn’t deliver after such a promising start. 

We did an overnight where he didn't cum, so I mentioned it to him and he said that was the goal but couldn't. OK that's fine it happens. Next time we saw each other we had another overnight where it didn't happen and that's when he apologized again. I didn't book an overnight again, I did 3hrs next time I was in town and he didn't either. That's when I stopped things.

[+ purplekow]

Hey sexual attraction has a shelf life.  It seems you have passed the Best Used By date and if you do not like smelling the milk to see if you can still use it, toss it out and buy another carton.  Sometimes hanging onto something that you know has seen its best days results in memories of what was when it should be making memories with what is.  

[savantsav]

I mean the D was good so is not like I was suffering haha I was getting off. But BFE with no cum isn't BFE.

[+ ApexNomad]

38 minutes ago, savantsav said:

We did an overnight where he didn't cum, so I mentioned it to him and he said that was the goal but couldn't. OK that's fine it happens. Next time we saw each other we had another overnight where it didn't happen and that's when he apologized again. I didn't book an overnight again, I did 3hrs next time I was in town and he didn't either. That's when I stopped things.

Look, on the one hand you gave it multiple chances and it still didn’t pan out for you. At some point it just comes down to compatibility, and it didn’t seem like it was there. 

It sounds like he came the first time you met, but never again? Did he have trouble getting it up with you there? Respectfully, do you think maybe the attraction wasn’t fully there?

Did he offer any kind of financial adjustment given how much you were spending and cumming was discussed as a prerequisite?

On the other hand, since you saw him a lot, what if you spoke to him more as a friend? Was/is he going through something? Personal stuff? Health? Family? Money? Depression? Drugs? Etc.? Not giving excuses, just seems odd that he performed so well for you the first time, then stopped every time thereafter.

[savantsav]

I did ask him several times and told him that I understood if he was going through something or using a new medication or whatever. He never really shared anything else other than "It's just difficult for me to cum". 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, savantsav said:

I did ask him several times and told him that I understood if he was going through something or using a new medication or whatever. He never really shared anything else other than "It's just difficult for me to cum". 

Well, at that point, I think you knew what you were signing up for. You gave it a solid run and got out. Better late than never. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

11 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

So by that logic, you’d be open to seeing a client for free sometimes, just because it’s nice and makes them feel cared for?

I think your point is made, but because of the power imbalance and the “‘gold’en rule,” those are false equivalents.  But there are other ways that I’ve observed similar response from providers - for instance - not clock watching.   Or remembering a birthday or bringing a gift - all things I’ve observed.

There’s a huge difference between a guy who comes in, asks for money, and then sets a timer and one that connects, lingers, and makes sure balance is maintained 

Edited Tuesday at 10:56 AM by PhileasFogg

[soloyo215]

On 4/25/2026 at 2:15 PM, Tajoki said:

How do you handle regular providers whose effort starts slipping?

First few sessions are great, then it turns into:

• going through the motions
• inconsistent performance

Nothing terrible — just not worth the same rate anymore.

Do you:

• call it out
• see them less
• or quietly phase them out

Also — any way to prevent this once someone becomes a regular?

My experience with this is when I've hired older providers. Some have acted that they are over everything, but that is on the first try, not that they have been regulars or during other visits (I never returned to those).

My regulars have always been very reliable and seem happy to see me; the quality of their work and their warmth when they meet me has not changed. I think that part of the reason they become my regulars is because we have good chemistry and (at least it seems like) we both enjoy the experience.

[+ ApexNomad]

2 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

I think your point is made, but because of the power imbalance and the “‘gold’en rule,” those are false equivalents.  But there are other ways that I’ve observed similar response from providers - for instance - not clock watching.   Or remembering a birthday or bringing a gift - all things I’ve observed.

There’s a huge difference between a guy who comes in, asks for money, and then sets a timer and one that connects, lingers, and makes sure balance is maintained 

The provider in question is literally suggesting clients give money with no expectation in return and calling that “care.” That’s not addressing a power imbalance, it’s financial manipulation. 

The “false equivalence” argument doesn’t hold. Not clock-watching or being extremely attentive is great service, and yes should be rewarded if the client has the means beyond the terms that the provider has already established, but it’s still within the structure of the arrangement set again by the provider. That’s not the same as asking for extra money outside of it because it’s nice and to be cared for. 

And the “power imbalance” point isn’t universal. Not every client is loaded or in a position of strength. Some save up just to afford an hour or two, some are physically vulnerable. There are imbalances on both sides.

This reads like one side is expected to give more with no return, while the other side’s “care” stays within the deal. That’s the very definition of imbalance.

[Braziliancutee]

27 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

The provider in question is literally suggesting clients give money with no expectation in return and calling that “care.” That’s not addressing a power imbalance, it’s financial manipulation. 

The “false equivalence” argument doesn’t hold. Not clock-watching or being extremely attentive is great service, and yes should be rewarded if the client has the means beyond the terms that the provider has already established, but it’s still within the structure of the arrangement set again by the provider. That’s not the same as asking for extra money outside of it because it’s nice and to be cared for. 

And the “power imbalance” point isn’t universal. Not every client is loaded or in a position of strength. Some save up just to afford an hour or two, some are physically vulnerable. There are imbalances on both sides.

This reads like one side is expected to give more with no return, while the other side’s “care” stays within the deal. That’s the very definition of imbalance.

Wait relax a bit! I am just saying sometimes a nice action like that is nice. U don’t need to do every week/month.

[+ ApexNomad]

35 minutes ago, Braziliancutee said:

Wait relax a bit! I am just saying sometimes a nice action like that is nice. U don’t need to do every week/month.

Getting head makes me very relaxed. You could offer something like that for me free, just to be “nice” right? You don’t need to do it every week/month. How about Thursdays?

[GentJ]

Give your provider feedback for sure! Sometimes messages get mixed up. Honest feedback is really a gift that I think most providers will feel grateful for. Give it over text if that feels more comfortable for you.

Lastly, be open to getting feedback from him. There may be something that's trivial to you that's really bothering him. Yes, he should be able to put things like that aside, as a professional, but sometimes there are things that we can't get past. The fix could just be Altoids... ya never know!

 

[+ PhileasFogg]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

The “false equivalence” argument doesn’t hold. Not clock-watching or being extremely attentive is great service, and yes should be rewarded if the client has the means beyond the terms that the provider has already established, but it’s still within the structure of the arrangement set again by the provider. That’s not the same as asking for extra money outside of it because it’s nice and to be cared for. 

As I said - YOU MADE YOUR POINT!

But you also made mine.
 

If you’re going to be pedantic, no one said anything about ASKING for extra money - except - you.   He was simply making a suggestion that you seem to feel a need to pounce on him about. Ok, you don’t like the suggestion.  We get it.  

[+ ApexNomad]

22 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

As I said - YOU MADE YOUR POINT!

But you also made mine.
 

If you’re going to be pedantic, no one said anything about ASKING for extra money - except - you.   He was simply making a suggestion that you seem to feel a need to pounce on him about. Ok, you don’t like the suggestion.  We get it.  

This is a discussion forum. I engaged with the comment and had an exchange with the provider. That’s not pouncing, that’s the point of being here.

Disagreement isn’t hostility, even if you want to frame it that way. If the discussion isn’t for you, you’re free to skip it.

[+ PhileasFogg]

3 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

Disagreement isn’t hostility,

Maybe, but restating his words to suit your meaning is.   

[+ ApexNomad]

11 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Maybe, but restating his words to suit your meaning is.   

I mirrored the logic. If that’s suddenly a problem, that says more about the logic than my reply.

Not sure why that’s hitting a nerve for you. If you like his suggestion, feel free to take him up on it. He explicitly mentioned money. Go back and read it.

[+ PhileasFogg]

16 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

I mirrored the logic. If that’s suddenly a problem, that says more about the logic than my reply.

Not sure why that’s hitting a nerve for you. If you like his suggestion, feel free to take him up on it. He explicitly mentioned money. Go back and read it.

To be clear - you mirrored his logic and i acknowledged that.  But your mirroring was very narrow.   But you did not mirror his logic when you changed his meaning from a client offer to a provider ask. A point you seem to be deflecting from.  But I don’t care - I stand by my first response that had nothing to do with you but rather the comment you were “mirroring”

I’m sure you reap what you sow and that fact is no skin off my scrotum. 

[+ ApexNomad]

6 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

To be clear - you mirrored his logic and i acknowledged that.  But your mirroring was very narrow.   But you did not mirror his logic when you changed his meaning from a client offer to a provider ask. A point you seem to be deflecting from.  But I don’t care - I stand by my first response that had nothing to do with you but rather the comment you were “mirroring”

I’m sure you reap what you sow and that fact is no skin off my scrotum. 

I didn’t change his meaning, you can dress it up however you want. There’s no deflection. No amount of cheap insults or ALL CAPS is going to change that.

You’re clearly reading closely, just selectively, especially the part where I said you can skip the discussion if it’s not for you.

[+ PhileasFogg]

10 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

I didn’t change his meaning, you can dress it up however you want. There’s no deflection. No amount of cheap insults or ALL CAPS is going to change that.

You’re clearly reading closely, just selectively, especially the part where I said you can skip the discussion if it’s not for you.

Thank you.   Have a great day 

[+ ApexNomad]

3 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Thank you.   Have a great day 

You too! 

[MikeBiDude]

Moderator note: Let’s get back on the topic of “when a regular provider stops trying”.