Serial stalker harassment from client

[marylander1940]

14 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I'm also very sorry to hear this has happened to you, @Daniel84. Here's my take on the Uber situation. 

I'm happy to make a nominal deposit ($50 or so) to show I'm serious. However, I will not send an Uber because I live in NYC. Because Uber fares fluctuate significantly due to traffic, demand, number of drivers, weather, etc., an Uber from Midtown or Lower Manhattan can cost $30 when it's quiet to over $100 when its super busy. And the more expensive the Uber is, the longer it usually takes to bring the provider over. I do understand why some providers request this but as a NYer, I take the train nearly everywhere I go because it's cheaper and generally faster. 

You don't have to do it in New York but you might have to do it in other places to show you're a serious client 

@Daniel84

Do whatever feels right:

Ask deposit, send me an uber, host only. etc

[Simon Suraci]

I’m sorry to hear you’re having to deal with these crazies, @Daniel84. Stuff like this makes us have to resort to all the strategies mentioned in the comments so far and more to avoid wasting our time and/or putting ourselves in harm’s way.

Then, without the context of what happens to us on a regular basis behind the scenes, clients balk at our policies thinking we’re unreasonable, paranoid, whining, or trying to scam them or whatever. The bad apples in your example here ruin things for the majority of normal, honest clients and providers. 

My ongoing HIV troll saga continues. The last thread where I mentioned him was shut down, presumably over some petty off topic bickering between other members. Linking to it right here. The latest activity I can find from the same guy is him posting this thread on CoM under yet another new username. Similar topic, same drivel. He follows the same pattern of changing phone numbers constantly just like he makes new usernames here on this site. I stand by my previous commitment to expose him publicly for his relentless bad behavior.

Some people are obsessive, have no life, lack intelligence, lack self respect. They act with impunity to tear others down. It’s sad. Some real sociopaths out there.

[+ purplekow]

Perhaps the provider here can select out a public meeting place very near to his home.  Have his clients meet him there and then travel to his place of business once the provider has eyeballed that client.  

I would also consider some sort of personal protection.  I do not like gun, strong Anti 2 Amendment person, but this is a situation where being safe becomes the central issue.  

Good luck with this.  

[+ Pensant]

8 hours ago, MakeMeCowboy said:

I'm reasonably adept at picking them out... it's in their eyes, their stare. It takes study but once you see it, you won't forget it.

The eyes-absolutely! Also the copy they use in their ad, sneer, traits like that. They have no empathy and are frequently narcissistic. Higher than average incidence among politicians, senior executives, “celebrities”.

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

It's easy for COM members to sit back and proffer up suggestions such as demanding UBER rides and/or advance deposits in order to set up a meeting with this provider. However, this is a double edged sword, especially in a large market like Boston. Though it may give the masseur an additional sense of security (real or imagined), it will also SIGNIFICANTLY reduce his potential client base. Sending a deposit in advance is risky for the client and a DEFINITE deal breaker for many, if not most, of us. The same with paying for his UBER ride.  Why send this masseur a $$ deposit in advance or pay for his UBER when we have scores of other masseurs willing to provide the same service without having to meet those demands?
Yeah, a few of us are going to chime in saying they don't mind sending the upfront deposit or paying for the UBER. For sure, you guys are in the minority.

Bozo's 2¢

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Edited 14 hours ago by BOZO T CLOWN

[marylander1940]

3 hours ago, BOZO T CLOWN said:

It's easy for COM members to sit back and proffer up suggestions such as demanding UBER rides and/or advance deposits in order to set up a meeting with this provider. However, this is a double edged sword, especially in a large market like Boston. Though it may give the masseur an additional sense of security (real or imagined), it will also SIGNIFICANTLY reduce his potential client base. Sending a deposit in advance is risky for the client and a DEFINITE deal breaker for many, if not most, of us. The same with paying for his UBER ride.  Why send this masseur a $$ deposit in advance or pay for his UBER when we have scores of other masseurs willing to provide the same service without having to meet those demands?
Yeah, a few of us are going to chime in saying they don't mind sending the upfront deposit or paying for the UBER. For sure, you guys are in the minority.

Bozo's 2¢

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Most escorts I know, ask for an Uber ride. The client knows the escort is coming and when exactly is he arriving. Besides they know he won't flake.

When it comes to deposits it's a deal-breaker for a huge percentage of clients.

 

[AngusStevensxxx]

I have also gone though a VERY similar experience as you Daniel, by a (former) prolific member of this very forum, who simply refused to accept NO as an answer. Someone reached out to ask me if maybe it was the same guy, but after reading his voice note I don't think it is, however they are using similar tactics.

What makes it makes it even more infuriating is when I read comments from many forum members who flat out refuse to send a small deposit, and post here with such staunchness that all of us who ask for deposits are simply SCAMMERS, never giving a moment to think of this kind of stuff that we deal with. 

Blocking the number doesn't help as they just generate new ones, sometimes multiple times a day. And we have to answer each one as we don't know who is reaching out - is it a genuine client or this predator?  I realized that it was better to not block the number so at least when they messaged I knew that it was him- if he could keep messaging he wouldn't need to change numbers.  

Asking for small deposits is but one of the strategies I now use to help curtail these things happening, and it has helped significantly.  The amount of clients I have lost who refused to send a $10 deposit because I am scamming them (the cost of a pint of beer) has be negligible, especialy when compared with my mental health, energy and most importantly - my safety.  

But really nothing will prevent it except contacting law enforcement. In NYC I have found them to be super helpful. 

If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me @Daniel84

Over and Out! 

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

3 hours ago, AngusStevensxxx said:

.What makes it makes it even more infuriating is when I read comments from many forum members who flat out refuse to send a small deposit, and post here with such staunchness that all of us who ask for deposits are simply SCAMMERS.....

When you recover from your infuriation and pearl clutching, would you care to point out where any forum member posted that "all" of you "who ask for deposits are simply SCAMMERS"? Either with or without staunchness.
Bozo will make it even easier... Did any forum member post that "most" of you are simply SCAMMERS? How about "many" of you? Don't bother looking. It doesn't exist.

Bozo doesn't pay the plumber, landscaper, locksmith, computer guy, cleaning lady, or any other independent contractor who comes to the house a $$ in advance. There is simply no reason to treat a provider any differently. They get paid when the job is done. Period. 

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[Simon Suraci]

@BOZO T CLOWN here is one comment meeting your criteria from just hours ago on this thread. “Lots of guys out there taking deposits and never show”. Does “Lots” qualify under your “many”/“most” criteria?

Do you need me to continue, or have I proven you wrong yet? I can keep going.

Angus went through a horrible experience last year. Members, his harrowing tale is worth a read if you’re not already familiar with it. This was a more extreme case, but it represents some of the unstable types of people we come across in the course of our work. The client went out of his way to make life a living hell for a provider that simply had boundaries, with the audacity to say “No”.

What other response should someone have other than “infuriation and pearl clutching” to a stalker going out of his way to make life a living hell for him? Fear? Caution? Sadness? Anger? Resentment? What I hear is you dismissing these feelings. How would you feel if someone did this to you? Your comment demonstrates you lack empathy, a trait shared by the sociopaths mentioned on this thread mistreating providers. I’m not saying you are one of those people, but you certainly share this trait.

[+ BOZO T CLOWN]

38 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

@BOZO T CLOWN here is one comment meeting your criteria from just hours ago on this thread. “Lots of guys out there taking deposits and never show”. Does “Lots” qualify under your “many”/“most” criteria?

Do you need me to continue,

Yes.

or have I proven you wrong yet?

Not even close.

I can keep going.

Sure. Go ahead.

Angus went through a horrible experience last year. Members, his harrowing tale is worth a read if you’re not already familiar with it. This was a more extreme case, but it represents some of the unstable types of people we come across in the course of our work. The client went out of his way to make life a living hell for a provider that simply had boundaries, with the audacity to say “No”.

What other response should someone have other than “infuriation and pearl clutching” to a stalker going out of his way to make life a living hell for him? Fear? Caution? Sadness? Anger? Resentment? What I hear is you dismissing these feelings. How would you feel if someone did this to you? Your comment demonstrates you lack empathy, a trait shared by the sociopaths mentioned on this thread mistreating providers. I’m not saying you are one of those people, but you certainly share this trait.

So what is your point? There are plenty of jobs with inherent risks. Law enforcement, military, coal mining, owning a small business in a crime ridden area, to name a few. It is true that there are risks involved with being a provider. Just like there are risks involved in hiring a provider. When there is a knock on the door, clients are never certain who is on the other side.

In the case of @AngusStevensxxx, it is unfortunate that it happened to him or that it happens to any escort or masseur. But he chose a profession where he assumes those risks! Much like when clients hire a (first time) provider, we also assume risks.
Bozo's post was based on his faux outrage at clients who refuse to send $$ in advance, and his ridiculous and false claim that members have posted here that "all" providers who ask for money up front are scammers.

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[savantsav]

I'm weary of sending deposits UNLESS

1. They have lots of reviews (at least 50+) AND good reviews here

2. It's something symbolic: e.g no more than $50

3. We've had a pleasant conversation so far.

The other day reached out to this provider who was visiting town, "Hi Good evening hope you're well and you had a safe trip here, I'm  wondering about your rates/availability for an outcall to xxx? Thanks!" and he replied "hi, it's xxx$ an hour and I'm gonna need $200 deposit" followed immediately with "are you gonna book or should I reply to others instead?". It turned me off so much I said "No thank you, have a good one" and he just went off on me. 🤷‍♂️

Edited 25 minutes ago by savantsav